SnarkyAntiTheist Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Anything Christian related it's like suddenly I feel this light that causes something inside of me to switch sides >shrug< OK then, give xianity a whirl. Let us know how it works out for you. I still don't want Christianity to be true this is why I need an explanation of why this is happening PLEASE!!! I don't have an answer for you. I agree with what sheerbliss said though. Stop indoctrinating yourself with that shit. Go watch Cosmos. It's on Netflix. Seriously. http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/80004448 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Why people are inclined to believe things instead of disbelieve them: http://www.ted.com/talks/michael_shermer_on_believing_strange_things Ex-moonie talks about her experiences: http://www.ted.com/talks/ex_moonie_diane_benscoter_how_cults_think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Reason to Believe by Rod Stewart Why people are inclined to believe things instead of disbelieve them: http://www.ted.com/talks/michael_shermer_on_believing_strange_things Ex-moonie talks about her experiences: http://www.ted.com/talks/ex_moonie_diane_benscoter_how_cults_think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zuker12 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I have one explanation that i think applies in my case. OCD and a sort of post-traumatic stress disorder. When i was a believer, i only focused on the dreary world-hate, demons, conspiracies, etc. To the point it just made me incapable to function because of the sheer anxiety and confusion. Examining my history, i think i was showing signs of obsessive behaviour even before my relatively short stint with xtianity. Anyway, i was heavily obsessed with hell, judgement and other very dark stuff. Now ive had various problems with ocd before (from simple things such as checking for my keys to obsessive desire to lose weight which made me heavily disrupted anxious and confused and obsessing over some particular topic like religion or conspiracy theories so much that i didnt do anything aside from researching and sleeping/eating). Now just of interest at the start 2014 after giving up religion some years back i started reading about it just because i was curious and bored. Very soon my ocd symptoms started flaring up again! I basically had nothing else on my mind except these topics and researched them obsessively all the time. I started occasionally seeing signs and feeling something like the call you describe. However, what i feel with this is dread, due to the heavy loony version i got into. Before this i had some inkling of a belief but nothing specific. Occasionally it felt like the "light" and many times it was utter dread. So i asked myself the mechanism for this. I have to say it is the ocd. I constantly have my thoughts on christianity. Of course i will feel the call and start interpreting random things as signs. I began to observe this phenomenon more closely; i noticed i actually didnt get the signs continually and occasionally when i felt the call, i reasoned that it nust be because this day i again spent hours pondering religion. I also noticed that i easily apply extraneous interpretation into symbolism and stuff that happens in movies games etc. I always pondered (often too much) why some symbol is there or why does this happen like this in this movie and started relating it to the bible. The reason for this the unfounded assumption that satan disguises his workings in subtle ways (numerology, symbolism) because this is the interpretational framework that was hammered into me. Everything is connected most things into satan and whatever you can scavenge is enough for "definitive satan/illuminati/nwo proof". So of course i was traumatized when i felt alone, disconnected and discontent with all the shit that was going on in my head. Especially when i couldnt say at all what was real. I had my good moments with xtianity, but most of it was pure horror. Sso i attribute my call to magical thinking/ocd... constantly thinking, on the edge and traumatized. Thinking "what if?" "What if the next book or article i read is the definitive proof forxtianity? Will it put the issue to reSt?" Of course then i fail to think that there might be some definitive proof for another religion, jesus not existing etc. I dont know if this applies to your situation, but i put it here to give you some perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ask21771 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I still don't know hey I can't make the light go away or why the inside of mind rejects any argument and makes me feel like Christianity is the only way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zuker12 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Emotional investment? Subconscious fear? Thoughts about some recent issue youve had? Or just some mental disease/anxiety etc? I have no access to your mind, so these are the best explanations i can offer for you. It might be good for you to try and keep some time away from the whole issue. If you find yourself thinking about this constantly even still then it might be some form of ocd. This is just a suggestion and not medical advice. I know that on my part it is atleast partially mental programming (the bible has a nice collection of psychological warfare tactix altho i dislike labeling them this way, just couldnt come up with anything better.) Sometimes i joke to myself that "ok then i am a satanistic humanist" although that doesnt really describe what i actually believe (plus in the fundie minds those are the ultimate buzzwords for alienating and despising non-believers that actually are nothing more than words). I dont plan on jumping on anymore bandwagons in my life though for now atleast. Id probably describe myself as agnostic or just non-religious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I still don't know hey I can't make the light go away or why the inside of mind rejects any argument and makes me feel like Christianity is the only way If you've really tried everything we've suggested here and it hasn't worked for you, keeping in mind that mental habits take time to change, it could be a physical problem you need help with. You mentioned you had bipolar disorder. OTOH, maybe it's like being attracted to an ex whom you know is bad for you. I used to drive myself crazy thinking about my ex-jerk and what went wrong. IME, the best way to get past that is to cut off all contact and find another interest. Seriously, if you haven't done so, quit watching videos on Christianity (or other religions) and do something that gives you joy instead of torment. (If you had kids who were bothered by scary movies, wouldn't you make them quit watching them?) Take a walk, cook a good meal, get your finances in order, clean your house, go out for coffee with some secular friends, do something fun, get enough sleep. Repeat frequently. Mundane stuff, but it might help you get your mind off your problems and feel more normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ask21771 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok but I don't think anyone is understanding what I experienced I was watching a Christian video and suddenly it like the inside of me was thrown into a new reality where everything they said was the word of god I had to force my self away from it, I feel like even though I believe CHristianity to be wrong I'm worried God might have been showing me the truth and I forced it away damning my soul forever, I need a way to prove this isn't true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zuker12 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 They said? Who said? The speakers in the video? Are you sure the video wasnt put out as either overtly emotional or manipulative? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnarkyAntiTheist Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok but I don't think anyone is understanding what I experienced I was watching a Christian video and suddenly it like the inside of me was thrown into a new reality where everything they said was the word of god I had to force my self away from it, I feel like even though I believe CHristianity to be wrong I'm worried God might have been showing me the truth and I forced it away damning my soul forever, I need a way to prove this isn't true Ask him. If he suddenly appears in front of you in a burning bush and says "Yes, it's true", then it's true. I know this sounds snarky, but seriously think about it. An eternity of punishment vs. an eternity with god in paradise is at stake here, and the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient god can't even be bothered to stand in front of you and tell you which way to go himself? He's just going to leave you hanging, wondering if some idiot with a youtube account has the right answer? Please tell me you're smarter than that. You're smarter than that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ask21771 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 They said? Who said? The speakers in the video? Are you sure the video wasnt put out as either overtly emotional or manipulative? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 26, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted January 26, 2015 It's the bipolar. It's not just you who has this problem. Did you read my links? Have you talked to the others with the same symptoms? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranger26 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok but I don't think anyone is understanding what I experienced I was watching a Christian video and suddenly it like the inside of me was thrown into a new reality where everything they said was the word of god I had to force my self away from it, I feel like even though I believe CHristianity to be wrong I'm worried God might have been showing me the truth and I forced it away damning my soul forever, I need a way to prove this isn't true i know exactly what you mean. When i was reading your posts i saw myself, and my experiences. They don't scare me anymore, I am not afraid either way i decide whether it is real or not. I can't force my mind to believe they aren't, but few day passes and I feel like an ex-Christian again, altough some days I feel like I am back in the fold. I don't look for these experiences and swings, they just happen without my control. I would watch and listen something, or remember from my Christian days and would get that feeling you describe, that it is "truth" God is speaking to me, and that deep down i believe it makes sense, and i feel very light. I know EXACTLY what you mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok but I don't think anyone is understanding what I experienced I was watching a Christian video and suddenly it like the inside of me was thrown into a new reality where everything they said was the word of god I had to force my self away from it, I feel like even though I believe CHristianity to be wrong I'm worried God might have been showing me the truth and I forced it away damning my soul forever, I need a way to prove this isn't true Sensible people don't try to prove a negative, they seek evidence to see if something is true. The only thing you have is a feeling from a video. It may be a strong feeling, but it's still just a feeling. People from other times and places have had the same feelings about completely different religions. As I and other members here have pointed out, feeling something doesn't mean it's true, particularly if you have a mental disorder. Respectfully, the members here have taken the time to write five pages' worth of responses explaining why what you're feeling isn't true. You keep coming back with, "But I FEEL like it's true." Feelings are often a poor guide to the real world. You already suspect that your feelings don't reflect reality. Trust your reason. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok but I don't think anyone is understanding what I experienced I was watching a Christian video and suddenly it like the inside of me was thrown into a new reality where everything they said was the word of god I had to force my self away from it, I feel like even though I believe CHristianity to be wrong I'm worried God might have been showing me the truth and I forced it away damning my soul forever, I need a way to prove this isn't true Have you talked to a professional about the bipolar issue? http://bipolar.about.com/od/psychoticfeatures/a/religious-delusions-in-psychotic-disorders.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 They said? Who said? The speakers in the video? Are you sure the video wasnt put out as either overtly emotional or manipulative? If you came across this video because you're using recreational drugs, that could be part of your problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zuker12 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 They said? Who said? The speakers in the video? Are you sure the video wasnt put out as either overtly emotional or manipulative? If you came across this video because you're using recreational drugs, that could be part of your problem. T'was a tad bit offensive, but nevertheless. At this point, I can only say, that you probably need some real-life help, a person to talk to, maybe even a framework to set yourself to. Don't rush things regarding your beliefs and values; I know I did and I regret it to this day. I don't jump on bandwagons anymore. I'm pretty much just being me right now in a small circle. I enjoy reading the occasional christian blog (not the uber-extreme ones, though), but I don't get any special feelings out of it, except for a slight warm buzz because it reminds me of my childhood naive spark of belief in God. I can't describe myself as christian when I was young, but I had some sort of faith in god (xtian maybe, but not sure, maybe just a generic idea with some xtian influence) and I did occasionally think that god would bring me good things if I behaved myself and sometimes went the extra mile and asked him something. It's a pretty stark contrast to what came later... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 They said? Who said? The speakers in the video? Are you sure the video wasnt put out as either overtly emotional or manipulative? If you came across this video because you're using recreational drugs, that could be part of your problem. T'was a tad bit offensive, but nevertheless. There is research showing that in susceptible people, marijuana use causes or exacerbates psychosis (including bipolar). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ask21771 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 They said? Who said? The speakers in the video? Are you sure the video wasnt put out as either overtly emotional or manipulative? If you came across this video because you're using recreational drugs, that could be part of your problem. T'was a tad bit offensive, but nevertheless. There is research showing that in susceptible people, marijuana use causes or exacerbates psychosis (including bipolar). I don't do drugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ask21771 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Let me put it another way usually I feel like my mind is disconnected from everything but when I saw that video something changed momentarily I felt like something broke through and "woke me up" is there any alternative explanation for this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 28, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted January 28, 2015 is there any alternative explanation for this BIPOLAR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ask21771 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 is there any alternative explanation for this BIPOLAR I hope your right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleedblue22 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Havent yet read through the whole thread, but I'd like to contribute this. When I research something a lot, I begin to think of that thing in a much more personal way. Allow me to explain. When I was in a biology class in college, we were doing a unit on the cardiovascular system. We were reading a lot on heart health and what can cause a heart attack and stuff like that. I began to worry more and more about my heart, something that hardly ever crosses my mind normally. Everytime I felt the slightest pain in my chest, my thoughts would immediately jump to "Heart Attack!!!" Also, I became scared of Islamic hell and I started researching Islam to debunk it. I had all these great reasons to think it was false, and the more I researched and found these reasons, the more my thoughts began to revolve around Islamic hell. Soon it became far more personal, and everytime I heard of someone dying, I would subconsciously wonder whether or not they had accepted Islam before they died. This in spite of me having every rational reason to think Islamic hell does not exist. When I stopped researching Islam so obsessively and stopped constantly trying to find reasons why it is false, my fears melted away. When you are trying so hard to debunk something, just the fact that you are constantly thinking about it tends to give it validity especially when fear and anxiety is involved. Fear and anxiety drive a lot of my obsessive thinking. The best thing for me to do in these situations and I would hope it would work for you is to take a break from researching so much. As hard as it is, give a week, maybe a month, and you'll notice your mind returning to a far more rational state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleedblue22 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I apologize if my ideas don't apply to you as I didn't have time to read the entire thread and get to understand your particular situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Fear and anxiety drive a lot of my obsessive thinking. You're not the only one. Although when i left christianity, it almost disappeared overnight. Great informative post. Thank you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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