Say What? The Bible's Oddest Verses

[dyanaprajna0]

And as far as misunderstanding god, we understand it perfectly. You're the one who has been brainwashed into thinking sky fairies are real.

[mymistake]

The bible declares God exists and most people believe a God exists, people who can't see it misunderstand what a God is about.

 

HAAAAA ha ha ha! So just because the bible says god is real, and a lot of people think god is real, then it must be true. Well hot damn, I'm convinced. You can't seriously be using that as "proof".

 

No, her proof is the little voice in her mind. The same one that sings a song when she gets a song stuck in her head. When she watches a commercial a catchy jingle might cause her to subvocalize the lyrics. In the same way studying the Bible gives Thumb's superego the material to subvocalize theology.

[dyanaprajna0]

The bible declares God exists and most people believe a God exists, people who can't see it misunderstand what a God is about.

 

HAAAAA ha ha ha! So just because the bible says god is real, and a lot of people think god is real, then it must be true. Well hot damn, I'm convinced. You can't seriously be using that as "proof".

 

No, her proof is the little voice in her mind. The same one that sings a song when she gets a song stuck in her head. When she watches a commercial a catchy jingle might cause her to subvocalize the lyrics. In the same way studying the Bible gives Thumb's superego the material to subvocalize theology.

 

LOL, yeah, that sounds about right. Let's just hope she's not talking back to the voices.

[NeverAgainV]

The Bible is self-explanatory/self-interpreting. Yep. 33,000 different denominations who all believe the same thing, all with different interpretations can't be wrong. And for the holy spirit? Nonsense. 30 years as a xtian, and all I got was more confused. If "god" can't get it right by then, then I don't need, nor want, him. Of course, the 'holy spirit' is the only way you can understand the bible, is just an excuse to excuse the parts that are clearly complete nonsense. Sometimes, you have to dig a little deeper to realize that it's all bs.

 

Touche!! Yeah, if the bible is so clear why oh why so many denominations & sects all claiming they have the proper interpretation of the bible?

"Christians" fight & argue amongst themselves to no end.

If anything is confusing it's the bible & I would think if god exists he/she/it would have made his/her/it's will more clear than some archaic book that people have been arguing about

for centuries and killing one another over.

It's BULLSHIT

[dyanaprajna0]

The Bible is self-explanatory/self-interpreting. Yep. 33,000 different denominations who all believe the same thing, all with different interpretations can't be wrong. And for the holy spirit? Nonsense. 30 years as a xtian, and all I got was more confused. If "god" can't get it right by then, then I don't need, nor want, him. Of course, the 'holy spirit' is the only way you can understand the bible, is just an excuse to excuse the parts that are clearly complete nonsense. Sometimes, you have to dig a little deeper to realize that it's all bs.

 

Touche!! Yeah, if the bible is so clear why oh why so many denominations & sects all claiming they have the proper interpretation of the bible?

"Christians" fight & argue amongst themselves to no end.

If anything is confusing it's the bible & I would think if god exists he/she/it would have made his/her/it's will more clear than some archaic book that people have been arguing about

for centuries and killing one another over.

It's BULLSHIT

 

And that's what's so weird about it. They say "read the bible, and you'll understand", and "the bible is self interpreting". Well, I did that. And they're right. Which is why, like you said, it's bullshit. It's nonsense. At least kids fairy tales are self and internally consistent.

[NeverAgainV]

Ok...I've tried to forget the bible verses I memorized for years, but here's the craziest I can think of & I'm paraphrasing because I won't look them up...threw my bible out a few years ago.

 

Remember the wacko in the OT who not only killed, but cut off the foreskin of those he killed? wow......

How about the ot verses of not letting folks in the congregation if they were little people or handicapped? wow...how merciful of 'god'....

The new testament can even be crazier.... Jesus said he spoke in parables so people WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND HIS SAYINGS....talk about toying with people....thanks 'jeezus'

and the supposed fathers of the faith who had no no integrity....remember Lot offering his virgin daughters to be RAPED...what a nice guy!!

also, the one brother, I think it was Jacob who lied, pretended to be his brother to get the blessing? and in the bible he actually got away with it, with FRAUD & deception,

which seems to be the MO of many a pastor....

 

Ok...that's enough for now. I just can't believe any good or benevolent being would be the author of those horrific stories...no way.

[NeverAgainV]

The Bible is self-explanatory/self-interpreting. Yep. 33,000 different denominations who all believe the same thing, all with different interpretations can't be wrong. And for the holy spirit? Nonsense. 30 years as a xtian, and all I got was more confused. If "god" can't get it right by then, then I don't need, nor want, him. Of course, the 'holy spirit' is the only way you can understand the bible, is just an excuse to excuse the parts that are clearly complete nonsense. Sometimes, you have to dig a little deeper to realize that it's all bs.

 

Touche!! Yeah, if the bible is so clear why oh why so many denominations & sects all claiming they have the proper interpretation of the bible?

"Christians" fight & argue amongst themselves to no end.

If anything is confusing it's the bible & I would think if god exists he/she/it would have made his/her/it's will more clear than some archaic book that people have been arguing about

for centuries and killing one another over.

It's BULLSHIT

 

And that's what's so weird about it. They say "read the bible, and you'll understand", and "the bible is self interpreting". Well, I did that. And they're right. Which is why, like you said, it's bullshit. It's nonsense. At least kids fairy tales are self and internally consistent.

I hear you. I just could not believe it anymore....it made no sense. Oh I tried to believe it, I really did. I tried to apply it...I really did & over time it just seems like more and more crazy making.

Not to mention the hypocrisies of those who said they were christians but did not really even attempt to live it. Many xians I knew/know never bothered to read the bible for themselves....just let the pastor spoon feed them. Reading the bible & actually becoming aware of what is really in that horrible book was crucial to my leaving "the faith". funny now looking back how the bible made me walk away from the faith.

Glad to be out of that. If there is a god, a good god is NOT bible god...no way no how.

thanks for listening to my rant.....

[dyanaprajna0]

The Bible is self-explanatory/self-interpreting. Yep. 33,000 different denominations who all believe the same thing, all with different interpretations can't be wrong. And for the holy spirit? Nonsense. 30 years as a xtian, and all I got was more confused. If "god" can't get it right by then, then I don't need, nor want, him. Of course, the 'holy spirit' is the only way you can understand the bible, is just an excuse to excuse the parts that are clearly complete nonsense. Sometimes, you have to dig a little deeper to realize that it's all bs.

 

Touche!! Yeah, if the bible is so clear why oh why so many denominations & sects all claiming they have the proper interpretation of the bible?

"Christians" fight & argue amongst themselves to no end.

If anything is confusing it's the bible & I would think if god exists he/she/it would have made his/her/it's will more clear than some archaic book that people have been arguing about

for centuries and killing one another over.

It's BULLSHIT

 

And that's what's so weird about it. They say "read the bible, and you'll understand", and "the bible is self interpreting". Well, I did that. And they're right. Which is why, like you said, it's bullshit. It's nonsense. At least kids fairy tales are self and internally consistent.

I hear you. I just could not believe it anymore....it made no sense. Oh I tried to believe it, I really did. I tried to apply it...I really did & over time it just seems like more and more crazy making.

Not to mention the hypocrisies of those who said they were christians but did not really even attempt to live it. Many xians I knew/know never bothered to read the bible for themselves....just let the pastor spoon feed them. Reading the bible & actually becoming aware of what is really in that horrible book was crucial to my leaving "the faith". funny now looking back how the bible made me walk away from the faith.

Glad to be out of that. If there is a god, a good god is NOT bible god...no way no how.

thanks for listening to my rant.....

 

Lol, I've gone on a rant more than once here. I think that's partly what it's here for. But yeah, the bible was one of the biggest contributors to me leaving xtianity. And as far as the hypocrisy, I've heard many xtians say that it's not a big deal, and heard pastors say that it's no reason to not accept xtianity. It's nonsense. If there's no change, then why bother? If there's no need to follow morality, then what's the point? I don't understand the whole "just say you love jesus, now go off and do whatever you want, because you're still saved" bullshit. Funny story along those lines: when I was in high school, we had a bible study group that met three days a week before school in the AV room. We took turns, whoever wanted to, speaking, and I was one of them. I was tired of seeing the kids saying how much they loved god, getting trashed on the weekends, living like there was no god, so one day at our meeting, I spoke on that. And I got my ass busted for it. They wouldn't talk to me anymore. They didn't want me even coming, much less speaking, at the meetings. It was a horrible experience.

[NeverAgainV]

Oh I was thinking about this from the OT....I think it's interesting that the men who had sex with women, who weren't their wife, the women were referrred to as harlots/whores....but the men????? total double standard there if you ask me.

and I'm trying to forget the bible story about the woman who was gang raped & then chopped up (if I am recalling the story right)

oh gawd....I'm starting to upset myself remembering this, but it's again, a great wake up call to see the bible for what it is....

and it can't be the "word" of any good & holy god, no way.

[centauri]

Jesus is our high priest and he does wear a breastplate of righteousness on His chest which indicates He's perfectly righteous and He's holding His children close to His heart.

Jesus cannot lay claim to that title.

Jesus isn't qualified to be a high priest according to the rules set down by God.

 

Well, apparently you are god.

Keep still and stop squirming and Jesus will put spittle and clay in those eyes of yours.

Well, apparently you don't know the rules as given by the God of the Bible.

You know, the same Bible that you say has no contradictions.

The office of high priest was given exclusively to the Levites, specifically the descendants of Aaron.

Jesus was not a Levite, nor descended from Aaron.

By the way, pretending to be a priest is a sin with a death penalty punishment.

The Christian attempt to make a high priest out of Jesus makes a mockery out of God's promise and his rules.

[NeverAgainV]

The Bible is self-explanatory/self-interpreting. Yep. 33,000 different denominations who all believe the same thing, all with different interpretations can't be wrong. And for the holy spirit? Nonsense. 30 years as a xtian, and all I got was more confused. If "god" can't get it right by then, then I don't need, nor want, him. Of course, the 'holy spirit' is the only way you can understand the bible, is just an excuse to excuse the parts that are clearly complete nonsense. Sometimes, you have to dig a little deeper to realize that it's all bs.

 

Touche!! Yeah, if the bible is so clear why oh why so many denominations & sects all claiming they have the proper interpretation of the bible?

"Christians" fight & argue amongst themselves to no end.

If anything is confusing it's the bible & I would think if god exists he/she/it would have made his/her/it's will more clear than some archaic book that people have been arguing about

for centuries and killing one another over.

It's BULLSHIT

 

And that's what's so weird about it. They say "read the bible, and you'll understand", and "the bible is self interpreting". Well, I did that. And they're right. Which is why, like you said, it's bullshit. It's nonsense. At least kids fairy tales are self and internally consistent.

I hear you. I just could not believe it anymore....it made no sense. Oh I tried to believe it, I really did. I tried to apply it...I really did & over time it just seems like more and more crazy making.

Not to mention the hypocrisies of those who said they were christians but did not really even attempt to live it. Many xians I knew/know never bothered to read the bible for themselves....just let the pastor spoon feed them. Reading the bible & actually becoming aware of what is really in that horrible book was crucial to my leaving "the faith". funny now looking back how the bible made me walk away from the faith.

Glad to be out of that. If there is a god, a good god is NOT bible god...no way no how.

thanks for listening to my rant.....

 

Lol, I've gone on a rant more than once here. I think that's partly what it's here for. But yeah, the bible was one of the biggest contributors to me leaving xtianity. And as far as the hypocrisy, I've heard many xtians say that it's not a big deal, and heard pastors say that it's no reason to not accept xtianity. It's nonsense. If there's no change, then why bother? If there's no need to follow morality, then what's the point? I don't understand the whole "just say you love jesus, now go off and do whatever you want, because you're still saved" bullshit. Funny story along those lines: when I was in high school, we had a bible study group that met three days a week before school in the AV room. We took turns, whoever wanted to, speaking, and I was one of them. I was tired of seeing the kids saying how much they loved god, getting trashed on the weekends, living like there was no god, so one day at our meeting, I spoke on that. And I got my ass busted for it. They wouldn't talk to me anymore. They didn't want me even coming, much less speaking, at the meetings. It was a horrible experience.

 

Oh, I'm sure that hurt. wow....here you are trying to be true to the "faith" & what for? To be ridiculed? I've seen it myself that if you really try to live up to the standards, it's like you become an outcast amongst the brethren...trying too hard. Your christian brethren begin to keep you at a distance because they don't want you to see their true selves, which they know is not "christ like".

As you said, what's the point of being a christian, just to be the hypocrite? Hell fire insurance? Keeping up appearances?

 

I've said this before, & I think it's true, it's the ones who were sincere as could be, as obviously you were & I know I was, on fire for the lord, sold out to god....who end up getting burned the worst. If I didn't care & was a lukewarm christian I wouldn't have given a shit...but I cared. When it dawned on me that nobody else really did...I thought, why the hell am I sacrificing, sacrificing, sacrificing when the half of these people are egotistical, self centered assholes...and the pastor was about as narcissistic & an egomaniac as they come. Yeah...it ended up being a horrible experience for me too....

 

Well, at least we see it for what it is now.

[MikeMo]

My favorite oddest verses are these:

 

Ezekiel 23-"she lusted after her lovers...She gave herself as a prostitute to all the elite of the Assyrians...She did not give up the prostitution she began in Egypt, when during her youth men slept with her, caressed her virgin bosom and poured out their lust on her...But she carried her prostitution still further...Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her...When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her naked body...Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses...when in Egypt your bosom was carassed and your young breasts fondled."

 

This verse makes me want to become a Bible teacher, so that I can teach the congregations, adults and children, the infallible word of God. They need to be exposed to the truth...the donkey show of Holy Spirit inspiration.

 

Luke 4-"when they heard these things, were filled with wrath, And rose up, and thrust him our of the city, and led him unto the brow of the hill whereon their city was built, that they might cast him down headlong. But he passing through the midst of them went his way."

 

This verse is the greatest miracle of all, for the zealous crowd takes Jesus to the cliff to throw him off, and in the process of throwing him off the cliff, Jesus evades the wrath of the mob by simply walking through them like the parting of the Red Sea. This was one of the most difficult passages for me not to laugh at when I tried to imagine the scenario.

 

II Kings 2-"and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them."

 

I sware I would be totally fine with this passage if it were "he bears" instead. Female bears? That shit is just embarrassing. Fortunately, Jesus had hair, but I cannot blame his disciples for telling the little children to get the fuck out. After all, Jesus did come to fulfill the Scripture.

 

II Kings 6-"And as the king of Israel was passing by upon the wall, there cried a woman unto him, saying, Help, my lord, O king. And he said, If the LORD do not help thee, whence shall I help thee? out of the barnfloor, or out of the winepress? And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, This woman said unto me, Give thy son, that we may eat him to day, and we will eat my son to morrow. So we boiled my son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son. And it came to pass, when the king heard the words of the woman, that he rent his clothes; and he passed by upon the wall, and the people looked, and behold, he had sackcloth within upon his flesh. Then he said, God do so and more also to me, if the head of Elisha the son of Shaphat shall stand on him this day."

 

This petition to the king is quite the astonishment, as if cannibalism were the fad of the times. What is the king going to do to administer justice? Cut off Elisha's head...that will solve the problem.

[NeverAgainV]

The II Kings 2 she bears story is just...horrific. Killing kids for foolishness, I mean, we all did & said dumb things when we were young.

 

Preachers use this verse to instill fear in the congregation that to disagree or mock the mog (man-a-gawd) will make god furious...so you'd better watch out.

[dyanaprajna0]

The II Kings 2 she bears story is just...horrific. Killing kids for foolishness, I mean, we all did & said dumb things when we were young.

 

Preachers use this verse to instill fear in the congregation that to disagree or mock the mog (man-a-gawd) will make god furious...so you'd better watch out.

 

Yeah, that's about the same feeling I got from that story too. It really can serve no other purpose being there, other than to say "follow the preacher or bad things will happen." Fear-mongering at it's best (worst?).

[♦ ficino ♦]

#79

 

 

ficino

Thumbelina

 

 

 

As to Judges:

 

I can't give more time to it right now, and perhaps you have other stuff to do now, too. Anyway, the conclusion that the tribe of Judah failed in Judges 1:19 because of disobedience/unbelief is not a conclusion that arises from that passage. It is a conclusion that follows from applying other parts of the Bible to that part. The method involved in such an interpretive move is what I called begging the question because it assumes the truth and consistency of the whole collection of documents. I can easily see a pastor or theologian giving a congregation or a Christian reader the "failure because of unbelief" explanation (as your linked commentaries show even ancient Jewish exegetes did), but that explanation remains problematic without an inerrancy assumption (or something like one).

 

 

I did not see your post until after, I saw MMs craziness and responded to that You can't use secular methodologies to interpret spiritual truths, it will seem off. From a spiritual perspective one looks at Israel's past victories and defeats and anytime they were defeated it was because of disobedience. In the biblical narrative, the Israelites caused the wall at Jericho to fall because God was with them. Now, if the text stated that God helped them and later it says that they were unable to defeat people because they had iron chariots it means that there was some disobedience or lack of faith. I looked up the text last night in my study bible for women and they said the same thing I did. The people showed lack of faith.

 

 

Judges starts 1:2 by saying that God gave the land into the hands of Judah. 1:19 reiterates this, the Lord was with Judah. Nothing is said about Judah disobeying or about God withdrawing his help when they got to the cities of the plain. The text as you know just says that they could not conquer those cities because etc. chariots etc. If it was unbelief/disobedience that made them lose, the writer surely would have wanted to point this out, since the theme of disobedience/God's withdrawal/repentence/ etc. permeates the book of Judges. We just don't have a reason given for this defeat when all we know here is that the Lord was with Judah. To reason, oh, they lost, so they must have disobeyed -- that reasoning can be justified theologically but it's not in the text. Instead, another picture emerges from the text.

 

 

 

 

It is not stated explicitly in the particular text but God's sons (children) will know (or eventually they will know. There are potential sons ) what it means. The OT shows so much examples of God's people messing up and limited the Holy One of Israel. Sin separates people from God and God CANNOT work with unbelief.

 

 

The chronology of those chapters and the Book of Joshua is quite skewed. For example, Joshua is dead when Judges opens, and lots of events happen afterwards, and later we're back to the time just after Joshua's death. There are also incompatible accounts, e.g. three incompatible statements about the attack on Jerusalem - differences in which tribe attacked, the result. My take (haven't studied those books for many years) is that various accounts have been stitched together and not all the inconsistencies were ironed out. Later Jewish exegetes noticed this and wrote into their commentaries various explanations, such as the Targum writer who offered the "disobedience" explanation that the Protestant exegetes on your website also offered.

 

Much of the bible is not written chronologically, the bible is designed to keep people interested and there is great satisfaction in figuring out the details. I am sure what you see as inconsistencies are misunderstanding on your part. Also the bible has chiasms. That's why it goes over what was stated beforeor it has headlines and then explanations.

 

So my impression is that behind the biblical account, there's a layer of legend that has the Israelites win some, lose some... kill some, enslave others. Later on in the transmission of these stories, others add theologically-motivated explanations for the defeats. All this stuff is later united into the narrative that we call Judges, the seams and dislocations in which betray its original strata.

 

I say "legend" because I'm not up on this, but I think a considerable body of opinion holds that the narratives of the exodus, migration into Canaan, and conquest are basically legend. Albright found burn levels in his archeological digs but as I recall they don't match the dates of the supposed conquest.

 

You choose to believe what skeptics write and I choose to believe what the bible states and what certain biblical commentators write.

Anyway, you don't believe the bible but I thank you for the discussion anyway

 

Thank you for the discussion, too. I agree that we approach the bible from different standpoints. Like many others on here, i would have agreed with you years ago. Eventually I realized there were so many places in the Bible that required "spin" that the inerrantist assumption stopped being convincing. I think I also ought to point out - though it's obvious to both of us, and others on here have already pointed to this - that beyond the interpretive problems in Judges 1:19 are the many atrocities that God commands the Israelites to perform. He orders them to exterminate whole populations. He calls unwillingness to exterminate the Canaanites "unbelief/disobedience." This point has been made many times, but the amount of spin required to whitewash the character "God" calls the inerrantist assumption into question. One can say, the Canaanites were sinners, they worshipped Baal, so God had the right to wipe them out, but how did it work? The Hebrew leaders gave orders to their soldiers in God's name to wipe out the inhabitants. On another board there was mention of a massacre when Mormons wiped out a bunch of people (the Mormon Meadow Massacre), and the order was given by one of their leaders. The whole phenomenon is an example of religion justifying tribal warfare of the most horrific kind, involving the slaughter of many children. What does it do to your spirit to keep defending a system that calls genocide "obedience to God"?

 

I think I should also point out, as others have done, that while it is interesting to figure out the details in the Bible, as you say (we agree on that!), bible believers for centuries have disagreed on the most fundamental things in it. If God provides humanity with a written guide to life, this particular book is a very bad guide. It's not even clear exactly what one has to do to be saved.

[bornagainathiest]

Further thinking on Thumbelina's Faulty Interpretation of Revelation.

 

Thumbelina wrote...

I am no theologian but from what I garnered John did put a masculine form for breast which was really a chest. The bible does proclaim the everlasting gospel (good news).

I never looked into this before but I can give my opinion based on what I know about God and the gospel. Females are or tend to be nurturing and the bible does use figures of speech that depict God with nurturing attributes. Maybe that is why John used that word?

 

Jesus is our high priest and he does wear a breastplate of righteousness on His chest which indicates He's perfectly righteous and He's holding His children close to His heart.

 

False conclusion!

Please read Centauri's response for the Biblical facts. If the Bible interprets itself, which tribe does scripture say a High priest must come from? Judah (Jesus' tribe) or Levi? Centauri sums it all up nicely...

Well, apparently you don't know the rules as given by the God of the Bible.

You know, the same Bible that you say has no contradictions.

The office of high priest was given exclusively to the Levites, specifically the descendants of Aaron.

Jesus was not a Levite, nor descended from Aaron.

By the way, pretending to be a priest is a sin with a death penalty punishment.

The Christian attempt to make a high priest out of Jesus makes a mockery out of God's promise and his rules.

 

The Bible interprets itself Thumbelina. Practice what you preach!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope I am able to use this image, I put the link so credit is given. It shows some of the garment of the high priest.

 

 

 

 

http://www.goodsalt..../lwjas0107.html

 

Christ is our high priest and his clothing depicts different characteristics or roles than He has or performs.

Being in someone's bosom indicates being dear to them or being safe. This PARABLE depicts that:

Luke 16:22 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;

2859 kólpos – properly, the upper part of the chest where a garment naturally folded to form a "pocket" – called the "bosom," the position synonymous with intimacy (union).

I believe that is what John wanted to show.

 

Irrelevant conclusions!

This is not what John wanted to show.

 

The Bible interprets itself, as you keep on telling us Thumbelina.

So why didn't you do that here?

You're even told where and how to interpret verses 9 to 19, which is the narrative of what John sees and hears.

 

In verse 19 of Revelation chapter 1, Jesus explains to John that the seven stars in His hand and the seven lampstands He is standing among, symbolize the seven angels and the seven churches. That's the message here. Any other metaphors or symbols or hidden meanings in the narrative take third place to the main purposes of the text - the writing down of Jesus' words and John's accurate report of what he saw and heard.

 

http://www.biblegate...201&version=NIV

 

So you are completely wrong Thumbelina. On four counts. Yes, 4...!

 

1.

Jesus was not wearing a metallic breastplate (THORAKA) studded with gems, he was wearing a golden sash of soft fabric (ZONEN/ZONAS). You are way, way off-beam here.

 

2.

According to God's own word, Jesus wouldn't have had the right to wear such a thing anyway. He was of the tribe of Judah, not Levi. You are simply spouting Christian propaganda here - New Testament disinformation that does not agree with the Old. If the Bible interprets itself, then it can't contradict itself, can it? By making Jesus a high priest you twist scripture into a pretzel and spit upon the very integrity you claim it has. Wrong!

 

3.

All of your 'Abraham's bosom' and KOLPOS nonsense has nothing to do with what the text is actually

saying. John tells us what Jesus instructs him to do and he also gives an accurate report of what he sees and hears. The symbology and metaphor are explained, so that misunderstandings (your speciality) are avoided. Any other symbols and metaphors to be found in the text are of less value and importance.

Why couldn't you see that?

 

Didn't you recently write, "I divide scripture correctly"? Not this time.

 

4.

Despite your efforts to put your own spin on verse 13, the text clearly says otherwise. John saw Jesus with BREASTS... plural. Another pointer, indicating that the apostle saw genuine mammary glands on Christ's chest is what they were covered with. A sash of golden fabric - exactly the kind of thing that would be needed to keep the soft, pliable mammary tissue under wraps.

 

Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again.

 

BAA.

[mymistake]

 

Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again.

 

BAA.

 

 

Why would she start accepting reality now? She is just going to do what she always does - make smart mouthed comments and then come back a few days later like nothing happened.

[dyanaprajna0]

Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again.

 

BAA.

 

 

Why would she start accepting reality now? She is just going to do what she always does - make smart mouthed comments and then come back a few days later like nothing happened.

 

At least she's consistent, if not misguided and annoying.

[Zephie]

Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again.

 

BAA.

 

 

Why would she start accepting reality now? She is just going to do what she always does - make smart mouthed comments and then come back a few days later like nothing happened.

 

At least she's consistent, if not misguided and annoying.

 

Consistency is key. Just ask any good cook.

[NeverAgainV]

Accept it Thumbelina, you're wrong again.

 

BAA.

 

 

Why would she start accepting reality now? She is just going to do what she always does - make smart mouthed comments and then come back a few days later like nothing happened.

 

At least she's consistent, if not misguided and annoying.

 

Consistency is key. Just ask any good cook.

 

[mymistake]

Odd Bible verses:

 

How about when the guy named Balaam had a conversation with a donkey regarding spiritual beings that only the talking donkey could see?

 

Numbers 22

 

²⁷And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.

²⁸And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

²⁹And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

³⁰And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

³¹Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.

 

Forget marijuana. This guy must have eaten some bad fungus.

[dyanaprajna0]

Odd Bible verses:

 

How about when the guy named Balaam had a conversation with a donkey regarding spiritual beings that only the talking donkey could see?

 

Numbers 22

 

²⁷And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.

²⁸And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

²⁹And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

³⁰And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

³¹Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.

 

Forget marijuana. This guy must have eaten some bad fungus.

 

I know ass means donkey, but, considering what book we're talking about, does anyone else get a chuckle out of reading about Balaam's ass?

[mymistake]

I know ass means donkey, but, considering what book we're talking about, does anyone else get a chuckle out of reading about Balaam's ass?

 

 

Yes. Yo Balaam, am I not the ass you've been riding all these years?

 

So let's say I'm going to the mailbox and I cross paths with a dog. Out of the blue the dog starts talking to me in English. There are a lot of things I might do but the one thing I would never do is join the conversation as if nothing unusual had happened. "Oh a talking dog. Let's chat! Did you smell anything interesting today?"

[dyanaprajna0]

I know ass means donkey, but, considering what book we're talking about, does anyone else get a chuckle out of reading about Balaam's ass?

 

 

Yes. Yo Balaam, am I not the ass you've been riding all these years?

 

So let's say I'm going to the mailbox and I cross paths with a dog. Out of the blue the dog starts talking to me in English. There are a lot of things I might do but the one thing I would never do is join the conversation as if nothing unusual had happened. "Oh a talking dog. Let's chat! Did you smell anything interesting today?"

 

I'm honestly not quite sure how I'd react to something like that. But I can say one thing, unlike Balaam, I would not act as if this were an everyday occurrence. He just seemed so nonchalant about it. My mind would be racing: "am I crazy? Did I accidentally take something to cause this? Did I hit my head? Am I asleep? Is the DOG crazy? Maybe I can make a ton of money off of this..."

[Thought2Much]

So let's say I'm going to the mailbox and I cross paths with a dog. Out of the blue the dog starts talking to me in English. There are a lot of things I might do but the one thing I would never do is join the conversation as if nothing unusual had happened. "Oh a talking dog. Let's chat! Did you smell anything interesting today?"

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that my first response would have been, "Holy shit! A talking donkey!" and not just continuing on normally as Balaam did. Come to think of it, I think every response for at least a half hour after that would be along the lines of, "I don't fucking believe it! A talking donkey."