When Parents Are Trying to Push My Family in Going Back to Church

[◊ Weezer ◊]

9 hours ago, AnonSan said:

 

I knew Derek since I was a teen. My dad's hierarchy outranks Derek due to family legacy and elder position, whether or not they see each other in person. The main shortfall from my dad's end is his limited English related "to preaching the gospel." Otherwise, my dad would already have aggressively pushed the Christian agenda onto my husband when we first started dating in 2016.

 

Derek is currently one of the church leaders I the church I grew up in, fully bilingual (English/Chinese), and an alumnus from the church organization's training boot camp that teaches their students/followers to proselytize. He is the suitable "flying monkey" for dad to reach out to for indirectly influencing my husband to join the church. My husband and I have been strategizing throughout the week in dealing with the possible hypothetical scenarios by the time he gets a hold of Derek and when my parents visit. 

 

My husband and therapist emphasize the importance of being calm if I have to come out to my parents and be in control of the conversation. This is the best route, though very difficult as I will re-experience trauma on top of my mom's unstable emotional reaction that have always broken all efforts in effective, constructive communication. If my mom (and dad) could not get her emotions together and/or keeps pressing on my decision to leave my Christian path, then we plan to just walk away from the conversation. 

That is definitely an authoritarian cult they belong too.  Are either of your parents Chinese?

[older]

10 hours ago, AnonSan said:

If my mom (and dad) could not get her emotions together and/or keeps pressing on my decision to leave my Christian path, then we plan to just walk away from the conversation.

  

Best course of action. Let's hope it doesn't come to this.

[AnonSan]

14 hours ago, Weezer said:

That is definitely an authoritarian cult they belong too.  Are either of your parents Chinese?

My family's Chinese, but I barely speak Mandarin fluently because I had language delay during my early childhood. 

 

After leaving my family's church, I indeed found many signs and traits being a large cult/control group. I never mentioned any pastors because the Local Churches system does follow in a pastoral leadership but rather a group of (elderly) brothers. As a rather introverted person, I felt very confined and pressured to express what we enjoyed from our founder's veneration of the Bible and his teachings, whether or not I agree with them. Being raised in a collective culture doesn't help the slightest.

 

Until recently, I found that the church organization shares many traits, ideas, and protocol similar to Jehovah Witnesses, minus the shunning apostates, anti-blood transfusions, anti-college, and heavy media propaganda produced by Watchtower. What differentiates themselves from JWs is that they are better hiding their dirty secrets (from themselves), keeping up their public image, and being more (socially) adaptable within mainstream society thanks to college educated members raising the "next generation."

[AnonSan]

Update 2: My husband finally got in touch with Brother Derek during his lunch break. Being nonchalant and productive with his valuable down time, he called him up while taking a brisk jog around the neighborhood. Derek answered and introduced himself and the first thing he asked my husband was what he does for work. My husband answered Derek's questions, but Derek kept cutting him off in the middle of the conversation then move on to the next question. Whenever my husband tried to keep the conversation going, Derek still cuts him off again or leave short answers without elaboration, thus leaving awkward pauses. Derek is not a good conversationalist, so he asked for a last ditch "bonding" effort by inviting my husband for coffee at a nearby cafe. Seeing what Derek was trying to do, my husband turned down the offer asserting that he is working full-time and is in the Masters' program, so he has no time to meet up like that. Derek understood and let him be.

 

Anything church related was not brought up in the 2-minute conversation, but my husband said that the whole interaction was cringy and Derek is not the type of person he would want to befriend with, regardless of his Christian background. My husband got the impression that my dad may have misinformed/lied to Derek about my husband's interest in my family's church, so @Weezer's theory of Derek being pushed by my dad in doing this seems to be true given the situation. Derek was caught off guard thinking my husband would be more compliant and reserved rather than experiencing his composed and assertive interaction. 

 

I don't know it will be the last attempt related to this and will probably expect a follow-up from my parents' failed attempt in dragging a third party into this ordeal-may provide another update(s). Otherwise, my new family is just continuing what we do in our lives within our best interests.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Thank you for the information.  That helps our (my) understanding.  The chinese culture is more authoritarion than ours.  And authoritarians DO NOT like losing thier authority.