Am I the only one

[Lilith]

In relation to your children - my advice would be the opposite. Don't start anticipating battles - if you start drawing up your defences around the children and preparing for battle - there will be a fight.

 

The children are not and shouldn't ever become part of the fight between you and your wife.

 

The children don't belong to anyone except themselves and what it important here is what they want and how they feel. Most children want their parents back together, and if not - being civil to each other and being 100 % supportive of their (the children) relationship with the absent parent.

 

Let your wife go and do what she had to do. Maybe this is part of her de-conversion process. We all do it different. Although your anger is understandable it does sound like you are being a tad judgemental about the morality of her actions. You yourself have not always been exactly convential about sexual relationships if I recall correctly. You don't really know how she feeling inside - your perception of what her behaviour says about her, is just that - your perception. She might be unhappy and hurting inside as well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Yes, BUT...

 

There is a world of difference between two rational adults who decide they can no longer stayed married to each other, and an unrational parent vs. the children's safety (both emotionally and physically). It wouldn't hurt to have the ducks lined up, so to speak. If she continues to prove herself unstable, then for your daughter's sake, Borg, be prepared.

 

Divorce is hell. I've been through it both personally and as an adult child with my parents' divorce. Unfortunately for me, both happened at the same time. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I don't feel Borg is being "judgemental" in a negative sense at all. I agree that no one but his wife can know what she's going through or feeling, but the fact stands that she seems to have snapped somehow. Until her actions prove sensible in some form or another, I think it's good advice to be prepared for anything.

[Lilith]

Oh, and Borg honey.....expect feelings of depression and dispair. But also know it will lessen with time. Those emotions will get fewer and further in between. My biggest shock with my divorce was as much as a year or more later, I'd be doing the dishes or something...not even thinking about my ex, when all of a sudden something would flash through my head, I would get completely pissed at him and think, "That son-of-a-bitch!!"

 

But it does get better over time, even though things feel completely hopeless right now. You go ahead and write pages and pages if you like. I'm happy to read and listen whenever you need it.