Questioningone Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 I grew up going to church (Presbyterian) and called myself a Christian. I was treated differently at school and didn’t have any close friends who were trustworthy or like me in any way. I was quiet and hated by everybody. I had a friend for a brief period but she was fake. (I was 13) . I became a real Christian around 2013. I tried church and I tried forums and Facebook. Gained no friends and gained no happiness. I tried so much... Christianity has hurt me so badly. I was treated bad at all churches..... so much cliques and no one was nice to me. They excluded me, hated me and even turned their backs on me. Lots of unspoken laws and hatred amongst the women to me. No one even sat next to me. I felt nothing but sadness and exclusion as a Christian and had no answered prayers. No one wanted a thing to do with me. I was confused, upset and angry at God and why he didn’t help me. I didn’t ask for wealth or riches but to be a better Christian and to have Christian friends. I joined Christian forums and just got attacked and felt more pain and exclusion from other Christians. I joined Christianforums.com and worthychristianforums and probably others. I even joined bible studies. Somehow I could never finish the bible or read much of it. I tried for years. Something always went wrong.. couldn’t keep reading as I felt upset or my eyes blurred. ISomething always went wrong! This lead to more guilt and pain inside me and a feeling of anger from God. I prayed morning and evening. I donated money (all from my heart) and tried to forgive others (didn’t work). I offered to others to forgive me as well. I even felt attacked by the devil and had nightmares of being attacked by him. I could never get into study or find support from anybody. Some Christians even called me in other words...mentally sick and mad... I wasn’t trying to be legalistic but tried my best to remove worldly things as I felt a “lead” to do. This ended up with me being told off by a catholic and others online. I even got told off for going to to church by not praying for one first...and another for not going as the bible says to and I’m “neglecting the fellowship”. I also was told off and confused regarding baptism. In other words I’d be going to hell without it. I had conflicting answers from Christians regarding many issues. I felt confused so much. Even videos suggested things which left me upset and more confused... regarding forgiveness, he’ll and many subjects Answers from others Christians involved angry responses about treating God like a genie and not having enough faith and even curse words. This isn’t all of my story but you’re welcome to read my forum posts on these forums if I remember my username. I tried all I could. I felt no completion. I remember hearing on the radio “life as a Christian is falling down and constantly getting back up again” also on a topic I read “When God doesn’t always fulfil... and that’s ok” I never felt joy or felt I got to the “peak” of what a Christian is. That loving relationship between God and I.. knowing the bible and having fellowship. Stuck on feeling empty and alone 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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