The Most Hurtful Thing The Church Ever Said To You

[MultifariousBirdLady]

I was asked to leave a church and not return because I was a blemish on their congregation. Three of the church leaders quoted Deuteronomy 23:2 at me and told me as a bastard child, I could never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. However, they would pray for me and they wished me well (just as long as I didn't ever step foot inside their church again). I was 12.

 

 

Wow. My sister and I are adopted, and as much as my fundamentalist parents love and believe the Bible, they wouldn't stand for a church that would say something like that. But to be honest, I don't know how they would interpret that verse, either.

 

Now I wonder if that verse plays any part in the thinking of Christian adoption agencies such as the one I was placed through. Do they think they might somehow be "saving" infants by taking them away from birthmothers and putting them with a married couple? Would that somehow then make the infant OK in their thinking?

[Snakefoot]

I went to the Ass of God church as well, They are among the most evil of the cults.

 

Dittos all around.

 

Most of my life, I attended some kind of church--baptist, interdenominational/charismatic--but more in Ass of gawd (love that) than any other. The teachings/beliefs were easily the most reprehensible of any--and the teachers the most ignorant, not just of scripture but in general.

 

And all the holey spook, leaping around like idiosts, praying in tongues, et al were embarrasing to me, even as a pre-adolescent.

 

I wish I could say, "Had I known then what I know now." The truth is, I did know, but was so brainwashed I thought I was some gawdawful sinner for having doubts and unanswerable questions, and scared spitless I was doomed for hell.

 

I can say I wish I had the assertiveness, debating ability, and balls then that I have now. I'd likely have inspired several churches to revive burning at the stake or stoning.

[RisenTree]

I went to the Ass of God church as well, They are among the most evil of the cults.

 

Dittos all around.

 

Most of my life, I attended some kind of church--baptist, interdenominational/charismatic--but more in Ass of gawd (love that) than any other. The teachings/beliefs were easily the most reprehensible of any--and the teachers the most ignorant, not just of scripture but in general.

 

And all the holey spook, leaping around like idiosts, praying in tongues, et al were embarrasing to me, even as a pre-adolescent.

 

I wish I could say, "Had I known then what I know now." The truth is, I did know, but was so brainwashed I thought I was some gawdawful sinner for having doubts and unanswerable questions, and scared spitless I was doomed for hell.

 

I can say I wish I had the assertiveness, debating ability, and balls then that I have now. I'd likely have inspired several churches to revive burning at the stake or stoning.

 

It wasn't one or two big things, but a lot of little things, that piled up for me. Rather, a lot of them had to do with assertiveness, something that I have come to realize that fundamentalism essentially destroyed in me. It's something I've had to learn from scratch, and believe me when I say that's a lot harder as an adult. Put it this way, during the deconversion process, I was so confused as to why I didn't have a healthy level of assertiveness, and it took watching a home video of myself when I was a kid, politely standing up my high-strung (at the time) brother, to realize, Whoa, wait a minute, I DID have assertiveness! Where did it go? And that's when I began to figure it out.

[OpheliaGinger]

Thinking back, I remember almost crying because I had to tell myself that women were incapable of being as good as men all because of Eve. "All because of Eve, women should never be trusted to speak about what the Bible says, teach anyone about what it says, or be as holy as men. The only place for them is in the home and completely silent in the church, because we are all so wicked." Both the men and the women know that is utter bullshit and thus make silly expressions like, "God created Adam first for practice, Eve second for mastery."

[Lancole]

Being told that if I die at any point I'll go straight to hell since I was never baptized... fortunately, I got that junk out of my head before anyone came to try to baptize me.

[I Broke Free]

I suppose the most hurtful thing The Church ever told me was, “God Loves You.” Damn! If this is love, I am sure glad he doesn’t hate me.

[Googledotman]

I suppose the most hurtful thing The Church ever told me was, “God Loves You.” Damn! If this is love, I am sure glad he doesn’t hate me.

 

This is why I love you I broke free! My hurtful thing I heard was that god loves you, but will send you to a burning hell for not believing in him.

I was what the fucking for years after that one.

[Shyone]

 

Actually, one of my old posts is about one of these priests driving off to a dinner party and leaving me standing alone on the stone church steps in the dead of winter, in a neighborhood with pretty high crime risks, after begging him for the sacraments before what was to be an electrical procedure on the brain (I later ended up opting not to have it done; but at the time, he didn't know that). That painful memory is now burned into my head, and resurfaces every time that I drive by that parish church.

 

 

Even outside the church, I still can't get to a place of forgiving them, or the church itself, for that. Even more than the rage that I feel at the way they treated me, the hurt that it caused is worse.

I remember your post. It moved me deeply, and I will never forget it. I have a mental picture so vivid that it is burned into my brain, just as the memory is burned into yours.

 

I suspect that in time you may have other feelings. Pity instead of rage. Concern for the others who have been in or will be in your shoes. There is no need to forgive. We should only consider forgiving those who request our forgiveness, and then only when the anger has abated.

[HRDWarrior]

The worst I heard was told to my mother but I was there and it was a group (ie my mother and all three of us kids) conversation/counseling session with our pastor - we were there because father was abusive to my mother both emotionally and physically. Mom was seeking counseling for dealing with the situation especially after an especially rough incident where my father threatened to shoot my mother and put her in the hospital if she "didn't do as he said." She seperated from him right after that, but was still in counseling in an attempt to save the marriage (cause divorce was EVIL).

 

The pastor told her, literally, that she had to stay with my father NO MATTER WHAT. She asked "even if he's beating me to death?" The answer was yes, even then. It was her duty as a good christian wife to stay with her husband even if he was trying to kill her, beating her and putting her in the hospital, anything.

 

That whole outlook on women, to the point that even their lives mean nothing apart from their husbands screwed with me for years and years. It wasn't until I fully deconverted that I was finally able to be completely comfortable with being female. At one point I honestly thought I was a suppressed transexual because I hated being female so badly - turns out, it was just the religion fucking with me. Haven't even had a thought of wishing I wasn't what I am since my deconversion - yet prior to that, even into my adult (and married) life, I still secretly had wished I was born male. And here it was all due to the degrading suppressive ideas of women, and nothing more.

 

I'm still so upset that my entire young life was wasted on wishing I was something I wasn't when it turns out I would have been perfectly happy being a woman if I had grown up with a different set of ideals. My mom tried hard to justify that women were equal in gawd's eyes (she still tries damn hard) but there's far too much to the contrary, and she still thinks a woman is best with a man leading her - though now she's convinced herself it has to be a good man, not just a male..

[Snakefoot]

I went to the Ass of God church as well, They are among the most evil of the cults.

 

Dittos all around.

 

Most of my life, I attended some kind of church--baptist, interdenominational/charismatic--but more in Ass of gawd (love that) than any other. The teachings/beliefs were easily the most reprehensible of any--and the teachers the most ignorant, not just of scripture but in general.

 

And all the holey spook, leaping around like idiosts, praying in tongues, et al were embarrasing to me, even as a pre-adolescent.

 

I wish I could say, "Had I known then what I know now." The truth is, I did know, but was so brainwashed I thought I was some gawdawful sinner for having doubts and unanswerable questions, and scared spitless I was doomed for hell.

 

I can say I wish I had the assertiveness, debating ability, and balls then that I have now. I'd likely have inspired several churches to revive burning at the stake or stoning.

 

It wasn't one or two big things, but a lot of little things, that piled up for me. Rather, a lot of them had to do with assertiveness, something that I have come to realize that fundamentalism essentially destroyed in me. It's something I've had to learn from scratch, and believe me when I say that's a lot harder as an adult. Put it this way, during the deconversion process, I was so confused as to why I didn't have a healthy level of assertiveness, and it took watching a home video of myself when I was a kid, politely standing up my high-strung (at the time) brother, to realize, Whoa, wait a minute, I DID have assertiveness! Where did it go? And that's when I began to figure it out.

 

Congratulations! I am honestly happy for you that you recognized and restored an important area of your life that Jeebus and his minions screwed up for you.

 

And if you have not already, I hope you find the peace that I found after I dumped all the xtian babble-based bullshit that wrecked my peace for most of my life.

 

Thank Bob I am free!

[Puddinhead]

It was so interesting reading your honest responses. Thanks to all who contributed to this interesting thread - for your bravery and for rising above it.

 

I don't know that this is the most hurtful thing they've ever done, but it's the one I think about the most. When I was 20, I dropped out of Bible College. I was having a crisis of faith. I'd just finished Hermenutics class, in which we translated the koine greek of 1 John. After dozens of hours in study and prayer, my faith was falling apart. The little "holes" of the text in English became huge gaping holes when studied in the greek. The last thing I ever expected, or wanted, to have happen at bible college was to lose my faith. I'd tried to study my way out of it, to fail miserably. I then decided I was being "proud" and relying on my intellect, so I turned to prayer. Locking myself in a closet for 45 minutes a night and pleading with god. This too, did not work. After a tearful phone call to my parents, I made the difficult decision to drop out of college and return home.

 

My whole existance was based upon my relationship with Jesus. To have this gone was...like a very difficult break-up with a boyfriend. Like a sucking chest wound. I went to tell the President of the college that I was leaving. It was a Sunday afternoon - a small college this was. Rather than let me even talk to him, his wife pulled me aside. She basically screamed at me for 20 or 30 minutes. She knew why I was "really" dropping out. It was because, she said, my boyfriend and I were "doing things." She couldn't even say "having sex," which I was not, by the way, having! Was still all virginal and everything. My tears only convinced her of my guilt. So I got the "shame on you, for doing the nasty" rant, at one of the lowest points of my life.

 

I wanted to phone her up two years later and announce that I'd finally had sex! Should have done that - dammit!

[Guest Hoseki]

Years ago when I was around the age of 17, my parents were going through the worst time they have had in their marriage. And sadly, it was all due to church we were attending. After nearly 7 years of service, my dad began seeing the "behind the scenes" acts of the leaders. I guess if you were in attendance for that amount of time, you're considered part of the group. Therefore, hair can be let down. What he saw were people being treated badly, excommunicated and discriminated against due to very insignificant things. They even had a list of all members and the amount of tithing given per person. The less you tithed, the more your word was manifested. In other words, wealth ran the church. A worse offense was being in communication with previous members who the preacher said were heretics and speakers against their establishment. My dad and a few other members thought all these things were wrong, so they literally asked my mom to spy on him and report the findings to the preacher. Oh boy, it was like my dad was starting a riot or something. Anyway, they kept my mom locked in horrible lies about her being the only support for her family because she was doing the right thing. That god would bless her for doing this. I stuck by mom because I thought it would be for the better if we stayed on the lord's side. But it was tearing our family apart and it as very wrong. Finally, a truly wise man came to my mom and told her that stuff was wrong and that doing what the church wanted was going to ruin her happiness, our family and her marriage. You know what the leaders resorted to after my mom stopped being a go-between?

 

You need to divorce him to save your family spiritually, and Are you walking out on gawd?

 

This was their common answer for any family that was struggling. To excommunicate the family member who was a black sheep.

Needless to say, that was the last straw piled on the top of other straws stockpiled. Among the things actually said to me referred to my "thinking as a witch, which is satan-worship." And being given a tape that literally told the higher-ups to "seek the middle class white and black people because they will be most faithful and bring in the money." I had to rewind the tape several times to be sure.

Very sad. Very sad indeed. They are still prophesying that my "disobedient parent's children" will come back to serve them. Hell no. Going there again would be hell. Oh, and yeah the worst things they can spread rumors about my mom and I are "having tattoos." What? We haven't been there in years and is all their time going into making up false stories about their excommunicated members?

[MeaMaximaCulpa]

I'm from the Ass of God too. Once I was told that even if you're saved, whether you go to heaven or hell depends on whether you're "right with gawd" at any given moment. That led to many, many nights lying awake, terrified of dying in my sleep and going to hell for some minor "sin". But remember kids, you can't be happy without the Lawwwwd Jeeeeezus in your life! Ugh, what a load of BS.

 

Thank the FSM I don't have to deal with that crap anymore. It was hell on my anxiety disorder.

[Non-Redneck]

 

 

The pastor told her, literally, that she had to stay with my father NO MATTER WHAT. She asked "even if he's beating me to death?" The answer was yes, even then. It was her duty as a good Christian wife to stay with her husband even if he was trying to kill her, beating her and putting her in the hospital, anything.

 

 

 

He apparently missed the section in Colossians 3:20 (CEV) where husbands aren't supposed to abuse their wives.

 

A husband must love his wife and not abuse her.

[Guest lullabelle]

The idea that some Christians are more right than others.

 

I grew up believing that Catholics weren't actually Christians. (Actually, to be even more specific, I grew up believing that Catholics were crazy.) When I met my best friend in middle school, I was afraid she wasn't going to be in heaven with me because she was raised Catholic.

 

This best friend actually perpetuates this hurtful idea that some Christians are better than others (even within similar denominations). We both "sinned" by having sex outside of marriage, but it was totally fine for her to do it because she knew she was marrying her husband and they were "already married in their minds." But me doing the exact same "sin" was a horrible thing because of the WAY I was going about it. (wtf?)

 

Anyway, this idea of a more "true" Christian produced many, many years of silently judging others for being lesser Christians (but my best friend goes to a Protestant church now, so she'll be safe in heaven).

[Seeking]

That whole outlook on women, to the point that even their lives mean nothing apart from their husbands screwed with me for years and years. It wasn't until I fully deconverted that I was finally able to be completely comfortable with being female. At one point I honestly thought I was a suppressed transexual because I hated being female so badly - turns out, it was just the religion fucking with me. Haven't even had a thought of wishing I wasn't what I am since my deconversion - yet prior to that, even into my adult (and married) life, I still secretly had wished I was born male. And here it was all due to the degrading suppressive ideas of women, and nothing more.

 

Wow, I could have written that! It's nice (in a weird way) to know that I'm not the only one who went through this.

[HRDWarrior]

That whole outlook on women, to the point that even their lives mean nothing apart from their husbands screwed with me for years and years. It wasn't until I fully deconverted that I was finally able to be completely comfortable with being female. At one point I honestly thought I was a suppressed transexual because I hated being female so badly - turns out, it was just the religion fucking with me. Haven't even had a thought of wishing I wasn't what I am since my deconversion - yet prior to that, even into my adult (and married) life, I still secretly had wished I was born male. And here it was all due to the degrading suppressive ideas of women, and nothing more.

 

Wow, I could have written that! It's nice (in a weird way) to know that I'm not the only one who went through this.

 

 

It is nice to realize we're not alone - especially when you felt so alone for so long!

[EastCoastGal]

How about my mom standing up in church and saying she only loved me becasue god was forcing her to love me. She said this in an attempt to depress me into adult baptisim.

The minister told me later that if I wanted to get my mother's "real love" I would have to let him take me down to this scumy pond and be dunked.

No Thanks, but it was sad that my mom claims, and keeps whining about, how she is forced to love me.

 

Also, apparently some bibles were found in the church library to have crayon scribbled all over the pages. The minister confronted me and called me out infront of the church body from the pulpit, screaming that I had defaced bibles for fun because a demon lived in me. He kept demanding I walk up to the front of the church and confess. I just left and went to the car.

 

No, I did not DEFACE any flipping bible, and the crayon? Come on, it was clearly some little kid. My parents made me PAY for those bibles and do service picking up trash in the church. My mom still brings up how an evil spirit lives in my blackspot and how I deface God.

Enough!

[Hungrydingo]

How about my mom standing up in church and saying she only loved me becasue god was forcing her to love me. She said this in an attempt to depress me into adult baptisim.

The minister told me later that if I wanted to get my mother's "real love" I would have to let him take me down to this scumy pond and be dunked.

No Thanks, but it was sad that my mom claims, and keeps whining about, how she is forced to love me.

 

Also, apparently some bibles were found in the church library to have crayon scribbled all over the pages. The minister confronted me and called me out infront of the church body from the pulpit, screaming that I had defaced bibles for fun because a demon lived in me. He kept demanding I walk up to the front of the church and confess. I just left and went to the car.

 

No, I did not DEFACE any flipping bible, and the crayon? Come on, it was clearly some little kid. My parents made me PAY for those bibles and do service picking up trash in the church. My mom still brings up how an evil spirit lives in my blackspot and how I deface God.

Enough!

 

Wow, no offense but you are surrounded by absolute lunatics. It's kind of amazing you didn't drink the kool-aid being surrounded such extremism.

[lunaticheathen]

It was a Bible Study, and they were talking about "lust in your heart." I asked the guy "do you have to repent for every last little thought?" He said "yes, you do."

 

That headfucked me bad for the next several years. About 500 times a day, every day, I'd pause and mutter "Lord forgive me for [insert thought sin here]." Certain OCD/autistic tendencies don't mix well with that kind of religion. Or mental illness in general, let's say.

 

Quite a lot of what was said to me in the Fundy School hurt me, but this little jewel also did the most headfucking to me as well. Didn't help that I was going through puberty, and since I was bullied, the extension of that poison doctrine of "hating is doing murder in your heart." So I thought I was a whore and a murderer.

No wonder I attempted suicide. Of course, I would have also been screwed to eternal torment then as well, huh?

[Vomit Comet]

Come to think of it, the worst thing they told me was that demons are very real and that they'll fuck you up if you're not on constant paranoid hypervigilant guard against them.

 

At least the Baptists could just sit on their asses and trust Jesus to act as demon repellent. Must've been pretty goddamn relaxing by comparison. That's the fucked up thing about extreme bat-shit Pentecostalism: as Phanta said, you basically end up living like a LARPer who's too delusional to realize it's fake.

 

LARP = Live Action Role Playing. Basically, acting out Dungeons & Dragons or World of Warcraft in a forest somewhere, running around with swords, casting spells, and tossing small red beanbags (a.k.a. fireballs) at each other.

 

So I thought I was a whore and a murderer.

No wonder I attempted suicide. Of course, I would have also been screwed to eternal torment then as well, huh?

 

What a racket it is. Ya just can't fucking win.

[OpheliaGinger]

How about my mom standing up in church and saying she only loved me becasue god was forcing her to love me. She said this in an attempt to depress me into adult baptisim.

The minister told me later that if I wanted to get my mother's "real love" I would have to let him take me down to this scumy pond and be dunked.

No Thanks, but it was sad that my mom claims, and keeps whining about, how she is forced to love me.

 

Also, apparently some bibles were found in the church library to have crayon scribbled all over the pages. The minister confronted me and called me out infront of the church body from the pulpit, screaming that I had defaced bibles for fun because a demon lived in me. He kept demanding I walk up to the front of the church and confess. I just left and went to the car.

 

No, I did not DEFACE any flipping bible, and the crayon? Come on, it was clearly some little kid. My parents made me PAY for those bibles and do service picking up trash in the church. My mom still brings up how an evil spirit lives in my blackspot and how I deface God.

Enough!

 

Good to see you stood up against it. I wouldn't have paid one penny or one second of my time to them until they could prove that I defaced the texts, and sayinga demon did it is not evidence enough for me--I would demand video tape, pictoral, or eye witness evidence. I probably would have gotten so frustrated with them that I yelled at them for them having a demon, or I would have humored them and acted like I was possessed.

 

"You want possessed, I'll show you possessed," then I'll toss furniture around tear up bibles along with eating them and mauling the preacher.

[wt-hell?!]

I have a few things I've experienced that I would consider hurtful and strange and only pointed out the contradiction of the bible even more. when i was questioning my faith, i had asked my campus minister (a reformed presbyterian) if when the bible said ALL did it actually mean ALL. I was deeply concerned about the souls of the people who would never hear or understand the gospel. I mentioned these scriptures with the use of the word all: 2 Cor. 5:15: “And he died for all, that those who live might live no longer for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” and 1 Tim. 2:4-6:4"who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. 5For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6who gave himself as a ransom for all, the testimony to which was borne at the proper time" etc. And do you know what he said to me?! He said, that yes, all means all but it's only all of a certain group, the elect. And that somewhere lost in translation was lost the true differences in the meanings of all in these scriptures. That was the straw that broke the camels back for me!

[Guest MangoJunky]

as a recently deconverted christian, i don't remember very many hurtful things said, for two reasons. My church was very "seeker friendly" and therefore careful not to offend newcomers. Also, when i deconverted, i pretty much stopped going cold turkey. But the concept i recall hurting me most was that the only kind of love that works in this world is "Divine Love", insinuating that the only perfect love is between two Christians and God - a sort of love triangle. My boyfriend is not a christian, and this meant out love wasn't perfect and we would never last. (the same message my "friends" had tried on me several times...)

I was hurt until i remembered that my boyfriend's name, "Devin" means "Divine"...

[Shyone]

as a recently deconverted christian, i don't remember very many hurtful things said, for two reasons. My church was very "seeker friendly" and therefore careful not to offend newcomers. Also, when i deconverted, i pretty much stopped going cold turkey. But the concept i recall hurting me most was that the only kind of love that works in this world is "Divine Love", insinuating that the only perfect love is between two Christians and God - a sort of love triangle. My boyfriend is not a christian, and this meant out love wasn't perfect and we would never last. (the same message my "friends" had tried on me several times...)

I was hurt until i remembered that my boyfriend's name, "Devin" means "Divine"...

Tacky, insensitive, ignorant and untrue. Well, maybe for him it's true, but love is love.

 

A three-way with Jesus is just kinky.