Continuing Fear...

[Rosa Mystica]

Okay, so I don't understand what the hell is going on with me these days. I continue to have a fear of eternal damnation, despite acknowledging that something that atrocious is more likely to be false than true. Often, I think "What if the Christian hell is real?" Once in a while, I think, "What if some *other* system's hell is real?" The concept of eternal damnation is obviously one that was strongly etched into my mind- I can't get rid of it no matter what I tell myself. And trust me, I *have* been trying to deprogram myself from this horrendous idea. Despite its atrocity and sheer illogicity, I cannot rid myself of it. I often am afraid of death, to this day. On occasion I am not- and I'm happy when these rare occasions come up. But mostly, I dread my dying moment, for fear I'll either revert dishonestly, or have, "I shall be damned!" as my final thought.

 

Now, here's the other thing that's been going on with me: I've been starting to despise mainstream Christianity more and more. The god of that system is a sadist, and *not* a loving Creator. I cannot, cannot love a being who eternally tortures his/her/its creation. That isn't love! A deity who "wishes for no one to enter Hell" would not have created it in the first place! Also, Satan is the enemy of the Christian God, why would He have created Satan?! What is He, a masochist or something? Yeah, must be. And if that is a so-called, "test of faith", then that is a really sick test!!!! Again- *not* an example of love.

 

So, I guess my question is this: how do I handle extreme fear that's coupled with extreme disgust of a system that I think of going back to sometimes simply b/c I'm scared, and no other reason? How do I deal with the fact that I don't think I shall *ever* revere such a sickening conception of God again, despite sometimes feeling an obligation to do just that? How on earth can I go back to something that has totally destroyed me emotionally, the way the Christian system has done to me?

 

I don't know what to do. My emotions are conflicted. I just want peace of mind, dammit! Being Catholic did *not* bring me peace- but neither does being ex-Catholic! How in the world can I achieve this elusive goal?

 

I hope I don't sound weak-willed to anyone here. I'm trying- honestly, I am. But I'm stuck right now, and don't know what to do. I wish I'd never been exposed to this stuff!!!!!

 

There- I feel a bit better now.

 

Rosa

[StrawberrySundae]

Don't know what to say to make you feel better, just that I can completely relate to everything you said. I hate those moments of doubt. Sometimes I feel guilty, like there is a god and I have hurt his feelings by rejecting him. And so then I pray really quick, telling god I am sorry for doubting, then two minutes later I am like, wtf was THAT all about??? I truly feel insane sometimes. Considering this has been going on with me for about 17 years, I am thinking the programming from church worked pretty darn well. If you get it figured out, do me a favor and give me the secret!

[Rosa Mystica]

Seventeen years?! Wow. I am so sorry you've had to endure this kind of thing for so long (*gives Strawberry a hug*). I hope this won't be going on in my life for seventeen years. I've only been deconverted for two months, so this might be a very normal reaction. I think another problem is this: I've been thinking about outing myself to my family in the next six to twelve months. I notice that the more I think about this, the more paranoid I get, for they will condemn me to hell (despite the fact that they don't have any control over a possible afterlife). But certain things have happened in my life that makes keeping the faith loss a secret unfeasible over an extended period of time (which I will mention at a later time).

 

I suppose one thing that helps me is this: I feel that it's possible to figure out the truth eventually. Why do I say this? B/c many people have switched beliefs in their lifetime, and it brought them a sense of peace and security. If others can achieve it, why can't I? I just figure that the *real* truth will set me free, and that when I find it, I'll know. Just wish that would happen sooner rather than later!

 

I'll tell you the secret if I ever figure it out.

 

Rosa

 

Don't know what to say to make you feel better, just that I can completely relate to everything you said. I hate those moments of doubt. Sometimes I feel guilty, like there is a god and I have hurt his feelings by rejecting him. And so then I pray really quick, telling god I am sorry for doubting, then two minutes later I am like, wtf was THAT all about??? I truly feel insane sometimes. Considering this has been going on with me for about 17 years, I am thinking the programming from church worked pretty darn well. If you get it figured out, do me a favor and give me the secret!

[Guest Emerson]

I think you've got the answer right there Rosa Mystica. Why would any decent god threaten his creations with fear? I have doubts just like you do, I think in any path you will, but when the doubts of hell and damnation come, I usually try to let them go.

 

Take this scenario. Anne Frank. Jewish girl during Nazi Germany, writes a diary of her experience, but she's eventually sent to a concentration camp with her family. She dies before she is rescued, and lets "pretend" that there is an afterlife and that after her terrible ordeal in the camp, xtian god decides to send her to hell because she was Jewish and not a xtian. How does that make any sense at all?

 

First of all Anne Frank was Jewish so why would she meet xtian god, second of all how could any god sent a young girl or any human being to hell/damnation after going through hell on earth? It just doesn't make sense. Why would any god continue torture or "justice" as the xtians like to call it, after someone's been tortured on earth?

 

Personally Rosa Mystica, even if hell is true, I don't want to worship god out of fear. I don't want to worship god who hangs the threat of hell over my head if I don't worship him. I just can't do that. Also logically speaking, many many cultures existed before xtianity came into existence.

 

If anyone has taken world religions or any history courses in college, you'd learn that thriving cultures in the Ancient world were very organized. I think that in Minoan cultures they even had baths and a water system that was very organized. I think its somewhere in my Art History book that it talks about that. But people had their own religions and why would any god send them to hell? After all they did not know what the meaning of christianity was.

 

Also religion has been the #1 setback of most society. A lot of times medical and scientific progress was held back because religious leaders were against education, knowledge, reason and thought it was all sinful. People used to think that bathing and being hygenic was a sin, so that was let go back in medieval times. People didn't bathe for fear of being "sinful." I'm sure if we had been born in Japan, we would be Buddhists, Taoinists, or Shintoists.

 

Religion is cultural, as well as regional, it evolves and changes with the times. For example, birth control was seen as bad, but nowadays you rarely hear a xtian church bring up the topic. Most avoid it, unless its a fundy sect or church, and the ones in mainstream xtianity that keep on saying bc is bad, is the roman catholic church.

 

Just deal with your fear, talk about it to us here, that's why this forum is here. Don't supress your feelings, just let them flow and let it go. Its better to let them run their course so you can eventually be free and not live in fear. My goodness, that's the thing that disgusts me about religions, they're mostly all based on fear. They're about control and controlling the person, that's why fundy cults exist, because they're targeting on peoples fears. Its disgusting and revolting! If such a god existed then I don't know why I'd want to worship it. yuck.

[Ryan]

I still have those moments too. They're less frequent now, and it's more of a vague "Man that would kind of suck" sort of feeling. I'm glad I passed the stage where I would be kept up at night by paralyzing fear. Jesus sure does spread the joy, doesn't he?

[Rosa Mystica]

Emerson,

 

Everything you're saying makes sense. They're good, well thought out arguments. And trust me, I have tried many of these arguments on myself. But it's just so hard to let go of fear sometimes, you know?

 

Another problem: Christianity pretty much *demands* that you believe in things that don't make sense. For example, St Thomas Aquinas (one of the most idiotic theologians that ever existed) made the following statement: "Human salvation demands the divine disclosure of truths surpassing reason." IOW, "Make up ridiculous sounding stories or else you'll be damned!" To me, that sounds like sheer insanity. I always saw reason as a gift from God, and this twit's statement totally contradicts that viewpoint. So yeah, being exposed to this sort of crap scares the living daylights outta me- even though I know that it's totally ridiculous.

 

I hate this. I will never have the peace and security that I long for. Christianity robbed me of a loving God. And now I feel like I can never believe in one, thanks to their bullshit. Stupid, brainwashed idiots...

 

I still have those moments too. They're less frequent now, and it's more of a vague "Man that would kind of suck" sort of feeling. I'm glad I passed the stage where I would be kept up at night by paralyzing fear. Jesus sure does spread the joy, doesn't he?

 

Mmmm-hmmm, he sure does (*rolls eyes disgustedly*).

 

If I may ask, how long have you been out of Christianity?

[Brother Jeff]

These quotes should help end your fears of Hell:

 

http://www.religionisbullshit.org/end_fear_hell.html

 

The concept of eternal damnation is obviously one that was strongly etched into my mind

Control through FEAR is a very large part of fundamentalist religion.

 

I cannot, cannot love a being who eternally tortures his/her/its creation.

O, but we have a choice! If we accept Kryasst and allow the Holy Spook to regenerate our inner spooks, we don't have to be tortured!

 

or have, "I shall be damned!" as my final thought

I hope "GLORY!" is my final thought! Glory!

 

A deity who "wishes for no one to enter Hell" would not have created it in the first place!

In Christian mythology, Hell was not created for humans. It was created for the Talking Snake and his evil spooks. The Magical Being has no other place to put humans though if they fail to accept Kryasst as their personal Lard and Slaver.

 

Also, Satan is the enemy of the Christian God, why would He have created Satan?!

The Talking Snake was Lucifer before his fall, which was caused by pride. Pride was the original sin, and evil came into the universe at that point. The Talking Snake wanted to be like Gawd, and he still has that desire even today! Pride created the Talking Snake, not the Magical Being!

 

how do I handle extreme fear that's coupled with extreme disgust of a system that I think of going back to sometimes simply b/c I'm scared, and no other reason? How do I deal with the fact that I don't think I shall *ever* revere such a sickening conception of God again, despite sometimes feeling an obligation to do just that? How on earth can I go back to something that has totally destroyed me emotionally, the way the Christian system has done to me?

 

Rational thinking, time, patience and compassion with yourself, etc. You don't go back! You find some other system of belief that works much better than Christianity did for you! It will take time and searching, but it will happen!

 

I don't know what to do. My emotions are conflicted. I just want peace of mind, dammit! Being Catholic did *not* bring me peace- but neither does being ex-Catholic! How in the world can I achieve this elusive goal?

I know what you mean! I can relate totally! Again, time, thought, and searching! There is an article entitled "Recovery from Religious Abuse" that might help you on the front page of my new site. Here's the link:

 

http://www.christianityisbullshit.info

 

I hope I don't sound weak-willed to anyone here. I'm trying- honestly, I am. But I'm stuck right now, and don't know what to do. I wish I'd never been exposed to this stuff!!!!!

Not at all, and I know exactly what you mean! I would have been MUCH better off had I not gotten sucked into the fundie cult!

 

There- I feel a bit better now.

Glory!

[Vigile]

Rosa I don't know if there is a silver bullet to this issue but I can say that I went through exactly what you are now going through. I feared hell and yet I couldn't do anything about my unbelief or my disgust with the church, the bible and its teachings. From the book Going Postal: "Once you start seeing injustice in one place, it's like taking off blinders-you start to see injustice everywhere."

 

Today I have no fear of hell whatsoever so it is possible to be free. I too was indoctrinated as a child and unlike many around me, I took my beliefs in deeply. In other words, I was fully bathed in the belief system and yet I am now fully free from the fears instilled in me and instilled in me well.

 

My method? I just asked a lot of hard questions and studied and studied until the old beliefs just became so foolish in my mind compared to what I know now that they lost their power. I did this without the aid of the internet and its resources so hopefully it will take you less time than it did me. It took a good 4-5 years for me to shed the fear completely.

[Astreja]

The problem with fear is that it leaves physical traces as well as psychological ones. Thoughts can trigger the whole "fight-or-flight" hormonal cascade.

 

Try slow deep breathing exercises, walking off the adrenaline rush, and interrupting and redirecting your thoughts whenever they slip into the well-worn "fear" groove. Very similar to the techniques one might use to interrupt a pending panic attack.

[Guest Emerson]

Emerson,

 

Everything you're saying makes sense. They're good, well thought out arguments. And trust me, I have tried many of these arguments on myself. But it's just so hard to let go of fear sometimes, you know?

 

Another problem: Christianity pretty much *demands* that you believe in things that don't make sense. For example, St Thomas Aquinas (one of the most idiotic theologians that ever existed) made the following statement: "Human salvation demands the divine disclosure of truths surpassing reason." IOW, "Make up ridiculous sounding stories or else you'll be damned!" To me, that sounds like sheer insanity. I always saw reason as a gift from God, and this twit's statement totally contradicts that viewpoint. So yeah, being exposed to this sort of crap scares the living daylights outta me- even though I know that it's totally ridiculous.

 

I hate this. I will never have the peace and security that I long for. Christianity robbed me of a loving God. And now I feel like I can never believe in one, thanks to their bullshit. Stupid, brainwashed idiots...

 

I know its hard Rosa, but you just have to let your fears run their course. I think that's the best way. Kind of like a virus, except that this is the xtian virus. I'm not trying to be funny but that's just how it is. Because you're new it'll take you a while to deconvert and let go of the programming. It took me about two years to come to terms with everything, the first year was the most hard because I had one fear after another, I had bitterness and resentment to deal with, and questioned everything over and over.

 

So its in the first year that you'll deal with it because you just deconverted. That quote by St. Thomas Aquinas is wrong because it was his way of saying, him being a xtian, it was his way of saying to let go of any intellectual concerns. I know we won't understand everything and have all our q's answered but letting go of reason is the most stupid and dangerous thing that I've heard.

 

It is with knowledge that people find the path to truth. It is with knowledge that poor people are able to rise out of poverty, and it is because of knowledge that people can't be controlled under anyone's thumb. Knowledge really is power. When someone has access to knowledge and education, its harder for any power be it political or religious to control them and to keep them under their thumb. Like you, I think if there's a God then he/she/it would want us to use our brains.

 

There's a reason why I feel good after studying something or learning something new, I feel fulfilled intellectually. I feel good. There's a reason why our bodies have a stomach, intestines, colons, hearts, etc. It all works together so we can be healthy. Same reason for brains. If it weren't for brains, we'd be in a sorry state.

[Rosa Mystica]

Rosa I don't know if there is a silver bullet to this issue but I can say that I went through exactly what you are now going through. I feared hell and yet I couldn't do anything about my unbelief or my disgust with the church, the bible and its teachings. From the book Going Postal: "Once you start seeing injustice in one place, it's like taking off blinders-you start to see injustice everywhere."

 

Today I have no fear of hell whatsoever so it is possible to be free. I too was indoctrinated as a child and unlike many around me, I took my beliefs in deeply. In other words, I was fully bathed in the belief system and yet I am now fully free from the fears instilled in me and instilled in me well.

 

My method? I just asked a lot of hard questions and studied and studied until the old beliefs just became so foolish in my mind compared to what I know now that they lost their power. I did this without the aid of the internet and its resources so hopefully it will take you less time than it did me. It took a good 4-5 years for me to shed the fear completely.

 

Thanks, Vigile, for that inspiring post. I'm glad to hear that you overcame the fear, and I hope that I can, too. I intend to do a *ton* of studying in the near future. I also want to investigate other religions. Just knowing that there are others who have security in systems of non-Christian thought is a source of peace and security for me as well. Fortunately, I'm *much* less afraid to look into other beliefs than I used to be. Not to mention that much of the guilt I used to experience has decreased significantly.

 

I guess one idea I struggle with is this: what if my disbelief is not honest? That is, what if I only deconverted out of anger, and nothing else? What if it's just that I *want* Christianity to be false, but me wanting it won't make it so? I have no idea what to do with that one.

 

The problem with fear is that it leaves physical traces as well as psychological ones. Thoughts can trigger the whole "fight-or-flight" hormonal cascade.

 

Try slow deep breathing exercises, walking off the adrenaline rush, and interrupting and redirecting your thoughts whenever they slip into the well-worn "fear" groove. Very similar to the techniques one might use to interrupt a pending panic attack.

 

That's a good idea, actually. I think I'll try that. Thanks, Astreja.

[Ryan]

 

I still have those moments too. They're less frequent now, and it's more of a vague "Man that would kind of suck" sort of feeling. I'm glad I passed the stage where I would be kept up at night by paralyzing fear. Jesus sure does spread the joy, doesn't he?

 

Mmmm-hmmm, he sure does (*rolls eyes disgustedly*).

 

If I may ask, how long have you been out of Christianity?

 

Philosophically, years and years, but I only made the first serious break about four years ago. I've only been an atheist for about a week.

 

My fear of eternal damnation has actually mostly transformed into a uneasiness about the oblivion that no doubt faces me after death. It's a difficult concept to come to terms with when you've been programmed all your life that there's life after death instead of just nothing. Even so, it's getting easier. I'm sure the feelings of fear will fade eventually for you too. Brainwashing can only hold for so long after you stop believing it, right?

[All Gods Fail]

Rosa , it takes time, patience and most of all knowledge. Learning to be a critical thinker is antithetical to a religious mindset. And it can take some time.

 

For me, it really started with the Old Testament - once I realized the insanity of talking snakes, holy genocide, and holding the sun in place, everything began to fall apart. And because this is the foundation of xtianity, nothing else holds up either.

 

Not to rag on Jewish folks, but let's face it - that's one crazy set of beliefs! And us gentiles just took it and ran with it, till we made up an even nuttier version.

 

Just hang in there as best you can, babe. It does get better.

[Fweethawt]

I wish I'd never been exposed to this stuff!!!!!

[HuaiDan]

Get some Carl Sagan DVD's, his old Cosmos series. Watch 'em all weekend. Even though I didn't know it yet, at the time, It was when I saw the first air of this series that I became an atheist. The seeds were planted. Thanks, Carl! I only wish you were still around to hear my appreciation.

[Lautermilich]

I grew up on hell fire as a fundie. The one thing that helped get me over the most is studying hell in the OT and NT and you clearly see that hell is the grave in the OT. The concept of fire and torture did not come into the bible until the NT which has pagan influence.

 

Would you burn someone forever? Is God supposed to be more loving than you are?

 

Overall I would say that studying Xtianity is the best way to free youself of it.

[Joyous1]

Laughter is the best medicine. I just love Brother Jeff's quotes, especially the one about the angry alpha male in the sky. Whenever I start to worry about God etc., I repeat that one to myself. It always makes me smile, and it sets me straight again.

 

Try imagining the silliest characature of God possible, with all his petty jealousies and childish tantrums, wagging his finger at you for eating shrimp or cutting your hair (both forbidden by biblical Law). The alpha male gorilla image works for me, but you may need something else. Then when you start to feel worried, just picture that silly image of God and laugh at him.

[notasheep]

I continue to have a fear of eternal damnation, despite acknowledging that something that atrocious is more likely to be false than true.

 

I've always been more rational than emotional, so maybe that's why my hell-ophobia disappeared with my faith. But when you've ingrained thoughts into your brain, it takes time to establish new patterns. Hopefully not seventeen years!

I like joyous1's suggestion to use humor. It's hard to laugh and be afraid at the same time.

Or try saying a quick prayer that god will reveal himself to you in some specific way. (Brad Pitt showing up at your door?) No Brad? No god, no hell.

[white_raven23]

Rosa,

 

I understand where you are at. Perhaps now is a good time for you to start learning the true purpose of fear.

 

A good book to start.... http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/031623502...glance&n=283155

 

The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

 

This link is for the hardcover edition.....but it is available in paperback too (I just like the shiny silver book jacket)

 

 

This may seem like a deviation from the topic being discussed, but it really isn't.

 

Try to get hold of some survival stories too. When you really take a close look at how fear (as opposed to fake fear aka worry) plays an important role in your individual well being, you will begin to feel anger at those cultural influences that abuse this important survival system by taking advantage, and exploiting false fear. Things like religion, and the media (in the U.S.) who actively try to inspire fear when it's not necessary.

 

Just a thought. Hope it helps.

[Rosa Mystica]

Thanks everyone. I can see that you all genuinely want to help me out.

 

I've been entertaining a thought, lately: maybe I should just go back, regardless of the issues I have with my former system. Sometimes I think that this will eliminate the fear. Will it, though? Or will it likely not work b/c I'm extremely repulsed by conservative Christianity (and especially Catholicism)? I think I know the answer you guys will give me, but I thought I'd ask anyway.

 

Funny, how mainstream Christians think I will just bow down and "humbly submit" to their monstrous deity. Despite the fear, I *cannot* bring myself to do this. I feel like puking at the very thought of it. Damn it, they hurt me so much! They robbed me forever of a belief in a loving god. Now I can never have this in my life, thanks to their bullshit. :angry:

[Golden Meadows]

Okay, so I don't understand what the hell is going on with me these days. I continue to have a fear of eternal damnation, despite acknowledging that something that atrocious is more likely to be false than true. Often, I think "What if the Christian hell is real?" Once in a while, I think, "What if some *other* system's hell is real?" The concept of eternal damnation is obviously one that was strongly etched into my mind- I can't get rid of it no matter what I tell myself. And trust me, I *have* been trying to deprogram myself from this horrendous idea. Despite its atrocity and sheer illogicity, I cannot rid myself of it. I often am afraid of death, to this day. On occasion I am not- and I'm happy when these rare occasions come up. But mostly, I dread my dying moment, for fear I'll either revert dishonestly, or have, "I shall be damned!" as my final thought.

 

Now, here's the other thing that's been going on with me: I've been starting to despise mainstream Christianity more and more. The god of that system is a sadist, and *not* a loving Creator. I cannot, cannot love a being who eternally tortures his/her/its creation. That isn't love! A deity who "wishes for no one to enter Hell" would not have created it in the first place! Also, Satan is the enemy of the Christian God, why would He have created Satan?! What is He, a masochist or something? Yeah, must be. And if that is a so-called, "test of faith", then that is a really sick test!!!! Again- *not* an example of love.

 

So, I guess my question is this: how do I handle extreme fear that's coupled with extreme disgust of a system that I think of going back to sometimes simply b/c I'm scared, and no other reason? How do I deal with the fact that I don't think I shall *ever* revere such a sickening conception of God again, despite sometimes feeling an obligation to do just that? How on earth can I go back to something that has totally destroyed me emotionally, the way the Christian system has done to me?

 

I don't know what to do. My emotions are conflicted. I just want peace of mind, dammit! Being Catholic did *not* bring me peace- but neither does being ex-Catholic! How in the world can I achieve this elusive goal?

 

I hope I don't sound weak-willed to anyone here. I'm trying- honestly, I am. But I'm stuck right now, and don't know what to do. I wish I'd never been exposed to this stuff!!!!!

 

There- I feel a bit better now.

 

Rosa

[Golden Meadows]

Hi Rosa,

 

I was a practicing Catholic up until quite recently and I am also going through the things you describe. As best I know the Catholic church teaches that each of us must obey our conscience even if its in error. I was bothered about the doctrine of hell for a long time but suppressed it.

 

I was taught that God is love. That God was love explained my very existence and just about everything else. My conscience was sorely troubled by the doctrine of hell because there was no way I could understand how a good God could bring into existence a being who never asked to be born in the first place knowing that he would punish it for all eternity for a finite, temporal crime. I have no hang ups about being held to account for the wrongs I have done others - not that the God of love would behave vindictively but rather I would experience the hurt I have unjustly caused others through my selfishness and in doing my heart would be changed.

 

Anyhow I read books and asked learned people and could not receive a rational explanation relating to the doctrine of hell. Once I got past the all the usual excuses that do not stand up to scrutiny I was met with a deafening silence. In short I could not get an answer to the point posed in the previous paragraph. The more I thought of it the more preposterous it seemed - that God who is love would do something to a rational being that made all the accumulated evil done by mankind, all the hilters, all the Pol Pots seem trivial, i.e the eternal torture of a rational soul for a finite crime.

 

If I had continued to align myself with what I now firmly believed to be a great evil then I would have good reason for facing any judgement with trepidation. How could I believe that God would do such a thing? From this I concluded that the author of my conscience was not the author of the doctrine of hell.

 

If there be any judgment then I have no fear now about me acting against my conscience, an informed conscience, and that is the main point. I still believe in God but I think agnostic best describes me. There is lot of truth in Christianity but not all of it. I will try to retain its good wisdom, what I do believe is a reflection of Gods goodness, and leave the hatred,contradcitions and transparent bullshit behind. I no longer feel inhibited about studying other religions and I am no longer intimidated by the threats of hell unless I profess complete and total belief in a particular religion.

 

Golden Meadows

[Ouroboros]

Rosa, what helped me overcome the thought of an eternal damnation etc, was that if there is a God, and if I have emotions that are copied from him (esp. love), then if I can love my kids so much that I never would like to see them suffer or be in pain, then so much more would this supposed God feel for me. Conclusion, God can't be this evil tyrrant that will send his creation to Hell because they just didn't believe in him. I wouldn't, and he can't be lesser than me.

[Open_Minded]

WOW... Rosa...

1. You're getting great advice.
   
2. After reading all these posts I find myself (once again) dumbfounded that fear such as all of you describe goes hand-in-hand with religion.
   

I can hardly add any advice, Rosa ... the others have given advice from personal experience. Listen to them, they know what they're writing about.

 

However, I can tell you a story.

 

As you know, my parents both left the Catholic church over 30 years ago. They are both well, happy and content with their lives. What I've never told you is what finally "kicked the bucket" for my mother - why she finally gave up the ghost and left.

 

She left - after the wedding of my eldest cousin - my mother's eldest niece. This niece married a Lutheran - back in the early 60s. Long and short of it - my mother watched her family split apart by this marriage - split apart when they should have been happy and celebrating. The worst part was watching her mother (my grandmother) suffering in fear that her grand-daugher would go to hell.

 

Mom says she walked away from that wedding and never looked back. She still had to deal with her families response - that took years- but she never looked back at the church and its doctrine of fear.

 

She also did not hand that fear down to her children - something I am eternally grateful for.

 

Rosa, let go, walk away. Don't look back and spare yourself the rest of your life living in that kind of fear. You can get past it. And speaking as an adult child who was spared it, do it for any children you may have in the future.

[Lycorth]

Poor Rosa

 

I hate to sound smug, but it will get better over time. You just have to keep telling yourself all the little truths you've learned since deconversion.

 

You just have to keep reminding yourself about the fact that Hell was borrowed and altered from other religions, and is by no means a Xian invention.

 

You have to keep reminding yourself that there is no mention of Hell in the Old Testament, where you'd think it'd be loaded with references to Hell.

 

You have to keep reminding yourself that there is no Yahooweh™, no Jeezus™, and no way that gods like can exist. An all-powerful, all-loving, all-present god is impossible, and if one did exist somehow, there wouldn't be a Hell to burn in. No god with those qualities could permit it - heck, if imperfect humans cannot even permit the concept to intimidate us, how could a god do so?

 

Basically, you have to keep reminding yourself that Hell is a man-made doctrine and therefore you have no obligation to believe in it.

 

But most of all, you have to give yourself time. When you think you've given yourself enough time, give yourself some more. Go back for seconds and thirds and just gorge yourself on time. Give yourself all the time in the world and then some to allow your mind to unwind from the poisonous notion of Hell. That's what I had to do - I studied the absurdities about Hell I mentioned above, I studied other religions' takes on the afterlife, I ket my imagination run wild and concoct all sorts of personal theories about what is more likely to happen to us than Hell in the next life - but most of all, I gave myself time to adjust. I was thinking today that it's kind of remarkable how unafraid I am of Hell anymore. I'm not worried in the slightest that maybe the Xian god exists and is watching my every move. I know I am like this because I did all of the above and especially gave myself time to adjust.

 

Don't push yourself. Don't expect your freedom to come at a given point. Don't even sit and expect it at all. Just do like a recovering alcoholic might do (a recovering hell-o-holic, in your case) and just take it one day at a time. For each day that goes by where you lean on the facts about Hell and don't cave in to the fear, that's one day more that you lived freer than you ever did as a Xian. And one day, you will be free - period.

 

And we'll all be here to nudge you when you stumble on the path, so don't worry about seeming weak-willed. No one's perfect, but everyone's better than the Hell concept