jblueep Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Almost every friend I have on Facebook is Xian. On New Years Day, I whittled my friends from 400 to less than 100, so the remaining people are actual friends/family of mine or at least people that I have had meaningful experiences with. I feel that am getting close to the point of having to publicly declare my loss of faith, just as a matter of personal integrity. I have typed and retyped, lengthened and shortened, changed the mood, etc, over and over. I don't exactly know when I will come out and what the final statement will be, but right now I am at the following very short statement: I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known. I am no longer a Christian. If you don’t know me well, then I understand if you falsely assume that I left Christianity out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, for another faith, in a rash manner, or that I never really believed. If you know me well, you know that I must have overwhelming reasons. I do not state those reasons here because I respect you and I have no desire to affect your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you so desire. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Looks good, except if I were you I might omit the sentence "If you know me well then I understand if you falsely assume...". It just seems a little combative. I would just go on with something like "I have overwhelming reasons, but I am not stating those reasons here, (omit "because I respect you, etc.") and I am open to discuss this with you in a private message if you so desire." Why don't you expand your circle of friends and include those who are not Christians? I have many Facebook friends from this site. Or, you could join different groups online, post, and find like-minded people. You haven't met them in real life yet, but who cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Deva, Thanks for the input. I think I will at least remove the word "falsely". I plan on adding my non Xian friends as soon as I do this. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to comment freely. J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Darn Facebook complicates our lives, hey? Holy smokes. I agree with Deva, that the "falsely" sentence sounds combative. Could you replace that sentence with "For those who don’t know me well, please know that I left Christianity not out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, for another faith, in a rash manner, or because I never really believed; I have left because of my passion for truth and authenticity." (Or something more positive...you get the drift. My "coming out" status was indiscernible: "I am revisiting my poststructuralist skepticism toward metanarratives, exploring specifically the intersection of incredulity and yearning", to which most people said, "Huh?" or "Cool." I'm such a chicken, hiding behind big words. Let us know the fallout! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 Pos, I love your statement Good advice on the that sentence. J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I'm green with envy. I wish I could come out across the board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 I think your little snippet there is perfect. Poignant and to the point. I hope you post it as-is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yrth Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Maybe what you want is to send a mass facebook email to these people? An email ensures that they will actually receive your message and it lets them know that you wanted them to get the message. Unless they're glued to FB, a random status update will likely go unnoticed. *Alternatively, you might put the message into your info. That would have more of the passive quality of a status update. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Pockets, I plan on sending a longer detailed email to those are really close (parents, siblings, and very close friends). The short announcement will be for those a little bit outside of that ring. That is a good idea about putting it in my intro. I think I will do that after I status it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Revised statement based on input here: I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known, for I am no longer a Christian. My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity, and therefore must have had overwhelming reasons to leave my faith after more than three decades of devotion. I ask you to trust that I did not do it out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, for another faith, in a rash manner, or because I never truly believed. I have chosen to not state my reasons here because I respect you and I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you would like to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I think it's perfect. Myself, I just put some quotes that are critical of christianity on my info page, so that if anyone is suspicious or curious enough they can confirm their suspicions, which i'm sure my family have, they just haven't had the guts to confront me about it yet, ha. mind you, i deactivated my facebook since my account was hacked and someone placed me at a strip club. which was a handy excuse to get rid of it really; i was getting into too many arguments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known, for I am no longer a Christian. My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity, and therefore must have had overwhelming reasons to leave my faith after more than three decades of devotion. I ask you to trust that I did not do it out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, for another faith, in a rash manner, or because I never truly believed. I have chosen to not state my reasons here because I respect you and I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you would like to do so. Sorry to nitpick. I almost do this for a living and cannot help myself. The underlined sentence is a little confusing; it sounds like your family must have had reasons. Maybe change this sentence to: "My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity, and that I therefore must have had overwhelming reasons to leave my faith after more than three decades of devotion." My half-cent. Eek! SCARY! Let us know what happens!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherJosh Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Sounds pretty straightforward. If you are friends on Facebook with any close family members it maybe more prudent to tell them in person...such as parents, close family etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Revised statement based on input here: I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known, for I am no longer a Christian. My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity, and therefore must have had overwhelming reasons to leave my faith after more than three decades of devotion. I ask you to trust that I did not do it out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, for another faith, in a rash manner, or because I never truly believed. I have chosen to not state my reasons here because I respect you and I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you would like to do so. Can I add... replace the green with "This change has not occured..." and in red switch the words "not to" I'm suggesting the green wording because I believe it's more of a statement and not a question. And I too had to take a stab at the statement. I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known. My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity. After more than three decades of devotion a change has occured in my life. It did not arise out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, a rash decision, or because I never truly believed. I am no longer a Christian. Out of respect I will not state my reasons here because I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you would like to do so. Use what you want, or none of it at all, no offense taken. Good luck when you do post your final statement. I find that whenever people "come out" and be their authentic self, many in their lives drop like flies. But the good part is, those people who leave make room for the future friendships that enrich your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I suggest changing the last sentence to 'Now if you don't like it go fuck yourselves'. But that may be misinterpreted. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known, for I am no longer a Christian. My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity, and therefore must have had overwhelming reasons to leave my faith after more than three decades of devotion. I ask you to trust that I did not do it out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, for another faith, in a rash manner, or because I never truly believed. I have chosen to not state my reasons here because I respect you and I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you would like to do so. Sorry to nitpick. I almost do this for a living and cannot help myself. The underlined sentence is a little confusing; it sounds like your family must have had reasons. Maybe change this sentence to: "My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity, and that I therefore must have had overwhelming reasons to leave my faith after more than three decades of devotion." My half-cent. Eek! SCARY! Let us know what happens!!! Thanks Pos. Good catch. Sounds pretty straightforward. If you are friends on Facebook with any close family members it maybe more prudent to tell them in person...such as parents, close family etc... We are going to have in person conversations with our siblings, parents, and very close friends first. This status will be for those outside that circle. And I too had to take a stab at the statement. I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known. My close family and friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity. After more than three decades of devotion a change has occured in my life. It did not arise out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, deception, a rash decision, or because I never truly believed. I am no longer a Christian. Out of respect I will not state my reasons here because I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this with you on a personal level if you would like to do so. Use what you want, or none of it at all, no offense taken. Good luck when you do post your final statement. I find that whenever people "come out" and be their authentic self, many in their lives drop like flies. But the good part is, those people who leave make room for the future friendships that enrich your life. Thanks London. I really like your rewrite. I rather enjoyed taking several pages and hundreds of thoughts down to a few sentences. I will be interested to see how many "friends" de-friend me. Most will probably just ignore it because they can't deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I love that y'all critiqued his grammar. I always get annoyed w/grammar mistakes. Although I make plenty of them myself! (Edit: But I don't get annoyed with J's grammar, of course! hehe) I suggest changing the last sentence to 'Now if you don't like it go fuck yourselves'. But that may be misinterpreted. LOL! Love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I always get annoyed w/grammar mistakes. Some people are writers. Some people are lovers 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 At the risk of beating this into the ground...Here is my revision 3, which is a collaboration now I almost feel like I'm writing a "mission statement" My family and close friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity. About six months ago, that passion led me to a major life change. In short, after more than three decades of devotion, I am no longer a Christian. This was not a rash decision and did not arise out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, or deception. In fact, I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known. Out of respect I will not state my reasons here because I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this privately with each of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 At the risk of beating this into the ground...Here is my revision 3, which is a collaboration now I almost feel like I'm writing a "mission statement" My family and close friends know that I have a passion for truth and authenticity. About six months ago, that passion led me to a major life change. In short, after more than three decades of devotion, I am no longer a Christian. This was not a rash decision and did not arise out of pride, anger, bitterness, hurt, or deception. In fact, I now live in the greatest happiness and peace I have ever known. Out of respect I will not state my reasons here because I have no desire to publicly challenge your faith. I am open to discuss this privately with each of you. LOL on the mission statement. Ironically it is kind of like that. The direction has changed. I like this rewrite. I think you made the flow better. Our next project is to write the company policies. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 I did a post sometime back "So I am an atheist..." and did a short extimony. Expecting to be defriended by many, there was only one. The most fundy of my FB friends an old HS pal, actually thanked me for sharing. But then again, our friendships were forged on other values other than imaginary friends. You guys state side must really have it hard that leaving the church is so traumatic in your everyday life. I just tell dirty jokes on my FB page and have many subscribers, a lot of them post jeebus shit on their own walls but I simply ignore it until it gets too much then I select only important feeds for those folk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 You guys state side must really have it hard that leaving the church is so traumatic in your everyday life. Because of the freedom of religion here, it is so woven into our culture. It's hard to be away from it. And I don't live anywhere near the bible belt. But I have been to Texas and it is quite different than the northern states. @jblueep, have you posted your new status? I am curious to see how it all plays out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 @jblueep, have you posted your new status? I am curious to see how it all plays out. Not yet. We have to tell some people personally first. We told some close older friends (like second parents) a few days ago. It was a little rough at first, but smoothed out now. I told one of my best friends yesterday and it went great. Now we just have to tell our parents and siblings, then I will go public on facebook after that. I have to say that it's already a relief just telling a few people. I am big on authenticity, so keeping this hidden was feeling way too dishonest for me personally. 2Honest is not as eager to come out, but that's just a personality difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 @jblueep, have you posted your new status? I am curious to see how it all plays out. Not yet. We have to tell some people personally first. We told some close older friends (like second parents) a few days ago. It was a little rough at first, but smoothed out now. I told one of my best friends yesterday and it went great. Now we just have to tell our parents and siblings, then I will go public on facebook after that. I have to say that it's already a relief just telling a few people. I am big on authenticity, so keeping this hidden was feeling way too dishonest for me personally. 2Honest is not as eager to come out, but that's just a personality difference. Well you know that once you're out, people are going to start questioning 2H as well. Be ready for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Yeah, it's been harder on me emotionally than J. I just hate being misundertood and this is something that I know our believing friends/family can't possibly understand. Its frustrating and tempting to just run away and hide. But I am feeling more and more empowered as we go through this process. Last night we watched this movie, "It's Kind of a Funny Story". I cried through most of it. The main character was a teenage guy who checked himself into a mental hospital b/c of his depression. in this hospital he found a group of misfit friends who loved him and helped him learn to be himself and to really live. (It reminded me of all our friends here at Ex-C!) He was eventually able to tell his friends/family of his depression and be honest about what he really wanted to do with his life. A popular quote from the movie was "those who aren't busy being born are busy dying" (by Bob Dylan). The guy chose to really live and embrace life. At the risk of sounding super-sappy, that's what I want to do...be born, embrace life, really live. If doing that means I must be misunderstood and even cause some hurt to others (b/c of their religious mindsets), then that is what I must do. It's a tough process - learning to really trust myself and stand up for what I feel and believe, even if it goes against the beliefs of almost everyone I know. But I figure it is time for me to grow up. I did just turn 39, after all. Wow, sorry to go on and on - guess I needed to get that off my chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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