Death for me over the years has rarely been difficult to process and move on. I've buried quite a few, only mourned a couple. The two I mourn are now memories I guard so earnestly a mother bear could not rival my ferocity. These two people immediately bring on the wet eyes and short tight breaths when I just so much as think on their lives, their influence, and my loss.
This past January I experienced a third loss of someone very important in my life. It's hit me very hard, and I am surprise
Once again the poster children of the Quiverfull movement are in the spotlight, this time because of admitted molestation of minors. It should be noted, Josh Duggar molested fellow underage family members and possibly church members, while technically a minor himself. Granted, the victims were well under the age of consent. They were also sleeping. But, to make reparations for his crimes that repeatedly occurred over the course of at least 3 years, he helped build a house, received further guida
It seems my workplace has a never-ending fount of social no-no’s and religiously related eye rolling. This is something I kind of value about my job in a small Southern federal office in the Bible Belt. That attitude kind of bit me in the ass the other morning, and it took me a few days to process this because I was completely caught off guard by a supervisor’s audacity during a conversation. I really had to take time to reflect on his motives behind his words.
A little background is in orde
You ever have one of those conversations with a friend, family member, or coworker, where you are describing your atheism or questioning of religion and you are asked the inevitable,”What/Who/Why did you/are you doubting the existence of God?”
Ignore the entire question except for the who/what/why part. You are about to realize this person is probably one of the most singular thinking people you’ve ever met. This is because the fundamental core of scrutinizing the irreligious is locating the ca
My eldest son and I were making the daily commute to school this past week, and we ended up on the discussion of extending human life to hundreds of years. He’d overheard a news article about slowing down the aging process, which got him thinking. Naturally, I’m somewhat against extending human aging. I think if we don’t die out in a reasonable time frame, society will stagnate. The younger generations keep human society always moving forward to bigger and better advancements. I was explaining t
I had a second bad tooth removed today. Much unlike last time, this time I'd known for weeks I was to have it removed, I'd talked with the dentist about the procedure a couple weeks earlier, I'd had antibiotics to stop any possible infection, and was all kinds of prepared mentally and physically.
It went very well. The laughing gas worked. It didn't make me amused, but it was just like being in the deepest, heaviest trance ever, with actual silence in my mind. The numbing worked perfectly to
Remember that scene in Star Wars when Obi Wan Kenobi heard a great cry within the force and immediately knew something terrible had happened? That's because he heard the death rattle of Zomberina Contagion shattering the Universe in my mind. Her voice whispered from deep inside the cosmic oceans of my mind,"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" And then her presence was exiled to the abandoned remnants of my inner self to never search for brains again.
Zomberina died this past 28 April around 11
"You're an atheist. How can you know right from wrong then if you don't have God to show you?"
I was asked this by a representative of a local Catholic church at a community small business event last night. You know the type of event, where the businesses stay open extra late and let customers hang out till late in the evening. This church had decided they would be a "business" too. A business of saving souls. So, they were offering Communion to anyone and everyone. Well, everyone except me
My body is acting up again. I don't know if it's my stress over my studies, or still related to one bad tooth I have (which will be operated on next week) or what, maybe multiple reasons, but when I think I'm okay and go back to gym, I come down with a strange infection.
So, now I have my second UTI ever.
The first time will be eternally etched upon my mind. It was 2006. When the illness hit me, I had a new boyfriend and my condition went so bad so quickly, I wound up throwing up on his
Friend of mine brought up his increasing frustration with how easily the religious swallow ridiculous doctrine and unhesitatingly apply it to everyday life. He cannot stand how easy it is to live with a mind so warped that even the word "the" might mean that the End of Days will happen by noon time after a lunch at Subway. He isn't the only one just flabbergasted at how easy it is for believers to accept that God doesn't do any one on one counseling anymore, and they are oblivious to the fishy w
Time passes. People get older.
And this brings problems. Now, I'm not talking here about the first twinges of arthritis or the way my head seems to be turning into an increasingly grey fluff-ball. I'm talking about the generation above me. People now in their late 70's and 80's and who are becoming dependent upon the good offices of their younger families and acquaintances.
I was talking yesterday with Mrs Ellinas. She has an uncle and aunt in their 80's. The aunt is the more pleas
Some days, when I get to sit down quietly without anyone disturbing me, I get this hollow feeling that my life makes no sense. I still have gaping holes in my sense of self and my boundaries, I don't have a "bottom line" or a "foundation" of... me. Rather my history is a swamp that I can't build on, and I just try to make myself comfortable in my daily life.
At least I managed to pull studying back into my comfort zone last year, so I feel I'm contributing to the world rather than being a le
This stupid weather! Right now it's much too easy to dress yourself way too little or way too much. I feel a cold coming on and I have an exam on Monday, I'm trying to survive by resting a lot and studying at least a few hours every day. I just hope my body won't do the old trick of getting my fever up high the previous day so that I can't even think of going. I've had that happen many times, especially before my burn-out in 2011/2012.
My head's been doing weird things. I hallucinate colour
Hi, from Covington, Kentucky! The neighbor of Cincinnati, Ohio.
My name is Amanda Ashcraft. I work for the postal service, write numerous articles about ex religious life and childhood abuse, parent four beautiful children, and live openly secular as a humanism practicing atheist.
I grew up in a charismatic home in southwest Ohio, my earliest memories being that of a Pentecostal church with wonderful music, a very loving pastor, and always trying to get God's direct attention so I knew h
For the last few months, I’ve been scrimping away money to restart my tattoo collecting. I currently have three altogether, all from different shops in my area, and out of the three who did the work, I decided to return to one in particular. I liked the artists that worked there, and trusted their professionalism so much so that I’ve unfailingly recommended this tattoo parlor to everyone that would ask me where to go for quality artistry.
That all changed this morning when I received a response
Today I've been more anxious than I've been for a while. I'm not sure exactly why. Could be the depressing grey weather, could be me being tired of my dysfunctional body. That'll be another entry though.
For some reason the following has been running through my mind today, so I'll put it into typing and hope it'll help let it go.
Before I started my deconverting process in January 2014, I'd really thrown myself to God's arms, really trusting that his plan was best. I had zero doubts abou
It seems with Easter, and the improvement of weather from freezing to tolerable, that there is an uptick in religious pursuits. As if after getting through the last rather heavy Christmas and Easter seasons, the rekindling of faith hits a critical mass and a bunch of stupid just starts flowing out of religious mouths with increased zeal. I tried to see if any research has popped up on what time of year is also more common for atheists to come out of their closets and put a stop to the social pre
Normally, I try to focus thought and discussion on religious themes. This is due to the fact that I host my blog on this similarly themed website. Not the case today, though. Based on just my title, you might think this will be an abortion piece. Maybe I might be referring to all the police shooting deaths as of late. The reality is I'm discussing the value of my own life. Well, actually, how some in my life seem to have put a value on me, and how I mistakenly agreed their valuations were accura
I promised ages ago to blog about honesty. I had a draft that was all over the place, then my tooth infection flared up and I couldn't do much anything for some weeks (see my previous entry), and now I can't find the draft. Oh well, I'll just start typing and see where I end up.
First I'll link to one of the most beautiful songs I know, I have it on repeat as I write.
Serge Gainsbourg - Variations Sur Marilou. (with English subtitles)
I've been seeing my psychiatrist and will see
"I miss the good old days. You know, when things were simpler and more pure. Like Mayberry."
This is probably one of the most absolutely ridiculous notions in America today. Seriously. What makes it worse would be the fact that everyone wants things to be like Mayberry. They wish for Mayberry whenever they hear news about legislation that favors quicker immigration is being considered. They cry for Mayberry's Christian family values whenever they hear yet another state is willing to acknowle
"The tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living... as they seem to be occupied with revolutionizing themselves and things, creating something that did not exist before, precisely in such epochs of revolutionary crisis they anxiously conjure up the spirits of the past to their service, borrowing from them names, battle slogans, and costumes in order to present this new scene in world history in time-honored disguise and borrowed language. Thus Luther put
So I'd felt this awful fatigue for a couple weeks. Fatigue that stopped me from concentrating on anything personally difficult for long, from staying up late on some evenings (I totally crashed into sleep earliest at 9 pm no matter what I was doing at the time), from so many normal things that it was annoying and also becoming worrisome. I was thinking I may be pregnant, so I went to see a nurse to have a blood test.
Then, on Wednesday before I got the blood test results, the pain started. S
I read an interesting article on CNN the other day by Craig Gross. For those who aren't familiar with Craig, he's a pastor and founder of xxxchurch.com, which helps fight porn addiction. The article he wrote was entitled "Is Judas In Hell?" , and you can read it here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/19/living/judas-hell-jesus/index.html.
In a nutshell, he acknowledges that Judas made a big, big mistake. As did Thomas. But, he skates the question for a larger dialog about what is important to focu
It was one of those little paper cups that one can put ketchup or tartar sauce in. A white little bowl of pressed edges and a crimped rim. Almost origami like. Just a shallow condiment cup that, at its bottom, held two impossibly small pills that held too many promises to believe.
Help me sleep.
Help me calm down.
Help me have control.
Help me feel normal.
"Help me," I said to myself as I swallowed them down unquestioningly. This cup was my first introduction