blackpudd1n Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 The Clergy project came up in another thread, and once again, for the umpteenth time since I deconverted, I thought of my former pastor, my first pentecostal pastor. He comes up in my thoughts all the time. I have this strong urge to call him and talk to him. If anyone knows how sincere I was, it is him. I bombarded him with questions about christianity when I was 15/16. He stopped preparing notes for bible study because of my questions and the discussions we'd have. Yes, he was well-versed in apologetics. But these days, when I think of him, I have trouble believing that he still believes. I know he stopped pastoring years ago. At the time I was told that it was because of job responsibilities. He works as a social worker. When I was 23, I was in a psych ward for the first time, and I rang him, convinced that demons were attacking me. He did not pray with me. He told me that it was not demons attacking me, that I was mentally unwell. While prior to ministry he had worked as a psych nurse, what he said to me was not typical of a pentecostal pastor. And looking back, it seems so strange that he didn't even say that he'd pray for me. This man is highly intelligent. I can't put my finger on why, but I have trouble believing that he continues to believe. And I can't stop thinking about him. I think I'm going to have to get in contact with him. I don't fear him trying to reconvert me if I do so; neither do I fear him rejecting me or giving me a head-fuck. I just don't know what's stopped me all this time from making contact. Whatever the case, I just feel that I need to talk to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valk0010 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I find I avoid, apologetic ridden members of my own family, not for fear, but I just don't feel I have the verbal wit about me to spare with them. I just am not comfortable with having those kinds of conversations with people I care about deeply. I feel like in a weird way I am trying to rob them of something. I know a girl about ready to have a baby who believes very deeply. I realize she is smart enough to realize its bullshit, but she somehow needs it, even if she is betraying herself. In your case, I suspect, he might not actually believe it, but hasn't told many people. I would feel guilty if I was a pastor, and I were to tell people, that what I taught them was a lie. Dunno if that is any consolation at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Great idea! Ring him up. It's always nice for people who have helped us along the way to know that we're doing okay, too. Keep us posted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Sounds like a great idea to get in touch with him. Maybe you could have a great conversation about both of your reasons for not believing anymore. Although, if he is in the closet regarding a loss of faith, then he may not own up to it, even if your assessment is correct. On the other hand, he may be relieved to have someone to confide in. Good luck, and keep us posted if you get in touch with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Yep.Why not just catch up for old times sake? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 ...I thought about it all day yesterday, and didn't go through with it. I don't know why I don't just do it. I have decided to contact him, I'm just working up to it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Definitely let us know. Subbed and anxiously awaiting updates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 PM me the number and I'll call for you. LOL. I have a nagging feeling to about a pastor i know. You cant study this stuff too deep and stll believe. if you dig too far you see the man behind the curtain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I have sent a text message to the number I have for him- he's had the same number for years. If he's changed it, I think I can still track him down. I asked him if he'd mind giving me his email address so... Oh, he's already replied. He sent me his email address. I guess it's on now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Yes, keep us updated. Some of us really don't have a life (OK, just talkin' about myself here ) and I keep checking Ex-C as if it's Facebook... Am I pathetic??? But seriously, Pudd, I am curious if your intuition is correct! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Well, I did it. I wrote him a lengthy email, and talked about my journey to atheism, and some of the things I had learned. I told him that since my deconversion, he'd been on my mind, because I know how intelligent he is, how he researches and thinks, and that I had trouble believing that he still believed, and finally asked him if he did still believe. Now we wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Yes, keep us updated. Some of us really don't have a life (OK, just talkin' about myself here ) and I keep checking Ex-C as if it's Facebook... Am I pathetic??? But seriously, Pudd, I am curious if your intuition is correct! Positivist, I am just as bad, if not worse, because I have lost all interest in facebook, thanks to ex-c lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'm going to go clean now, my nerves are jangling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Yes, keep us updated. Some of us really don't have a life (OK, just talkin' about myself here ) and I keep checking Ex-C as if it's Facebook... Am I pathetic??? Don't worry - I'm the same way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Well, I did it. I wrote him a lengthy email, and talked about my journey to atheism, and some of the things I had learned. I told him that since my deconversion, he'd been on my mind, because I know how intelligent he is, how he researches and thinks, and that I had trouble believing that he still believed, and finally asked him if he did still believe. Now we wait. I can't wait to find out what he says! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 ...No reply yet. Though I did send the email only 45 minutes ago. This is agonising. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'm going to go clean now, my nerves are jangling. You're more than welcome to come clean my bathroom if you'd like! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Well, I did it. I wrote him a lengthy email, and talked about my journey to atheism, and some of the things I had learned. I told him that since my deconversion, he'd been on my mind, because I know how intelligent he is, how he researches and thinks, and that I had trouble believing that he still believed, and finally asked him if he did still believe. Now we wait. I can't wait to find out what he says! Yeah, me too. Like I said before, I'm not worried about losing this man as my friend. Nor am I worried about a lot of the shit that christians regularly throw at apostates. I know others here have said and thought the same thing and been burned in the process, but you'd have to meet this guy to understand. If he does still believe... well, I think we'll have some interesting conversations at most. Like I said before, he of all people knows how sincere I was. He was my teacher, the one I came to with my questions. He'll know that when I say I've done extensive research, what exactly that means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'm going to go clean now, my nerves are jangling. You're more than welcome to come clean my bathroom if you'd like! Ugh, that's still to be done We're getting the house ready to bomb. Living so close to the coast, everyone has cockroaches. But I'm determined to get rid of the bastards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Rose Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Ahhh, the suspense. Don't be too disappointed if he is still a "believer". Perhaps your contact will pique his curiosity. Curiosity is always good... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Ahhh, the suspense. Don't be too disappointed if he is still a "believer". Perhaps your contact will pique his curiosity. Curiosity is always good... Well, there is always that hope, too. Still no reply. It has only been an hour and a half, though, and it is a Saturday afternoon- who knows what he's doing today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 ...heading towards four hours now. Not quite dinner-time yet. However, I keep reminding myself that it is Saturday. People do have lives, even if I don't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Still haven't heard anything. I have, however, started a topic for posting coming-out letters, so I added the email I wrote there. The link is here: http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/51335-coming-out-letters-post-them-here/page__gopid__755228#entry755228 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted April 28, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted April 28, 2012 Yes, keep us updated. Some of us really don't have a life (OK, just talkin' about myself here ) and I keep checking Ex-C as if it's Facebook... Am I pathetic??? Don't worry - I'm the same way! So am I. Facebook? What's Facebook????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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