NeverAgainV Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Odd Bible verses: How about when the guy named Balaam had a conversation with a donkey regarding spiritual beings that only the talking donkey could see? Numbers 22 27And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff. 28And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times? 29And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee. 30And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay. 31Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face. Forget marijuana. This guy must have eaten some bad fungus. I know ass means donkey, but, considering what book we're talking about, does anyone else get a chuckle out of reading about Balaam's ass? Yeah....I forgot about that verse too..there's so many that are just strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Please, please, please, read the commentaries at the bottom of this page: http://bible.cc/judges/1-19.htm Also get a bible with cross references in the margins and go back and forth through them so you can know what is being taught. You also need the HS (Holy Spirit) to open your understanding so I recommend you ask God for His HS. Without faith is is IMPOSSIBLE to please God and those men of Judah started playing the ox as my mom would say. They were supposed to be bold but they let mere men with iron chariots scare them when they had God with them. Again, PLEASE read the commentaries! Why would they be scared of the men with iron chariots if they had god on their side? Oh, that's right. They had to have faith that god was on their side because GOD NEVER SHOWED HIMSELF, as usual. Now if they had prayed to god then run down there and got massacred by the men with the iron chariots then Thumbelina would say that they had 'tested' god and so were righteously punished. You should never test god, right? No matter what the outcome, biblegod always always wins, and man always loses. Why would you want to associate with a god like that? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 ."According to your faith will it be done to you"; is a theme in the bible. So the more faith you have the more "IT" will be done TO you. :-) Seems a lot of people here were faithful and IT was done to them until they got tired of IT being done to them and cast the belief aside. As for myself, prior to Christianity good and bad things happened. During Christianity good and bad things happened. After Christianity good and bad things still happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 That theological position is of no relevance to decoding the text at this spot. It says what it says. Please please please, read the concordance, read the apologetics, read between the lines. Just don't go by what it says in that there god inspired holy bible! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 That theological position is of no relevance to decoding the text at this spot. It says what it says. Please please please, read the concordance, read the apologetics, read between the lines. Just don't go by what it says in that there god inspired holy bible! Yeah, we can't be applying any logic to the bible now, or no one will understand it the way we were trained how to understand it. If you just read what it says, you'll misunderstand the deeper meaning of what god's trying to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 ."According to your faith will it be done to you"; is a theme in the bible. So the more faith you have the more "IT" will be done TO you. :-) Seems a lot of people here were faithful and IT was done to them until they got tired of IT being done to them and cast the belief aside. As for myself, prior to Christianity good and bad things happened. During Christianity good and bad things happened. After Christianity good and bad things still happened. That theological position is of no relevance to decoding the text at this spot. It says what it says. Please please please, read the concordance, read the apologetics, read between the lines. Just don't go by what it says in that there god inspired holy bible! I liked that you wrote about good & bad things happening...it's just part of life. All of this...well, read this commentary or that one, or listen to this sermon to clear it up or that preacher....I began to wonder if this bible god was snickering in heaven at all of the confusion his holy book, the bible, was causing amongst mankind. Then I thought....I don't like god, or at least bible god. Surely if there is a god that wanted to communicate something, it could do better than the bible, which is a totally confusing & contradictory book that loving "christians" still fight & argue about. Everyone of those bible thumpers thinks they have the right interpretation, the right church. Over time I just couldn't accept all of the double speak, contradictions, & out & out craziness of bible believing. I'm done with it & will never go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again. BAA. Why would she start accepting reality now? She is just going to do what she always does - make smart mouthed comments and then come back a few days later like nothing happened. Then doesn't it fall to us to keep on reminding her, as often as possible, how wrong she is...eh, MM? Can you play last-man-standing longer than she can? BAA. p.s. Btw, did you spot her deceit in the last sentence of this message...? Thumbelina wrote... Rev 1:13 Paps = His chest http://biblelexicon....lation/1-13.htm http://concordances.org/greek/3149.htm mastos: the breast Original Word: μαστός, οῦ, ὁ Part of Speech: Noun, Masculine Transliteration: mastos Phonetic Spelling: (mas-tos') Short Definition: a breast, pap Definition: the breast, pap. Men get breast cancer you know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 p.s. Btw, did you spot her deceit in the last sentence of this message...? Thumbelina wrote... Men get breast cancer you know! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In case anyone's interested, here's how Thumbelina was lying thru her Christian asshole. Yes, men do get breast cancer. That I don't dispute. What I do dispute, is how she implies that the Apostle John would have known that men have mammary glands, two thousand years ago. How could he have known this? The simple answer, when we take scripture and history into account, is that he couldn't have known this. 1. He was an illiterate fisherman when Jesus called him to become a disciple. We know that he was illiterate, because the Bible tells us so in Acts 4, verse 13. The exact Greek words used to describe Peter and John are... HOTI ANTHROPOI AGRAMMATOI EISIN... which, when directly transliterated reads, "that humans un-write (illiterate) they are". The King James Bible translates this as, "unlearned and ignorant men". Ok, by the time John arrived on Patmos, he could read and write, but that's all we can safely say, using scripture to guide us. 2. Of the disciples, only Luke had any medical knowledge to speak of and he wasn't there on Patmos, to advise John about what he was seeing. 3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_anatomy The above link describes what we know about ancient Anatomical knowledge and although certain, select individuals had some idea of how the human body was constructed, how would John have known any of this? In conclusion, the simplest and safest reading of Revelation 1:13 is that John wrote down what he saw - Jesus with female breasts, wrapped under a golden sash. Thanks, BAA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Not quite Bible, but I didn't want to start a new thread for this. I was reading the Gospel of Thomas. And this is what Jesus says in it at one place: 114. Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't deserve life."Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven." Support for transgender people by Jesus? (BTW, the mysgony in these verses is charming... And you also gotta wonder about the nature of the relationship between Jesus and his desciples. Simon Peter so wanting to get rid of females, Jesus wanting to turn Mary a male... ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I know ass means donkey, but, considering what book we're talking about, does anyone else get a chuckle out of reading about Balaam's ass? Made me think about this item on bash.org: #178890 +(14180)- [X] *** Now talking in #christian -Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info <Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21 <Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV) *** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au *** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear) <Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Further thinking on Thumbelina's Faulty Interpretation of Revelation. Thumbelina wrote... I am no theologian but from what I garnered John did put a masculine form for breast which was really a chest. The bible does proclaim the everlasting gospel (good news). I never looked into this before but I can give my opinion based on what I know about God and the gospel. Females are or tend to be nurturing and the bible does use figures of speech that depict God with nurturing attributes. Maybe that is why John used that word? Jesus is our high priest and he does wear a breastplate of righteousness on His chest which indicates He's perfectly righteous and He's holding His children close to His heart. False conclusion! Please read Centauri's response for the Biblical facts. If the Bible interprets itself, which tribe does scripture say a High priest must come from? Judah (Jesus' tribe) or Levi? Centauri sums it all up nicely... Well, apparently you don't know the rules as given by the God of the Bible. You know, the same Bible that you say has no contradictions. The office of high priest was given exclusively to the Levites, specifically the descendants of Aaron. Jesus was not a Levite, nor descended from Aaron. By the way, pretending to be a priest is a sin with a death penalty punishment. The Christian attempt to make a high priest out of Jesus makes a mockery out of God's promise and his rules. The Bible interprets itself Thumbelina. Practice what you preach! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope I am able to use this image, I put the link so credit is given. It shows some of the garment of the high priest. http://www.goodsalt..../lwjas0107.html Christ is our high priest and his clothing depicts different characteristics or roles than He has or performs. Being in someone's bosom indicates being dear to them or being safe. This PARABLE depicts that: Luke 16:22 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; 2859 kólpos – properly, the upper part of the chest where a garment naturally folded to form a "pocket" – called the "bosom," the position synonymous with intimacy (union). I believe that is what John wanted to show. Irrelevant conclusions! This is not what John wanted to show. The Bible interprets itself, as you keep on telling us Thumbelina. So why didn't you do that here? You're even told where and how to interpret verses 9 to 19, which is the narrative of what John sees and hears. In verse 19 of Revelation chapter 1, Jesus explains to John that the seven stars in His hand and the seven lampstands He is standing among, symbolize the seven angels and the seven churches. That's the message here. Any other metaphors or symbols or hidden meanings in the narrative take third place to the main purposes of the text - the writing down of Jesus' words and John's accurate report of what he saw and heard. http://www.biblegate...201&version=NIV So you are completely wrong Thumbelina. On four counts. Yes, 4...! 1. Jesus was not wearing a metallic breastplate (THORAKA) studded with gems, he was wearing a golden sash of soft fabric (ZONEN/ZONAS). You are way, way off-beam here. 2. According to God's own word, Jesus wouldn't have had the right to wear such a thing anyway. He was of the tribe of Judah, not Levi. You are simply spouting Christian propaganda here - New Testament disinformation that does not agree with the Old. If the Bible interprets itself, then it can't contradict itself, can it? By making Jesus a high priest you twist scripture into a pretzel and spit upon the very integrity you claim it has. Wrong! 3. All of your 'Abraham's bosom' and KOLPOS nonsense has nothing to do with what the text is actually saying. John tells us what Jesus instructs him to do and he also gives an accurate report of what he sees and hears. The symbology and metaphor are explained, so that misunderstandings (your speciality) are avoided. Any other symbols and metaphors to be found in the text are of less value and importance. Why couldn't you see that? Didn't you recently write, "I divide scripture correctly"? Not this time. 4. Despite your efforts to put your own spin on verse 13, the text clearly says otherwise. John saw Jesus with BREASTS... plural. Another pointer, indicating that the apostle saw genuine mammary glands on Christ's chest is what they were covered with. A sash of golden fabric - exactly the kind of thing that would be needed to keep the soft, pliable mammary tissue under wraps. Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again. BAA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I know ass means donkey, but, considering what book we're talking about, does anyone else get a chuckle out of reading about Balaam's ass? Made me think about this item on bash.org: #178890 +(14180)- [X] *** Now talking in #christian -Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info <Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21 <Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV) *** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au *** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear) <Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that... That was freaking hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Another one. Priests and prophets know how to party: Isaiah 28:7-8 7 And these also stagger from wine and reel from beer: Priests and prophets stagger from beer and are befuddled with wine; they reel from beer, they stagger when seeing visions, they stumble when rendering decisions. 8 All the tables are covered with vomit and there is not a spot without filth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Another one. Priests and prophets know how to party: Isaiah 28:7-8 7 And these also stagger from wine and reel from beer: Priests and prophets stagger from beer and are befuddled with wine; they reel from beer, they stagger when seeing visions, they stumble when rendering decisions. 8 All the tables are covered with vomit and there is not a spot without filth. Sounds like one hell of a party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Here's another goody! King James Version (KJV) Philemon 1 1Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ, and Timothy our brother, unto Philemon our dearly beloved, and fellowlabourer, 2And to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellowsoldier, and to the church in thy house: 3Grace to you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 4I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers, 5Hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints; 6That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. 7For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother. 8Wherefore, though I might be much bold in Christ to enjoin thee that which is convenient, 9Yet for love's sake I rather beseech thee, being such an one as Paul the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ. 10I beseech thee for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my bonds: 11Which in time past was to thee unprofitable, but now profitable to thee and to me: 12Whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels: 13Whom I would have retained with me, that in thy stead he might have ministered unto me in the bonds of the gospel: 14But without thy mind would I do nothing; that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly. 15For perhaps he therefore departed for a season, that thou shouldest receive him for ever; 16Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord? 17If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself. 18If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account; 19I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it: albeit I do not say to thee how thou owest unto me even thine own self besides. 20Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my bowels in the Lord. 21Having confidence in thy obedience I wrote unto thee, knowing that thou wilt also do more than I say. 22But withal prepare me also a lodging: for I trust that through your prayers I shall be given unto you. 23There salute thee Epaphras, my fellowprisoner in Christ Jesus; 24Marcus, Aristarchus, Demas, Lucas, my fellowlabourers. 25The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. Bowel refreshment anyone? BAA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 On the same theme, how about this? 1 Samuel 6:4 Wycliffe Bible (WYC) 4 And they said, What is it, that we ought to yield to him for (the) trespass? And they answered to them, By the number of the provinces of (the) Philistines, ye shall make five golden arses, and five golden mice; for one vengeance was to all (of) you, and to your wise men, either princes. So God wanted an offering of five golden arses? Not asses, as in the animal, but arses as in five golden human anuses. So wtf was God actually going to do with these things? BAA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Does anymore remember about the golden "emerods"? KJV? Are "emerods" hemorrhoids? Imagine golden hemorrhoids? WTF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Ezekiel 16:17: LOL. I think it means they were spiritually slutty by abandoning Gawd for other deities. Nobody really wants a metal penis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 @bornagainathiest: well, he got Mary knocked up. He has a thing for humans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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