Calling All Atheists

[R. S. Martin]

...have you heard of Dan Barker (Freedom From Religion Foundation)? He wrote the Foreword for my book and has been a tremendous help in getting free-thought off the ground here in S.Africa.

 

Yes, I just recently read Barker's "Godless" and I have ordered his "Losing Faith In Faith." I also recently subscribed to the FFRF's "Freethought Today" newspaper.

 

Just so you know, Godless is the updated version of Losing Faith in Faith.

[SilentLoner]

1. No real "trigger" or eureka moment. Pretty much one day I realized I no longer believed. It took a few years for me to openly aknowledge it but I did eventually.

 

2. Life's a lot clearer, IMO. Ackward moments with the extended family but no big issue. It really puzzles me to see believers with their "everyhting for a reason" mentality. Sad, really.

[R. S. Martin]

Canadian.

 

1. Atheism was the default position when exhaustive search produced no evidence for the supernatural.

2. Apostasy earned me formal and informal ostracism by family and friends but my conscience was free.

 

Here's the story:

 

I am a Canadian, bred and born into a horse and buggy Mennonite community where I spent the first forty years of my life trying in vain to fit in. When Mom told me one winter evening in the dim gas-lit kitchen with shadows lurking in the corners that there was a god that could see and hear everything that I did but we couldn't see or hear him/it, I found it rather spooky or scary. It was also extra-ordinarily unbelievable. "How could we know this thing was there? Or where was it?" She said it was everywhere and that we just KNOW it's there. I was perhaps five to seven years old.

 

I set out to find evidence. Forty years later I still had no evidence. Part of my search included an anthropology class in which were shown videos of aboriginal religious ceremonies and communities including African in the last quarter of the twentieth century. I concluded that it was a human trait to feel as if there was a supernatural realm or god.

 

The curious thing was that there was no difference in the emotional expression (visual, auditory, and verbal) of the human experience of African "pagan" religions, or the South Pacific Island "primitive" religions, or that of the North American "sophisticated" Christian religion among professors with PhDs. For a time I attended church with the latter.

 

In addition, all religious ceremonies included the ritualistic behaviour that anthropologists said brought on altered states of consciousness such as trance. Group singing, dance, or prayer can do it. So can being under a mighty tree, or in the presence of a powerful and wise person, or near a tall mountain or building. (I added "building" and "person" because I think it can work the same way.) It is a feeling of awe, or being in the presence of the Other, known in religion as god, ancestor, Zeus, etc.

 

I was more than forty years old and the stakes were high. If I continued to accept the Christian religion, I would be accepted as a good enough person by my family and friends. They were beginning to accept the fact that I was going to university. Almost I was persuaded. The "god" feelings resonated with me. But was it really and truly god?

 

There was another part to the problem that was even bigger than the god question. When my mother said that Jesus died so we could go to heaven, it was as if someone had grabbed me from behind by the neck; so shockingly illogical did it sound to my childish ears. I wanted to know: HOW DOES THAT WORK? I was perhaps eight years old.

 

That question was burned onto my brain and it would not go away no matter what happened or how old I got. The pain of not understanding--of not being allowed to know while at the same time being forced to profess belief in it--still brings tears to my eyes. The Bible says "From the mouths of babes thou hast ordained praise." But it seems that it counts only if the child's mouth reflects what the adults want to hear.

 

That question nearly drove me crazy. Had deconversion not been social suicide, my religious life would probably not have outlasted beyond my teens. As it was, I stuck it out till a few months before my fiftieth birthday. I deconverted in the middle of doing a degree in theology. I finally concluded that there is no answer to my question. If there were an answer, I reasoned, I would have already found it. I did not understand all the heavy reading I had to do for my courses. However, I had been taught that Christianity was a religion for uneducated slaves and children. Therefore, it seemed that I should not have to study for years and years in university simply in order to understand it.

 

Some time later, when I was walking home through the bush from the bus stop, the conviction that god does not exist impressed itself on my mind. I was almost fifty years old and finally free to accept the conviction of my conscience. When I read about Michael Persinger's discovery that electro-magnetic fields can stimulate the god-feeling (http://oldwebsite.laurentian.ca/neurosci/_people/Persinger.htm), I felt I had scientific evidence that gods begin and end in the human psyche. See also "God and the Brain" at http://atheistempire...eference/brain.

 

My mother's last intelligible message to me was that "Hell is real." She died half a year later. My family and their church did not think I was fit to eat with them at her funeral.

[StevoMuso]

Hey SilentLoner and RS Martin - thanks, you're on da blog :-)

 

RS, I put your whole name (RS Martin) in the title field of your blog entry, but I will change it to your initials only (RSM) if you would prefer to remain more anonymous. BTW: your story is brilliant and deeply moving. I was actually reduced to tears by the last line of your post, "My family and their church did not think I was fit to eat with them at her funeral." Silly me, either it's my artistic musician temperament or I really empathize with the pain you must feel.

[agnosticator]

I think this is likely due to the fact that I don't advertize my heathen nature. I blend in and I try to handle questions of faith in god creatively. I don't lie. But I also don't volunteer information.

 

May I ask, Legion...is this your stance because of living in N.C.? Or does it have nothing to do with living there? I ask because down the road, I plan on retiring in N.C. I was hoping N.C. had become alittle more rational and cosmopolitan.

 

I lived in eastern Tennessee awhile ago, and deconverted while I was there. I was very careful about sharing my new views with anyone, but when I was cornered and asked, I respectfully said I no longer pray. I was immediately and cruelly written off as a friend.

[Hungrydingo]

I am from the United States.

 

1. What was the final "trigger" that convinced you to become an atheist? (Something you read? Someone you spoke to? That kind of thing.)

 

I was 16 and sitting in english class. I was gradually getting angrier and angrier at god for a lot of things. Finally one day it just snapped, there is no loving god sitting up in the sky somewhere and this religion is bullshit. It felt good to finally say it. I felt good to finally debate against christianity against believers, blaspheme their religion in front of them and shock some people who knew I was a devout christian. I took a lot of joy in that. I don't do that anymore, I am respectful of other's believes, but at the time I was a pissed off 16 year old.

 

2. How did your decision to become an atheist affect your life? (Lost relationships? Clearer view on life? Less judgmental? That kind of thing.)

 

Being an atheist has cost me some relationships. Even when I though the girls were just your typical "i believe in god, don't go to church or anything" people who come across as Christianity lite. I did become less judgmental on people, shaped some of my political views by becoming more libertarian and less authoritarian believing people can live their life the way they want to and it's none of my damn business as long as they don't directly affect someone else negatively. I also became a lot more comfortable with myself, I finally let go and started living instead of worrying about the world going to hell. When I was younger, I had a huge problem with the thought that people drank, smoked, had premarital sex, experimented with drugs, and homosexuality. Now none of those things bother me and aside from the homosexuality and smoking I've done it all. All in all, I'm a much happier person who enjoys life so much more.

[Legion]

Legion ... Dude ...

No problem Stevo, thanks. Welcome to ex-C my man.

 

May I ask, Legion...is this your stance because of living in N.C.? Or does it have nothing to do with living there? I ask because down the road, I plan on retiring in N.C. I was hoping N.C. had become alittle more rational and cosmopolitan.

Hmm... Well, I suppose some part of it is because N.C. is mostly populated with Christians, though there are also pockets of heathens here and there. But most of it is due to my family. I strongly suspect that they would misunderstand my departure from their faith and worry needlessly. I haven't rejected them or even many of their values and ideals.

 

I lived in eastern Tennessee awhile ago, and deconverted while I was there. I was very careful about sharing my new views with anyone, but when I was cornered and asked, I respectfully said I no longer pray. I was immediately and cruelly written off as a friend.

I'm sorry to hear about that Agnosticator. It seems he misunderstood, but that doesn't make the cold shoulder any warmer.

[YellowJacket]

I am from the eastern US, both north and south in my lifetime.

 

 

1. final trigger? I started doubting in the 80s when the whole "animals don't have souls" thing was being argued in my family, and pretty much every Xtian backed that up - since they don't sin but act "instictively" (oh, and we don't ever act instinctively?) then animals cannot make the "choice" to follow Jesus, therefore their lives simply are done when they die, and cannot be present in heaven. This opened up so many cans o' wormies for me, first off, why would I want to spend eternity somewhere w/ out animals? What about human tribes who never made that choice either? I was always assured that humans who never heard the word of god would be in heaven, because they had never "denied" him. OK, so then why be a missionary, if you can keep people from hearing the "Good News" completely, then they are guaranteed salvation due to ignorance, right? shouldn't we keep them in their blissful state and they get a free pass to Nirvana? or do they not have souls at all, like animals? and what about angels? they don't have souls either, so why are they in paradise? This heaven theme park sounded very unappealing to me.

 

but I put all this aside for 30 yrs.

 

my final trigger was very recent. I had been doing reading over the past 4 yrs about subjects I would never have considered before. But a yr ago I was victimized by a serial stalker/predator. I survived unscathed, but the way christian groups, victims groups, and law enforcement have treated me (as If I had done something to provoke this, or didn't follow chain of command in pursuing the pervert, or just flat out disbelief that an older woman can be victimized in this way).

 

To sum up, Church, Police, Victim's Rights Groups, and a few hundred others have treated this entire matter w/ a lot of shoulder shrugging. I have done everything I can to nail this guy, and my efforts are treated w/ a yawn by police. I hired my own investigators, body guards, and videographers to show how this guy operates, and still police can't be bothered to even show up, even when they themselves admit there was more than enough on my videos to make an arrest. They want to wait until this guy kills someone, I guess. Which he probably will.

 

no amount of praying will stop this psychopath.

 

and no God is helping me seek justice. most Xtains have advised me to "pray for peace with this and move on w/ your life". really? REALLY? it's OK if he does this to other women? Shrug my shoulders and turn a blind eye? REALLY?

 

2. has my life changed? I feel greater peace knowing that all my non-christian dead friends are having a nice long dirt nap instead of crying out in agony & eternal torment.

[agnosticator]

Hmm... Well, I suppose some part of it is because N.C. is mostly populated with Christians, though there are also pockets of heathens here and there. But most of it is due to my family. I strongly suspect that they would misunderstand my departure from their faith and worry needlessly. I haven't rejected them or even many of their values and ideals.

 

 

I'm sorry to hear about that Agnosticator. It seems he misunderstood, but that doesn't make the cold shoulder any warmer.

 

Thanks for the reply, Legion. You give me hope that I'll be "at home" when I get there. I like they thought of living between the Smokies and the ocean!

[agnosticator]

I'm from U.S.A.

 

1. What was the final "trigger" that convinced you to become an atheist? (Something you read? Someone you spoke to? That kind of thing.)

 

For the life of me, I can't remember any "final trigger" that convinced me. I had read many apologists' books in an attempt to resolve the dissonance my experiences with fellow believers, and the Bible itself, created within my mind. I was beginning to question why bad things happen to good people, and why good things happen to bad ones. Why and for what purpose, did some of the young children and teens I knew die from horrible diseases, accidents, and murder(at the hands of a Christian adult)? Why did some arrogant church members control and manipulate other innocent members, many times causing them to lose their jobs? One even committed suicide as a result.

 

I tried to accept the usual answers such as, "God's mysterious ways" or "their reward is in heaven", but they seemed empty and trite. I found no answers to my constant prayers, and from reading religious books, that justified the amount of suffering and unfairness I witnessed. So I searched the Scriptures intensely, but my trust in God was dying a slow death, while trust in my "gut" was making a comeback.

 

When I was a naive teenager, God's fools came knocking at my mind's door. They had come to save my miserable ass. Being raised Catholic, I always believed in God. But the evangelical-fundamentalists told me I needed to be saved or receive the mark! Trust the Book! It is ironic that I ignored the very feelings that would have saved me then, as my "gut" was saying "run, and don't look back!" I should have trusted my feelings.

 

I finally read skeptics' books with much trepidation after meeting an ex-christian. He was very kind and understood me. He recommended reading material, and that was the beginning of the end of my Christian experience. Now, I'm an agnostic atheist. That means God is unknowable presently, so I don't believe a God exists. There is nothing to base my God belief upon.

 

 

 

 

 

2. How did your decision to become an atheist affect your life? (Lost relationships? Clearer view on life? Less judgmental? That kind of thing.)

 

There was no decision. I just gradually lost my faith while desperately trying to maintain it. As a result, I woke up and realized my marriage was a huge mistake, and never should have happened. My partner was abused in every way from her Christian upbringing. I held out hope that there would be a change for the better, but it was not to be. I lost most of my "friends" without my saying a word, because gossip travels fast. But my mind was free! It was time to move on and get a divorce; from the church and the wife. No more dissonance. I was free to rediscover the beauties of nature and the goodness of people. Now I feel connected and complete!

[R. S. Martin]

Hey SilentLoner and RS Martin - thanks, you're on da blog :-)

 

RS, I put your whole name (RS Martin) in the title field of your blog entry, but I will change it to your initials only (RSM) if you would prefer to remain more anonymous. BTW: your story is brilliant and deeply moving. I was actually reduced to tears by the last line of your post, "My family and their church did not think I was fit to eat with them at her funeral." Silly me, either it's my artistic musician temperament or I really empathize with the pain you must feel.

 

Thanks. I go by both names online.

 

In the end, a technicality allowed them to let me eat with them and I thought I felt their love. It didn't last and for two years there was very little contact. By now they are friendly, though there are topics on which I get no response when I raise them for discussion and I am quite sure that their religion would not allow them to let me to eat with them for a formal meal at a funeral or wedding.

 

Being true to my convictions is worth it all..."my cup floweth over"..."the peace that passeth understanding"...those "precious promises" finally came true when I let go of god and religion. I forgot to add that part to answer No. 2.

[StevoMuso]

Being true to my convictions is worth it all..."my cup floweth over"..."the peace that passeth understanding"...those "precious promises" finally came true when I let go of god and religion. I forgot to add that part to answer No. 2.

I've added the above line - nicely written and my sentiment exactly.

 

Thanks to YellowJacket and Agnosticator. You guys are awesome and your entries are well written, informative and moving -

[godlessgrrl]

If you use my words on your blog, please credit me as Godlessgrrl, not gwenmead, with a link to my own blog at godlessgrrl.blogspot.com. Thanks.

 

I'm from the United States.

 

1. What was the final "trigger" that convinced you to become an atheist? (Something you read? Someone you spoke to? That kind of thing.)

 

I didn't leap right into atheism when I deconverted from Christianity. I was actually a neopagan for awhile, until I realized that if one deity doesn't make sense, neither do the rest. For awhile I wasn't sure that I was anything at all, so called myself an agnostic. I didn't make the leap into atheism until I had a verbal altercation with a Christian online.

 

I had one of those moments where I sort of involuntarily stepped outside of the situation and was watching it unfold. And as I watched the behavior of this Christian and saw the things she was saying, it suddenly became clear to me that this believer was convinced that she and her god were of one mind - because her god was nothing more than a projection of her own mind. It occurred to me that this was true of every believer, including myself when I believed.

 

Then it occurred to me that this was probably some odd form of ego-worship: if god is simply an extension of one's own ego, and one worships god, then that's really just a roundabout way of worshiping oneself. And if one's going to do something like that anyway, then why bother with the middleman, so to speak?

 

There are other reasons why I am an atheist, but that was what tipped me over the edge for sure.

 

2. How did your decision to become an atheist affect your life? (Lost relationships? Clearer view on life? Less judgmental? That kind of thing.)

 

Well for one thing, I had to figure out how the world worked without involving a deity anymore, so I got more materialist and more naturalist on that. I also got less anxious and less self-hating, and loosened up a bit more. I got somewhat more hedonistic, mostly just by giving myself permission to enjoy myself without shame. When I figure out a political or ethical or moral problem now, I can't rely on a holy book or the simple answer "god says so", I have to actually think and use my head to work things like that out, so I use my brain more. I value life more now because it's short, and I don't believe in an afterlife anymore. Stuff like that.

 

Most of my values didn't really shift that much. I still find family and relationships important, I'm still socially liberal, still a capitalist, still a feminist, still value education, still want to travel and see the world and enjoy life. My politics are still all over the map. Once I left religion I think it got easier to allow my values to be what they really were, because I wasn't trying to force myself to fit into a mold that some deity would find more pleasing.

 

I'm lucky as far as relationships go; I didn't lose any because of my lack of belief. My family were a bit shocked in the beginning but nobody's cut me off or condemned me for it. I didn't lose any friends either, or lose any jobs, or anything like that. I live in the Pacific Northwest though, which is one of the most godless regions of the nation, so I think that's part of why. Religious convictions are a private matter here and most people are pretty worldly.

 

That's it in a nutshell.

[StevoMuso]

Thanks HungryDingo and Godlessgrrl - your posts are both on the blog. Gwenmead, I'm not sure how to make a link on a post so I simply left your first line as is on the post. I will definitely check out your blog, though, and sign up as a follower. Thanks again.

[Euthyphro's Thorn]

Steve, if blogspot uses HTML, use this:

 

<a href="http://godlessgrrl.blogspot.com">Godlessgrrl</a>

 

The blue text tells it what to do, while the red text tells it what to display.

[StevoMuso]

Steve, if blogspot uses HTML, use this:

<a href="http://godlessgrrl.blogspot.com">Godlessgrrl</a>

The blue text tells it what to do, while the red text tells it what to display.

Thanks for the suggestion. Actually, after my above post I went back to my blog editor and added a "gadget" on the side that allows all kinds of links. Way cool! I put Godlessgrrl on as one of the links as well as the press release for my book and some other cool links. I guess I had a bit of a senior moment there

 

I've had a stunning response from members of Ex-C. Thank you all soooo much. The blog has taken of a life of its own now and I'm really chuffed. Would still like to hear from more people who had the courage to doubt what they'd been taught by people they trusted.

[ShallowByThyGame]

Did you ask this on Reddit - Atheism? I feel like I answered questions there similar to this, but I'll do so again and more fully cause people like to know this stuff.

 

1. What was the final "trigger" that convinced you to become an atheist? (Something you read? Someone you spoke to? That kind of thing.)

Well, that's hard to say. The first trigger, when I first doubted, was when I was reading about Muslims and wondered how I knew I was right and they were wrong. But that just started the doubting.

 

The day I said 'I'm an atheist', I was reading The Story of B by Daniel Quinn...I had read Ishmael the week before.

 

I'll post some of the paragraphs that sent me reeling...you don't have to post them on your blog but this is about my expression and I feel like posting them at the moment:

 

"There is only one degree of having faith, but there are fifty degrees of losing it...I think I know one priest who has faith in that one degree that deserves the name of faith. All the rest, including me, are at one of those fifty degrees of losing it. Most of my parishioners would probably consider this a shocking admission, but I don't think it is. Of course there are priests who have gone beyond the fifty degrees and have walked away from the ministry. Everyone knows that, and I've known half a dozen of them myself. But the rest of us are still hanging on...This is actually reassuring, I think, because it shows that none of us wants to lose his faith or wants to think of himself as having lost it. Admittedly, this is partly just cowardice; we know that, once our faith is gone, the religious life will become utterly intolerable and we'll have to move on, out into an unknown world. But it's also partly because we have enough faith to want to go on having faith. When that amount of faith is gone, however, then it's all gone, and you're at the fifty-first degree. You're out, you're finished." - page 99-100

 

"To you, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism look very different, but to me they look the same. Many of you would say that something like Buddhism doesn't even belong in this list, since it doesn't link salvation to divine worship, but to me this is just a quibble. Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism all perceive human beings as flawed, wounded creatures in need of salvation, and all rely fundamentally on revelations that spell out how salvation is to be attained, either by departing from this life or by rising above it...The adherents of these religions are mightily struck and obsessed by their differences - to the point of mayhem, murder, jihad, and genocide - but to me, as I say, you all look alike." - page 148, B

 

"'Man is the scourge of the planet and he was BORN a scourge, just a few thousand years ago.' Believe me, I can win applause all over the world by pronouncing these words. But the news I'm here to bring you is much different. 'Man was NOT born a few thousand years ago and he was NOT born a scourge.' And it's for this news that I'm condemned. 'Man was born MILLIONS of years ago, and he was no more a scourge than hawks or lions or squids. He lived AT PEACE with the world...for MILLIONS of years.' This doesn't mean he was a saint. This doesn't mean he walked the earth like a Buddha. It means he lived as harmlessly as a hyena or a shark or a rattlesnake. 'It's not MAN who is the scourge of the world, it's a single culture. One culture out of hundreds of thousands of cultures. OUR culture.' And here is the best of the news I have to bring: 'We don't have to change HUMANKIND in order to survive. We only have to change a single culture.' I don't mean to suggest that this is an easy task. But at least it's not an impossible one." - page 255

 

I could quote more but I don't want to get longwinded. Quinn's writing shattered my idea of humans as intrinsically 'special' and able to ignore the laws of nature. This fit in with what I had felt all along... An important movie for getting me ready to be an atheist was The Matrix. There are many great parts of that movie, but I was always disturbed by how much I agreed with Agent's Smith's monologue:

 

I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet.

 

That quote still makes me shake, but it was not until I read Quinn that I could truly understand it. One reason Christianity is seductive is that it protects us from the truth about ourselves. This world does not matter, only the next. I realized that religion was a drug to blind ourselves from our true nature, to ease the suffering of our existence, but like a drug we had overdosed. Religion was bringing us to ruin. These words were coming from my mouth, I was an atheist.

 

Forgive me for quoting so much, but you asked about triggers specifically. Before those books I was not able to say I was an atheist, and after them I was. I really just needed a logical explanation of the world that didn't include God, and I finally got one, and Occam's Razor does the rest.

 

(I'm not trying to pimp Quinn as someone with all the answers, but he told a story about humanity that made more sense than any religion's story)

 

2. How did your decision to become an atheist affect your life? (Lost relationships? Clearer view on life? Less judgmental? That kind of thing.)

 

I have always fought to understand the world. I wasn't afraid to ask questions because I knew that the truth of Christ would persevere anyway, I just wanted to help convince others so I had to understand where they were coming from.

 

So losing my faith was actually exciting and thrilling, because it simply made more sense to discard religion and the supernatural. I felt like I had solved a question of life that many could not, and I was very happy and still am.

 

I was always a liberal idealist, I just viewed Christ as one too, so politically I did not change.

 

My college friends did not go to church, and I hadn't gone since high school (I never really liked it and wanted to sleep in and ask forgiveness later), so the only point of difficultly was my parents. My grandfather was a Methodist reverand, so my father was a PK. I have three siblings, and we were all named after bible heroes. But I could not live a lie, and refused to take communion one day when I was visiting home (though I had faked it for two years or so). Since then we don't talk much about religion, just baseball and other stuff. He probably feels I'll come around, and he's a good man, a christian you wish most of them were like, so we are still close and he did not cut me off or anything because he believes Jesus would not do so.

[summerbreeze]

Canadian.

 

1. Atheism was the default position when exhaustive search produced no evidence for the supernatural.

2. Apostasy earned me formal and informal ostracism by family and friends but my conscience was free.

 

Here's the story:

 

I am a Canadian, bred and born into a horse and buggy Mennonite community where I spent the first forty years of my life trying in vain to fit in. When Mom told me one winter evening in the dim gas-lit kitchen with shadows lurking in the corners that there was a god that could see and hear everything that I did but we couldn't see or hear him/it, I found it rather spooky or scary. It was also extra-ordinarily unbelievable. "How could we know this thing was there? Or where was it?" She said it was everywhere and that we just KNOW it's there. I was perhaps five to seven years old.

 

I set out to find evidence. Forty years later I still had no evidence. Part of my search included an anthropology class in which were shown videos of aboriginal religious ceremonies and communities including African in the last quarter of the twentieth century. I concluded that it was a human trait to feel as if there was a supernatural realm or god.

 

The curious thing was that there was no difference in the emotional expression (visual, auditory, and verbal) of the human experience of African "pagan" religions, or the South Pacific Island "primitive" religions, or that of the North American "sophisticated" Christian religion among professors with PhDs. For a time I attended church with the latter.

 

In addition, all religious ceremonies included the ritualistic behaviour that anthropologists said brought on altered states of consciousness such as trance. Group singing, dance, or prayer can do it. So can being under a mighty tree, or in the presence of a powerful and wise person, or near a tall mountain or building. (I added "building" and "person" because I think it can work the same way.) It is a feeling of awe, or being in the presence of the Other, known in religion as god, ancestor, Zeus, etc.

 

I was more than forty years old and the stakes were high. If I continued to accept the Christian religion, I would be accepted as a good enough person by my family and friends. They were beginning to accept the fact that I was going to university. Almost I was persuaded. The "god" feelings resonated with me. But was it really and truly god?

 

There was another part to the problem that was even bigger than the god question. When my mother said that Jesus died so we could go to heaven, it was as if someone had grabbed me from behind by the neck; so shockingly illogical did it sound to my childish ears. I wanted to know: HOW DOES THAT WORK? I was perhaps eight years old.

 

That question was burned onto my brain and it would not go away no matter what happened or how old I got. The pain of not understanding--of not being allowed to know while at the same time being forced to profess belief in it--still brings tears to my eyes. The Bible says "From the mouths of babes thou hast ordained praise." But it seems that it counts only if the child's mouth reflects what the adults want to hear.

 

That question nearly drove me crazy. Had deconversion not been social suicide, my religious life would probably not have outlasted beyond my teens. As it was, I stuck it out till a few months before my fiftieth birthday. I deconverted in the middle of doing a degree in theology. I finally concluded that there is no answer to my question. If there were an answer, I reasoned, I would have already found it. I did not understand all the heavy reading I had to do for my courses. However, I had been taught that Christianity was a religion for uneducated slaves and children. Therefore, it seemed that I should not have to study for years and years in university simply in order to understand it.

 

Some time later, when I was walking home through the bush from the bus stop, the conviction that god does not exist impressed itself on my mind. I was almost fifty years old and finally free to accept the conviction of my conscience. When I read about Michael Persinger's discovery that electro-magnetic fields can stimulate the god-feeling (http://oldwebsite.laurentian.ca/neurosci/_people/Persinger.htm), I felt I had scientific evidence that gods begin and end in the human psyche. See also "God and the Brain" at http://atheistempire...eference/brain.

 

My mother's last intelligible message to me was that "Hell is real." She died half a year later. My family and their church did not think I was fit to eat with them at her funeral.

[summerbreeze]

I'm sorry about your family and their church....however I am not the least surprised, I'm sad to say. Religious belief is the great divider. It divides peoples like nothing else can. These people think that they are being "good", when in fact they are being cruel beyond any description imaginable. If you would have told me 10-15 years ago that belief in god produced narrow-minded, nasty & cruel people, I never would have believed you. Today I have both eyes open, see the truth, and am living in the REAL world, not a world created 100% BY MAN to control the masses, and to give ancient man the "answers" to why & how the world worked. Best Wishes ! summerbreeze

[Kurari]

I started this thread on the Richard Dawkins forum and received stunning responses from all over the world. Then someone directed me to this site and I'm absolutely stunned and excited by the caliber of members here. I think I relate more to you guys than other similar forums because here we are mostly ex-Christians (some atheists grew up in countries like Sweden where religion is almost unheard-of and unusual).

 

I need you to please assist me in some research by answering two questions:

1. What was the final "trigger" that convinced you to become an atheist? (Something you read? Someone you spoke to? That kind of thing.)

2. How did your decision to become an atheist affect your life? (Lost relationships? Clearer view on life? Less judgmental? That kind of thing.)

 

Vital to my research is the county you live in so please start each post with, "I live in [country] ..."

 

Your replies can be one quick paragraph or something a bit more in-depth - it's up to you. I will copy/paste your answers on this thread to my blog at http://couragetodoubt.blogspot.com/

 

I would LOVE to copy some of the stories under the "Personal Testimonies" section but obviously cannot do that without all the appropriate permissions etc.

 

I live in the USA. I suppose the final trigger came in 2006. I was going through a really bad year, and I kept praying, and praying, and praying for help...and received no answer. Nothing. And the more I thought about this, the more I realized I just never really ever saw any evidence of an a divine being that cared about my life, was listening, or had any sort of agenda for the world.

 

It wasn't a decision to stop believing. It was simply truth and that turned my outlook. I've become a far more relaxed, open, less judgmental, and confident person since then. I'm happy to be a tiny speck of nothing in the universe that's just going to cease existing one day. I find the idea very soothing. I feel a lot more appreciation and connection to what I have, who's in my life, and the world around me. I'm more assertive and successful now that I rely on myself and not sitting there waiting for a god to "do something."

 

So my life has changed for the better. It's nice not having to worry about the divine. I never realized how stressful it was until the whole burden of religious trappings was lifted.

[StevoMuso]

Did you ask this on Reddit - Atheism? I feel like I answered questions there similar to this, but I'll do so again and more fully cause people like to know this stuff.

Hey bro .. thanks for the brilliant story. I loved the quotes and put them all in italics - looks really cool on the blog. Please let me know which country you live in (send me a private message if you would prefer to remain discreet).

 

Thanks for the link to Reddit - great site, but the first time I've seen it. I've only asked for a response like this on two other forums i.e. Richard Dawkins (closed down for a while) and SA Skeptics. The response I've had here on Ex-C has been, by far, the most positive and generous.

 

Thanks to you too Kurari. Your story is punchy, to the point, and a valuable contribution to my project. Check it out on da blog.

[StevoMuso]

I'm adding this post because I'm hoping this thread won't die just yet (adding a new post keeps it on the "Active Content" list a bit longer). If any other members here would like to add their personal answers to my original two questions this will probably be your last chance.

 

And a HUGE thanks to those of you who have participated so far.

 

Any more of you took the courage to doubt? Any others on this forum who took a stand for what you knew to be true in spite of opposition from those closest to you? I would LOVE to hear your story.

[GraphicsGuy]

I really cannot call myself an Atheist nor even Agnostic. Some days I am both; some days I am neither; some days I am practically Christian; some days I am Buddhist or Humanist or Spiritualist or perhaps just a Maybe-ist.

 

Fact is, I am just me and that is the only label I require.

 

The final "trigger" or "moment of truth" for me — and will always be — waking up one morning, ten days into hormone therapy (boosting testosterone), and realizing that my chronic depression was gone. Eighteen years of prayer and tears to Jesus yielded zero results, yet one trip to the doctor and a blood-test later and I was well and truly saved.

 

I did not become a non-believer in that wakeful moment, but I became a very angry, very confused questioner. That wakeful moment shattered my faith. That wakeful moment began a four-month excursion to attempt to discover a "reason", a hope that I hadn't wasted eighteen years of my life. That wakeful moment was the end of my old life and the first tentative, shaking steps into a brighter future than I imagined.

 

I lost all and gained more.

 

March 10, 2010 will mark my third anniversary of "normal" life; a life that continues to grow in depth, in scope, in love, in hope. I will never regret leaving my old way of living and the regrets over the hurt I caused to others slowly recedes as each year passes on. I cannot change what was, only what is.

[StevoMuso]

I really cannot call myself an Atheist ...

Mark - thanks bro - well written and posted to the blog. I LOVE your avatar Reminds me of the Wallace and Grommet movie where Wallace ends up covering his nakedness with an old cardboard box. The box had been used for peanuts and also had the same warning on the outside, "May contain nuts" - brilliant.

[HRDWarrior]

I live in the USA.

 

1: I never had any one moment where I went "Aha!" but as my deconversion gained momentum, I eventually realized that I didn't believe in any god. After reading more on this site (ex-C), which led me to reading other scientific and historical sources, I came to the conclusion that I just didn't see enough evidence for there being any sort of supernatural. Even "supernatural" events I found there were at least quasi-scientific ways of explaining them away without it being a supernatural being of some sort. I finally called myself atheist about 8 months after determining I was agnostic, which was prefaced by about 3 years of being a "Buddhist-christian."

 

Science, reason, and history led me to finally say "I see no evidence of a god, and therefore, do not believe one exists."

 

If someone searched my older posts you'd find I was much closer to a deist/agnostic when I first got here, but the freedom to say I'm no longer a christian has been very liberating and quickly moved me out of that mindset once I was able to embrace no longer being a christian. Telling my family was one of the final hurdles to truly feeling free.

 

2: As for how it has affected my life...well, for the most part, it has been a huge relief. There were moments of great stress, such as "coming out" to family and friends that I was no longer christian, but other than that, I've finally felt free to seek the truth without the veil of religion there binding me. The biggest loss would have been the "insta-friends" one could find in churches, it is harder to find friends as an atheist since you have no established social gathering place every week lol!

 

I feel a lot more compassion towards my fellow humans now than I ever did as a religious person. Additionally, any judgements I pass on people (usually that they are idiots:dumbo:) is based on logic, reasons, and I can justify why I feel the way I do. I am much more open to other points of view - I may choose not to agree, but find that I don't shut things out as readily as I did before.

 

I have also become a lot more outspoken - not rude, but no longer being tromped on by other people around me. This is probably my favorite thing - although seems to be my family's least favorite as I am no longer their drama door mat!