Single Ex-Christian

[atheist_thinker]

Dude,

 

Do not let loneliness get the best of you whare you think you can compromise and marry a christain. It does not work. Do not think that you can make it because it will not. Never lower your standards or you will be more then misserable.

[atheist_thinker]

That is jsut my own experience

[LloydDobler]

I'm in the same boat Raven, but my stats are screwed up even more.

 

1) non religious

2) non drinker/smoker

3) have a kid

4) don't want any more kids

 

Those 4 things narrow down my choices on match.com to about 20 people TOTAL. Add in politically liberal and it knocks another ten off.

 

I spent my 20's married. I'm really at a loss as to how to find and meet someone again. The best prospects I've found anywhere are on this site, but thousands of miles away.

 

I've posted numerous rants on online dating here, as I've been sorta half assed playing with it for about a year now. I get super pissed at how uncreative and cliche most people are on those things. I mean if you are looking for ms ultra boring average typical, you have about a thousand to pick from.

 

Lloyd's pet peeves for people on dating services:

 

1) contradictory information. Want kids? no. How many? two. Or, want kids? yes. 'about my date' want kids? probably not. What the fuck? Usually this is because people are just not paying attention to what they are clicking.

 

2) Cliche and overly generic answers. 'honesty is important' or 'I like to have fun'. What the hell people, THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF FUN, THAT IT'S SOMETHING YOU LIKE!' In addition to that, other genius answers are 'I like music'... 'I like movies'... 'I like going out' or the best one "I want someone who isn't a couch potato but still likes to snuggle up on the couch for a movie". I'm not kidding, 95% of all women on match.com have an entire profile made up of these statements.

 

3) Completely unoriginal thinkers. "I read the DaVinci Code and it was omg amazing". Yeah you and every other person on this site read it.

 

4) All caps posters (I AM NOT ANGRY I JUST TYPE THIS WAY), or posters with typos galore (not only can you spell check, you can edit at any time).

 

5) People with little to no information. They answer the yes or no questions and don't fill anything else out.

 

And the granddaddy of all my pet peeves:

 

6) People who message you when they have SEVERAL INCOMPATIBILITIES in their profile. I'm like DID YOU READ THE GOD DAMN THING? I have had several conservative, christian, smoking women who still want kids message me. SEVERAL.

[pandora]

yeah, music is all i have enough 'passion' for to pursue a career in it. i would REALLY like to take international percussion lessons and become a concert percussionist, playing in symphonies and what-not.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

By the way, I LOVE long hair and I would date you, but I am already married. We married as Christians, and now neither of us subscribe to any faith. If he didn't de-convert (well, he hasn't completed the process yet) I don't know if I would have been able to take it.

 

Anyways, symphonic percussion ensembles are cool. I was in one in high school. I want to own my own marimba someday. If you go to a college for your music degree, then you would have a lot of fun in that group. Percussion people are typically cooler than others... JK. But they do seem more open and laid back, so perhaps you should really consider it!

[LloydDobler]

backwoods south carolina.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You given any thoguht to finding out where the best death metal scene is and just packin up and moving there?

[DeathWorship]

You given any thoguht to finding out where the best death metal scene is and just packin up and moving there?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

yes actually i have, im still thinking about moving to new york, but money is a big issue.

[Matthew]

White,

 

In a big way I can empathize with your concern. I am a single ex-Christian and I don't care for being single. The fact of the matter is, I often hate being single. I don't think for a moment that I am the kind of guy who was meant to be single. Singleness was a big issue for me when I was a Christian. I was tormented over being single and I always viewed it as a curse or punishment from god. I don't gripe about being single these days, but rather, I just try to move on with life and try to adopt the attitude that it will happen that I will meet someone and I need to let it happen on its own.

 

I am not terribly optimistic about my prospects though. I am an agnostic/atheist and a political independent and most atheist girls that I know of are either politically liberal or libertarian (both of which I am not these days). Sometimes the worst of my doubts and insecurities seem to consume me and I think that I won't wind up settling down and witnessing the birth of my first child until I am in my 40's. For some reason, I tend to think that I will wind up settling down with a fellow apostate and preacher's kid.

 

I know that I am still relatively young but I often think of settling down, enjoying marriage, family life, and awesome sex with a great partner. I constantly think of being a dad, constantly fantasize about having kids of my own, and I love the thought of being a family man. I am probably the only guy I know of who daydreams about being a dad, doing all the things that devoted dads do.

 

Okay, next speaker on soapbox please...

 

Matthew

[Jaded]

Okay, next speaker on soapbox please...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

It's definitely a toss up for me. There are times when I miss having someone to share the good and bad with, someone to hang out with and do things with. On the other hand it is also nice to be able to take off with friends without having to coordinate two work schedules and dealing with two sets of "things that come up."

 

I enjoy being in a relationship and lately I have been feeling a bit lonely. I have also been in relationships that were very one sided with myself doing most of the compromising (in my view anyway) and they just aren't worth it.

 

It's not always easy being single, but diving into a relationship with the wrong person is far worse. Take your time and find someone compatable.

 

31 (shit...almost 32) and still single.

[bob]

Here are my thoughts.

Join a club. I am a firm believer that clubs (hobbies and interests) are a great place to find a partner.

I was not looking for a partner (because I already had one), but I met the most wonderful woman at my photography club, of which I had been a member for several years.

As I said, I was not looking, and she wasn't looking either. She was just in need of a social outlet, and I was just interested in photography.

We are the same age (mid forties), we both love photography, and we have developed very strong feelings for each other over the past three months. We are in love.

Here is the catch; She is a conservative, Bush supporting, church-every-Sunday-Christian. I have liberal leanings, think Bush is an idiot, and am an atheist (ex-christian). She gets her news from FOX, I get mine from CNN. Yet we so thoroughly enjoy each others company. We can't stand being away from each other.

I just don't think we will ever find a partner that we are completely and perfectly compatible with....so, in my opinion, join a club or two, and don't limit your search to only those who share your personal social views. Compromise is a wonderful mental exercise.

Just my thoughts.

[Guest Peyton]

I never thought I could find a partner that would ever understand me or know where I was coming from but I have. She's so like me in many ways, we've been through similar things and it's like we've always known each other. I'm 31 and I didn't think love was going to come a-calling but it has. It will for you too, mark my words.

[Matthew]

I never thought I could find a partner that would ever understand me or know where I was coming from but I have.  She's so like me in many ways, we've been through similar things and it's like we've always known each other.  I'm 31 and I didn't think love was going to come a-calling but it has.  It will for you too, mark my words.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Peyton,

 

For some reason, this post that you have made has rekindled a bit of hope for me. WHen you say that you never thought you could ever find someone who would understand you/where you were coming from, that's exactly what I was thinking. No one would share my unique interests, my unique perspective, my ideas, etc. On the other hand, we just need to drag Bob's lady friend on here and initiate her into the Dark Side.

 

Matthew

 

p.s. Peyton, can you elaborate more on your partner. What was it about you that you thought someone who never understand or know what you were coming from? How are you two alike? I ask this because I want my hope further cemented. I really would like to "mark your words".

[NimbusBirdMgp]

As for me. I tried the Clubs, like the Audubon Society for Bird Watching. I got tired of the Hot Climate, getting tired and all there where, where gals that where already married or had a boy friend. I was upset with the mess. It doesn't work for me. Another one was the Space Frontier Society. Checking out the Science Museum. Nothing.

 

Really I just like the art of sex. Why does that have to have other strings attached by doing other than what I really want?

[spidermonkey]

Compromise is a wonderful mental exercise.

Just my thoughts.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Every time I've tried that, I've ended up around some jackass who thinks it's great fun to play devil's advocate.....EVEN AFTER I SAID NOT TO. This doesn't include the people who flat out put me down for my views. Come on now, I have the rest of the world to make me uncomfortable and I don't need it in my personal relationships. I made a post about that sort of thing here.

 

I'd rather be alone than stuck in a relationship with someone like that.

 

Granted, some values are more important to me than others, but I don't want to be picked on for being childfree, 100% pro-choice, atheist, etc., etc., etc., for the rest of my life - or at least until I can score a decent divorce lawyer.

 

I don't mean to sound rude, but I spent damn near two decades being brainwashed by various people and I don't want to spend the rest of my life hiding my true self.

[bob]

As for me.  I tried the Clubs, like the Audubon Society for Bird Watching.  I got tired of the Hot Climate, getting tired and all there where, where gals that where already married or had a boy friend.  I was upset with the mess.  It doesn't work for me.  Another one was the Space Frontier Society.  Checking out the Science Museum.  Nothing.

 

Really I just like the art of sex.  Why does that have to have other strings attached by doing other than what I really want?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good Question. I guess if sex is all you want, save up and find a good prostitute. I love sex. But it is not my top priority now, at my age. I have been having sex on a regular basis for more than 30 years. And as much as I still enjoy it, if my lady told me she didn't want to have sex for a while, (though I don't see that happening...she is a love animal) for what ever reason, but she just wanted to spend time with me, I would be just as happy. Companionship is what I desire.

So if all you want is sex, don't go to a photography club, go to a....sex club?

[Flyby Stardancer]

I'm 18, almost 19, and I've never been on a date, never been kissed, etc. And I'm very introverted and shy (I think I'm sociiophobic). Plus, due to being a bio major and other stuff, I don't really get out onto the social scene. Hate parties with loud music, don't like drinking alcohol (though I don't get upset when others drink), hate smoking and drugs. Chances of scoring a plausible date: nigh zip. Then add in my utter geekiness in still being into a specific children's show and collecting the toys and such (my entire family laughs at me for it), and the fact that I'm agnostic... I don't have any luck. And while I'm not looking right now (would rather wait until I've gotten at least my first degree), I still feel the sting of loneliness a lot. And there's not really any clubs that I know about at school that I'm interested in...

 

I still entertain hopes that I'll meet someone someday...but I do feel a lot that it's hopeless for me.

[NimbusBirdMgp]

Good Question.  I guess if sex is all you want, save up and find a good prostitute.  I love sex.  But it is not my top priority now, at my age.  I have been having sex on a regular basis for more than 30 years.  And as much as I still enjoy it, if my lady told me she didn't want to have sex for a while, (though I don't see that happening...she is a love animal) for what ever reason, but she just wanted to spend time with me, I would be just as happy.  Companionship is what I desire. 

So if all you want is sex, don't go to a photography club, go to a....sex club?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I said that I want the art of sex, which is not the sex prostitudes will offer me. I've never found sex clubs ever existing. I don't think I'll be able to find something that doesn't exist. This world has me very upset about it all right now. (Things are making me think of suidcide.)

[Matthew]

And while I'm not looking right now (would rather wait until I've gotten at least my first degree), I still feel the sting of loneliness a lot. And there's not really any clubs that I know about at school that I'm interested in...

 

I still entertain hopes that I'll meet someone someday...but I do feel a lot that it's hopeless for me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Fly,

 

I can emphasize with what you wrote. Although I am not as introverted as I used to be as a child, I know what it's like to be "geeky". I don't feel too bad over it (my buddies Lokmer and Kitty are fellow geeks! lol) though. As painful a decision as it was- I have decided to stop looking for someone. As grudgeful as it was for me, I came to conclude that I am not going to meet someone at my university and I should better concentrate on my B.A. I'd be lying if I said sex didn't occupy my thoughts- it does. Constantly. Just for what it's worth- I don't think bad of you that you're a Transformers fan. I have a hobby- assembling model railroads. So, I can only salute you and respect you for it. I just wish people were more supportive of your likes and dislikes.

 

Matthew

[Amethyst]

(Things are making me think of suidcide.)

 

Please don't do that. Get some help if you are seriously thinking that way. At least find someone in real life who you can talk to and tell them what you are feeling. I lost a cousin, a friend in high school, and recently a housemate to suicide because none of them wanted to talk to anyone about what they were going through. The world needs more Ex-Christians, not fewer.

[Guest Peyton]

Hi Matthew. For years people would say to me "there's someone for everyone" and "mark my words, you'll find someone" ... lol ... and I thought "yeah, right!" But it's happened.

 

My partner and I were friends for 2 years first and we never thought of each other in terms of anything more than that however over one evening everything just changed, I don't know what but it was basically a hug we shared. Something happened for both of us and we just knew we wanted to take the relationship to another level. We have a solid grounding of friendship and now something more entirely. I can't describe to you in what ways we are similar, I know this will sound naff and I don't mean it to but she is sort of like another side of me, my 'other half' for want of better words. She's a part of me, when she hurts I hurt and when she's happy, as am I.

 

I never ever thought I would find anyone, I always assumed that although I had precious friends, that a 'significant other' wouldn't materialise. I was wrong. I do believe there's someone for anyone. I'm such a nutter, always joking around. I have a strange sense of humour, my musical tastes are a bit mad, I'm terribly outspoken and various other things. I'm no male model and am not good looking yet she sees through all of this to the heart of me. She accepts me, loves me as I do her. I guess I just thought that because I wasn't a typical bloke that I would be alone. I'm not now. I honestly believe you'll find someone, look if I can then you can too, I'm sure of it.

[Merlinfmct87]

The only advice I can really think of is DON'T SETTLE... If you want something rare, then you'd better be in for the long haul when it comes time for the search.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I can't agree more small... can't agree more...

 

Another thought:

 

The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were

 

(Things are making me think of suidcide.)

 

Can I ask you to hold off on that thought for now? Not only is Amethyst right in saying we need more Ex-C's, not less... all things must end. Good, bad, doesn't matter. It *will* end.

 

Feel free to PM me if you need someone to unload on.. I'd be happy and honoured to lend an ear.

 

You're not entierly alone here...

 

Merlin

[Flyby Stardancer]

Fly,

 

  I can emphasize with what you wrote. Although I am not as introverted as I used to be as a child, I know what it's like to be "geeky". I don't feel too bad over it (my buddies Lokmer and Kitty are fellow geeks! lol) though. As painful a decision as it was- I have decided to stop looking for someone. As grudgeful as it was for me, I came to conclude that I am not going to meet someone at my university and I should better concentrate on my B.A. I'd be lying if I said sex didn't occupy my thoughts- it does. Constantly. Just for what it's worth- I don't think bad of you that you're a Transformers fan. I have a hobby- assembling model railroads. So, I can only salute you and respect you for it. I just wish people were more supportive of your likes and dislikes.

 

  Matthew

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

What's kinda funny is that my introverted-ness didn't occur until 1st grade. Before that I was very much a social butterfly. Then all of a sudden, I became very much a loner, trying to make friends but not succeding very well.

 

And I'm acutally lucky in regards to family and friends when it comes to TFs. My parents will pay for a new toy if I'm out shopping with them, and they help me find ways of organizing them. A year or two ago, my cousin was browsing at Goodwill and found one of those TFs made for babies (Go-Bots), and recognized the faction symbol on it, and and bought it for me. My best friend is also a TF fan, which makes it easy to go ga-ga over it with her (we even have the same fave char!). The problem comes up when I'm trying to make new friends (like at my university, which is two states away from my family and friends). I do make it known fairly early on that I'm into TFs because it is a major part of who I am, and it seems to freak people out.

[NimbusBirdMgp]

Please don't do that.  Get some help if you are seriously thinking that way.  At least find someone in real life who you can talk to and tell them what you are feeling.  I lost a cousin, a friend in high school, and recently a housemate to suicide because none of them wanted to talk to anyone about what they were going through.  The world needs more Ex-Christians, not fewer.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I'm thinking what I should have said, was I sense life around me is trying to murder me. My efforts for trying to find the life I want is ending up futile and vane.

 

That has been a problem here in Sacramento, California. I like Nimbus Rain Clouds for my incentives and when they are not around, there is more with the climate that depresses me, when High Pressure is in the air, making it totally clear weather. I haven't been able to manage moving, because loosing what I have would be suicide for me. I don't have garentees for finding a new job in Washington and a place to live up there, due to my handicap. No job like experiences or education. Then if I'm not always up to my job, could it be sustaining for me, without being laid off or fired? Staying where I am is prudent, but it doesn't let me live the life I want. A catch 22 \ antinomy \ paradox!

 

I haven't found the means for the right kind of couseling. I had it in the past, which didn't really do anything, but made my head spin with wasted time and money.

[Amethyst]

I haven't found the means for the right kind of couseling. I had it in the past, which didn't really do anything, but made my head spin with wasted time and money.

 

Well, at least you're here.

 

I recommend journaling as a method of therapy--it helps me a lot.

 

There are no guarantees about finding a job anywhere in the US, or keeping it for the long run. Job security is a thing of the past. No matter how well you do your work, you could still be laid off. You could try temping, I suppose. But most temp jobs are low-pay unless you have a college degree, and even then, you're not guaranteed anything. Been there, done that, didn't get the T-shirt cause I couldn't afford it at the time. But companies shouldn't be discriminating against you because of a disability. If they do, they're committing a crime.

[DaveL]

I almost made the mistake of my life with a "good Catholic Girl". It started out as just companionship, but next thing I knew was deeper and deeper into the Church scene (at her request). It was during the prime of my life and I was never so miserable...what a waste.

 

And yes...no sex...we were gonna wait. That really sucked (or lack there of).

Lots of idealogical differences (abortion etc), and the fact that my family weren't Catholic enough for her made me totally miserable. So glad I didn't marry her.

 

I never saw anyone for 18 months after that. I was too freaked out to get involved. On the bright side it helped me define who and what I didn't want in my life.

 

All is well now, I'm married to a great athiest gal, who has never been touched by religion - EVER!! We are very much on the same wavelength, although she doesn't have the same need to question the metaphysical and social ills of religion. She is totally comfortable with who she is.

 

[sonofspong]

Ha, I know where alot of you are comin' from. As a teen, not only was I introverted, I was overweight and had a rather low self-esteem.

 

Trust me, sucking in gym class and every sport known to man is almost a death sentence to a teenage male. Whats worse, altough my grades were good, my intellect was hardly exceptional enough to make up for my physical prowness. (or lack thereof)

 

Hell, the special ed kids perfomed better than I did. They could at least catch the ball with thier teeth.

 

Of course, I got older, wiser, and a bit less bitter. But most of the nicer girls I've dated where christians, so naturally my relationships didn't last long.

 

In fact, often one of the first questions I usually got asked was "do you go to church"? At this point I would slap my head.

 

Being an evil god-hating heathen is tough, indeed.