Apology & Rant

[Guest Valk0010]

I've now reached the book of Exodus. I am confused.

With what?

[Guest Valk0010]

With or without God, life is empty and meaningless. All the things that people fill their lives with are really just pointless distractions. Sure, they bring enjoyment, which is important, I would say. But what happens when that gets stripped away? Take all those distractions away.... and you've got an empty, pointless, depressing existence. It's all empty. And, for some reason, religion makes life more empty and void than it ever was to begin with. People talk about having a God shaped hole. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. All I know is, trying to fill the hole with God made the hole bigger. It didn't give me any fulfillment, meaning, or purpose, it just gave me a bigger void than I already had. Actually, I didn't have much of a void to begin with, before religion came into the picture. Things used to be good. Very good, actually. I don't know what happened. It all went straight to hell. Somehow, nothing I can do can take me back to that mentality.

I still think you need to see a doctor.

 

But anyhow, to me, life is a self fulfilling existence. Today, I was walking to my job, a job I hate. I managed to get there early, so I decided to spend about 5 minutes looking out at the waterfront. That made getting to work easier.

 

The short of it, I am saying, this world is not empty and void, as long as you know where to look for meaning.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

How about finding something, anything, that you enjoy doing and concentrating on that for a while? It could be something like getting a pet, going for walks, making friends, doing cross word puzzles.... You get the picture. Finding something, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, that you can actually enjoy doing. Anything (so long as it's not self-destructive or harmful to someone else).

 

Check this out:

 

http://www.discoverfun.com/freeinfo/500fun/when_severly_bored.html

 

Here's the thing. I can't get on with life until I get my beliefs settled. Religion affects every aspect of life. What activities I allow myself to participate in, what I allow to come out of my mouth, what I talk about, how I view things, who I might consider dating, etc. Everything. I know things I enjoy doing that I would like to get into. Thing is, I don't know whether to or not until I know where I stand. "What? I can't play/listen to/sing this! That's of the devil!" That's one mere example, but it's like that with everything.

 

They leave Egypt.

 

What's confusing? I find a lot of strange things in there, but then I "understand" that it's from a barbaric culture that accepted that punishment of an individual by killing his children was acceptable.

 

Moses and the Egyptian sorcerers? They both did a magic trick where sticks were turned into snakes. Moses snakes were better.

 

Is it something else?

 

I've read Genesis before, and the very beginning of Exodus. That's not what confuses me. At least not on an understanding level. I just meant that as a general statement, I'm confused. About beliefs. Atheism, Judaism, Christianity, how the two religions tie together, evolution, etc.

 

At first, I thought you were quoting the book of Ecclesiastes.

 

1. The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

 

17. So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 

But, as with the book, it gets better.

 

13. I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.

 

24. A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work.

 

22. So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

 

13. Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning.

14. The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom.

 

15. So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.

 

I've read it before. From what I understand, I don't think Christians like that book very much.

 

I'm not getting into the argument for God that I see in this post simply because...

Maybe focusing on an illness that makes you suffer with anxiety problems and then leave the god stuff for like, accidental musings.

 

Simply because, if you are living out of control with your anxiety, you can have multiple enlightenment moments and they won't mean a damn thing until you get your anxiety levels and any type of emotional or mental illness you may suffer from.

 

The God stuff is causing the anxiety, I know. But I can't just drop it and forget about it, it's not that simple. In fact, the more I try to do that, the more I will not be able to.

 

With what?

 

Same old shit, really.

 

I still think you need to see a doctor.

 

But anyhow, to me, life is a self fulfilling existence. Today, I was walking to my job, a job I hate. I managed to get there early, so I decided to spend about 5 minutes looking out at the waterfront. That made getting to work easier.

 

The short of it, I am saying, this world is not empty and void, as long as you know where to look for meaning.

 

It all depends on how a person looks at it. To some, the cup is half empty, to some, it's half full.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I'm a pathetic cowardly insecure person who wears masks and sometimes lies in order to avoid confrontation. This is not who I want to be.

[florduh]

I still think you need to see a doctor.

No shit.

 

Check into a mental health clinic and tell them your fears. You will probably be kept there for awhile and treated for your paranoid delusion. You're not the only person who has paranoid delusions. My nephew was afraid to go outside because there were soldiers surrounding the house. One week, counseling, and some drugs to balance brain chemistry and he's been fine for the last three years. Try it.

 

Or, you can continue to say it's hopeless and there is nothing you can do. Your choice.

[MagickMonkey]

I'm a pathetic cowardly insecure person who wears masks and sometimes lies in order to avoid confrontation. This is not who I want to be.

 

IF that's an honest, rational assessment of who you are, then trying to convince you otherwise would be a disservice. No one can change who they are overnight, but feeling bad about yourself is a waste. Doing something about it is not. Take small steps over time to improve who you are. Everyone has character flaws that need to be worked on.

 

I suspect, though, that your current mood is making you a little too hard on yourself. Whether or not there is any truth to your self assessment, you may be judging yourself too harshly. When making such judgements, try to isolate your emotions as much as possible, and make the judgement with the thinking part of your brain. Then use the thinking part of your brain to decide what to do about it.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I still think you need to see a doctor.

No shit.

 

Check into a mental health clinic and tell them your fears. You will probably be kept there for awhile and treated for your paranoid delusion. You're not the only person who has paranoid delusions. My nephew was afraid to go outside because there were soldiers surrounding the house. One week, counseling, and some drugs to balance brain chemistry and he's been fine for the last three years. Try it.

 

Or, you can continue to say it's hopeless and there is nothing you can do. Your choice.

 

I'm looking into it. So far I can't find anything that fits that description anywhere near where I live. I'll keep looking.

 

I'm a pathetic cowardly insecure person who wears masks and sometimes lies in order to avoid confrontation. This is not who I want to be.

 

IF that's an honest, rational assessment of who you are, then trying to convince you otherwise would be a disservice. No one can change who they are overnight, but feeling bad about yourself is a waste. Doing something about it is not. Take small steps over time to improve who you are. Everyone has character flaws that need to be worked on.

 

I suspect, though, that your current mood is making you a little too hard on yourself. Whether or not there is any truth to your self assessment, you may be judging yourself too harshly. When making such judgements, try to isolate your emotions as much as possible, and make the judgement with the thinking part of your brain. Then use the thinking part of your brain to decide what to do about it.

 

There's truth to my self assessment. I know, I need to shut up and do something about it, but it's not easy. My brain is jumbled up with all this stuff, so it gets overwhelming and I often am not sure how to go about doing it. Anything about myself that I've ever tried to seriously change, I've always failed. I don't understand why.

[MagickMonkey]

Anything about myself that I've ever tried to seriously change, I've always failed. I don't understand why.

 

I think everybody has that problem. I'd like to be more fit, and I got to where I was pretty fit for a while, but now my gut is back. Just try to find a way not to beat yourself up too much about it. (yeah, I know, easier said than done).

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Anything about myself that I've ever tried to seriously change, I've always failed. I don't understand why.

 

I think everybody has that problem. I'd like to be more fit, and I got to where I was pretty fit for a while, but now my gut is back. Just try to find a way not to beat yourself up too much about it. (yeah, I know, easier said than done).

 

I'm talking even the smallest resolution. Failed. Every one of them.

[PocketAces]

How about finding something, anything, that you enjoy doing and concentrating on that for a while? It could be something like getting a pet, going for walks, making friends, doing cross word puzzles.... You get the picture. Finding something, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, that you can actually enjoy doing. Anything (so long as it's not self-destructive or harmful to someone else).

 

Check this out:

 

http://www.discoverfun.com/freeinfo/500fun/when_severly_bored.html

 

Here's the thing. I can't get on with life until I get my beliefs settled. Religion affects every aspect of life. What activities I allow myself to participate in, what I allow to come out of my mouth, what I talk about, how I view things, who I might consider dating, etc. Everything. I know things I enjoy doing that I would like to get into. Thing is, I don't know whether to or not until I know where I stand. "What? I can't play/listen to/sing this! That's of the devil!" That's one mere example, but it's like that with everything.

 

They leave Egypt.

 

What's confusing? I find a lot of strange things in there, but then I "understand" that it's from a barbaric culture that accepted that punishment of an individual by killing his children was acceptable.

 

Moses and the Egyptian sorcerers? They both did a magic trick where sticks were turned into snakes. Moses snakes were better.

 

Is it something else?

 

I've read Genesis before, and the very beginning of Exodus. That's not what confuses me. At least not on an understanding level. I just meant that as a general statement, I'm confused. About beliefs. Atheism, Judaism, Christianity, how the two religions tie together, evolution, etc.

 

At first, I thought you were quoting the book of Ecclesiastes.

 

1. The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

 

17. So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 

But, as with the book, it gets better.

 

13. I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.

 

24. A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work.

 

22. So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

 

13. Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning.

14. The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom.

 

15. So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.

 

I've read it before. From what I understand, I don't think Christians like that book very much.

 

I'm not getting into the argument for God that I see in this post simply because...

Maybe focusing on an illness that makes you suffer with anxiety problems and then leave the god stuff for like, accidental musings.

 

Simply because, if you are living out of control with your anxiety, you can have multiple enlightenment moments and they won't mean a damn thing until you get your anxiety levels and any type of emotional or mental illness you may suffer from.

 

The God stuff is causing the anxiety, I know. But I can't just drop it and forget about it, it's not that simple. In fact, the more I try to do that, the more I will not be able to.

 

With what?

 

Same old shit, really.

 

I still think you need to see a doctor.

 

But anyhow, to me, life is a self fulfilling existence. Today, I was walking to my job, a job I hate. I managed to get there early, so I decided to spend about 5 minutes looking out at the waterfront. That made getting to work easier.

 

The short of it, I am saying, this world is not empty and void, as long as you know where to look for meaning.

 

It all depends on how a person looks at it. To some, the cup is half empty, to some, it's half full.

Reply is only meant to the part that you responded to me:

 

Well if you have an anxiety problem or some illness you suffer from:

You coming to any conclusion about the gods will be meaningless.

 

You used to be a believer and your anxiety problems were still there. You became a non-believer and your anxiety problems are still there. What is the common theme here? God, disbelief or your anxiety problems/illness that you may suffer from?

 

Belief didn't save you...non-belief thinking didn't cure you. Maybe its time for a doctor, maybe proper medication or counseling and then you can see clearer in regards to how to make a decision about this issue.

[lunaticheathen]

I've started reading the Bible again. I'm only up to the 20th chapter of Genesis and I've already started to pick up on a few things. Some of these things have already been mentioned here on the forums, but they come across differently when you actually come across them in the Bible yourself.

 

For one thing, the serpent didn't lie to Eve.

 

Now the serpent was the shrewdest of all the creatures the LORD God had made. "Really?" he asked the woman. "Did God really say you must not eat any of the fruit in the garden?" "Of course we may eat it," the woman told him. "It's only the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God says we must not eat it or even touch it, or we will die." "You won't die!" the serpent hissed. "God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat it. You will become just like God, knowing everything, both good and evil."

 

Afterwards, God said "The people have become as we are, knowing everything, both good and evil. What if they eat the fruit of the tree of life? Then they will live forever!" Then he kicked them out of the garden.

 

I don't know about the whole "you won't die" thing, I'm still thinking about that. But about the other thing, about the serpent telling Eve that they'll get the knowledge of good and evil, he told the truth! There's not a whole lot of deceit in that.

 

That's why someone made the very true bumpersticker that states "EVE WAS FRAMED!"

 

That little story is actually what caused me to chuck the bible across the room and spit on YHVH's name and word. What a total dicksnot to be threatened by his "children" LEARNING and perhaps GROWING.

 

But the Lord came down to look at the city and the tower the people were building. “Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.”

 

It almost seems like God is frightened by finite humans right there. That also seems to imply that, if they had gone on with it, they would have actually reached the heavens as they planned to.

 

He is. He's a petty, nasty, horrible deity, by his own "account" in the bible. Apparently, we are capable of ascending to the status of deity, but he finds it necessary to keep us down. This is why the gnostic/occult idea of a Demiurge is compelling. I personally believe there is a higher power than Abram's god, if it even exists - there is definitely a larger, more loving spirit than that described as the "lord" in the bible.

 

But reading the bible with no biased commentary certainly is the best case against christianity.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

How about finding something, anything, that you enjoy doing and concentrating on that for a while? It could be something like getting a pet, going for walks, making friends, doing cross word puzzles.... You get the picture. Finding something, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, that you can actually enjoy doing. Anything (so long as it's not self-destructive or harmful to someone else).

 

Check this out:

 

http://www.discoverfun.com/freeinfo/500fun/when_severly_bored.html

 

Here's the thing. I can't get on with life until I get my beliefs settled. Religion affects every aspect of life. What activities I allow myself to participate in, what I allow to come out of my mouth, what I talk about, how I view things, who I might consider dating, etc. Everything. I know things I enjoy doing that I would like to get into. Thing is, I don't know whether to or not until I know where I stand. "What? I can't play/listen to/sing this! That's of the devil!" That's one mere example, but it's like that with everything.

 

They leave Egypt.

 

What's confusing? I find a lot of strange things in there, but then I "understand" that it's from a barbaric culture that accepted that punishment of an individual by killing his children was acceptable.

 

Moses and the Egyptian sorcerers? They both did a magic trick where sticks were turned into snakes. Moses snakes were better.

 

Is it something else?

 

I've read Genesis before, and the very beginning of Exodus. That's not what confuses me. At least not on an understanding level. I just meant that as a general statement, I'm confused. About beliefs. Atheism, Judaism, Christianity, how the two religions tie together, evolution, etc.

 

At first, I thought you were quoting the book of Ecclesiastes.

 

1. The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

 

17. So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 

But, as with the book, it gets better.

 

13. I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.

 

24. A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work.

 

22. So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

 

13. Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to take warning.

14. The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom.

 

15. So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.

 

I've read it before. From what I understand, I don't think Christians like that book very much.

 

I'm not getting into the argument for God that I see in this post simply because...

Maybe focusing on an illness that makes you suffer with anxiety problems and then leave the god stuff for like, accidental musings.

 

Simply because, if you are living out of control with your anxiety, you can have multiple enlightenment moments and they won't mean a damn thing until you get your anxiety levels and any type of emotional or mental illness you may suffer from.

 

The God stuff is causing the anxiety, I know. But I can't just drop it and forget about it, it's not that simple. In fact, the more I try to do that, the more I will not be able to.

 

With what?

 

Same old shit, really.

 

I still think you need to see a doctor.

 

But anyhow, to me, life is a self fulfilling existence. Today, I was walking to my job, a job I hate. I managed to get there early, so I decided to spend about 5 minutes looking out at the waterfront. That made getting to work easier.

 

The short of it, I am saying, this world is not empty and void, as long as you know where to look for meaning.

 

It all depends on how a person looks at it. To some, the cup is half empty, to some, it's half full.

Reply is only meant to the part that you responded to me:

 

Well if you have an anxiety problem or some illness you suffer from:

You coming to any conclusion about the gods will be meaningless.

 

You used to be a believer and your anxiety problems were still there. You became a non-believer and your anxiety problems are still there. What is the common theme here? God, disbelief or your anxiety problems/illness that you may suffer from?

 

Belief didn't save you...non-belief thinking didn't cure you. Maybe its time for a doctor, maybe proper medication or counseling and then you can see clearer in regards to how to make a decision about this issue.

 

At this point all I want to say is who cares about God. I'm a pathetic weak minded stupid little fuck for ever allowing myself to get sucked in to this shit. Fuck it all.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I've started reading the Bible again. I'm only up to the 20th chapter of Genesis and I've already started to pick up on a few things. Some of these things have already been mentioned here on the forums, but they come across differently when you actually come across them in the Bible yourself.

 

For one thing, the serpent didn't lie to Eve.

 

Now the serpent was the shrewdest of all the creatures the LORD God had made. "Really?" he asked the woman. "Did God really say you must not eat any of the fruit in the garden?" "Of course we may eat it," the woman told him. "It's only the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God says we must not eat it or even touch it, or we will die." "You won't die!" the serpent hissed. "God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat it. You will become just like God, knowing everything, both good and evil."

 

Afterwards, God said "The people have become as we are, knowing everything, both good and evil. What if they eat the fruit of the tree of life? Then they will live forever!" Then he kicked them out of the garden.

 

I don't know about the whole "you won't die" thing, I'm still thinking about that. But about the other thing, about the serpent telling Eve that they'll get the knowledge of good and evil, he told the truth! There's not a whole lot of deceit in that.

 

That's why someone made the very true bumpersticker that states "EVE WAS FRAMED!"

 

That little story is actually what caused me to chuck the bible across the room and spit on YHVH's name and word. What a total dicksnot to be threatened by his "children" LEARNING and perhaps GROWING.

 

But the Lord came down to look at the city and the tower the people were building. “Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.”

 

It almost seems like God is frightened by finite humans right there. That also seems to imply that, if they had gone on with it, they would have actually reached the heavens as they planned to.

 

He is. He's a petty, nasty, horrible deity, by his own "account" in the bible. Apparently, we are capable of ascending to the status of deity, but he finds it necessary to keep us down. This is why the gnostic/occult idea of a Demiurge is compelling. I personally believe there is a higher power than Abram's god, if it even exists - there is definitely a larger, more loving spirit than that described as the "lord" in the bible.

 

But reading the bible with no biased commentary certainly is the best case against christianity.

 

It's fucking complicated. For all we know, the Bible God is real and laughs at our suffering, tries to trick us, and wants us to fall. Someone might bring up the good part of "God's character"... what if he was lying? What if the whole thing is one big trick? What if the God who claims to be good is actually evil? What if what is called evil is actually good? What if it's a jumbled up mixture of all this that a bunch of stupid men came up with?

[lunaticheathen]

What if it's a jumbled up mixture of all this that a bunch of stupid men came up with?

 

Bingo.

[Guest Valk0010]

Go with your concious. If the god of the bible is evil to you, dont follow it(if you somehow can in the first place.)

[PocketAces]

The God stuff is causing the anxiety, I know. But I can't just drop it and forget about it, it's not that simple. In fact, the more I try to do that, the more I will not be able to.

More reason why your proving that you need a doctor to help you, not answers about God, or answers from non-believers in relation to the topic of God. Which would mean the problem is in your head and not in the belief of God, or in non-belief, or in the inability to answer major questions.

 

To me, truth or believing the right thing is not anywhere close to just simply being honest with myself and others about what my subjective existence and experiences and what my mind and instincts lead me to believe.

 

Best of luck. This will be my last post here because I will not contribute anymore to your anxiety problems. I sincerely hope the best.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Go with your concious. If the god of the bible is evil to you, dont follow it(if you somehow can in the first place.)

 

Only part of it is a matter of conscience. The rest of it is probably anger.

 

More reason why your proving that you need a doctor to help you, not answers about God, or answers from non-believers in relation to the topic of God. Which would mean the problem is in your head and not in the belief of God, or in non-belief, or in the inability to answer major questions.

 

To me, truth or believing the right thing is not anywhere close to just simply being honest with myself and others about what my subjective existence and experiences and what my mind and instincts lead me to believe.

 

Best of luck. This will be my last post here because I will not contribute anymore to your anxiety problems. I sincerely hope the best.

 

I was going to answer this in the form of a question, but since you're not posting here anymore... nevermind.

[PocketAces]

Go with your concious. If the god of the bible is evil to you, dont follow it(if you somehow can in the first place.)

 

Only part of it is a matter of conscience. The rest of it is probably anger.

 

More reason why your proving that you need a doctor to help you, not answers about God, or answers from non-believers in relation to the topic of God. Which would mean the problem is in your head and not in the belief of God, or in non-belief, or in the inability to answer major questions.

 

To me, truth or believing the right thing is not anywhere close to just simply being honest with myself and others about what my subjective existence and experiences and what my mind and instincts lead me to believe.

 

Best of luck. This will be my last post here because I will not contribute anymore to your anxiety problems. I sincerely hope the best.

 

I was going to answer this in the form of a question, but since you're not posting here anymore... nevermind.

Well I hope you know I meant in this thread only. I still plan on being at exchristian.net not that it would matter to have any further conversation on god due to your anxiety problems and my inability to see and agree with your point for the need to answer the question so you don't have anxiety problems.

 

Any other topic I am more than willing to talk with you about.

 

Only posted this here to clarify.

 

Again, take care and I hope things settle down with your anxiety level in regards to this issue.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Go with your concious. If the god of the bible is evil to you, dont follow it(if you somehow can in the first place.)

 

Only part of it is a matter of conscience. The rest of it is probably anger.

 

More reason why your proving that you need a doctor to help you, not answers about God, or answers from non-believers in relation to the topic of God. Which would mean the problem is in your head and not in the belief of God, or in non-belief, or in the inability to answer major questions.

 

To me, truth or believing the right thing is not anywhere close to just simply being honest with myself and others about what my subjective existence and experiences and what my mind and instincts lead me to believe.

 

Best of luck. This will be my last post here because I will not contribute anymore to your anxiety problems. I sincerely hope the best.

 

I was going to answer this in the form of a question, but since you're not posting here anymore... nevermind.

Well I hope you know I meant in this thread only. I still plan on being at exchristian.net not that it would matter to have any further conversation on god due to your anxiety problems and my inability to see and agree with your point for the need to answer the question so you don't have anxiety problems.

 

Any other topic I am more than willing to talk with you about.

 

Only posted this here to clarify.

 

Again, take care and I hope things settle down with your anxiety level in regards to this issue.

 

I know what you meant. You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to, but I was just going to say, if my problem is 100% in my head, why is it that I was fine until religion came along? Here's the way I see it. I do have issues with my mind and thinking patterns. I probably have for a long time. But it wasn't that bad, because there wasn't anything in my life that would really flare up those issues in my head. Until religion. I've always been in a religious home, but I never took it completely seriously until a certain point. When I started becoming a Jesus freak, or trying to anyway, things started going downhill very slowly. Very slowly. It wasn't clear then, but it's crystal clear now that I look back. Taking the faith seriously was one of the worst decisions I've ever made. It was like stepping into a slow downward spiral that I'm still trapped in. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, religion and my mind are not compatible. Religion was the cause of my mental issues flaring up.

[Xerces]

 

At this point all I want to say is who cares about God. I'm a pathetic weak minded stupid little fuck for ever allowing myself to get sucked in to this shit. Fuck it all.

 

Wasn't your choice, blame your church and your parents. Some people don't "get it" until after being a pastor for many years. At least you've got your whole life ahead of you, where ever that might take you.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

 

At this point all I want to say is who cares about God. I'm a pathetic weak minded stupid little fuck for ever allowing myself to get sucked in to this shit. Fuck it all.

 

Wasn't your choice, blame your church and your parents. Some people don't "get it" until after being a pastor for many years. At least you've got your whole life ahead of you, where ever that might take you.

 

No, the blame is mine alone. I didn't get brainwashed until I started reading and listening to all kinds of fundie bullshit on the internet. That's what did it.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I would like to start drinking. Whether it adds to or takes away from my issues, I don't care. I wish I knew someone who would buy me alcohol.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I accept that I will never be normal again. I accept that there's a part of me that will never go away until I die. I accept that nothing I or anyone else can do or say will change anything. I'm not seeing a doctor. I'm not seeing a counselor or a shrink. Why bother? I'm too far gone. The simple question "What's wrong?" that anyone I try to talk to would ask is one I don't know how to answer. Until I can answer that question with the truth and nothing but the truth, talking will do no good. I'm powerless to change myself, and I don't know how to even explain why. I don't care anymore. I don't want help. I officially declare defeat.

[Guest Valk0010]

Drinking...pathetic...go and add being a drunkard to your problems, its a sin btw to get drunk.

 

Don't self medicate, i am tired of saying it, but see a shrink. I don't really think its worthwhile to help someone who wants to have a big pity circle jerk. Grow up man, see a shrink. Doesn't matter if its a shrink that happens to be a christian. Just don't go to a "christian pscyhologist". Any help can will work.

 

Btw, anger is a extension of concious sometimes.

[Guest Valk0010]

I accept that I will never be normal again. I accept that there's a part of me that will never go away until I die. I accept that nothing I or anyone else can do or say will change anything. I'm not seeing a doctor. I'm not seeing a counselor or a shrink. Why bother? I'm too far gone. The simple question "What's wrong?" that anyone I try to talk to would ask is one I don't know how to answer. Until I can answer that question with the truth and nothing but the truth, talking will do no good. I'm powerless to change myself, and I don't know how to even explain why. I don't care anymore. I don't want help. I officially declare defeat.

Accept defeat and wallow i guess, whatta yeah going to do live with your patents forever, not build relationships. Quit being shortsighted and grow the fuck up.