BlueGiant Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 what do you mean What God? We have pictures of him.... Don't look directly at it...you'll go mad. And Fwee, I have to agree, it's before my time as well, I've only heard of Malt-o-meal in a historical context. At least you're not as old as that cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Everglaze Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 People claim to have a relationship with God. Big fuckin deal. I have a relationship with my car, for chrissakes. Hahaha. I have a relationship with my computer Gloria. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanInPA Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'm not THAT old, ya know. I'm gonna have to check out that "How old are you?" thread. I thought I was quite a geezer but I've never even heard of Malt-O-Meal... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garnet Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'm not THAT old, ya know. I'm gonna have to check out that "How old are you?" thread. I thought I was quite a geezer but I've never even heard of Malt-O-Meal... Oh for gawd sake. Never heard of Malt-O-Meal? Your geezer status is hereby revoked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Hahaha. I have a relationship with my computer Gloria. Well, there you go! That's what I'm talking about. You and Gloria. Me and Pearl (my car) And Joe Religioso and Jesus. So what exactly is the relationship gig all about anyway? You wake up in the morning and say "good morning, Jesus'. You thank him for the pretty sunrise. Then you ask him for a couple of green lights on the way to work. If you happen to catch them red, then you thank Jesus for teaching you patience. You have a decision to make about something important. You pray for guidance. Jesus gives you a peace in your heart about going in a certain direction. You do it, sure that this is the LORD'S will. Turns out to be a complete fuck up. Then you figure it's your fault that you didn't hear God's voice clearly enough because your heart wasn't pure. And round and round it goes. It's enough to make you half goddamned loony. Some fucking relationship. I pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceConvinced Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Speaking of relationships. How about pets? Can a person have a relationship with their dog or cat? Sounds like a more fruitful relationship than one with God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I have a cat and a tortoise... and both are pretty responsive... There again, the tortoise has known this shave-monkey for 37 years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'm not THAT old, ya know.I'm gonna have to check out that "How old are you?" thread. I thought I was quite a geezer but I've never even heard of Malt-O-Meal...Oh for gawd sake. Never heard of Malt-O-Meal? Your geezer status is hereby revoked. I'll be 38 on the 18th of this month... Do I qualify as a "geezer"? I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest socalobjectivist Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I used the "personal relationship with God" line last night. I was talking to my selectively fundie roommate about church and she was trying to figure out if I've been going and why not and if I'd like to go to hers, etc. I just said "I don't want to risk having conflicts with the ideas of others interfering with my personal relationship with God." It's not entirely true, because I don't believe we have any proof for God and therefore can't claim he exists, but I'd say my relationship with God is kind of like one with the proverbial genie in a bottle. I occasionally pray for outlandish and selfish things. For instance if I'm driving and there is no way I'll make it somewhere on time due to gridlock, I'll throw up a prayer that goes something like this: "Dear God, if you are really there and are really as all-powerful as people say you are, then prove it to me by getting me there 5 minutes early." Sometimes I say his name in vain or in a heat of passion. Kind of a bizarre "personal relationship" but the phrase "personal relationship" is vague enough that I don't mind envoking it when confronted about my faith (or lack thereof). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Everglaze Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Hahaha. I have a relationship with my computer Gloria. Well, there you go! That's what I'm talking about. You and Gloria. Me and Pearl (my car) And Joe Religioso and Jesus. So what exactly is the relationship gig all about anyway? You wake up in the morning and say "good morning, Jesus'. You thank him for the pretty sunrise. Then you ask him for a couple of green lights on the way to work. If you happen to catch them red, then you thank Jesus for teaching you patience. You have a decision to make about something important. You pray for guidance. Jesus gives you a peace in your heart about going in a certain direction. You do it, sure that this is the LORD'S will. Turns out to be a complete fuck up. Then you figure it's your fault that you didn't hear God's voice clearly enough because your heart wasn't pure. And round and round it goes. It's enough to make you half goddamned loony. Some fucking relationship. I pass. Haha! This couldn't have been said any better. I'm quoting. It's basically a relationship based around assuming and improvising by yourself. "Hey, god told me that it's not my time to go home yet. I have to endure some trials first." - a guy about to get his ass kicked for preaching annoying nonsense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garnet Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'm not THAT old, ya know.I'm gonna have to check out that "How old are you?" thread. I thought I was quite a geezer but I've never even heard of Malt-O-Meal...Oh for gawd sake. Never heard of Malt-O-Meal? Your geezer status is hereby revoked. I'll be 38 on the 18th of this month... Do I qualify as a "geezer"? I don't know. Oh hell no....you young snot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Cuff the stripling around the ear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'm not THAT old, ya know. I'm gonna have to check out that "How old are you?" thread. I thought I was quite a geezer but I've never even heard of Malt-O-Meal... Oh for gawd sake. Never heard of Malt-O-Meal? Your geezer status is hereby revoked. Unless you have a Captain Midnight Decoder Ring obtained from a jar of Ovaltine, you are definitely NOT a geezer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Don't make me pull out the Yorkshireman Sketch by John Cleese and Graham Chapman.... or Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in clips... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 and I'm stuck with the Ovalteenies song now! Bastard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 I had a relationship with God. For a long time. It started out full of promises. Ended up just being a bottomless pit that sucked the life out of me. Reminds me of my ex-wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 The ones I think are funny are the ones who pray for guidance from God then interpret their own desires as his answer. After all, if God wanted their hearts to change, he would let them know, wouldn't he? Problem is, God's answer for Christian "A" doesn't always square with his answer to Christian "B". Is God just fucking with them for the , excuse me, hell of it? Chistians are especial bad for holding God up like a little sock puppet and speaking for him, like people do with babies and pets. A church I pass on the way to work initiated a huge, expensive addition/remodeling project. The marquee gleefully proclaimed "Look what God is doing!" But every time I drove by it was sweaty men with beer guts moving the dirt and pouring the footers and almost certainly charging the church for their efforts. Guess you can get God to do anything if you got the dough. I think next time I'm in the neighborhood bar, I'll set up the house and say, "God told me to buy you guys a beer; he wants you to drink until you're shit-faced! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted August 11, 2007 Share Posted August 11, 2007 The phrase "I have a personal relationship with Christ" is a way to discount and circumvent any sort of logical discussion based on facts. After all, who can argue with that? See my topic on this forum "Hal Lindsey, no fool like an old fool." The first thing Lindsey said was "Chrisitanity is not a religion, it is a personal relationship with Christ." That closes off any argument or discussion very nicely. Just what the hell a personal relationship with God, Christ or what have you really is, I was never able to understand despite being raised a fundie Baptist. I can just as well say I have a personal relationship with bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, a ghost or any darn thing I please. Who can disprove me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 I had a thought today after posting in the "Sex & Xianity" thread about the guy who's so into Second Life that he's neglecting his real life... the thought over there was about the nature of addiction, and how addicts become emotionally involved with their substances instead of the people around them. Maybe that's what believers are saying, when they say that they "have a relationship" with Jeebus. Maybe they're saying that they're more emotionally involved with Jeebus - their drug of choice - than they are with reality. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Just a thought. And a pretty damned valid one. Seems like the majority of truly committed christians are those whose real-life situations are pitiful. Religion is just another nice avenue down Escapism Boulevard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Religion is just another nice avenue down Escapism Boulevard. Uh oh, Mythra has spoken the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
08 hawk Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 The relationship Xians propose is an abusive one, anyway; devote yourself to a god who never shows up, doesn't answer cries for help, and threatens you with eternal pain if you don't do your best to suck up to him. How lovely :angry: And who also strickens kids with hunger and AIDS. And Christans call Atheists and Agnostics angry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Something about hardcore Xianity strikes me as being tremendously codependent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Something about hardcore Xianity strikes me as being tremendously codependent. Not to forget braindead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 It's just bullshit... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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