Death for me over the years has rarely been difficult to process and move on. I've buried quite a few, only mourned a couple. The two I mourn are now memories I guard so earnestly a mother bear could not rival my ferocity. These two people immediately bring on the wet eyes and short tight breaths when I just so much as think on their lives, their influence, and my loss.
This past January I experienced a third loss of someone very important in my life. It's hit me very hard, and I am surprise
I guess the title of this entry says it all really.
I have a tendency to run from positive relationships, and I'm trying to break that habit. My biggest issue right now is that I feel numb, as in, I cannot feel my emotions, whether I care deeply for someone, love them, or simply feel deep respect for them. The only exception to this is my children, whom I know I love unconditionally as any parent should.
All I want right now is to feel again, it appears as though this is goi
First of all I want to apologise to everyone who commented on my last entry - turns out I still don't have my notifications set right, as I didn't see the comments before today! I'll have to work on that.
I've come out as truly Ex-C to three people now. My BF, my psychiatrist, and a friend who knew I'd left New Age anyway but I hadn't told him everything about it before now. It's been surprisingly good.
I'm still struggling with how to come out to people with whom I shared my act
Long post ahead, be ye forewarned.
I watched an interesting video recently on the effect of automation, robotics and artificial intelligence has and will have on humanity. You can view the video
. Basically, the video argues that shit will hit the fan when robots take over human jobs because we'll put the vast majority of people out of work. Most jobs that people have are ones where a robot with basic artificial intelligence could take over. The chief example is driving which we already h
I promised some folk in the chatroom earlier this week that my first blog entry would be about Kirby, the pink creature that's in my avatar. I'm going to tell you right away that this blog entry won't be about much else, I'm just testing how this works.
So it's Kirby on a warpstar from the 8-bit NES game "Kirby's Adventure". My friend had it when I was a kid, I'd sit on the floor next to him and watch him play it from beginning to end.
Years and years later I set up a NES emula
"I'm going to Kurdistand in March. I'm going to fight ISIS."
Not something you want to hear from a long time friend. Especially when it is followed up by, "This is something I believe in." Plenty of other platitudes followed. Empty assurances of safe zones he would be assigned to, all the while I am well aware of the ground war going on in Kurdistan, and know damn well what he thinks will happen isn't even close to the truth. Yet, this is a noble thing to do. Fight a treacherous, unconsciona
Have you ever had a dream that left you in a good mood after you woke up? Well, until recently I never had. That's not to say most of my dreams leave me in a bad mood, they just leave me in a neutral mood most of a time. You see this dream was sorta unique too. In the dream I saw a good friend of mine who I see on occasion in my dreams and we were just having a good time catching up. Now when I have him in my dreams I usually say that I thought he was dead and he clarifies that he was just serio
Things are not going well at all and I am in a very depressed condition once again. In bed all day today and haven't stopped crying. The spiritual atmosphere at home is at a fervor and it is very detrimental to my fragile mental state. A-mum is preparing for the most important event of the year for her, which is a Christian religious conference, so she has to spend a lot of time (many months actually) preparing materials and then she will act as teacher for a part of the conference. I am in
Never previously blogged. Not sure if it will be worth the effort or what is the purpose over and above the message boards. We'll see.
Anyhow, I'm beginning to feel like I'm in a state of permanent (if not necessarily overt) protest. I seem to be surrounded by those who expect conformity - largely religious, but also political, social - in fact it seems a general human trait to demand that others agree with our own ideas and practices. And it becomes tiring.
At work, it's always the
So, it's a bit scary to say it out loud. There is almost a sense of embarrassment being overweight - even more so when you are soo incredibly overweight. When people ask I am generally vague, I might even be described as deceptive about how much I say my weight is, but I decided today that I need to make some small steps in "owning" it. Even if it's somewhat anonymously on a blog. So as you might notice I have a section to the right called weight loss. It's got my current weight loss and how muc
Note: I'm kinda rambling thoughts here so they might not be flowing that well.
So, it's been a couple weeks since I started going to the gym and things have been going well. I've been going every other day, but this week since I've got a bit of a late start at work I've been managing to go every day as I go in the morning while I'm refreshed enough to do so. It also helps that since it's a late shift I don't have to get up incredibly early to fit it in (I get up at 8, have breakfast and I'm
I So, as usual I'm awake in the middle of the night. Except this time it's somewhat ironic, I don't currently own a journal and haven't kept one for several years now, I figured a blog would fulfill the same purpose.
Thinking about my life in general currently and trying to work out where too from here. Tomorrow, or rather today now, seeing as it's after midnight is going to be yet another major milestone, I guess I could call it that.., .
Mother is going to arrive to watch
Most of my mornings are filled with top 40 hits of pop music as I commute to work, kids in tow. This radio station is a clear favorite for all of us with its variety, and usually I can ignore the music and let the kids enjoy a little be bopping before going to school. Recently though, we discovered that on Sunday mornings there is a half hour of programming starting at 7:30 a.m. that is evangelical in nature.
"We are going to tell you how to improve your life." "Through God all things are po
Can't believe it has been over a year ago since I posted on this blog last.
SHAME ON ME!
Well, no, not really. I've actually made a lot of progress over the last 13 months, and made some permanent life style changes that I stuck with, and don't miss at all. As I am sure most of you remember, and if you don't just check out the gallery, I used to look like this.
Yeah, I was rockin' the scale at nearly 220 lbs (99.8 kg)..... Now, within about 4 months, I'd plateaued out, reaching
I am a survivor of religious brainwashing and amplified abuse due to religious influences in my childhood household.
I was trained from an early age that life was a constant battle between the divine and my imperfect flesh. I was regularly made aware that there would come a day when I might wake up and find everyone I loved gone; vanished from the very face of the Earth. If this happened, then I was obviously a failure in God's eyes and had to face the Tribulation period. I would have to wil
So today I was reading something in the paper and I noticed that the said the current value of the item was 6.47% less now than it was a year before and that its current value is $66500. Now, I vaguely recalled there was a way of figuring this out, but I didn't just want to look up the formula. I wanted to see if I could get to the formula myself and below are my initial steps. You see I've been recently seeking to improve my math skills so I've been starting off with algebra and have gotten up
I've in my personal life that for the most part if you have enough goes at it, eventually you succeed. I know this because of several different areas in my life that required me to half multiple attempts before getting to the finished product. The main one left now is related to my health - weight loss.
I've tried to lose weight and on several occasions I've lost significant amounts yet over the years I've still managed to gain the weight back, and worse, add more on. It's at the point now I
Let's talk about a past time I thoroughly enjoy now and then.
For those unfamiliar, LARP is an acronym for Live Action Role Play. Essentially, a bunch of similarly minded folks get together and collaborate to have fun pretending scenes out of their favorite movies, books, comics, etc. This is strictly pretending, of course, but with rules involved. The basic goal of LARPing (yes, you can make the acronym a verb, how cool!) is to create a desired fantasy environment where participan
I've been toying with the idea of starting a subreddit for interested parties here on ex-c. There is already an ex-christian subreddit, but it's not really anything special, imo.
Sometimes we have fun or deep discussions in chat or on threads that seem like they deserve more attention. Also, some of us are more open to exploring certain things like philosophy, meditation, speculative fiction, fringe theories, political issues or other topics that just don't fit within the scope of the ex-c s
Over the past several weeks, I have been contemplating various attributes of the human mind. I have been reading research on the Psychology of Belief and researching motivated reasoning and confirmation bias. At this point, I have come to the conclusion that, much like the cosmos and our universe, the human mind is incredibly complex and, at this point, has not been fully understood. There are numerous theories as to why humans think the way they do, and why humans act the way they do. And much
Back in February 2013, when I was still a fairly new member, I posted my deconversion testimony. It can be found here: http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/55452-my-deconversion/#.VH7w7cnzjaI
I recently re-read it again and the first thing I noticed was all of the grammar errors I made. My first instinct was to rewrite the whole thing and fix every single one, but then I realized that is probably not a good idea.
Back when I wrote my deconversion testimony, I can honestly say that I wasn't
Last night my friend told me his story at the bar, he was horrified, but he had to tell me. He was trekking through a forest in a Northern European country. He had a compass, a map and his backpack was filled with a tent and sleeping bag. The load weighed heavier on his back, his eyes was heavy lidded. He got more and more tired, he had to find a good place to set up the tent. He trekked through still more forest until he found a flat patch of ground that would have been near water.
He set up t
Yesterday we noticed our cat was acting a bit funny, a little reluctant to move. This was further compounded this morning where we found him pretty much where we left him in the house. He wasn't moving much, and while eating he wasn't drinking. We took him to the vet, and we were given some antibiotics and basically told that his age combined with the fact that he has FIV means we might be having to face some hard decisions if he doesn't get better.
I sort of allowed myself to get into the m
So the other night I came home from work and I felt a bit of a dull pain in my side and chest. I didn't think much of it but I started feeling a bit nauseous. I soon started to feel like someone was trying to crush my head and then my left arm started to tingle - that's right, it started to look like a fucking heart attack. We went to the hospital and I got checked out, they took an ECG and when I found out that came out ok most of my symptoms went away and I decided to go home before the blood