Positivist Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I am furious. I am out of town this Easter weekend and look what happens when I go away! Background My husband and I have not attended church for around two years now. The reason for this began because of my worsening photophobia; I could not attend church without suffering severe migraine headaches from the light. My husband stopped attending too, so we could at least be together. During this absence from church, I really started to lose my faith: Why won’t God heal me, even just heal the photophobia so I can attend His house? I prayed maybe 3000 times for healing or simple relief, and every time the answer was the same (no answer). I refuse to believe that God wants me to suffer like this or that there is some important reason for my nonsensical suffering. (For the record, my brain is simply wired differently than non-migraineurs. Functional MRIs demonstrate this and I just happen to have a bad case of ‘God made me wrong’.) This ultimately is what killed my faith. Family Woes Ever since, my fundy father-in-law has been goading us about church. He thinks my husband should attend, as “head of the house” so he can minister to the poor wife who is so bereft of the blessing of God. My fundy mother-in-law thinks my husband should stay home with me so that church doesn’t separate us. Our family does not know about our apostasy. This knowledge would destroy my parents-in-law. Where is my ex-fundy husband at? Well, he’s a clever guy, thankfully. He recently declared himself an agnostic but later said something else not quite as appealing. He does say he could never go back to fundagelicalism or Pentecostalism. So, my husband and I have been having the best Sundays ever: leisurely morning with the four-leggeds, long walks in the river valley or the mountains, and just enjoying being together. Today's Email This Easter weekend I am out of town and I get this email from my hubby this morning: Good morning darling, I hope you had a good night sleep. My dad called last night and really wants me to come to [name of fundagelical Pentecostal big-hair church of cognitive dissonance] this morning. I find it a bit frustrating that he seems to think that all I need to do is come to church and I will get some big epiphany. I may go because I am a bit curious what the new pastor is like and the laser light show [sister-in-law told us about these yesterday]. Please don’t worry. I really am not interested in that brand of insanity. My husband is an absolute gem. But I am furious at my F-I-L for pestering and for trying to suck my husband in while I’m away. I feel hurt. I feel like I’m The Bad Guy. When will anyone see that God is the bad guy? He’s the one who fucked up when he “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Hmmm, let’s try switching these wires! FAIL.). What a fucking mess. I trust my husband but it would become a problem if he had some epiphany/delusional moment that led him astray. Thank goodness we are entirely honest with each other. He is hard to sway and was never as hardcore as me (thank goodness). Anyone else having in-law issues like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Anyone else having in-law issues like this? Thankfully, no. I did get one very concerned email from my m-i-l awhile back, but nothing more since. the laser light show WTH?!?! name of fundagelical Pentecostal big-hair church of cognitive dissonance Just had to hold the kitten down that was asleep on my lap so she wouldn't fall off during the laughing spell that happened when I read that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBluegrassSkeptic Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Wow, they have to go behind your back while you are out of town? They couldn't copy you in and say something like,"When the Missus is available, we need to get her out to see our church too?" I mean, I understand you would probably say no thanks, but it's the principle of the thing right? Man, REALLy shows where you are on the totem pole I guess as far as family matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 That is a difficult situation. Once they get your husband to go to the show, there is a real possibility of him being roped in due to crowd psychology. This is a tactic used by many megachurches - flashy shows to lure people in. Then when they see everyone is having a good time due to the "entertainment" they spring the crappy Christians stuff on them. We have one church here that has 20,000 attendees every Sunday. Its called the "Walmart of churches" by some, and it panders to the lowest common denominator. Sorry about the situation, and I hope he doesn't get smacked in the head by this crap and go all fundy on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 The Aftermath I just got this email from dear husband: Hello Darling, I did end up going and it really is interesting from a sociological perspective. Very hype-based. The lights would have killed you and the sound is still not very good. Anyhow, whatever my dad had wanted it had the opposite effect on me. I followed up with a phone call. He found the whole service strange (and pathetic, with all the technical glitches). "Meh, I'm not interested," he says. He told me all about it and I must admit, I am having some fairly severe flashbacks to the cognitive dissonance I experienced when I attended this church. But the winning line from my golden husband is, "Look. I've spent our entire married life trying to mellow you out from your extreme beliefs. I did that as a fundy, and now that you're an atheist, I'm going to make sure you don't go off the deep end there either." It's true. The guy is rock solid and not prone to extreme fundamentalism of any kind. My husband hopes his dad asks, "So, whadja think of church?" at which point, my husband will let 'er rip with honesty. Thanks for your support everyone. I appreciate you all!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 the laser light show WTH?!?! I know! My god, what next? Strippers? How do lasers bring people closer to god? I find it pathetic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 Wow, they have to go behind your back while you are out of town? I know! What's crazy is that they are completely ignoring the reasons why I can't attend church (the reasons that God can't/won't fix). This is why I am an atheist. Oh, how I wish I could come out of the closet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 That is a difficult situation. Once they get your husband to go to the show, there is a real possibility of him being roped in due to crowd psychology. Thankfully (and I am thankful for the first time in my married life on this matter) my husband is not prone to deep emotional swings. I think he's one of those people who is impossible to hypnotize. I updated this thread below, but in short, he found it "fascinating" from a sociological and psychological perspective. It drove him further from the idea of Christianity and fundagelicalism. If his parents badger him, he'll just ask them, "Why won't God heal Positivist so she can come to church?" This, my friends, is why I am an atheist and finally at peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted April 8, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted April 8, 2012 My god, what next? Strippers? Well maybe........ Pastor puts stripper pole in church http://www.wtkr.com/news/wtkr-minister-puts-stripper-pole-in-pulpit,0,1443464.story Now didn't that make your day? Glad things went okay with your DH. As I was reading your original post, I kept thinking that your f-i-l gives a whole new meaning to "when the cat's away the mice will play." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 My god, what next? Strippers? Well maybe........ Pastor puts stripper pole in church http://www.wtkr.com/...0,1443464.story Now didn't that make your day? Wow! The things Christians do when they realize their message just isn't enough by itself. I dunno, I think they ought to have a Dance Pole Ministry so young women can dance in the spirit *just* the way God made them. Just think of all the men that would come to know Jesus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I know! My god, what next? Strippers? Well, to be fair, churches keep complaining that not enough men go to church, so maybe it would be worth a shot... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 the laser light show WTH?!?! I know! My god, what next? Strippers? How do lasers bring people closer to god? I find it pathetic! Ironically, this is one of the things that led me to favor Islam and the Baha'i faith. I agreed with their policy that worshiping God shouldn't be a "production" as I was told by an Imam I visited. There's something hugely ironic and disgusting about the fact that they have to draw people in with familiar rock and roll songs that have been "Jesusfied" (like my church) or laser light shows to get followers. Those should be the tactics of salesmen, not followers of God. Of course, now I just see them all as salesmen anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Of course, now I just see them all as salesmen anyway. Indeed. And the product sucks, so the salesmen have to learn new tactics to trick people into coming to faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 I know! My god, what next? Strippers? Well, to be fair, churches keep complaining that not enough men go to church, so maybe it would be worth a shot... I wouldn't put it past them. Goodness knows there's enough pornography already in the church--time to bring it out into the open? Trapped, I'm getting a picture. You are leaving the sound booth to start a new ministry called "Godz Grrrrrlz". LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Whew! When I read your OP, I was really worried, Positivist. I'm so glad your hubby saw it for what it all was! I'm in an unusual situation compared to the majority of people, in that my fiancee is a third generation atheist. His whole family are atheists. His brother, both parents, both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. When we visit his parents, we watch Dr. Who, a science documentary, or some science-fiction. Easter and Christmas are just a good excuse for his mum to indulge in some English cooking and a meal with the family. Not only are they atheists, they have no time for any form of religion. I was once worried about christards getting their claws into my man, but he just said that he thinks all religious people are nuts. It took me quite a bit of getting used to, the idea that I could meet an entire family of atheists. It's pretty cool, sitting down for dinner and having a conversation about evolution and science-y stuff. It's a completely different dynamic to what I am used to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Positivist, I'm glad that your hubby is level-headed. I wish you both well as you deal with his parents. There's something hugely ironic and disgusting about the fact that they have to draw people in with familiar rock and roll songs that have been "Jesusfied" (like my church) or laser light shows to get followers. Those should be the tactics of salesmen, not followers of God. Quite a few of the traditional hymns were also reworkings of popular secular songs of the time (often bar songs). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traveller2 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 the laser light show WTH?!?! I know! My god, what next? Strippers? How do lasers bring people closer to god? I find it pathetic! if they had had strippers in the churches I went to i would probably still be a christian pmsl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traveller2 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 My god, what next? Strippers? Well maybe........ Pastor puts stripper pole in church http://www.wtkr.com/...0,1443464.story Now didn't that make your day? Wow! The things Christians do when they realize their message just isn't enough by itself. I dunno, I think they ought to have a Dance Pole Ministry so young women can dance in the spirit *just* the way God made them. Just think of all the men that would come to know Jesus! and that is so fucking funny I near spewed coffee over my screen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 My god, what next? Strippers? Well maybe........ Pastor puts stripper pole in church http://www.wtkr.com/...0,1443464.story Now didn't that make your day? Glad things went okay with your DH. As I was reading your original post, I kept thinking that your f-i-l gives a whole new meaning to "when the cat's away the mice will play." DAMN, you beat me to it! That guy was interviewed on Australian TV this morning. He was going on about how church needs to be relavent to modern society and needs to discuss things that affect people in their everyday lives. He also said that when people come to church they should get exactly the same kind of contemporary sensory experiences they get when they go shopping, watch movies etc etc, in other words keep up with life in the twenty-first century. The thing that seems to completely elude these dullards, though, is that the whole shiny shemozzle is based upon a book of fairy tales written by stone age goat herders. They are trying to polish a turd. It's like buying a DVD with a sharp, funky cover with modern design and lots of favourable quotes from film critics printed on it, but when you try and play it you realize it is a D-grade amateur documentary about Siberian peat slugs, filmed on Hi-8 by a retired taxi driver with dyslexia. It skips, the picture quality is shit, the subtitles are in Japanese and the plot makes no sense. And you get the distinct feeling that you've been ripped off. Yet these people keep watching the movie, cos they paid good money for it and for that reason can't believe it's not fantastic entertainment. On Easter Sunday I went to my first church service in four years (also at the behest of family) and was a bit worried that I might have a 'moment' and be absorbed back into the organism. I needn't have worried. Mostly it was just boring, although because it was the first church service I've ever attended as an unbeliever, it was interesting to note the manipulating way the service was structured, which I never really noticed before. The most interesting moment for me, though, was during one of the worship songs, when one of my two-year-old twin daughters, evidently led by the Spirit, raised her hand, just like all the adults around her. I wish I had captured it on video, it was hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 I'm in an unusual situation compared to the majority of people, in that my fiancee is a third generation atheist. His whole family are atheists. That is enviable, BP! I love being around atheists--so refreshing to have thoughts of one's own!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 He was going on about how church needs to be relavent to modern society and needs to discuss things that affect people in their everyday lives. He also said that when people come to church they should get exactly the same kind of contemporary sensory experiences they get when they go shopping, watch movies etc etc, in other words keep up with life in the twenty-first century. ...................... They are trying to polish a turd. It's like buying a DVD with a sharp, funky cover with modern design and lots of favourable quotes from film critics printed on it, but when you try and play it you realize it is a D-grade amateur documentary about Siberian peat slugs, filmed on Hi-8 by a retired taxi driver with dyslexia. It skips, the picture quality is shit, the subtitles are in Japanese and the plot makes no sense. And you get the distinct feeling that you've been ripped off. Hey Owen! It boggles my mind that the message of the gospel isn't even enough for believers! They have to jazz it up, dress it up, etc. to make it seem even remotely appealing. "See? You need an imaginary friend!" Siberian peat slugs--LOL!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Maybe I'm completely wrong but your F-I-L has been asking your husband to go to church for a while, so it makes sense that if your husbant can't go when you're in town because you can't go then, there's no reason why he can't go if you're not in town. This is kind of what you have to deal with until you tell them the truth (if you ever do). You have to remember your inlaws love your husband and hopefully you so they're worried about your eternal damnation, you'd act the same way if you thought your loved one was going to burn forever. I guess because I deal with fundamentalist word of faith Pentecostal family members, I know how to deal with this stuff, your husband could have a change of heart one day, but from my experience I'd have a long long way to go before I could find my way back to a pentecostal fold. I think once you go back realizing its fake you kind of realize this tug on your heart, emotional experience is all fake. From the sound of it, I'd imagine your husband is the same way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 That is a difficult situation. Once they get your husband to go to the show, there is a real possibility of him being roped in due to crowd psychology. Thankfully (and I am thankful for the first time in my married life on this matter) my husband is not prone to deep emotional swings. I think he's one of those people who is impossible to hypnotize. I updated this thread below, but in short, he found it "fascinating" from a sociological and psychological perspective. It drove him further from the idea of Christianity and fundagelicalism. If his parents badger him, he'll just ask them, "Why won't God heal Positivist so she can come to church?" This, my friends, is why I am an atheist and finally at peace. Your husband sounds so much like Jblueep! Isn't it nice to have a man who's so grounded? I know I sure need it - I can be such a fruitcake sometimes! haha I'm glad everything worked out. I hope your in laws DO ask about what he thought of the church! If so, let us know how that goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Maybe I'm completely wrong but your F-I-L has been asking your husband to go to church for a while, so it makes sense that if your husbant can't go when you're in town because you can't go then, there's no reason why he can't go if you're not in town. This is kind of what you have to deal with until you tell them the truth (if you ever do). You have to remember your inlaws love your husband and hopefully you so they're worried about your eternal damnation, you'd act the same way if you thought your loved one was going to burn forever. I guess because I deal with fundamentalist word of faith Pentecostal family members, I know how to deal with this stuff, your husband could have a change of heart one day, but from my experience I'd have a long long way to go before I could find my way back to a pentecostal fold. I think once you go back realizing its fake you kind of realize this tug on your heart, emotional experience is all fake. From the sound of it, I'd imagine your husband is the same way. Yes, very true!! His family is fundy word of faith Pentecostal/non-denominational (danger!!!). They are huge Joyce Meyers fans, if that tells you anything. But yes, it is my soul they are worried about. And they blame me for my genetic make up. Ugh. I don't have the heart to tell them (it would spoil their last few years on earth), so yes, this is what I'm stuck with! And yes, my husband is exactly as you describe, thankfully. I was more into the woo than he ever was! Praise the lard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Yes, very true!! His family is fundy word of faith Pentecostal/non-denominational (danger!!!). They are huge Joyce Meyers fans, if that tells you anything. But yes, it is my soul they are worried about. And they blame me for my genetic make up. Ugh. I don't have the heart to tell them (it would spoil their last few years on earth), so yes, this is what I'm stuck with! And yes, my husband is exactly as you describe, thankfully. I was more into the woo than he ever was! Praise the lard! Yeah I've heard CDs from most of them: My mom -- Joyce Meyer / Beth Moore Grandma -- Perry Stone / Jessie Duplantis Grandpa -- Kenneth Hagin / Copeland / Benny Hinn Father -- Hagin Jr / and when he's feeling rebellious David Jeremiah (rebellious since Jeremiah isn't WoF) Brother -- Lee Strobel / Charles Capps Occasionally, I'll go to a church service or read a book to get them off my back, I'm more disgusted with it than anything else. To me its obvious that miracles don't exist, we watched my grandma not walk again with MS and my grandpa be a paraplegic for 30 years, god never healed them and yet no one thinks to question anything. I'm also the exact same with with my grandma, she doesn't have much time left so I listen to her preaching to me and don't give any counter arguments, let her die in peace perhaps believing that one day "I'll turn my life around" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts