Creepy married guy on Craig's list

[Dianka]

I decided to see what the hype with Craig's list is all about, so I skimmed through it and found a rant forum.

This one really stood out for me.

 

Craig's List

 

 

RANT: my cheating confession

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply to: pers-118767001@craigslist.org

Date: 2005-12-16, 10:01PM CST

 

 

My 'girlfriend' is coming in tomorrow night and my wife's watching Animal Planet right now a few feet away from me.

 

I've already made plans to go out with 'the guys' - my excuse is that I'll be going to the boat to gamble while she's at home, so I'll go out, meet up with her at the hotel, screw like rabbits, go out, have a good time, then get a little tipsy and then go back to her room and play til dawn.

 

I'll leave there early Sunday morning, and on the drive home I'll smoke a good cigar and leave the windows up. It'll get the smoke all over me clothes and I'll stink and I'll be worn out and when I finally get home, I'll crawl next to my loving wife for a few seconds, tell her I'm drunk and you know what? I'll go crash out on the sofa.

 

I'll leave on my stinky clothes and I'll sleep in for a few hours, just long enough for her to wake up and see the casino chips near my wallet and watch (these were conviently picked up the last time I went back a few months ago).

 

She'll wake me up later on in the morning and ask me what's going on this fine Sunday. We don't have a washer/dryer so i'll tell her OK, I'll go wash clothes, do some shopping, etc. I'll be home later on today. This gives her the whole day to relax, because honey, you're worth it!

 

I'll shower up quickly, then get out the door and back to the hotel room, using the hotel key I swiped. She always sleeps in late, so it's no problem when I slip into bed next to her and wake her up and slowly and lovingly make love to her again.

 

We get showered up and go to a early light lunch and make plans to see each other soon. We'll probably go back to the hotel and screw around again, then after we lay there spent, and happy, we look at the clock, and realize there's isn't much time left because her flight leaves in a few hours.

 

We may or may not have sex again. This seems to vary at this point. Most of the time she just goes down on me, and she's happy to do this, because she's told me she loves me.

 

I get her to the airport, drp her off with a long and happy kiss, then I race over to the laundry and knock out a few loads. While they're going, I go to the store next door and quickly shop for a bunch of stuff we don't really need, and I even call the wife to ask what we DO need. An hour later, I'm home, laundry and food in hand, like the faithful provider I am.

 

Sometimes on Sunday I'm just 'running around,' paying bills, buying books, etc.

Eeither way, I change it up just enough for me to go out, play around, and make excuses, and this only happens once every few months, so she has nothing to suspect.

 

Most of the time I go to visit her under the excuse I'm going to visit my son (from a previous marriage) or some other thing to get me out for a weekend.

 

I think about this other girl a lot. I have a second cell phone, a monthly disposable, that has no bill that can be traced back to my house. I call a few times a day and sometimes at night ("I'll be outside in the garage for a little while, hon, have to go clean out the car/work on this or that.").

 

I e-mail her and when she e-mails me I destroy all records of her letters, copying them on my computer under a miscellaneus file titled something so manly she'd never look at it.

 

This happens enough that I don't have to worry about getting caught, but I'm careful. It's been going on for almost 10 years. The girl doesn't mind it, she doesn't want anything, she really doesn't. we made that clear a long time ago.

 

She comes in from DC tomorrow afternoon. I'll be standing there just like everyone else to pick her up, we'll have fun, I'll drop off at the 'kiss & ride,' and I'll go home.

 

And I'll have gotten away with it again.

 

But guess what? I also feeling guilty as hell. The sex, great as it is, has come secondary to the act of the actual cheating and taking off and living another life. I love it, the delicious taste of victory of secretly winning and having made it home alive more than ever.

 

I must tell you, though, my wife and I haven't had sex in over 6 or 7 years. She went from weighing 130 to over 275. She's a blimp. I hate her for this, but how do you tell a woman you claim to love so much she's a goddamned mess?

 

And yes, I do love her, because when we first met, I was a disaster, and she made me into the success I am now, and I'll never forget her for this, but when she sits there watching fucking Animal Planet eating a pint of Edy's at a time, what the hell can I do???

 

I think the other woman would marry me in seconds, and she knows my anger and pain. She tells me to be strong, to know that I am loved, and that she is always there to listen. She is intimate, and is a good lover to me as well.

 

Well, so is my wife, but it's hard to sit there and talk to her and love her so much but know she's now the mess I once was? Intimacy is dead between us, so when I sleep on the couch, she knows sometimes it's because I'm disappointed with her sexually.

 

I have the best of both worlds. And it sucks.

 

She just asked me what I'm writing. It's a confession, honey, but I'm not telling you what it is. Or the many people who will read it and not believe me. Ah, if only you were here.

 

Those picket fences and well-shoveled walks keep more in than out.

this is in or around guilty as HELL

 

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

 

They are all here, every one of them. All my fears about getting married. Investing years of effort and love. Blimping up to the weight of a medium-sized buffalo. He does express remorse toward the end of his post, but not before all the delight was written. UGH! Not that men are the only ones doing this. Women do it too, and I think it is safe to say that at this point I am going to have to put forth thousands of good deeds to get a person to see that I should not be lumped into the category that he put his loose cheater ex-g/f into.

 

And it only get more fucked after the marrige license is printed.

 

So no judging, I am just curious. What would be a justification for you to cheat on your other (with out them knowing)?

[Lilith]

So no judging, I am just curious. What would be a justification for you to cheat on your other (with out them knowing)?

 

No. This is NOT any sort of justification. He's a creep, pure and simple and she deserves better than that.

[BigToe]

Yeah, what an asshat. I don't get the cheating on who you're with. If you don't wanna be with them, don't be. But don't go around being a creep.

[Dhampir]

I used to think that there was never an exuse for cheating. I used to think that you should just leave if you weren't happy, but having seen a great many examples, and done a lot of thinking on the subject, I don't know. Maybe they have kids, and he doesn't want to jeopardize their emotional health by divorcing their mother. Or, perhaps he holds out hope that she might change...? Back to what she was when he married her.

 

I know, it seems callous, but then, I don't plan to ever marry, so I will never know the true pain of such an intimate betrayal.

[godlessgrrl]

There's no justification for cheating. Especially not chronic, long-term cheating like this. It's just digusting.

 

Note that I don't think it'd be cheating if both partners consciously knew about it, talked about it, were honest and open, consented to it, and had boundaries about it. I've run into a few people who were able to have open relationships. The essential difference is, though, that in an open relationship, there's no lying about it. No deception, no sneaking around, no secrets.

 

I dunno what to say about the whole fear of this sort of thing happening. I know what saves me, fwiw.

 

Spouse and I have a no-cheat, zero-tolerance policy. We find the other person sneaking around on us, it's over. Period. No second chances. Which makes it so that we'd both better think good and hard before messing around with that piece of totty.

 

Otherwise we talk about it. We talk honestly about crushes, what we'd do if X or Y happened, what our bottom lines are. Pre-ok'd flings don't fall into the "cheating" category, per what I mentioned above.

 

Plus I also have a couple of things that help too: friends that watch my back, and a badass jealousy. That, plus I know I could survive on my own without the spouse around. It's a case of "I'm here because I want to be here", not "I'm here because I couldn't live without him." Fuck that.

 

I have friends I trust enough to keep an eye on things, who'd step in if I asked them to. Spouse knows this too. Spouse also knows that if I found him cheating, he'd be lucky to escape with a bullet in his groin.

 

What'd drive us both nuts (spouse and m'self) about a cheating situation is the lying and dishonesty. Not so much the activities which took place during the cheating. Plus y'know what else? I'm paranoid. So I check pockets, pay all the bills, keep an eye out for lipstick stains, check in by phone, stuff like that. He knows it. He also knows he can check up on me too. Part of it is taking care of each other, part of it is looking out for our respective interests in keeping each other honest.

 

Anyway. It works.

[necrosmith]

Yeah, cheating is pretty lame. Although I can see how he thinks he's justified by the fact that she ballooned up to 275 and just sits on the couch eating ice cream and their intimate life is dead according to him.

 

However, he should just get a divorce rather than cheat.

[greygirl]

Yeah, cheating is pretty lame. Although I can see how he thinks he's justified by the fact that she ballooned up to 275 and just sits on the couch eating ice cream and their intimate life is dead according to him.

 

However, he should just get a divorce rather than cheat.

 

But look at the guy's timeline. He hasn't had sex with his wife because of her weight in 6 or 7 years. He's been cheating for 10 years. I seriously doubt that she gained 150 lbs overnight and then leveled off. He blames her for his cheating, but I'm willing to bet that he started cheating before she gained all that weight. In fact, I'm willing to bet that she's not an idiot, she knows he's cheating, and she's eating for comfort and gaining weight as a defense mechanism to insulate herself from the hurt. She certainly wouldn't be the first woman to do just that.

 

If her weight is such a big issue for him, he should leave her. There is no justification for cheating.

[Taphophilia]

He sounds like my ex husband. I had ballooned up to an ungodly 160 pounds after three kids. You would have thought I weighed 400 pounds by the way he treated me. Yes, he fucked around on me, which I found out after I had left his ass. He had even hit on my friends who didn't tell me until after the divorce for fear that I wouldn't believe them. They were my friends, I would have believed them. It just seemed like everyone was trying to protect me, but all they did was hurt me by keeping quiet.

 

About a year before I left him, I lost 30 pounds. I should have known that he had been fucking around on me by the way he acted. He was the most jealous fuck you could ever imagine.

 

He taped the phone, listened to every phone call. He kept track of the mileage on the vehicles and I had to account to him for every minute of my day. If the mileage didn't add up to where I had been there was hell to pay. I couldn't go to the goddamn grocery store without him accusing me of having an affair. "Yeah, I fucked the bagboy on the way out of the grocery store."

 

If his wife loses the weight, his insecure ass, will probably do the same damn thing.

 

Taph

[LloydDobler]

I used to think that there was never an exuse for cheating. I used to think that you should just leave if you weren't happy, but having seen a great many examples, and done a lot of thinking on the subject, I don't know. Maybe they have kids, and he doesn't want to jeopardize their emotional health by divorcing their mother. Or, perhaps he holds out hope that she might change...? Back to what she was when he married her.

 

I know, it seems callous, but then, I don't plan to ever marry, so I will never know the true pain of such an intimate betrayal.

I've done exactly the opposite, I used to think staying together was the highest priority. It's my belief that kids will be less emotionally damaged by honesty and a divorce than by a fake marriage. You can't hide a lack of love. If there are kids, he's teaching them that misery for loyalty is more important.

 

My point is based on the idea that you can't really hide how you feel though. If someone is putting on a 100% show that their marriage is good, then yeah it could be better for the kids if they stay together. I'm just convinced now that nobody can do that.

 

If you're staying married to someone you would never have sex with, it's for some dysfunctional reason. That or he's using her. Or lazy. I dunno, he's still a scumbag regardless.

[Dhampir]

Seems to me like he gets off on going behind her back.

 

Which could be compensation for not being attracted to her anymore.

 

Btw. Lloyd, have you been on recently? I haven't seen you much.

[Taphophilia]

We're only hearing one side of the story. We don't know hers. I also don't think he is telling the whole truth about his wife and his marriage.

 

Lots of very unhappy women stay in their marriages for financial reasons. Today, it's really hard for a divorced single mom, who has been out of the work world for a while to get a decent enough job to pay the bills and daycare.

 

He talks a lot about how the other woman makes him feel and how his wife first "rescued" him. I would bet he resents his wife because she has to be a mother to the kids and cannot devote her every waking moment to his needs anymore and cannot mother him the way she used to.

 

Taph

[Poonis]

This is why I don't get married. Marriage is not worth the stress of having your marriage-mate not put out, and not allow you to fuck around either.

 

Sit there and not get laid because of some fucking social contract dubbed a marriage license? fuck that. Everyone needs to get laid.

 

$0.02

[Dianka]

I suppose I am a cheater only in theory. I thought a long time ago that if a relationship is in the dumps and you are on the verge of spliiting anyway, who cares if you screw around. Well, I found myself in that situation a few years ago, and I couldn't go through with it. It felt so wrong not to finish it off with the ex before moving on, so I declined.

 

This guy in the OP is a major screwball, no doubt. But should a one time slip up be punished in the same manner that a decade of decption is? I don't think so. Yeah, there is a shit load of pain, but what if a couple was going through a particularly rough time, and one person gave in?

 

By the way, I am NEVER going back on Craig's list again! Some dude confessed that he jerked off into a soap dispenser in the women's washroom at O'hare Airport.

 

I used to work there - washed my hands many times. GOD!!!

 

There is a good chance it is bull, but ugh! <a chill>

[Purple]

Okay, my two cents. If a woman baloons up to 275 and does nothing but sit on the couch watching TV they could very seriously have cronic depression which IS an illness, and quite frankly I feel this man is as justified in cheating on his wife has he would be if she was going through chemo and went from having long beautiful blonde hair to being bald, and he's not attracted to bald women. From reading this I have a very low opnion of this man, and his girlfriend.

[Sofia]

In fact, I'm willing to bet that she's not an idiot, she knows he's cheating, and she's eating for comfort and gaining weight as a defense mechanism to insulate herself from the hurt. She certainly wouldn't be the first woman to do just that.

 

That was my thought, too.

[Taphophilia]

This is why I don't get married. Marriage is not worth the stress of having your marriage-mate not put out, and not allow you to fuck around either.

 

Sit there and not get laid because of some fucking social contract dubbed a marriage license? fuck that. Everyone needs to get laid.

 

$0.02

 

Marriage is only a piece of paper and the only people who benefit from it are divorce lawyers. I think when you are in a relationship with someone you have verbal or at least unspoken contract of the do's and don'ts and boundries of the relationship without all the legal hassle. When you aren't married the other person has the option of leaving with no strings attached, so each party at least tries to live up to the agreement.

 

Taph

[necrosmith]

But look at the guy's timeline. He hasn't had sex with his wife because of her weight in 6 or 7 years. He's been cheating for 10 years. I seriously doubt that she gained 150 lbs overnight and then leveled off. He blames her for his cheating, but I'm willing to bet that he started cheating before she gained all that weight. In fact, I'm willing to bet that she's not an idiot, she knows he's cheating, and she's eating for comfort and gaining weight as a defense mechanism to insulate herself from the hurt. She certainly wouldn't be the first woman to do just that.

 

If her weight is such a big issue for him, he should leave her. There is no justification for cheating.

 

Good point. Put that way it suggest there is a lot he hasn't told us about what has happened.

 

 

About a year before I left him, I lost 30 pounds. I should have known that he had been fucking around on me by the way he acted. He was the most jealous fuck you could ever imagine.

Hey, Taph, I'm really sorry to hear that you were involved with such a jerk, and I'm glad you have moved on and are happy that you have your life moving in a better direction.

 

I'm curious tho, why did you wait to lose the weight before you left him, or was it just kind of a coincidental timing thing?

[Taphophilia]

But look at the guy's timeline. He hasn't had sex with his wife because of her weight in 6 or 7 years. He's been cheating for 10 years. I seriously doubt that she gained 150 lbs overnight and then leveled off. He blames her for his cheating, but I'm willing to bet that he started cheating before she gained all that weight. In fact, I'm willing to bet that she's not an idiot, she knows he's cheating, and she's eating for comfort and gaining weight as a defense mechanism to insulate herself from the hurt. She certainly wouldn't be the first woman to do just that.

 

If her weight is such a big issue for him, he should leave her. There is no justification for cheating.

 

Good point. Put that way it suggest there is a lot he hasn't told us about what has happened.

 

 

About a year before I left him, I lost 30 pounds. I should have known that he had been fucking around on me by the way he acted. He was the most jealous fuck you could ever imagine.

Hey, Taph, I'm really sorry to hear that you were involved with such a jerk, and I'm glad you have moved on and are happy that you have your life moving in a better direction.

 

I'm curious tho, why did you wait to lose the weight before you left him, or was it just kind of a coincidental timing thing?

 

I had stopped breast feeding the last kid and I could then diet and lose the baby fat. If you read posts by me about really bad things that happened during my marriage, it was that last year.

 

His girlfriend now weighs 300 poiunds. She has really bad teeth and frizzy permed 80's hair, and is quite the BITCH. However, the woman works in a factory and with overtime makes $50K a year. He only works when he feels like it, which is seldom. He works for his mother. He lives in a house his mother owns and his mother pays his bills.

I had to send the oldest (16 y/o daughter) to live with him. Since he doesn't have a real job, he is in a better position, than I am, to keep tabs on her. She can't sneak back in the house to skip school anymore because he's there and she can't run around after school either because he's there. I don't have any complaints about him in the father department. He's a good dad, but a lousy excuse for a human being.

 

Taph

[Dianka]

He's a good dad, but a lousy excuse for a human being.

 

Isn't it amazing that people can be selfish filth, but still have enough decency to raise kids? Although, I have to wonder if the kids will eventually lose respect for the parent because of what the person did to other people. (not referring to your husband, just a general observation).

[spamandham]

I'm not condoning what this guy has done, but I do think there are cases where cheating could be the best alternative.

 

If he really is disgusted by his wife, and they no longer have sex, the obvious answer is divorce. But...

 

There can be complicating factors. There may be children involved. A plutonic relationship between parents is still probably better than a single parent. There may be money involved as well. He could stand to lose a fortune if he gets divorced.

 

Why must a man give up his children and wealth simply because he's still a sexual being and his wife isn't? Honestly, if they're not having sex and she's heavily to blame for that, she should just step asside and let him have his affairs. Perhaps she has and he just doesn't realize it.

 

Why is no-one slamming his wife for turning into a pig, failing to put out, and then making him feel bad for screwing around? Sorry, it sounds to me like there's plenty of blame to go around.

 

Relationships have two players.

[Dianka]

Spam, I agree with you. She is not only letting herself go - she is not paying attention to this guys needs. I think there is blame on both sides, unless she has a thyroid problem, or something that she cannot control is making her fat. But he says it himself, she is sitting there on the couch packin the ice cream away.

 

However, this guy seems to take contemptuous delight in all this with only a bit of guilt. Also, he started screwing around on her before she got big, and this guy has had 10 years to straighten this shit all out. Because he is seeing his woman on the side very rarely, his wife probably doesn't know what is going on. His wife is dumb if she thinks this guy does not crave sex after 7 years of not getting it from her and rounding out, but he's a jag for all the years he has been running around.

[BigToe]

I'm sorry, but since when has rapid weight gain justified cheating on someone? What if the dude went bald since they got married so he over compensates by growing out some really nasty looking facial hair? Does that mean she can cheat on him?

 

When you marry someone you generally do so "for better or worse" so that would include them no longer being the hottie they were the day you got married. If you're so superficial that that would ruin it for you, perhaps you had no business getting married to begin with (not you directed at anyone here, its in the general sense).

 

And who knows if this guy was being honest and not just doing it for amusement sake?

 

But hey, lets say there are compelling reasons to not get a divorce.... why sneak around behind someone's back? Why not just say hey, I've got sexual needs and you can't meet them. Either we get divorced so I can meet them, or we allow a little extracurriculars.... I have no qualms whatsoever if someone has an open marriage. But the lying and deception of running behind someone's back makes you scum.

[Dianka]

I'm sorry, but since when has rapid weight gain justified cheating on someone? What if the dude went bald since they got married so he over compensates by growing out some really nasty looking facial hair? Does that mean she can cheat on him?

 

When you marry someone you generally do so "for better or worse" so that would include them no longer being the hottie they were the day you got married. If you're so superficial that that would ruin it for you, perhaps you had no business getting married to begin with (not you directed at anyone here, its in the general sense).

 

And who knows if this guy was being honest and not just doing it for amusement sake?

 

I understand people change over time, but she is not only getting fat, she is ignoring his sexual needs. He IS going to get it somewhere else if she is not having sex for 7 years. AAAGGGHH!! I am such a back-tracker, but it's not so much the weight that's the problem, it is the chain reaction that ends up happening after the weight is gained. She becomes depressed, loses the self-confidence, eats more, gets fatter, embarassed to be seen naked in front of her husband etc. The majority of women who get pregnant gain weight, but their husbands still find them sexy for the most part. Their weight gain is not because they are not taking care of themselves or low self- esteem. I am going out on a limb here, but I am guessing if a guy really loves his wife and she gains a *reasonable* amount of weight over the span of their marrige, but is still confident and they have regular sex, he is not going to snoop around.

 

I don't know what a reasonable amount of weight gain is, but I can imagine it is not 145 pounds. That's alarming.

 

Of course there is always a chance that this guy is a fake poster, but really it's not an abnormal occurance. Happens all the time.

[BigToe]

Right. But he doesn't seem like he wants to have sex with his wife. So I doubt it is just her ignoring his sexual needs. I don't think putting the blame on her is justified. Sure, some of it is definately her fault, but not because she's fat.

[Checkmate]

.................

My point is based on the idea that you can't really hide how you feel though. If someone is putting on a 100% show that their marriage is good, then yeah it could be better for the kids if they stay together. I'm just convinced now that nobody can do that.

..............

Prepare to be UNconvinced then, Lloyd. I've been in a loveless marriage for 14 years now. Doing so "for the sake of the children." No love involved, just financial necessity/stability. Divorce plays merry hell on everyone involved.

There can be complicating factors. There may be children involved. A plutonic relationship between parents is still probably better than a single parent. There may be money involved as well. He could stand to lose a fortune if he gets divorced.

Precisely. We married because I knocked up my then girlfriend, who would NOT get an abortion. ("Her body, her choice", but I was still forced to pay the consequences!) I could have been a dick and just abandoned her to deal with HER choice, but I didn't. Even though I did NOT love her. I was trying to "do the right thing."

 

I married her and we have made a home for our children (we had twins). I do the best that I can. We don't argue or fight. We share bank accounts. We even have sex once in a blue moon. To the casual observer, we have the Perfect Marriage. We don't.

 

We got divorced once. Yep. Back in '96. I got fed up with the whole deal and walked out of the marriage. But after nearly two years of all party's being emotionally and financially crippled (I had to support two separate housholds on ONE salary!), we decided that an amicable marriage worked better than an amicable divorce. So we re-wed. It's not a dream marriage, but we've made it work.

 

But as SOON as my boys are out and on their own, all bets are off!

 

I don't hate my wife. I don't cheat on my wife. I don't think I could. (Although I do DREAM about it.)

 

But before you put a halo on me, my fidelity is NOT borne out of nobility. I just don't feel like being bothered with ANOTHER relationship. I'm too lazy to cheat! Who knows what I'd do if my dream girl hunted me down and made herself available to me? As Chris Rock says, "A man is only as faithful as his options."

 

So there it is. More fuel for the fire. Trust me. Nothing is as easy, or as black and white as you'd like things to be. Sometimes people just have to do the best they can, with the hand they were dealt, and then live with their choices.

 

I just ask everyone to try not to be so harsh with the Judgments, okay?