I Think I'm Permanently Screwed Up.

[OpheliaGinger]

I am 21 and I have the same issue, but my problem is that I am a coward. I never have the courage and it sucks to talk to a girl.

 

I really really really really really want this to change so much.

 

Wanna meet up? jk

[Ramen666]

What is really really interesting about this whole ordeal, this issue happened 5 years ago (damn I can't believe it has been that long) and that is what made me snap because unlike this situation I had the girl, she was like what I dreamed of and prayed for (I was a Christian then), then she left my class and acted like I didn't exist after that and I saw her a lot.

 

I mean rarely do I find a girl that has the chemistry and we had a very good chemistry. Then after that day that she left the class and I lost the courage to do anything about it (well I did talk to her once after that she was 1 year older than me damn she was awesome) . Anyway that really was my breaking point of no prayers answered and thus the journey began seeing the hatred in Christianity, hypocrisy in the Bible, ect. Kind of, if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be here.

[Jedah]

 

First of all, Jedah, your #1 response is pathetic, sexist, and disgusting. Otherwise your advice is absurd and completely wrong.

 

 

I think you missed my point if you are that upset. Read my second post.

 

It's not that those are all that matter period, just what matters in "the pickup game". The reality is if she goes to a bar or night club those 3 things really will be the only thing most of the men there will care about. If she want's to avoid the possibility of a sex-only relationship, it's best to avoid those areas entirely.

[OpheliaGinger]

 

First of all, Jedah, your #1 response is pathetic, sexist, and disgusting. Otherwise your advice is absurd and completely wrong.

 

 

I think you missed my point if you are that upset. Read my second post.

 

It's not that those are all that matter period, just what matters in "the pickup game". The reality is if she goes to a bar or night club those 3 things really will be the only thing most of the men there will care about. If she want's to avoid the possibility of a sex-only relationship, it's best to avoid those areas entirely.

 

I'm personally not a fan of the bar dating scene. Nothing like finding a potential life partner while they are inebriated.

[ContraBardus]

You know, there -is- a Sex and Christianity forum tailor made for topics like this one?

 

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not complaining about this being here or anything, but this kind of topic is exactly what that section is for.

 

All you've got to do is PM any Admin or Mod and you can get the Password. It's painless really, and it's not full of porn or anything.

 

You'll likely get more and better responses for this sort of topic there.

 

Again, I'm not trying to discourage postings like this, nor am I complaining that there's anything wrong with the topic. I don't want to sound like I'm whining that this shouldn't be here or that anyone should feel that it's wrong to post something like this, or that it doesn't belong here or that it's somehow inappropriate but, again, we do have a section -especially made just for this kind of topic- Sex and Christianity. So why not use it?

 

I'm not one of them, but I'm to understand that not everyone is comfortable with topics like this on the board at large, which is the reason for the Sex and Christianity section to begin with, [and incidentally, why it's password protected].

 

I get why someone would put this here though, as it does play a big role in some of our Ex-Christian Lives, myself included.

 

This seems kind of borderline as a subject goes. Still, I think it might serve you better to ask this sort of question there. Having the extra 'shield' as it were of a protected forum might serve to open some people up a bit more and make for better replies.

 

Just sayin...

[RankStranger]

I really really really really really want this to change so much.

 

Do it while you're young. As in NOW. Those who put it off until later--until they graduate, until they're making more money, until they develop more emotionally, or whatever the fuck--generally end up kicking themselves. The older you get the harder it gets to turn the ship around.

 

You in college? The time is definitely now.

 

Now, how much of this would you say is Christian baggage and how much of it... ain't?

 

Best advice in the thread, Ramen.

 

In some ways, this isn't even about you, nor is it entirely about sex. It's about how our society views sex- and those who haven't tried it yet. This is a rite of passage (or whatever you want to call it) that you pretty much HAVE to fulfill to be respected in our society. Not saying it's right... just saying that that's what I've observed.

 

As a fellow nerd who was rather awkward and scared of females when I was younger, I think I have some perspective. And if I could beat just ONE thing into my head as a teenager, it'd be this: swallow any fear you've got, DON'T try too hard, and get this thing done. It may not turn out right... may not even be all that fun at first. But once you break the seal, it WILL change how you see roughly half of your fellow humans- and opens up more possibilities than you might imagine. Not to mention that from what I've seen, being a virgin past 30 is socially crippling (again, not saying that it's right). Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that my experience was pretty limited until I was 22... and in White Trash country where I'm from, that's OLD. Back in East Tennessee, lots of gals have 3 kids by that age.

[Ramen666]

For some reason reading that post made me feel worse...I don't know why. I mean it is excellent advice, I mean it is not just about "sex" with me I want a girl that I have good chemistry with.

 

I mean I see them quite often and then find out that they are taken, it pisses me off. I mean chemistry is a major part. I don't want to have sex with any random girl though, I want it to be someone I am truly attracted to.

 

 

Now, how much of this would you say is Christian baggage and how much of it... ain't?

 

I would say most of it is "me", I don't really see Christianity as a factor anymore in anything. That is a problem that I have had 5 years ago before I came here. I mean the issue wasn't talking to her however, it was telling her how I feel about her.

 

It was like the once in a lifetime chance and I screwed it up.

[RankStranger]

Well goddamn it, Ramen- it wasn't meant to make you feel good. It was a well-meant kick in the ass... trying to motivate you to man-up and go get what you want. I know it's difficult- believe me, I know. But it's well worth the effort.

[Ramen666]

It did motivate me by kicking me in the ass really. I just trying to figure this right now, because this has been kind of something nagging at me for a while . Your advice did something that it got to me and that is a good thing something needs to get to me.

 

Basically I need be thrown into a "lion's den" and work with it. I need to be able to deal with it and that is the best way going against the grain.

[Moxie]

As for me, I realise I need to be true to myself. The societal pressure to be coupled just for the sake of it was heavy.

It isn't christian baggage so much for me as it is finding that I like the freedom I have now. Sure, someone will say "But you can share that freedom with someone."

I look forward to the day when society sees there is a third option.

[Vomit Comet]

I mean chemistry is a major part. I don't want to have sex with any random girl though, I want it to be someone I am truly attracted to.

 

 

Don't knock it until you've tried it. After all, your dick doesn't need a commitment.

 

Well, I'll just say this. I finally caved in and fucked a girl that wanted to fuck me, after having turned down three or four prior opportunities in short succession. I just couldn't take it anymore, I frickin' had to get me some poon and I was just sick and tired of forcing myself to turn away from it. I guess Satan cackled as I finally succumbed to temptation. Thanks for lookin' out for me, Satan!

 

This is the bottom line: casual no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits sex, which was how I lost my cherry and which was how I got good at fuckin' in the months that followed, did more for my mental health than that fucker Jesus ever fucking did. When it comes to those of us who were plagued by our virginities well past their expiration dates, the healing power of pussy is just about second to none, my friend. Those who first got laid at a normal age will never, ever, ever fucking understand, and that's a goddamn motherfucking fact.

 

 

Also, it's very common for "late virgins" to idealize romance and sex, especially here in headfucked America. If I were you, I would sit down and really question hard this sentiment. I'm not saying it's wrong or lame or stupid, but "late virgins" (I'm assuming you're still such) are very prone to idealizing romance/sex. 6 times out of 10 they finally lose their cherry and go "what the fuck was I thinking!" and proceed to kick themselves over all the times they might have been able to get laid before.

 

I hear tell that many Christians who successfully save it for the marriage bed have similar reactions. "This is it? Well, fuck."

 

It's all well and good to want a relationship. However... if there's a girl and she wants to fuck you and she looks good and your penis is going "oh god yes PLEASE yes!!!" and she's not psycho or married then don't make your poor deprived penis hate you. Fuck the girl for Christ's sake!!!

[Ramen666]

I will tell you honestly there is two things that are going on/I want:

 

1. First sex of course I want for the experience

2. I honestly do want a relationship also with a girl that does have good chemistry with me

 

I know that they do not always have to be connected, but in the end I know I will easily choose the first thing when given the opportunity even if I don't have the second thing. You got to realize I will cave easily with or without the relationship aspect because if I turned something down like that I will be going "what the hell was I thinking".

[RankStranger]

Ramen:

 

I think some people are wired for casual sex; some aren't.

 

In theory, I have no problem with it at all, and I tried it with a few gals- one over a period of several months- before I met my wife. And I think it was good for me to have that experience before I met the gal who is now my wife... definitely cuts down on the "what if's", and made us both more comfortable as sex wasn't a Big Fucking Deal anymore. But in practice, I just don't think I'm wired for casual sex- at least not on a long-term basis. Sex is a powerful thing, and IMO unless you're a sociopath, it WILL affect how you feel about a gal... even if you're not particularly compatible with or personally interested in her. So be careful here- there's a REASON why people constantly preach at teenagers, telling them that they're not 'emotionally ready' for sex yet. If you're getting laid regularly for the first time, it's DAMN easy to fall for the gal- even if she isn't really 'right' for you. This is NOT a caution against casual sex- I'm all for it and think it's normal, healthy experience that will help you in building a permanent relationship in the future. Just warning you that your mind might react in unexpected ways to this new experience of casual sex- mine did.

 

So while I understand why you want a relationship- I'm suggesting that you may not be able to jump into one right away... nor is that necessarily the best way to go about it (despite what our culture tells us). IMO, once you have some experience in the matter (even if it isn't really ideal), you'll be in a much better position to understand what you do/don't want in a relationship, and you'll be much more comfortable pursuing one once you meat a gal who you're REALLY interested in.

 

 

Sentinel: I'm not ignoring you. It's just that I understand this situation from a male perspective, having been through much of this before. I don't know how much of my advice would apply to a female (though I think much of it would). I'm hoping some female Exchristians will give some input an/or correct us guys where we're wrong.

[Ramen666]

linky (not to eharmony but the other sites)

 

I believe I can change it, I really do. I want both what I stated above but I will take either one in any order.

 

Edit: Sentinel sorry if I kinda hijacked your thread or if it looks that way. It just seemed silly to create a new thread when we seem to have the same issue but just different perspective on it.

[qadeshet]

I Think I'm Permanently Screwed Up

 

Welcome to the club. What are your interests? There are lots of good places to meet people. Bookstores are good, museums, grocery stores, libraries are good. Try to meet people with common interests and just get to know them. You may find some good dates that way. Just take your time and don't get in a big hurry.

[Ramen666]

Thanks for this advice BO, I think I get it now. I can't be so damn serious all the time.

[Spike Spiegel]

Thanks for this advice BO, I think I get it now. I can't be so damn serious all the time.

 

I think the "being serious" thing has been a big problem for me as well--when I was a fundy, I was so concerned with "guarding my passions" and repressing not just my sexuality, but my very essence as a human being...it's been a big adjustment for me over the past few months. I am sort of in that same boat, being a eighteen-year old virgin. Most of my peers (even my "Christian" ones) have done what a former friend of mine refers to as "tasting the oranges."

 

It's not about getting laid at this point, I think I just want to have a relationship with woman who can be a friend and companion as well as...all that other stuff.

[Ramen666]

Welcome to the forums.

 

Know that you are not alone in this, I want what you want also.

[Franko47]

Or the best pickup line I've heard: (for a guy talking to a girl for the first time)

 

 

"Do you think this is the right color shirt for me; should it match my eyes?"

 

 

Yeah, I laughed too, till I tried it.

[OpheliaGinger]

If you don't like the idea of not getting laid, get on an SSRI--you won't even care that you're not getting any.

[Rachel790]

Firstly Jedah or whatever the hell your name is you are sick. Telling a woman things like this about her BMI is shallow and pathetic. Get a fecking life!!!

 

You just be yourself darlin, get yourself out and mixing with as many people as possible. Why not try computer dating. When you meet someone and you feel the time is right to have sex you should be proud you are a virgin. Far better than being someone who sleeps around if you ask me!! and your partner will probably feel it is lovely you have saved yourself.

 

Take care and ignore that stupid pratt!!! He needs shooting!!!

[kazza]

Jedah mentioned most men dont believe in BBW - just curious but what does BBW stand for?

[Ramen666]

I know I haven't posted in this thread in a while but I think I found the girl I want to talk to. I talked to her once already a week ago. I got to thinking, wait a minute.

 

 

She better not have a boyfriend.

[Vomit Comet]

I know I haven't posted in this thread in a while but I think I found the girl I want to talk to. I talked to her once already a week ago. I got to thinking, wait a minute.

 

 

"Never hesitate." - Sean Connery in 'The Rock.'

[Ramen666]

I know I haven't posted in this thread in a while but I think I found the girl I want to talk to. I talked to her once already a week ago. I got to thinking, wait a minute.

 

 

She better not have a boyfriend.

 

Hey, what are you waiting for, unless she is married, she is not legally tied to any guy. If he is not paying attention to her, he deserves to lose her...maybe to you....

 

She doesn't have a ring so that is + 1