Was It All That Bad?

[par4dcourse]

Yes, Kathlene it was that bad. I never felt any "closeness" to God, all I ever felt was fear and guilt. It wasn't the Christians I rubbed elbows with that made my experience bad, most of them were great people. It was Christianity itself, the doctrine, especially and maybe even singularly the doctrine of eternal torment. That one doctrine is so abusive and cruel.

 

To call Xianity "good news" is Orwellian; its cynical, its a bastardization of language. I liken it to the sign over the gate of Auschwitz that read, "Work Will Set You Free". Yeah, its like that.

 

That sums it up nicely for me too. The food was good but it doesn't make up for losing a normal childhood.

[agnosticator]

To call Xianity "good news" is Orwellian; its cynical, its a bastardization of language. I liken it to the sign over the gate of Auschwitz that read, "Work Will Set You Free". Yeah, its like that.

 

I've told people that N.T. Christianity is what Orwell alluded to in 1984, and the thought I was nuts. But the "good news" is, as you pointed out. Jesus is Big Brother.

[Realist]

Yes, Kathlene it was that bad. I never felt any "closeness" to God, all I ever felt was fear and guilt. It wasn't the Christians I rubbed elbows with that made my experience bad, most of them were great people. It was Christianity itself, the doctrine, especially and maybe even singularly the doctrine of eternal torment. That one doctrine is so abusive and cruel.

 

To call Xianity "good news" is Orwellian; its cynical, its a bastardization of language. I liken it to the sign over the gate of Auschwitz that read, "Work Will Set You Free". Yeah, its like that.

 

.... I was not going to bother to post on this question from Kathlene as I thought it's impossible to get across a feeling someone else has never experienced. What I have just read from Nightflight and Deva have spurred me to do so!

 

"Was it really all that bad?" It SURE was! The feeling Nightflight speaks about above was one that lead in myself to extremely regular thoughts of suicide ... the complete surety of salvation was NEVER there! It was like "lets kill myself" and get on with this eternal torment! I was going through hell on earth .... so why should it be any different? It was a feeling I lived with on a daily basis! I think even now I could honestly say there has hardly not a day gone past in my life without thinking in some way about this crap! (Just ask my wife on this!) It has been one of the main reasons I have never had children .... I could not bear another generation to possibly be cursed with this feeling I have had! At least in Auschwitz there was an end to it .... the gas chambers .... this god is SO much more evil than that!!

 

and as Deva said:

 

The extent of the damage was only recognized by me after 30 years or so. Mostly it is a very low self-image which makes it hard for me to live with myself. I have a continuing struggle with that, which has only been helped by the counterbalance of the opposite viewpoint - that of Buddhism, which teaches that I am not the scum of the earth just because I have been born.

 

Low self esteem has haunted me all my life! I know EXACTLY where that has come from! It hindered my education .... my "born again" parents chose my employment! After all there was NOTHING else in life that mattered than god being first and family second!

 

Thanks christ neuroscience is now giving me an understanding of why this shit works in some people and not in others!

 

Sorry if this is a little rambled, but I am almost shaking as I sit here writing this!

[Realist]

Was it all that bad?

 

... I do find that heading to be rather offensive actually! Every time I see it, it grates with me!! I thought Kathlene being on this site supposedly as an ex-christian for quite some months would have realised there would be people on here who felt strongly about this and the reasons why. One only has to read the "testomonies of former christians" section a few times to work that out!

[Dagan]

I liken it to the sign over the gate of Auschwitz that read, "Work Will Set You Free".

 

Very well put.

[Vixentrox]

I liken it to the sign over the gate of Auschwitz that read, "Work Will Set You Free".

 

Very well put.

Agreed, and the death camp system and Christianity are about on par when it comes to evil in my mind.

[Adelice]

Was it all that bad? ... you bet my soul it was.

Did you ever have moments of closeness with God and his presence? Nope , not an single time.

Did you ever have such close communion with Him that you cried in His presence with joy, or through healing of any pain in your heart? ...eeew, no.

Did God ever tell you something that would happen in your life and did it ever come to pass? ...wait,what?

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically? i normally hear little people talking to me...they say i need to buy cheese and lottery tickets.

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day? i see what you did there

 

Have you ever had such pain over a situation and think that it was completely hopeless, and God speak to you in it and find hope, and slowly see restoration? Have you ever seen someone's life completely turn the opposite direction after meeting God? Nope , just the opposite of it. God sucks.

 

Do you ever miss God and his presence? Why would i miss someone i never had meet and never will?

 

You know why i didnt answer seriously? because that whole religion is an JOKE.

[NotBlinded]

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically? i normally hear little people talking to me...they say i need to buy cheese and lottery tickets.

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day? i see what you did there

Do you mean that that little voice had you buy cheese and a lottery ticket for another person?

[Objet_trouve24]

Was it all that bad?

 

Absolutely. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It was a horrific experience that nearly drove me insane. Like literally take my life insane. Left me with self-esteem issues, buried trauma and broken relationships. It's also now still haunting me in the form of my brother believing I'm weak-willed, "pathetic", and incapable of love (because "god is love" and I reject god).

 

 

Did you ever have moments of closeness with God and his presence?

 

You mean FEELING moments of closeness? Sure, keep in mind that at the hands of a hypnotist, I also got drunk on water, thought I was clothed when I wasn't, and saw people that weren't there. And at the hands of mental illness, I managed to hear my exes' voice, while I was in NM and he was in MS. Risperidol fixed that. Also keep in mind I've felt a BETTER feelings than that "closeness with god" thing during sex and romantic moments with people I loved.

 

 

Did you ever have such close communion with Him that you cried in His presence with joy, or through healing of any pain in your heart?

 

Yes. And I've felt it even MORE with the goddess Eir (the norse goddess of medicine), while playing guitar, and during sex. I've at times cried during all three.

 

Did God ever tell you something that would happen in your life and did it ever come to pass?

 

Actually no. I'm not a street missionary, and I have NOTHING to do with ex-gay organizations, save for as a watchdog. I also don't really hear from my "soul mate", who several different people prophesied I would always be very close to. However, I've kind of predicted a pregnancy with runestones (she was hiding something from her husband, and the stones kept coming up talking about secrets and how they affect relationships), and met my husband the day after I did a ritual to Sjofn (Norse love goddess), asking her to make the next date I had a decent person who wasn't out to hurt me. So far, he hasn't hurt me badly at all. Our fights have almost always ended the same day they started.

 

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically?

 

I hear the Norse gods like that a little. I think it's probably just me, but hey, who knows. The christian god was silent when I needed to hear from him most. Keep in mind I've experienced mental illness, and believe strongly against trusting voices in the head.

 

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day?

 

Yes. It's happened more often, and more genuinely since I left christianity. Most recently...during my honeymoon, I was prompted to buy my best friend a necklace. When I came home and gave it to her, she broke down crying and said that while I was gone, a family member had given all the women in her family necklaces, except her, because she disagreed with her decisions in life. Another time, my husband was in jail for parking tickets that had blown off his car, and I screamed over the phone until someone gave him my parents phone number (my cell wasn't working). He's also mentally ill, and was starting to feel like the world might forget about him when they gave it to him. It kept him sane until he could get out.

 

Now tell me. Was that a god? Or was that me loving my husband and best friend? Those times on the street. Did GOD tell me to buy the homeless girl a burger? Or did I love her when I saw how sick and hungry she looked? I have the same or better experiences as a non-christian that I did as a christian. What does that mean?

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

Was it all that bad?

Yes it was.

 

Did you ever have moments of closeness with God and his presence?

A little, but when I was a pagan I really felt it. Which made it hard to give that up when I took the time to think of why I believed. It was more to do with the need to feel security and feel like someone was watching over me than it was for any good reason. Like knowing my gods existed for example.

 

Did you ever have such close communion with Him that you cried in His presence with joy, or through healing of any pain in your heart?

No.

 

Did God ever tell you something that would happen in your life and did it ever come to pass?

I've had many gods in my short 20 years of my life, not once did one answer the phone, pay me a visit, nor even say a word to me.

 

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man?

Inner man? What's that? No, never heard god's voice nor anything analogous to it in any way shape nor form.

 

Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically?

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day?

Nope.

 

Have you ever had such pain over a situation and think that it was completely hopeless, and God speak to you in it and find hope, and slowly see restoration? Have you ever seen someone's life completely turn the opposite direction after meeting God?

To ne honest, not until I was pagan and prayed to my goddess. She was a mesopotamian goddess associated with ambition, and a bunch of other stuff. The funny thing is, I actually did somehow find selfconfidence and actually did make it through alot of crap when praying to her. Though I can't help but to think that I tricked myself with my own wishful thinking into thinking my goddess made things as great as I wanted them to be. Though in reality, the only thing that improved was my psyche.

 

Sorry thats a lot of questions. Im just curious to know if when you were a christian, was it all that bad? Was there any time in your lives where you did feel God close to you? How did you go from that to declaring that no Gods exist?

Do you ever miss God and his presence?

I always felt far from God, but close to my goddess for a while. though I can't help but to wonder if its just because I always wanted a supportive mother, and used my imagination to get it. I'm instinctually skeptical of anything.

 

It wasn't alot of questions, it's alot of good ones actually.

 

 

Some of these replies and people's lives are so sad. It certainly gives a lot of food for thought. Why is it that some people become christians and yes, they have a life of pain and suffering, but in the midst of that still feel God near? Then why like so many on here just dont? I dont get it. It does, however give me a lot more understanding, and I thank you.

The pain and suffering isn't what makes one become an atheist. Actually, what made me become an atheist was realizing that I can't really say what I am "believing to be real" is real because simply I don't have any good reason to think so. It's a long story, but other than that, I was simply juggling between agnosticism and paganism for a while prior.

 

Now, the reason I still say I'm agnostic is because a fairly large part of me never wanted to let go of spirituality. And another fairly large part of me just enjoys fairytales, mythology, legends, and thinks religion can be lots of fun, especially on holidays. I only became atheist (lacking belief in gods) because I had forced myself to come to terms with the fact that I don't know if any gods exist or not, so I shouldn't be believing in them.

[lunaticheathen]

I have the same or better experiences as a non-christian that I did as a christian. What does that mean?

 

A-FUCKING-WOMEN!

That statement EXACTLY describes my life as a non-christian. I had NO spiritual experiences in the context of church or christianity. I had horrible experiences with christians, especially when they tried to prompt their spiritual experiences with me. I had some spiritual experiences when I called myself a christian, but they were alone, outside, in the woods, what have you. I might have interpreted them as "christian" at the time, but the truth is, my spiritual world is now open, better, and more honest now that I have dumped the christian junk.

[Objet_trouve24]

A-FUCKING-WOMEN!

That statement EXACTLY describes my life as a non-christian. I had NO spiritual experiences in the context of church or christianity. I had horrible experiences with christians, especially when they tried to prompt their spiritual experiences with me. I had some spiritual experiences when I called myself a christian, but they were alone, outside, in the woods, what have you. I might have interpreted them as "christian" at the time, but the truth is, my spiritual world is now open, better, and more honest now that I have dumped the christian junk.

 

Reminds me of the little kid in Jesus Camp who was repenting of his doubt and begging to feel god. He reminded me so much of my husband. Not a day goes by where I'm not thankful Scott didn't have to go through what we did!

 

How cruel is that to tell someone to, you know, just TRY to feel it. How we deprive people of amazing spiritual experiences when we tell them they can only feel these things if the method that works for them fits within a tiny little approved box of methods. We neglect to remember that not everyone finds joy, healing, peace and love in the same way.

 

Leaving was such a relief to me. I had to be dragged out kicking and screaming, but life is so much more rewarding, fulfilling and happy being able to be open, honest, and my own person.

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

Same here, life is much better for me now. I think that that seems pretty common.

[Adelice]

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically? i normally hear little people talking to me...they say i need to buy cheese and lottery tickets.

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day? i see what you did there

Do you mean that that little voice had you buy cheese and a lottery ticket for another person?

 

Not really , i could just has well bring the ones from south park that stole your underwear , but now im not making too much sense in here am i?

 

It just could go like this:

Phase 1.- Pray to god and listen to his voice demanding cheese and lottery tickets

Phase 2.- ???

Phase 3.- PROFIT!!

- Rinse and repeat.

....

Phase 4.- Get mental help , NOW.

[lunaticheathen]

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically? i normally hear little people talking to me...they say i need to buy cheese and lottery tickets.

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day? i see what you did there

Do you mean that that little voice had you buy cheese and a lottery ticket for another person?

 

Not really , i could just has well bring the ones from south park that stole your underwear , but now im not making too much sense in here am i?

 

It just could go like this:

Phase 1.- Pray to god and listen to his voice demanding cheese and lottery tickets

Phase 2.- ???

Phase 3.- PROFIT!!

- Rinse and repeat.

....

Phase 4.- Get mental help , NOW.

 

The underwear gnomes! That was awesome... 1. Steal underwear, 2. ..?.. 3. PROFIT!

I had almost forgotten about the underwear gnomes...

[Vixentrox]

There is about as much evidence for the existence of underwear gnomes as bible-god. And they are lot more benign than that evil, bloodthirsty, vile being that Christians worship.

[Ouroboros]

I can swear that we have sock-gnomes in our house, but we're not suffering any underwear-gnomes. Perhaps there was a war and the sock-gnomes won in our house?

[Deva]

I think there is more proof for sock gnomes than for the Biblical God. That's why you only find one sock when you look in your drawer.

[Dagan]

I think there is more proof for sock gnomes than for the Biblical God. That's why you only find one sock when you look in your drawer.

 

We of the cult of the dryer goblins are offended by your theology. It is the dryer goblins who take one sock from each dryer load when you are not looking for their great and mysterious purposes. Sock gnomes are but the harbingers of the great dryer goblins.

 

A jihad on all sock gnomians!

[lunaticheathen]

Suddenly I fear for the safety of all my underthings with all these clothing-related fey beings running amok in our world! Must I set up some mirrors, or milk and honey near my dresser?

[Mling]

Hello again

 

So I have read lots of stories and experiences on this site about your lives when you used to be christians.

I would like to ask some questions though, if anyone would be willing to answer.

 

Was it all that bad?

 

Nope. At the end it was stressful, but it certainly wasn't "that bad." At times, I even loved it. I didn't leave because people were so mean and horrible that I couldn't take it--I left because it was wrong.

 

Did you ever have moments of closeness with God and his presence?

 

Well, I don't believe in God now, so....no, of course not. I don't think anybody does. I thought I did, though. I had moments where I felt deep, spiritual and emotional connection to something that I thought was divine--similar to the way you can suddenly feel when a door in a room opens, by the influx of cool, fresh air.

Did you ever have such close communion with Him that you cried in His presence with joy, or through healing of any pain in your heart?

 

again, no. Not really. At the time, I thought yes--I had deep emotional catharsis inspired by religious services. Since then, I've felt it, inspired by non-spiritual things.

 

Did God ever tell you something that would happen in your life and did it ever come to pass?

 

There were times when I felt that God was speaking directly to me. Now I recognize that it was a layer of self-fulfilling prophesy on top of a layer of confirmation bias. I saw 'messages' that connected to a struggle I was having, because I was having that struggle. I worked extra hard at achieving that goal, because I felt that God was supporting me.

 

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically?

 

I'm not sure about this one.

 

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day?

 

No, but I've been on the receiving end of somebody who clearly thought that they were doing that for me. Out of the blue, he informed me that God thought I was beautiful. It was really creepy.

 

Have you ever had such pain over a situation and think that it was completely hopeless, and God speak to you in it and find hope, and slowly see restoration? Have you ever seen someone's life completely turn the opposite direction after meeting God?

 

People's lives change for oodles of reasons--sometimes, because they find something that clicks with their personality and their current life situation. Sometimes, that something will be found in a religion; other times, in something else. For me, it was in atheism. For a neighbor, it was in Christianity.

 

Sorry thats a lot of questions. Im just curious to know if when you were a christian, was it all that bad? Was there any time in your lives where you did feel God close to you? How did you go from that to declaring that no Gods exist?

Do you ever miss God and his presence?

 

I pursued real empathy, logic and morality. It led me away from Christianity--the social group, first. At that point, I realized that I hadn't believed Christian doctrine for a long time, and had only been trying to frame my moral beliefs in a Christian framework, because that was what my cohort valued. Eventually, I became sort of deist-y, and from there, I eventually just lost even that.

[gypsy79]

Was it all that bad?

Yes, when you wake up one day and realize that you have been lied to all your life, you can't look at it the same.

Did you ever have moments of closeness with God and his presence?

I thought I did, but I still feel those same feelings now. It's just human emotion when you feel connected to something larger than yourself, whether you really are connected to something larger or not.

Did you ever have such close communion with Him that you cried in His presence with joy, or through healing of any pain in your heart?

Yes, but again, when I solve those problems on my own these days, I still experience human emotion. It was not connected to a god like I thought it was. It's just me being human.

Did God ever tell you something that would happen in your life and did it ever come to pass?

God never spoke audibly to me.

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically?

I thought that happened, but looking back, I just wished it into being. People can make anything come alive for them specifically, even a passage from a non-religious poem.

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day?

Yes, that is called empathy and human intuition. That still happens to me even though I don't believe in God.

Have you ever had such pain over a situation and think that it was completely hopeless, and God speak to you in it and find hope, and slowly see restoration?

I thought I did, but now realize "God's voice" was just my own inner voice giving me guidance. This still happens even though I don't believe in God.

Have you ever seen someone's life completely turn the opposite direction after meeting God?

I've seen some people stay the same and some people do a 180. I've also seen people do a 180 after they free themselves from Christianity.

How did you go from that to declaring that no Gods exist?

I started reading about ancient religions and realized Christianity is made up.

Do you ever miss God and his presence?

No. The "presence" was just me, and I'm still here.

[J.W.]

Hello again

 

So I have read lots of stories and experiences on this site about your lives when you used to be christians.

I would like to ask some questions though, if anyone would be willing to answer.

 

Was it all that bad?

Did you ever have moments of closeness with God and his presence?

Did you ever have such close communion with Him that you cried in His presence with joy, or through healing of any pain in your heart?

Did God ever tell you something that would happen in your life and did it ever come to pass?

Did you ever hear Gods voice in your inner man? Did words from the Bible become real and alive for you, and for you specifically?

Did you ever have strange promptings to do something or say something, then find out it was confirmation for another person, or telling them something they needed to hear just that day?

 

Have you ever had such pain over a situation and think that it was completely hopeless, and God speak to you in it and find hope, and slowly see restoration? Have you ever seen someone's life completely turn the opposite direction after meeting God?

 

 

Sorry thats a lot of questions. Im just curious to know if when you were a christian, was it all that bad? Was there any time in your lives where you did feel God close to you? How did you go from that to declaring that no Gods exist?

Do you ever miss God and his presence?

 

It wasn't all bad. It was just very distracting from the real world, and pretty costly for the real world I think too.

 

Emotions are an extension of myself. While I used to slap a god label on some of them they are emotions.

 

I have had dreams or suspicions that things would [and did] come to pass. I call that intuition now- not God.

 

Gods voice is my own thoughts I think-- I never really pinned down "his voice" while I did suspect some thoughts were him.

 

I have had the bible speak to me directly if pretty freaky ways. Most likely coincidence because the words were always there I just assigned meaning. For example, when I got a divorce and moved from the woods back to Arizona.. I opened the bible to the proverb "better to live in a desert than in a house with a scornful woman". That made my skin crawl. When a friend was talking to me about Jesus once I asked about the devil and he said (F-bomb) the devil- just then a cross fell off the wall. That was creepy too but the only real thing I have ever observed-- so 1 point devil 0 Jesus.

 

Impulses have nothing to do with the holy spirit or demons in my opinion, but yes I have "got a strange feeling to do something".

 

Hope and belief [that things will pull through] are probably the noblest and most useful characteristics of Christianity. Have a nice day Kath

[Ancey]

No, it wasn't bad at all. Then again, I wasn't a very devout Christian- just how my family was. I liked Church enough to not skip it- or my conscious kept me from skipping.

 

No, I didn't have moments of closeness with God. I never had a moment where my heart seemed to skip a beat because "the lord was with me!". Actually, I've had more of those in the past year than anytime else. I went to an astronomy seminar, and when I first comprehended the vast scale of just our galaxy, my body seemed to tingle. That was real awe right there.

 

No. I didn't hear voices in my head. Go figure.

 

My church didn't advocate reading the entire bible, either. I read the Genesis for the first time ever today, in a critical rational mindset. It was awful story-telling, inconsistent, and not too entertaining.

 

Strange coincidence is just a coincidence. We go through so much of life without coincidence, that when we encounter it, we remember it. Like humming a song and turning on the radio to discover that exact same song is playing.

 

God never seemed to help me out, never talked to me, so I don't really miss him. My transition was relatively smooth and uneventful. I have certainly enjoyed the past year much more. I explored a lot more than before. I never realized before how grand the universe it.

 

But, I do have a friend who was part of a heavily evangelical church. They preached that everyone outside of their church was going to hell- every sermon, hearing that for hours upon hours- his entire family became depressed. My friend cut himself heavily. I saw the scars, and they were old and there were many. His family left the church and seems pretty well-adjusted and mostly non-religious. He is a happy pagan and his scars are healed over now. So, no. Christianity doesn't make everyone happy. (and please don't spout, "oh, they weren't true Christians© for that!" These are what those Christians believed, and they mentally damaged my friend.)

[Galien]

Christianity saved me from having a shitty life in terms of the things I chose to do and the person I chose to be. I grew up in a horrible situation as a very sensitive child, and for me christianity represented a better way to live and a better person to be. However me being me, I interpreted what that meant for myself. I read the bible and I decided what it meant to me as a person and a Christian.

 

And that was all very well until I had to deal with other Christians. The one who led me to Christ sexually assaulted me. But I am a very forgiving person

 

The next church I was involved with between the ages of 12 and 17 was an assembly of god church. They filled my heart with fear about demons and satan chasing me around everywhere, and as a naturally anxious and sensitive person it made me suicidal by the time I was 15. After going to that church for five years and loving the people when I stopped going, no one came around to find out why. But I am a very forgiving person.

 

The next bunch were a Christian cult. They told me that I had to speak in tongues to be a real Christian. They tried to turn me into a mindless heartless robot. After nine years of fighting them tooth and nail over the difference between their interpretation of the bible and mine they kicked me out. I lost my entire social support network and had a breakdown that almost killed me and gave me PTSD I still have 17 years later. The emotional torment they put me through defies explanation. They would take me into a room and scream at me for hours until I was a blubbering heap of a person. But I am a very forgiving person.

 

After a year out of that cult I took myself off to another church, must have been my masochistic tendencies. I tried SO hard, really I did. One night we were asked to write a letter to god and mine said something like my life was like a boat and the world had given me nothing of substance I could anchor to, but god had, that without him the boat could anchor nowhere and I just drifted around with no solid grounding. In this church I was constantly told I was wrong for expecting Christians to love each other, blamed for my own depression and in the end I was so disgusted with the shit I saw going on that I just walked away. After watching the film made of The Crucible, and the research I have done on spiritual abuse, I realised that this shit is so entrenched in churches it would never change. No one gave a flying fuck about the principles I had always lived my life on, the things Jesus actually said like learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart. It was about group conformity, lying to fit into the social group and many other things that DIRECTLY CONTRAVENE all the things being a Christian is supposed to be about. I can’t stand bullshit because I was a Christian so I walked away. Anyone who knows how to tell the truth cannot do otherwise.

 

I have always been a true believer in the principles of Christ since I was a child, believed god loved me and looked after me (despite the fucking appalling life I’ve had), and believed that Christians loved me like I loved them (despite the evidence to the contrary). Even after I left the church I still worked for a christian organisation who fucked me over so badly my family had to hide the tablets in the house to stop me from killing myself. The only miracle I ever experienced is the fact I am still here at all.

 

I placed my life and my heart in the hands of an organisation that had no understanding of my mental and emotional health issues, and who more than once pushed me toward suicide then acted like they did nothing at all. They are ignorant, egotistical morons who use the bible to perpetrate abuse on people.

 

So yes Kathlene, it was that bad. The principles I have lived by and learned from jesus will remain in my life. The church is a man made organisation that brings shame to what it is supposed to be about, and though I am a forgiving person I would NEVER trust them again. They have taken what was the basis of my life, the core of who I am as a person and basically shit all over it to the point where I doubt the existence of god now.

 

Thanks guys, thanks for nothing.

 

What you need to understand Kathlene is that for some of us, the extreme damage done to our psyche has made us VERY FUCKING ANGRY, and sometimes when people come at us trying to convince us that there is any good in Christianity it sends off our alarm bells and become very very cross.

 

Christians and the church generally have no respect or understanding when it comes to the way people feel inside. We are hurt, we are crushed, destroyed, disillusioned and some of us still bleeding. Don’t expect a warm reception if you come to us in the name of god, we’ve had enough and will distrust and probably kick in the face anyone who is stupid enough to do so, depending on the level of trauma we carry.

 

Come as a friend, beliefs aside.