Popular Post TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 5, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted March 5, 2021 Hey everyone! User and moderator TABA reached out to me over social media and invited me to join this forum. I've perused a few threads here and I like what I'm seeing. This seems like a great community. A bit about me: I spent the majority of my life so far in a non-denominational evangelical church, but it had a Baptist lean due to the culture here in my Bible Belt town. I deconverted quite a while ago (it all started when I resolved to read the Bible all the way through), went through the pain, recovered, and now live a pretty awesome life on the other side of religion. In early 2019 I was reflecting on my years spent in religion and my subsequent deconversion. Something compelled me to do some googling and I found a handful of online communities, podcasts, and resources that focused on the deconstruction process. Many of these didn't exist yet when I went through my own deconstruction, and the ones that did I hadn't found, so I had gone through my own deconversion mostly on my own. As I spent more time in these communities, I saw a lot of pain. It resonated with me deeply. It reminded me of what I went through myself. I realized that I had a lot to add to these discussions that was borne from my own direct experience, so I started writing... Today I run a deconversion blog and have released a book written for those that have recently deconverted and are looking to rebuild their lives. Both of these resources focus primarily on men. I'm looking forward to jumping into the quality discussions on this forum. See y'all around! - The Deconverted Man 9 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 Welcome to the forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 5, 2021 Author Share Posted March 5, 2021 29 minutes ago, midniterider said: Welcome to the forum. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted March 5, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 Glad you joined us. There’s a lot of good deconversion stories here, dating back years. Tons of good reading, especially in Pinned topics. Looking forward to hearing about your own deconversion. Were you raised Christian? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator Hierophant Posted March 5, 2021 Super Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 Wilkommen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted March 5, 2021 Super Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 8 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said: I'm looking forward to jumping into the quality discussions on this forum. Good luck with that, mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted March 5, 2021 Super Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted March 5, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 2 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said: Good luck with that, mate. I’ve noticed that the quality of discussions seems to depend on whether @TheRedneckProfessoris involved. Make of that what you will.. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ DestinyTurtle ◊ Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 Welcome to ex-Christian, @TheDeconvertedMan! Yeah it's really nice to witness what others have gone through, so as to realize we're not alone. I probably spent too much time going through my struggles and crisis alone, or opening up to people who didn't have the experience or perspective to understand... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Joshpantera Posted March 5, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 17 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said: Hey everyone! User and moderator TABA reached out to me over social media and invited me to join this forum. I've perused a few threads here and I like what I'm seeing. This seems like a great community. A friend of his, is a friend of ours! Welcome to the club!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted March 5, 2021 Super Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 6 minutes ago, Joshpantera said: A friend of his, is a friend of ours! Welcome to the club!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted March 5, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2021 49 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said: Always be careful who you bare it around. Could come back to bite you later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Joshpantera Posted March 6, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 6, 2021 4 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Joshpantera Posted March 6, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 6, 2021 Welcome to the ex christian Mafia!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 6, 2021 Author Share Posted March 6, 2021 14 hours ago, TABA said: Were you raised Christian? Yes, but not as intensely as much. My mom forced me and my sister (and my dad, though he didn't last long) to go to church every Sunday. She was never overtly religious, but I figured she did it because she was trying to raise us with some good influence or something. As I got older, I got more and more involved with the youth group, and eventually I was going voluntarily. Youth group stuff made up a majority of my church experiences when I was young and would have a huge influence on me. 8 hours ago, DestinyTurtle said: I probably spent too much time going through my struggles and crisis alone I DEFINITELY spent too much time going through my deconversion alone. At the time, I just didn't know there were any online resources. Reading Bart Ehrman books was definitely helpful, but when it came to rebuilding my life and lifestyle, I was pretty much making it up as I went along. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBigV Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 22 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said: Today I run a deconversion blog and have released a book written for those that have recently deconverted and are looking to rebuild their lives. Both of these resources focus primarily on men. If you don't mind sharing what is your blog and why is it geared towards men? I am intrigued by the subject, because I always "struggled" with porn/sexuality which actually flared up after my reconversion. I wonder if these are the issues that you cover. Btw, welcome to the forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 6, 2021 Author Share Posted March 6, 2021 55 minutes ago, SuperBigV said: If you don't mind sharing what is your blog www.thedeconvertedman.com 56 minutes ago, SuperBigV said: why is it geared towards men because... 56 minutes ago, SuperBigV said: I always "struggled" with porn/sexuality A large portion of my writing deals precisely with this. It's a huge topic when it comes to life after religion. And probably the last person a deconverted woman should listen to when it comes to purity culture, sexuality, and dating is yet another man. So, I chose to focus and on men. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBigV Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 7 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said: www.thedeconvertedman.com because... A large portion of my writing deals precisely with this. It's a huge topic when it comes to life after religion. And probably the last person a deconverted woman should listen to when it comes to purity culture, sexuality, and dating is yet another man. So, I chose to focus and on men. https://thedeconvertedman.com/fear-makes-religion-powerful/ You are spot on on the fear. However there’s one component I’m trying to figure out for myself. Fear doesn’t affect everyone in the same way. You could have the same idea of Hell shared with the same group of kids (usually when the indoctrination starts) and some will grow up with panic attacks about Hell while others will brush it off. What is the difference between those who have the strength and those who continue in fear? Appreciate your thoughts on this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 6, 2021 Author Share Posted March 6, 2021 4 hours ago, SuperBigV said: You could have the same idea of Hell shared with the same group of kids (usually when the indoctrination starts) and some will grow up with panic attacks about Hell while others will brush it off. So crazy you bring this up. I'm drafting an article for the blog that discusses this precise situation. You essentially have 3 options: 1. Those who know religion is a load of crap from the beginning and never believe. 2. Those who believe it at first but then stop believing later. 3. Those who double down on their beliefs and believe for their whole lives. You're right. You could put a bunch of young children in the same classroom at a religious school and teach them indoctrinating ideas and you'll see all 3 of the above categories represented in the kids as they grow up. What determines which category will describe any given individual? The article I'm writing about this may be be a letdown because... I don't know. I can't figure it out either. A knee-jerk response might be intelligence, but that's not it. There are a lot of intelligent people who believe in all kinds of religious dogma. And while indoctrination beginning at a young age definitely does increase the likelihood that someone will become a believer, it doesn't affect everyone, as you said. Some kids in that hypothetical classroom situation I mentioned will steadfastly refuse to buy into the religious teachings no matter how much trouble they get in. Also, every church has at least one guy whose testimony was that he grew up with a rough childhood, was never exposed to religion, lived his life "in the world" just like everyone else, but then got saved at age 35. He wasn't indoctrinated at all, yet still chose religion. My best guess right now is it has something to do with someone being more in tune with their own intuition and having higher levels of discernment, even when they're young. But being intuitive, discerning, and wise are usually characteristics of older people. So where do they come from in these kids? Again, I don't know. The spiritual side of me may entertain the idea that the kids who never buy in might be "older souls." Perhaps they've already learned in a previous lifetime that religion is BS and so they kind of have a "head start" in this current life, even if they aren't consciously aware of it. Of course I don't know that for sure and definitely can't prove it, but it's fun to ponder about (at least for me). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBigV Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 3 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said: So crazy you bring this up. I'm drafting an article for the blog that discusses this precise situation. Must have been the Holy Spirit, eh? (j/k) Thanks for sharing your thoughts. In my case, I felt overwhelmed by my dad. He used to tell me that I should listen to him "from the first time he said something". That, I think led to hyper alertness that resulted in on/off lifelong anxiety. Couple that with a church service, 4 sermons per service, and my mind was busy thinking of ways I made God angry. When I hit puberty, I was (kid you not) repenting for committing adultery. These were silent prayers but this shit was on my mind constantly. Freud hypothesized that the birth experience is fearful for a child, that's why some children poop during the process, all from fear. If that theory holds water, then anxiety could be genetic, although it sucks if one has genes and then grows up in an authoritarian home. I'm glad I have a bit of a rebel in me and I was able to detach from the religion of my dad. But if said I never fret about possibly bad consequences, I'd be lying. I'm doing Starting Strength routine now (Mark Rippetoe), staying away from porn. Will see how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ Krowb ◊ Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 3 hours ago, TheDeconvertedMan said: My best guess right now is it has something to do with someone being more in tune with their own intuition and having higher levels of discernment, even when they're young. But being intuitive, discerning, and wise are usually characteristics of older people. So where do they come from in these kids? Again, I don't know. Having been educated K-12 at a small private Christian school, I'd wager it's some combination intelligence and skepticism/cynicism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 7, 2021 Author Share Posted March 7, 2021 4 hours ago, SuperBigV said: Must have been the Holy Spirit, eh? (j/k) Haha 4 hours ago, SuperBigV said: He used to tell me that I should listen to him "from the first time he said something". That, I think led to hyper alertness that resulted in on/off lifelong anxiety. It sounds like you've done some digging and are aware of the situations in your past that cause your anxiety today. Awareness is always one of the first steps. I bet you could probably increase your awareness even further by putting yourself in your dad's shoes and figuring out WHY it was so important for him to be listened to. 4 hours ago, SuperBigV said: I'm doing Starting Strength routine now The Holy Spirit strikes again. I recommend Starting Strength in the health chapter in my book. I myself did Starting Strength during my deconversion and it really helped a lot. After being told for so long that I was supposed to be meek, submissive, and rely on God for strength, it felt amazing to take control of my own health and build my own strength. Be sure to eat and rest correctly! 4 hours ago, SuperBigV said: staying away from porn Very good idea. Watching porn was never a sin and sexuality is not wrong or evil, but I still recommend that men strive to get their porn consumption down as close to zero as possible. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 7, 2021 Author Share Posted March 7, 2021 4 hours ago, Krowb said: Having been educated K-12 at a small private Christian school, I'd wager it's some combination intelligence and skepticism/cynicism. In my article I use my own private Christian school as an example. Some 13 year seniors (K-12) never believed in God for a single second. Skepticism is a good thought. Also maybe these kids had a healthier sense of self and never felt like they needed saving from something external to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted March 7, 2021 Moderator Share Posted March 7, 2021 Welcome @TheDeconvertedMan I look forward to seeing your contributions. You talk about Starting Strength - is that the SS of Mark Rippetoe fame? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDeconvertedMan Posted March 7, 2021 Author Share Posted March 7, 2021 15 minutes ago, LogicalFallacy said: You talk about Starting Strength - is that the SS of Mark Rippetoe fame? Yep, sure is. 16 minutes ago, LogicalFallacy said: Welcome Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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