Were You Happy Or Miserable As A Christian?

[Carolorado]

I note that the gentleman here, Inqui, is from New Zealand. That is one cool place! Anyway, perhaps the churches there are not as oppressive as they are in the USA, especially the south?

 

Southern religion in the USA, especially evangelicals and Baptists, is everywhere. And of you are not one of them--or at least a Catholic or Methodist--you are shunned. You keep your non beliefs to yourself. I read somewhere that being an atheist in the south is similar to being in the closet for the gays who were cruelly put there for years. Non Xians are talked about as very evil.

 

Does anyone else feel your location helped destroy your attitude toward religion? And the person who said religion forced on children makes them miserable, and is abusive is 100% correct. Nothing is scarier to a kid than thinking you are going to burn forever. That gave me nightmares for years because our home had been burned down when I was four. So hell was real, very real and terrifying. What happiness could I have drawn from church is beyond me. People were so nice in church, but could be very cruel to poor people. It hurt, because we were poor. I got out, but my sibling family members are still there. I don't understand that at all. Of course, the could be as much in the closet about athesim in the south as I was.

[mcdaddy]

I read somewhere that being an atheist in the south is similar to being in the closet for the gays who were cruelly put there for years. Non Xians are talked about as very evil.

 

 

I can personally attest this is 100% true. I live in Arkansas, and I've only come out to a handful of people (my xian best friend, 2 of my brothers, an a few people I already knew we're agnostic/atheist). I don't dare come out publicly, at least not anytime soon.

[Deva]

Southern religion in the USA, especially evangelicals and Baptists, is everywhere. And of you are not one of them--or at least a Catholic or Methodist--you are shunned. You keep your non beliefs to yourself. I read somewhere that being an atheist in the south is similar to being in the closet for the gays who were cruelly put there for years. Non Xians are talked about as very evil.

 

This is for the most part correct. In some southern states you will find small areas of reason. Eastern Virginia, South Florida, Austin, TX, these places are not so bad. I suspect any town in the south with a secular type university might not be too bad. But on the whole, this is absolutely correct. Even Catholics come off badly in many areas.

 

Christianity is the source of much discrimination and bigotry as well. The church did nothing to combat these attitudes, so they remain. However, its not politically correct so these attitudes are not advertised, but they are still there. See how churches are still largely so segregated - by race and class, although there are exceptions.

[norton65ca]

having been born again at 19 years of age in the liberal Pacific Northwest, my experience would be very different from a believer in Kentucky or Tennessee would be... so...

The first few weeks or months were pretty blissful, but this was when I was presented with the "loving father god who sent his beloved son Jesus, our friend, to save us" . When I actually began bible study and research, this ineffable joy was replaced by a palpable sense of unease and fear. I did manage to get back a lot of the joy from time to time, but the problems of the worldview never left me and the difficulties I had over the years increased until I couldn't really deal with it all. The worldview gave me a structure to exist within, and a hope which I clung to like a desperate man in a shipwreck, but the doctrinal problems began quite quickly to erode my faith. It only took 29 years to finally demolish it;-) I did have a lot of very good friends in the street ministry where I attended, and some really good times in the early days but by six or seven years after being born again, being in church or contemplating the difficult doctrinal issues made me so uncomfortable I ceased going altogether. The biblical issues, Evangelical politics, the Xtian response to social and environmental problems, gay rights and the odious right wing repug/fundy alliance and the churches support for zionism is what blew it all up for me.

Overall, I would have to say I was an initially happy Xtian but this faded to an absolutely unworkable life in which I believed that I was an Xtian who would ultimately be denied by the father as being lukewarm and ready to be spat out of his mouth. I spent the better part of twenty years believing I would probably be going to hell ... as a Christian!

[Exevolt]

Miserable.

[Vigile]

I had some good memories at church, especially in youth group. My xian experience was pure torture though. If I wasn't staying awake at night worrying I would fuck up and end up in hell, I was staying awake at night worrying about others fucking up and going to hell. Xianity was also a horrific blow to my self esteem as I believed the tripe that told me I wasn't worthy and that god could only love me if he covered up me with him (which means he didn't really love me in the first place, right?).

 

I think for xianity to be a good experience, you need to be the type of person who isn't introspective and who attaches merely to the symbolic nature of the religion, but never contemplates what it ultimately means for yourself and others. From my casual observation, that's most people who sit in the pew, so for them, it's probably an ok experience.

[Deva]

I think for xianity to be a good experience, you need to be the type of person who isn't introspective and who attaches merely to the symbolic nature of the religion, but never contemplates what it ultimately means for yourself and others. From my casual observation, that's most people who sit in the pew, so for them, it's probably an ok experience.

 

I agree with this assessment. I don't know how people can think that hell is literally real and carry on the way they do. Carry on with everyday life. They are not introspective. They don't see the whole picture somehow.

[jdog]

A bit of a roller coast ride for me. I have had anxiety disorder and depression all my life. When I at the time thought that god love me it filled me with a JOY. . It was the Unconditional LOVE I suppose I was always wanting and needing. I was someone with emotional baggage, i carried feelings of shame and guilt around with me for years over things in my past and so believing that there was this powerful being who loved little old me and forgave me. (don't forget at that time I believed all that Christian religion taught)

 

And so I was happier about things for some time. I don't think i have ever been a happy happy joy joy person. I am not wired that way but i feel i was happ-ier at times. But the more I got immersed into the belief and things changed especially when I thought and believed that people needed to get "saved" or consequences would follow. Alll the anxiety and depression I use to have reared its ugly head again and I became worse.

And so the joy was short lived really and I became more "burdened". And unhappy. And the self analyzing and the guilt and shame of my not living up to the Jesus standard began to eat away at me. I was constantly repenting and asking for forgiveness for every shortcoming I thought and believed I had. New things came up all the time.

Yes I did have times of "euphoria". Believing that I "felt". The holy spirit and I felt special.

 

I believe I was a very emotional and vulnerable person at the time I got "saved". I believed I had finally found what it was I needed.

How can I not have been "high"? I got "high" on Jesus. I loved him. I was on the mindset of "This is it". "I have found the answer"

Jesus could heal my depression, anxiety, Wounds of past, Fulfil the void that I had, I had found the father I had always wanted and needed, he could provide all my emotional needs. He understood me and cared about me.

I fell for it all, believed it all.

 

 

I am sure a few of us here did experience that at one time or another.

 

Only as time went on things changed for me and fell apart. And I became more confused and miserable and almost went over the edge to craziness.

 

I am so glad I am out. I don't think it agrees with those who have mental health disorders like myself.

 

I am not the same person as I was before getting "saved". Back then I was looking for something and thought I had found it.

Now I am not looking for anything. I am ok now but I am still not fully happy. I still deal with depression. The depression and anxiety is not something that a religion or a belief in "god" can fix. It is something only I can work on through self help and life adjustment, thought adjustment and medication and right therapy. Which I wish I could find a good therapist.

 

Finding Ex - C. Is a good help though. And I know that I need to be present. Not dwell on past, Not worry about future. Focus on here and now.

[Adam5]

Dont think xianity made u more or less happy. Just acted like a comfort blanket for adults. I liked some of the songs but lots of stuff i didnt like. Cheers

[Suzy]

I was miserable. I was OK at the beginning, for the first couple of years when it was all new. Not that I really needed it even then. But after the honyemoon period it turned really bad. Constant fear, guilt, OCD tendencies. I was really only in because I was afraid of hell. While it was Christianity that made my life hell...

 

I never liked to go to church, I felt like I had to read the Bible and pray every day to not to fall from the grace of God. I felt like I was not allowed to do certain things, like reading science books, liking certain music, movies etc. to not to make God angry with me.

 

It really made me unhappy. I'm much, much more happier since I quit. And no, I'm not saying it to "iron out doubts about leaving". I'm long past doubts. I say it because this is how I felt as a Christian. I cried a lot about it back then, asking God to free me from my turmoil. There were times when it even made me physically unwell. The misery couldn't get any more real than that...

 

(BTW, ex-Pente here as well.)

[Kaiser01]

I read somewhere that being an atheist in the south is similar to being in the closet for the gays who were cruelly put there for years. Non Xians are talked about as very evil.

 

 

I can personally attest this is 100% true. I live in Arkansas, and I've only come out to a handful of people (my xian best friend, 2 of my brothers, an a few people I already knew we're agnostic/atheist). I don't dare come out publicly, at least not anytime soon.

 

I too live in Arkansas and i can attest to what mcDady says, its bad here in Arkansas because the people here are so uneducated. i have noticed in other states around us it seems people have less fundamentalism, at least around the gulf. I myself could care less about if people knew, in fact i welcome it. I will be writing a book soon that will completely expose myself as a non-believer.

[Paine]

Totally miserable and if not then confused. Now I have a clarity of mind that I'd only had prior to the born again experience. As far as I'm concerned, the 25 years I spent seeking god were years spent in vain.

 

that is so sad to me. I am glad I came to this when I did but feel that thirty years was wasted...WASTED. I am a creative person by nature, but SHOVED IT DOWN to do the right SAFE thing for a profession. And while I am happy...and wealthy for it...I would have preferred to follow my first, more creative love.

 

So guilty and miserable is my vote.

[raoul]

Totally miserable and if not then confused. Now I have a clarity of mind that I'd only had prior to the born again experience. As far as I'm concerned, the 25 years I spent seeking god were years spent in vain.

 

that is so sad to me. I am glad I came to this when I did but feel that thirty years was wasted...WASTED. I am a creative person by nature, but SHOVED IT DOWN to do the right SAFE thing for a profession. And while I am happy...and wealthy for it...I would have preferred to follow my first, more creative love.

 

So guilty and miserable is my vote.

Well if it's any consolation, at least you, me, and many others finally woke up to the fantasy. Think about the millions who don't even when they hear that inner voice telling them, even screaming at times for them to wake up.

[Guest Valk0010]

Totally miserable and if not then confused. Now I have a clarity of mind that I'd only had prior to the born again experience. As far as I'm concerned, the 25 years I spent seeking god were years spent in vain.

 

that is so sad to me. I am glad I came to this when I did but feel that thirty years was wasted...WASTED. I am a creative person by nature, but SHOVED IT DOWN to do the right SAFE thing for a profession. And while I am happy...and wealthy for it...I would have preferred to follow my first, more creative love.

 

So guilty and miserable is my vote.

Well if it's any consolation, at least you, me, and many others finally woke up to the fantasy. Think about the millions who don't even when they hear that inner voice telling them, even screaming at times for them to wake up.

That sounds like the night i deconverted. It was like there was this voice in my head(it was mine) that said, "There is no god" like five times. And I tried to fight it and it just got louder. Was wierd, it was like my brain was finally ready to admit it was bullshit.

[Kaiser01]

Totally miserable and if not then confused. Now I have a clarity of mind that I'd only had prior to the born again experience. As far as I'm concerned, the 25 years I spent seeking god were years spent in vain.

 

that is so sad to me. I am glad I came to this when I did but feel that thirty years was wasted...WASTED. I am a creative person by nature, but SHOVED IT DOWN to do the right SAFE thing for a profession. And while I am happy...and wealthy for it...I would have preferred to follow my first, more creative love.

 

So guilty and miserable is my vote.

Well if it's any consolation, at least you, me, and many others finally woke up to the fantasy. Think about the millions who don't even when they hear that inner voice telling them, even screaming at times for them to wake up.

That sounds like the night i deconverted. It was like there was this voice in my head(it was mine) that said, "There is no god" like five times. And I tried to fight it and it just got louder. Was wierd, it was like my brain was finally ready to admit it was bullshit.

 

It almost felt like a flash of light when i lost my faith.

[decafaholic]

As a Christian, I pretended to be fine and happy to everyone around me, but inside I was usually depressed. I started anti-depressants before I deconverted and that helped level out my mood swings. I spent a lot of time feeling very guilty for not fasting more often, praying longer, or witnessing to enough people (btw, in christianity, nothing you do will ever be enough, so this guilt never ends).

 

As an atheist, I still get depressed sometimes but that huge load of guilt is gone. I'm much happier now.

[raoul]

Totally miserable and if not then confused. Now I have a clarity of mind that I'd only had prior to the born again experience. As far as I'm concerned, the 25 years I spent seeking god were years spent in vain.

 

that is so sad to me. I am glad I came to this when I did but feel that thirty years was wasted...WASTED. I am a creative person by nature, but SHOVED IT DOWN to do the right SAFE thing for a profession. And while I am happy...and wealthy for it...I would have preferred to follow my first, more creative love.

 

So guilty and miserable is my vote.

Well if it's any consolation, at least you, me, and many others finally woke up to the fantasy. Think about the millions who don't even when they hear that inner voice telling them, even screaming at times for them to wake up.

That sounds like the night i deconverted. It was like there was this voice in my head(it was mine) that said, "There is no god" like five times. And I tried to fight it and it just got louder. Was wierd, it was like my brain was finally ready to admit it was bullshit.

that's a good word for it all - bullshit. And it's amazing how once you've come out of it and look at those still in it, whenever they open up their mouths with some kind of praise or whatever, I just wanna yell out BULLSHIT over and over because that's all it is.

[Raistlin]

I was miserable. I think that xianity is psychologically damaging. I don't even know where to start. The restriction and vilification of human sexuality. The unrealistic expectations. My mom used to tell me as a child that if you loved something too much God would get jealous and take it away from you. She also believes that God will cause bad things to happen to you to "bring you to your knees" and bring you closer to him. If I did something terrible to my child, I fail to see how that would make us have a closer relationship. If we parented our children the way God supposedly parents us, we would all have our children removed by social services. I remember living in fear as a child that something would happen to one of my stuffed animals or one of my pets because I loved it more than God. Then there is the whole Abraham being told to murder his son thing. How many kids lived in fear of their parents coming in to murder them in the middle of the night because God told them to, the way he told Abraham to kill Isaac?

[Guest Valk0010]

I was miserable. I think that xianity is psychologically damaging. I don't even know where to start. The restriction and vilification of human sexuality. The unrealistic expectations. My mom used to tell me as a child that if you loved something too much God would get jealous and take it away from you. She also believes that God will cause bad things to happen to you to "bring you to your knees" and bring you closer to him. If I did something terrible to my child, I fail to see how that would make us have a closer relationship. If we parented our children the way God supposedly parents us, we would all have our children removed by social services. I remember living in fear as a child that something would happen to one of my stuffed animals or one of my pets because I loved it more than God. Then there is the whole Abraham being told to murder his son thing. How many kids lived in fear of their parents coming in to murder them in the middle of the night because God told them to, the way he told Abraham to kill Isaac?

Yet another example of how, the god of the bible is no different the great dictators of our age. God is literally no better then the likes of Stalin.

[lunaticheathen]

Southern religion in the USA, especially evangelicals and Baptists, is everywhere. And of you are not one of them--or at least a Catholic or Methodist--you are shunned. You keep your non beliefs to yourself. I read somewhere that being an atheist in the south is similar to being in the closet for the gays who were cruelly put there for years. Non Xians are talked about as very evil.

 

Try being a Pagan in Alabama. Atheists are just "angry at god", I was straight up fucking the Devil every midnight. I had rocks thrown at me. Fuck Baptists, fuck Alabama. I can't wait to get out to the Pacific NW. The Southeast, in general, is fucking horrid to ANY non-Christian. Especially if it's another religion.

 

Does anyone else feel your location helped destroy your attitude toward religion? And the person who said religion forced on children makes them miserable, and is abusive is 100% correct. Nothing is scarier to a kid than thinking you are going to burn forever. That gave me nightmares for years because our home had been burned down when I was four. So hell was real, very real and terrifying. What happiness could I have drawn from church is beyond me. People were so nice in church, but could be very cruel to poor people. It hurt, because we were poor. I got out, but my sibling family members are still there. I don't understand that at all. Of course, the could be as much in the closet about athesim in the south as I was.

 

I have another religion, but Baptists sure didn't help keep me in christianity - they may have helped me leave sooner, but I think I would have still left. My own mind and spirit is just configured too far differently than would fit in any kind of christianity, even the super liberal sects.

I said they mentally abuse children, because it's true, and I'm sorry you had to experience that. I was taught even angry thoughts were sins, so I was indoctrinated into thoughtcrime very very early. As I said, it drove me to suicide, because I couldn't stop my BRAIN from sinning.

 

Anyone that thinks I colored my christian experience miserable AFTER the fact, can kiss the fattest part of my ass. I was in hell. I thank Netjer I'm out.

[Raistlin]

Southern religion in the USA, especially evangelicals and Baptists, is everywhere. And of you are not one of them--or at least a Catholic or Methodist--you are shunned. You keep your non beliefs to yourself. I read somewhere that being an atheist in the south is similar to being in the closet for the gays who were cruelly put there for years. Non Xians are talked about as very evil.

 

Try being a Pagan in Alabama. Atheists are just "angry at god", I was straight up fucking the Devil every midnight. I had rocks thrown at me. Fuck Baptists, fuck Alabama. I can't wait to get out to the Pacific NW. The Southeast, in general, is fucking horrid to ANY non-Christian. Especially if it's another religion.

I totally understand. I am a pagan living in the south. I am still totally in the closet. Simply not choosing to go to church is bad enough. I have small children and I am in the closet mostly to protect them and also to protect the fragile relationship I have with my southern baptist mother. As long as we leave religion out of our discussions, we get along. She knows I am no longer Christian and accepts that I think, but paganism is too much for her to wrap her mind around. Paganism = devil worship in the south and there is no way you can convince many people otherwise.

Does anyone else feel your location helped destroy your attitude toward religion? And the person who said religion forced on children makes them miserable, and is abusive is 100% correct. Nothing is scarier to a kid than thinking you are going to burn forever. That gave me nightmares for years because our home had been burned down when I was four. So hell was real, very real and terrifying. What happiness could I have drawn from church is beyond me. People were so nice in church, but could be very cruel to poor people. It hurt, because we were poor. I got out, but my sibling family members are still there. I don't understand that at all. Of course, the could be as much in the closet about athesim in the south as I was.

 

I have another religion, but Baptists sure didn't help keep me in christianity - they may have helped me leave sooner, but I think I would have still left. My own mind and spirit is just configured too far differently than would fit in any kind of christianity, even the super liberal sects.

I said they mentally abuse children, because it's true, and I'm sorry you had to experience that. I was taught even angry thoughts were sins, so I was indoctrinated into thoughtcrime very very early. As I said, it drove me to suicide, because I couldn't stop my BRAIN from sinning.

 

Anyone that thinks I colored my christian experience miserable AFTER the fact, can kiss the fattest part of my ass. I was in hell. I thank Netjer I'm out.

[merck]

Yet another example of how, the god of the bible is no different the great dictators of our age. God is literally no better then the likes of Stalin.

 

I just finished reading Mistakes of Moses and I love the point about how the god of the OT command virgins to be handed over to soldiers and in other parts to slaughter the women, children, and infants and if these are the actions and commands of a loving god, what are the actions and commands of the devil?

 

 

Try being a Pagan in Alabama. Atheists are just "angry at god", I was straight up fucking the Devil every midnight. I had rocks thrown at me. Fuck Baptists, fuck Alabama. I can't wait to get out to the Pacific NW. The Southeast, in general, is fucking horrid to ANY non-Christian. Especially if it's another religion.

 

I just moved from Georgia to Boulder, CO. You'll love it once you are out!

[oddbird1963]

Misery and emptiness have been constant struggles for me from an early age. So, I can't really say how much of that was due to Christianity, or due to personal, family, social and/or economic issues.

 

I do know that the more I began to realize that there was no supernatural / other-worldly reality behind Christianity, the more miserable I became.

 

Now, I'm just living my life, hoping to find a way to put some life into my living.

[ToonForever]

I was miserable. I think that xianity is psychologically damaging. I don't even know where to start. The restriction and vilification of human sexuality. The unrealistic expectations. My mom used to tell me as a child that if you loved something too much God would get jealous and take it away from you. She also believes that God will cause bad things to happen to you to "bring you to your knees" and bring you closer to him. If I did something terrible to my child, I fail to see how that would make us have a closer relationship. If we parented our children the way God supposedly parents us, we would all have our children removed by social services. I remember living in fear as a child that something would happen to one of my stuffed animals or one of my pets because I loved it more than God. Then there is the whole Abraham being told to murder his son thing. How many kids lived in fear of their parents coming in to murder them in the middle of the night because God told them to, the way he told Abraham to kill Isaac?

 

Oh man oh man - do I ever hear you. I was afraid to want anything good. I was afraid to express how overwhelming my feelings were for my wife or my children, afraid I was committing idolatry. I was afraid to want more success. I was afraid to pursue my artistic endeavors without them being about Christ. I felt I was hiding from god, disobeying him. And I was afraid I was going to lose things - I was going to be taught a lesson. What kind of love keeps you on the knife-edge of fear?

 

No kind of love.

[ToonForever]

Why would you think this? For many people there was nothing at all redeeming about Christianity, and it really was a miserable experience. Especially when you don't seek it out or choose it on your own, but rather have it crammed down your throat as a child by your parents.

 

Well, I guess you had to be there. That's pretty offensive. I'm glad you had a good time. Tell your story about why, that's the point.

 

But don't you dare tell the rest of us how wonderful it really was for us. That's completely out of line.

I was responding to merck's statement that I bolded. I didn't mean to imply that everyone had a great time in Christianity, but my point was to make an observation on another good reason why people keep making statements like "glad I don't have to think like that".

 

That said, going back over what I said and how anyone would read it, it was a stupid thing to say. I can't redact the original post and while I didn't mean to offend, I will take accountability for what I said. If you guys or anyone else wants to take it up with me over PM, I encourage you to do so.

 

I know you didn't mean to offend, and I probably didn't have to be quite so, uh, forceful? I apologize too

 

Cheers