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Goodbye Jesus

"you'll Like Them Once You Have Them!"


Trike

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I have never wanted to be a mother or have kids. I just flat out don't like them. This raises quite few eyebrows (and gets many a promise to pray for me/ bitching out by people who think that it is my job on earth to pump out kids) at my Christian school, which I find hilarious.

 

But there is one reaction that ticks me off to no end. Many older people take it upon themselves to tell me that I'll "feel differently once you have them." To me, it feeds into the popular fundie-esque idea that woman are only useful for producing children and that I will have children at some point. Also, why the hell would you recommend that a person who says they hate children have them?! Just to make sure they truly hate them? :huh:

 

I hate that though, anyone else ever get that?

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Yeah, my wife told me that. Turned out she was right! Good thing, hmm?

 

Turned out it was other people's children I didn't like.

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By the way...I totally support your position. People should mind their own business.

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I have to say that having your own child IS different. I'm not saying that YOU would like it necessarily, just that it is quite different.

 

I really have no interest in being around anyone else's kids, but my own is an entirely different story.

 

Must get it from my mother. Pastor's wife and hardly ever once saw her hold anyone's baby or take interest in anyone's children. Mine though...OMG...couldn't believe how she lights up and becomes a big kid herself almost. She says that her own (me) and her grandchild are just different to her...

 

All the same, to bring an end to my rambling, it is ridiculous that people think that you HAVE to have children. It's unnecessary and no one should be pressured into that kind of responsibility.

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Paging WR...

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The world is already overpopulated, and when we finally run out of "Cheap" oil, we're all going to really feel it. Anyone who has one or no children today are making a wise choice. Unfortunately, the side effect is that the intellectuals aren't reproducing nearly enough in proportion to the stupid people keep pumping out dumb humans.

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Idiocracy ho!

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Paging WR...

I have kids. I love mine and a few others that I claim as family.I also dislike a few. But I dont think your opinion would change as you got older. You seem pretty strong minded. And noone has a right to tell you you have to have kids. The only thing i have heard from older women that dont have kids is some of them feel something lacking from there life, or a need to share a maternal instinct. But if you are happy with no kids and dont want them.More power to you. My cousin is 45 she doesent have kids,she loves her life. Guess it just depends on the person.

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Ugh, I get it ALL THE TIME. I am a female with ambitious career goals and absolutely 0 desire for children. I love, "Oh, just wait. In a few years, you'll just really want them..." No. I will not. Because I just don't like the idea of being a mom. At all. >.>

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As for me and my wife, we have one kid, and we receive constant pressure to have another from others in the family. The most ridiculous argument is that it's unfair to our son that he doesn't have someone to play with. He has plenty of friends to play with, and his mother and I also enjoy playing with him. I had two sisters and a brother, and I hardly know who they are. My wife has two brothers and two sisters, but has always been closer to her friends, parents, and colleagues. She simply points to the in-fighting that goes on almost constantly between her siblings as evidence that having siblings doesn't necessarily one will have someone to grow up through life with.

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I have never wanted to be a mother or have kids. I just flat out don't like them. This raises quite few eyebrows (and gets many a promise to pray for me/ bitching out by people who think that it is my job on earth to pump out kids) at my Christian school, which I find hilarious.

 

But there is one reaction that ticks me off to no end. Many older people take it upon themselves to tell me that I'll "feel differently once you have them." To me, it feeds into the popular fundie-esque idea that woman are only useful for producing children and that I will have children at some point. Also, why the hell would you recommend that a person who says they hate children have them?! Just to make sure they truly hate them? :huh:

 

I hate that though, anyone else ever get that?

 

 

I have the deepest respect for people who know they do not want to have children and DON'T.

 

"You'll feel differently" just isn't so. There are far too many kids in this world now being raised by, or having been abandonded by parents who never wanted them in the first place. Some people, to be sure do end up feeling differently, but let's face it we all know at least one person who's mother or father should have NEVER been a parent.

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Paging WR...

I have kids. I love mine and a few others that I claim as family.I also dislike a few. But I dont think your opinion would change as you got older. You seem pretty strong minded. And noone has a right to tell you you have to have kids. The only thing i have heard from older women that dont have kids is some of them feel something lacking from there life, or a need to share a maternal instinct. But if you are happy with no kids and dont want them.More power to you. My cousin is 45 she doesent have kids,she loves her life. Guess it just depends on the person.

 

 

Nods, my GF is 55, she likes my kids, in therory. She didn't want any, didn't have any is pretty cool with that. She does have an occasional maternal feeling thing, her dog and I get the benefit of that, and everyone's happy.

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Seems to me that unless you have a compelling desire to have them, it would be irresponsible to do so.

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I just flat out don't like them.

You just haven't had them prepared properly.

 

mwc

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The best one I've gotten was "You're an atheist? Oh, that's just because you don't have any children yet. When you do you will understand."

 

Seems like a non sequitur, but what do I know?

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Part of my decision not to have kids was based on how unhappy the parents I knew seemed to be with the experience. Oh, yeah, they'd talk about the glories of family as a broad concept, but they never had anything good to say about their own kids or any of their family experiences. Every Monday seems to be a littany of how stupid the little angels were, how much trouble, what they're fighting about now... (The remainder of the decision had to do with a lot of timing and practicaility issues.)

 

Anyhow, I'm 51, so it's too late now. Sometimes I wonder if I'll regret it, but most of the time I treasure my independence. And I've got nephews and a niece if I need to dote on someone.

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The best one I've gotten was "You're an atheist? Oh, that's just because you don't have any children yet. When you do you will understand."

 

Seems like a non sequitur, but what do I know?

 

Funny, how it is that I became an atheist very shortly AFTER the birth of my son, as I had finally come to recognize the whole birth-death process for what it really was.

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Yeah, my wife told me that. Turned out she was right! Good thing, hmm?

 

Turned out it was other people's children I didn't like.

 

It turns out they're not so bad on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

 

To the OP, I find there are a lot of things in life that need to be experienced first-hand before you can understand how awesome they are. Bungee jumping, mushrooms, beer, speed metal, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the list goes on. Having podlings seems to be something so intrinsic to being human (what, with the passing of genes from one generation to the next being the sole point of human existence) that I can't imagine that a person could hate having children without a societal message that it's bad. BUt I guess I'll find out for myself how that works in 5-10 years.

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Having podlings seems to be something so intrinsic to being human (what, with the passing of genes from one generation to the next being the sole point of human existence) that I can't imagine that a person could hate having children without a societal message that it's bad.

 

While it is the reason for human existence, it certainly isn't the point to our existence. If the point to our existence is simply to reproduce and nothing more, then what of our culture? What of the things created to make the existence of all humanity better? We would have no need for medical science and libraries, or even the internet and this message board, for example, if the sole point of human existence was to reproduce.

 

Surely, the point of the human race has evolved beyond simple reproduction; as to be "Fruitful and multiply" is a means to an end.

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It's a good thing to seriously consider whether or not to have children. Too many people procreate before thinking about it.

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Nothing wrong with not liking kids, and certainly nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids yourself and to echo Amethyst wish more people would consider it.

 

I can't help but think though that you've just had bad experiences with kids, they aren't all brats you know.

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Yeah, my wife told me that. Turned out she was right! Good thing, hmm?

 

Turned out it was other people's children I didn't like.

 

It turns out they're not so bad on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

I like 'em slow-roasted with a nice blend of herbs and spices and a side of BBQ sauce for dipping, personally.

 

To the OP, I find there are a lot of things in life that need to be experienced first-hand before you can understand how awesome they are. Bungee jumping, mushrooms, beer, speed metal, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the list goes on. Having podlings seems to be something so intrinsic to being human (what, with the passing of genes from one generation to the next being the sole point of human existence) that I can't imagine that a person could hate having children without a societal message that it's bad. But I guess I'll find out for myself how that works in 5-10 years.

A societal message it's bad? I know we haven't caught up in a while, but I wasn't aware you'd moved to some alternate reality wherein American culture doesn't see having kids as the right and natural conclusion to a couple's union. It's got nothing to do with sociology. As others have said, an individual might simply decide (s)he doesn't want to forfeit her/his independence for essentially the rest of her/his life. I'd expect you especially would understand that.

 

Nothing wrong with not liking kids, and certainly nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids yourself and to echo Amethyst wish more people would consider it.

 

I can't help but think though that you've just had bad experiences with kids Christianity, they aren't it's not all brats bad you know.

Fixed. ;)

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It's a good thing to seriously consider whether or not to have children. Too many people procreate before thinking about it.

 

I have found that too many people get married prior to discussing having children. Then the arguments and pressures from family and spouse causes the reluctant partner to give in. Result: Bad parenting.

 

Both of my kids are adults now. We have told them that the decision to have children is theirs. My wife and I will not influence one way or the other.

 

I have a real problem with parents/friends etc. trying to pressure/guilt couples into having kids. Pisses me off something fierce.

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Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. The social imperative shouldn't override what you know is right for you. Obviously, we already have a significant number of people who thought they needed to have kids only to find out they couldn't handle it.

 

On the other hand, I've seen people who had no business taking on the responsibility of a child, yet when they did become parents, they did a complete turnaround. It's possible that once I actually had a kid, I would change, but I never wanted to bet the welfare of a child on that chance.

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Many older people take it upon themselves to tell me that I'll "feel differently once you have them."

 

And what if you don't? They don't come with a return policy!!!

 

I decided when I married my first husband that I would not have children after I heard him say that if he ever had a child that had a deformity or mental illness, he would not want to raise them. I knew if I ever had a child, no matter what problems they had I would never give them up. I have never regretted that decision but years later, when we divorced he let me know that he felt I forced him to be childless and he was very angry about it.

 

I did raise my nephew because my sister was incapable of raising the children that she brought into the world. My mom and dad raised her oldest son, and I raised her youngest. I was certainly not the best mother in the world (I believe I was way too permissive), but I am very happy that I had the opportunity to be his mother-figure.

 

To me it seemed like the best of both worlds. I wasn't responsible for bringing a child into the world, but I was able to be a parent to one who was already here. And there is no doubt in my mind, I would not have loved him any more if I had given birth to him.

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