mcdaddy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 ...That I have major issues with xianity. On the drive home from the water park tonight with my wife and 2 girls, my 7 yr old finds my copy of "God is not Great" (Hitchens) in the pocket in the back of my seat. She says "daddy, why does this say god is not great???" Now those of you in similar situations like I'm in know exactly how this plays out. I reach around and grab it and try to downplay it but of course my wife gets all pissed and trys to grab the book, while driving, to see what kind of demonic horrible shit I've brought into their presence. I end up telling her not to judge a book by its cover, it's only about fundy wackjobs that kill people over religion (a lie but it sounded good). Not about HER beautiful all lovey dovey smoochy smoochy god. But shes pissed all the rest of the night. Not talking, you know the drill. I'm just tired of having the the thought police on my own home. I'm a great husband and dad. Sorry if that sounds arrogant but I am. Why does religion have to fuck up EVERYTHING??? Because I believe "facts" over "faith" I'm somehow still some kind of a troll even though in every other capacity I'm a good guy. It BLOWS. JUDGE ME BY THE CONTENT OF MY CHARACTER, NOT BY THE FAIRY TALES I (DON'T) BELIEVE IN. I'm so envious of the people on here that have deconverted together with their significant others. When I started my quest for truth, I asked if she would want to know the truth if xianity was a lie. She said YES. Now it's No No No No!!!!! Don't tell me anything about it! U r a meanie for not believing in GAWD!!!!! bullshit. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wndwalkr99 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Don't let her bully you. You're not wrong. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Yeah, that sure sucks. (But omg, you tell a great story...lmao!) It's true--Xianity is divisive. My hubby is going through his own process these days but we aren't yet on the same page. We continue to seek to understand the other, and he totally gets why I lost my faith, and even teases me about being a fundamentalist atheist. I wish all unequally yoked couples could have this level of open-mindedness. Feel for ya, man. And I thought your fundy defense was very funny and a great (attempt at a) save. Gawd. Look at us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Yikes. I count myself fortunate that my bf and I share very similar beliefs about religion. From your family's perspective: they're going to have a big party up in heaven with Jesus when they die, and you are depriving them of spending eternity with their husband and father because now you're going to hell for your doubt. How DARE you, you atheist monster??? You used to share in common beliefs, but now you're too good for God. Do you secretly mock them? Do you hate them? Have you abandoned your morals too? How can anyone have real love outside of a relationship with God? What is this atheism? It does not make sense, and we thought we knew our "head of the household" but guess not! I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to look your little girl in the eyes and tell her that her daddy doesn't believe in the god that her mommy is trying to indoctrinate her into believing. That's got to be a painfully delicate subject all around. Guess you have to just be patient, let your actions speak for you, and don't give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I'm so sorry. I wish I had some advice for you... My situation isn't exactly like yours, but this is similar to how I feel with my mom. She tries to be understanding (well, not really. she tries to APPEAR understanding to be a good witness), but she likes to put me on guilt trips. I had a huge box of christian books (with like 40 or 50 books in it) that I wanted to get rid of. I told my christian roommate and her christian boyfriend that they could have them, because I just wanted to get rid of them. My mom jumps in and says "What she NEEDS to do is start reading these kinds of books again!" and I said "Because I haven't read enough, clearly." and she said "Well maybe thats the problem. Too much reading, not enough doing!" Jeez... thanks mom. And then she gets mad at me for being pissed at her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 15, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 15, 2012 McD, you know that's not what your wife married into. PATIENCE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 15, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 15, 2012 And hide the stash, if you're determined to sneak it around.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 I just ......urgh. Whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I'm so envious of the people on here that have deconverted together with their significant others. When I started my quest for truth, I asked if she would want to know the truth if xianity was a lie. She said YES. Now it's No No No No!!!!! Don't tell me anything about it! U r a meanie for not believing in GAWD!!!!! bullshit. LOL! I know what you mean. "I became and athiest and my spouse did too a few days later" (sarcastic voice) AHHHHH!!!!!! (Punch in Face) Dont you just wish you could back up life and be an open athiest the entire time (somehow you'd still be able to keep the wife and kids, but you know what I mean). Religions does poison everything, marriage included. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I'm so envious of the people on here that have deconverted together with their significant others. When I started my quest for truth, I asked if she would want to know the truth if xianity was a lie. She said YES. Now it's No No No No!!!!! Don't tell me anything about it! U r a meanie for not believing in GAWD!!!!! bullshit. LOL! I know what you mean. "I became and athiest and my spouse did too a few days later" (sarcastic voice) AHHHHH!!!!!! (Punch in Face) Dont you just wish you could back up life and be an open athiest the entire time (somehow you'd still be able to keep the wife and kids, but you know what I mean). Religions does poison everything, marriage included. I cant even begin to understand what it is like for all of you who have to go through this stuff. I truly admire your strength and patience. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djoker Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I'm glad I deconverted so early in life, especially before getting married. I could never imagine being in your situation right now. I'd try to give advice, but It probably wouldn't do you any good, so I guess I'm just posting to let you know that I care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedStar Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 That really sucks, your daughter asks an innocent question about your book and your wife stops talking to you. It really pisses me off that people will treat people they say they love that way because of religion. Why would anyone want to worship a god that would send their own husband to hell for not believing stupid things??? My brother is gay and I have a xtian friend who of course doesn't "agree" with it and believes in this whole god can heal it bullshit. I'm so fucking sick of people believing something so false and destructive!!! I won't put up with that bullshit, so I'm not sure long the friendship will last. I hope your wife learns to grow up and start accepting the way you are, xtians think "Satan" is ruining things for them when in reality it's their own intolerance and attitude that is the real cause of things going bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Yikes. I count myself fortunate that my bf and I share very similar beliefs about religion. From your family's perspective: they're going to have a big party up in heaven with Jesus when they die, and you are depriving them of spending eternity with their husband and father because now you're going to hell for your doubt. How DARE you, you atheist monster??? You used to share in common beliefs, but now you're too good for God. Do you secretly mock them? Do you hate them? Have you abandoned your morals too? How can anyone have real love outside of a relationship with God? What is this atheism? It does not make sense, and we thought we knew our "head of the household" but guess not! I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to look your little girl in the eyes and tell her that her daddy doesn't believe in the god that her mommy is trying to indoctrinate her into believing. That's got to be a painfully delicate subject all around. Guess you have to just be patient, let your actions speak for you, and don't give up. Mc and I are in the same boat and personally I cant wait to tell my kids that I think its all crap. I may be mad at the moment but my GOAL in life is to raise my kids to stand on their own 2 feet not blindly wish their way through life. Anything I can do to encourage freethought even at this young age (2 and 3) I do it. I never invoke god in anything, in fact i never mention her at all. Every answer i give is scientific not some myth and I know my wife notices that there is a perfectly rational explanation for everything as I ramble off answers to where clouds come from and where dinosaurs went. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 She's actually been pretty good through the whole deal, all things considered. But my brain just can't compute how you can look at a person who spent 6-9 months nonstop devouring all things religious and came to the conclusion that their religion is, at least in some regards, not true, and not want to know WHY YOU WOULD POTENTIALLY RISK THE FIRES OF "HELL" OVER IT??? My ass would want to know what they read and found out that was so damn convincing that they'd risk hell over it. It's like she can't do the math. She knows I don't believe in hell, why I don't (good, evidential reasons), and that I believe in evolution and an old earth. IF THERE'S NO HELL, AND ADAM AND EVE AREN'T REAL, WHAT GOOD IS JEBUS??????? DUH!!!!!! make the connections, honey. PLEASE. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 15, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 15, 2012 Vent here. Love and accept her where you are. Most people don't adapt so quickly. Slow..... ..... ...... ......down. Give her a chance to catch up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 She's actually been pretty good through the whole deal, all things considered. But my brain just can't compute how you can look at a person who spent 6-9 months nonstop devouring all things religious and came to the conclusion that their religion is, at least in some regards, not true, and not want to know WHY YOU WOULD POTENTIALLY RISK THE FIRES OF "HELL" OVER IT??? My ass would want to know what they read and found out that was so damn convincing that they'd risk hell over it. It's like she can't do the math. She knows I don't believe in hell, why I don't (good, evidential reasons), and that I believe in evolution and an old earth. IF THERE'S NO HELL, AND ADAM AND EVE AREN'T REAL, WHAT GOOD IS JEBUS??????? DUH!!!!!! make the connections, honey. PLEASE. Couldnt have said it better myself. I told her "I wouldnt be this way if I didnt truly feel that I was correct"....nothing.....seth andrwes talks about how he emailed his family and not one person inquired about what new finding led you to this. I think it has to come from within the person. you're sowing a seed. My roommate in college is a pastor. we talked about my doubts and i threw rational arguments and him 2 months ago and I havent talked to him since, I secretly think hes on his way to finding the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 15, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 15, 2012 Did you guys reach your own conclusions in a matter of hours or days? This is earth-shattering stuff to believers! Be patient! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 I'm pretty sure the vast majority know deep inside it's crazy mad illogical and unrealistic. ESPECIALLY when modern science is invalidating it at every turn. But dammit "I had an experience" just washes all that away like it doesn't even exist. Puke. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 My brother is gay and I have a xtian friend who of course doesn't "agree" with it and believes in this whole god can heal it bullshit. I'm so fucking sick of people believing something so false and destructive!!! I won't put up with that bullshit, so I'm not sure long the friendship will last. This "friend" is no friend at all if they think they have the right to judge your brother (which in my opinion, is really disrespectful). Tell this "friend" you won't allow someone to talk bad about your brother and to keep their opinions to themself or else the friendship is over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 ...That I have major issues with xianity. On the drive home from the water park tonight with my wife and 2 girls, my 7 yr old finds my copy of "God is not Great" (Hitchens) in the pocket in the back of my seat. She says "daddy, why does this say god is not great???" Now those of you in similar situations like I'm in know exactly how this plays out. I reach around and grab it and try to downplay it but of course my wife gets all pissed and trys to grab the book, while driving, to see what kind of demonic horrible shit I've brought into their presence. I end up telling her not to judge a book by its cover, it's only about fundy wackjobs that kill people over religion (a lie but it sounded good). Not about HER beautiful all lovey dovey smoochy smoochy god. But shes pissed all the rest of the night. Not talking, you know the drill. I'm just tired of having the the thought police on my own home. I'm a great husband and dad. Sorry if that sounds arrogant but I am. Why does religion have to fuck up EVERYTHING??? Because I believe "facts" over "faith" I'm somehow still some kind of a troll even though in every other capacity I'm a good guy. It BLOWS. JUDGE ME BY THE CONTENT OF MY CHARACTER, NOT BY THE FAIRY TALES I (DON'T) BELIEVE IN. I'm so envious of the people on here that have deconverted together with their significant others. When I started my quest for truth, I asked if she would want to know the truth if xianity was a lie. She said YES. Now it's No No No No!!!!! Don't tell me anything about it! U r a meanie for not believing in GAWD!!!!! bullshit. Why does your wife care so much about what you believe in? My goodness, I don't understand why people can't just let others believe whatever they want. I don't care what anyone believes in as long as they don't try to force their beliefs on me and are good people. Seriously, ask her this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam5 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 finds my copy of "God is not Great" (Hitchens) in the pocket in the back of my seat. "God is Not Great" is my personal favorite book on religion. Its a wonderful, simply awesome read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam5 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 But shes pissed all the rest of the night. Not talking, you know the drill. married life. Its a yoke we have to bear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Mcdaddy, I don't have any advice, but I'm just chiming in to let you know that I understand where you're at. I haven't had any real confrontation with my wife since our big discussion a while back, but I know that there's the potential for it at any moment. I have to try to be patient, and just keep being the same person I was before, if not better. There's a good chance that your wife will never deconvert, no matter how intelligent she may be. She may never allow herself to really question what she believes. You have to remain open to this possibility. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted June 15, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted June 15, 2012 I'm just tired of having the the thought police on my own home. People treat you the way you train them to treat you. Don't allow yourself to be bullied by someone who can't tolerate differing opinions. It's a bad example for kids to see. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Mcdaddy, I don't have any advice, but I'm just chiming in to let you know that I understand where you're at. I haven't had any real confrontation with my wife since our big discussion a while back, but I know that there's the potential for it at any moment. I have to try to be patient, and just keep being the same person I was before, if not better. There's a good chance that your wife will never deconvert, no matter how intelligent she may be. She may never allow herself to really question what she believes. You have to remain open to this possibility. I agree, T2M. I can tell my husband is really watching me (not in a way of trying to catch me as a miserable heathen, but to see if this deconversion is real), and him seeing me happier and more intentional about this one life than before is reaching him. He still believes, but his loyalty is with me over the church. That's all I've asked for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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