Positivist Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 My father in-law has decided — um, I mean, the Lord has led my father in-law to declare that 2012 will be a year of preparation. Preparation for what? Well, what else would the church prepare for? Of course he's talking about THE RAPTURE and THE TRIBULATION. Get ready, because we're sure that this time it's for real. No, really, this time we mean it. My father in-law can feel it. The signs are all right there for anyone who cares to see them. Brutal. While reading this I actually had flashbacks to my fear-filled past. The violence of these declarations is abhorrent. In my teens and early twenties I was always told "YOU are the generation" and "It will be in YOUR lifetime". Guess what? Every generation is told this. We all wait with baited breath for....nothing. The whole thing is abusive. What does your wife think now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 1, 2012 Author Share Posted January 1, 2012 The whole thing is abusive. What does your wife think now? As far as I know, she thinks her dad is right about the subject. If she thought he was wrong, she would tell him. I've heard her correct him about things pretty bluntly before, so it's not like she's afraid to confront him about anything. Maybe she just doesn't want to take a gamble against Jesus coming back any day now. I'm not sure what the punishment would be for being wrong, exactly. After all, Jesus himself said that no one knows when it would happen, so if I said that I don't think it's happening soon, why would I be punished for that? Maybe she just doesn't feel like she knows enough about the subject to argue it. It's tough to get a read on exactly what she thinks about it without blowing my own cover. Before I was interrupted at lunch, I was about to launch into a tirade against my father in-law that thirty years after he's dead, pastors will be saying exactly the same thing that he's saying now, and that they'll be saying the same thing thirty years after I'm dead, and thirty years after my son is dead, and thirty years after his kids are dead. Maybe it was the Lord who interrupted me to save me from myself! Okay, so probably not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 ...thirty years after he's dead, pastors will be saying exactly the same thing that he's saying now, and that they'll be saying the same thing thirty years after I'm dead, and thirty years after my son is dead, and thirty years after his kids are dead. This kind of thinking almost ruined my life. Now when I hear crap like this I just cringe--we've all been The Generation, and every next generation will be The Generation. The older I get, the more foolish it all seems. It breaks my heart to see young people basing their lives on these idiotic life-stealing notions. Anyhow, I take my hat off to you. You are indeed in a tough situation. I always appreciate your musings and updates here at Ex-C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 2, 2012 Author Share Posted January 2, 2012 ...thirty years after he's dead, pastors will be saying exactly the same thing that he's saying now, and that they'll be saying the same thing thirty years after I'm dead, and thirty years after my son is dead, and thirty years after his kids are dead. This kind of thinking almost ruined my life. Now when I hear crap like this I just cringe--we've all been The Generation, and every next generation will be The Generation. The older I get, the more foolish it all seems. It breaks my heart to see young people basing their lives on these idiotic life-stealing notions. Anyhow, I take my hat off to you. You are indeed in a tough situation. I always appreciate your musings and updates here at Ex-C. Thanks, Positivist and Margee. Hopefully my stories will give everyone pause if they ever start thinking to themselves that maybe Christianity isn't as bad as they remembered it was when they left. YES. YES IT IS THAT BAD. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE, DON'T EVER GO BACK. And while I may add a dramatic flair to the descriptions of the events, let me state once again that I am not exaggerating any of it or making it up. It is well and truly that insane, and perhaps even more so, because there are details that I forget that are just as crazy as the ones I remember. I tell you what, I was just about ready to bang my head on the sound board today when some of this stuff was being said. And then they had a time of "anointing" for the whole congregation. Fortunately, I managed to stay hidden in the sound booth without anyone coming to get me to join in. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 Yeah, I remember how seriously I used to take all of this shit. Not only that, but I was actually excited by the prospect of jesus' return and all of that. What a waste of time all that shit was! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 YES. YES IT IS THAT BAD. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE, DON'T EVER GO BACK. I tell you what, I was just about ready to bang my head on the sound board today when some of this stuff was being said. Yeah, I remember how seriously I used to take all of this shit. Not only that, but I was actually excited by the prospect of jesus' return and all of that. What a waste of time all that shit was! My gawd, people. Just listen to us. How on earth did we get here? I can't believe I was once in those loco loco circles. And yet if you didn't buy into it at the time, you were supposedly grieving the holy spirit and spurning God's love so that he will forever pass you by. I can't believe I bought it. I can't believe I built my life upon it, my career, my marriage. Thank you, Trapped, for your fantastic stories, although I am aware that they come from a difficult place. And thank you blackpudd1n for your always refreshing take on life. You are both a breath of fresh air. You plant flowers along the pathway of grief. Peace! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 I tell you what, I was just about ready to bang my head on the sound board today when some of this stuff was being said. And then they had a time of "anointing" for the whole congregation. Fortunately, I managed to stay hidden in the sound booth without anyone coming to get me to join in. That brings back some memories from a little over a year ago. Yes, being involved in something so that you are "somewhat" not a part of the congregation is quite helpful. It doesn't keep you from going inside your head, but at least you're not having to stand shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of people with all the mental masturbation going on. I know it doesn't look good, but I certainly hope you can get out of that church at some point, maybe this year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Oh, I forgot to mention that once-a-month prophesying lady showed up again this past Sunday. She may be attending twice a month now, but I'm not certain. Anyone care to guess what her "message from the Lord" was this past Sunday? If you guessed, "I am the Lord your God, I am the Alpha and the Omega, I have known you since before you were born, I will neither leave you nor forsake you, do not look to the things of this world but look to me, lean not on your own understanding but seek my word," then you win: 1 Free Internet! Of course, the speaking in tongues lasted less than twenty seconds. The actual "message from the Lord" lasted about two minutes. The tongues of the angels must really be efficient at communicating ideas, except for the fact that they have to be interpreted for us humans afterwards. I can't wait to hear what this woman's next message will be. I'm sure that this time it will be something that reveals yet another facet of God's wisdom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I can't wait to hear what this woman's next message will be. Please let us know what it is. Hopefully she won't get a *real* word: "God is telling me that there is an atheist here.... I'm seeing knobs, faders and inputs..." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 I can't wait to hear what this woman's next message will be. Please let us know what it is. Hopefully she won't get a *real* word: "God is telling me that there is an atheist here.... I'm seeing knobs, faders and inputs..." SNORT! That's pretty funny. I hope that doesn't happen, either, Positivist. Of course, if God does actually deliver a real word, then I guess I'd be happy to start worshiping him, since that would mean he actually exists, and all. Then again, even if he does exist, he's been a bit of a dick throughout history, so I'd still be reluctant to worship him. Acknowledge that he exists, maybe. Worship him? No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 regarding profit laydee, the last church I attended we had a few of these profits that always needed to be heard and would go on a psychobabble just after the spell of hypnosis was cast aka P&W and would break down the aahnointing rendering the pastwhore useless in taking advantage of the situation. He then decided to tell folk based on some obsure OT passage that the message of the profit is subject to teh profit and that they should wait till the hypnosis part of the service waz kompleet before delivering their wurd of gawd and that they should 1) discuss it with an elder first to get a witnuss and then to come forward and speek into teh mikrofone so that teh wholly spook message could be recorded for posterity et al. Guess what happened? The wholly spook stopped speeking and the profits became silent. The profits were mostly women that babbles in in teh majick language of teh wholly spook and they hoped someone would "interpret" As it turned out there was always someone (elder or lay pastor) that would bring an interpretation just so teh wholly spook wood not bee embarrassed and was like your example of citing a string of scriptures together. Even back then I could see this was all wishful thinking and that there was no spook at all. It was merely a going through the motions and saying shit they had learned. A simple rule of discipline shut up the women and most of them left the church too. Amazing how the same shit happens here 7000 or so miles from the US eh? Well everyone in the church watched TBN, glory, teh mur'cal of tee vee. Which reminds me.... "ki shamb murilama ka sinetma kooru lama igoti sama lam beta gucci..." see I still haz tongues translation: what someone read last week in teh babble. GLORY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 LivingLife: unfortunately, my father in-law doesn't have the testicular fortitude to tell anyone to see an elder before offering the "wisdom" that they are providing. That, and most of our "elders" are so blinded by their faith that they would believe every word that came from someone in the church was an actual word from the Lord, so it would only be delaying the delivery for a few moments. I have seen the approach that you mention work in other churches, but I think that the ratio of rational people to religious nutjobs is too low for it to work in my church. "Ashoorada kandala manako kee, kaba shondala ashoora hondala kai." Translation: Thank you, and have a great day! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 LivingLife: unfortunately, my father in-law doesn't have the testicular fortitude to tell anyone to see an elder before offering the "wisdom" that they are providing. That, and most of our "elders" are so blinded by their faith that they would believe every word that came from someone in the church was an actual word from the Lord, so it would only be delaying the delivery for a few moments. I have seen the approach that you mention work in other churches, but I think that the ratio of rational people to religious nutjobs is too low for it to work in my church. "Ashoorada kandala manako kee, kaba shondala ashoora hondala kai." Translation: Thank you, and have a great day! Sounds to me like the perfect set-up to troll! Make life at church more fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolish girl Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 *My nephew really is very sensible and very bright. I could actually see him deconverting one day, because he seems awfully skeptical of a lot of the things that other people at the church get all excited about. All I'd have to do is get him thinking about it all a bit, pose a question here, give a skeptical comment there, and I think he'd be on his way... JUST DO IT NIKE SWOOSH Ha! The really scary part is that my nephew has told me that I'm one of the few people at the church that he actually enjoys talking to. If he only knew. If he only knew... Trapped! I used to get that all the time! LOL....I was the darling of Sunday school discussions. Now when I show up....(many months ago) The teacehr looked worried! hahaha.....it was pretty funny. People used to praise my honesty. Now they just hope I will shut up. I heard it through the grapevine recently that I am a "lost cause".... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 I can't wait to hear what this woman's next message will be. Please let us know what it is. Hopefully she won't get a *real* word: "God is telling me that there is an atheist here.... I'm seeing knobs, faders and inputs..." OMG! That would be fun to drop an anonymous note in the suggestion box at church: "There is an atheist at this church...." hahahah...Holy shit, I wanna go drop off some notes now...that would be killer fun!!!!! Just think of the paranoia.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 This isn't a major update, but it's just kind of sad. A few months ago, someone submitted a prayer request for a young girl that they know who has cancer. At the time that my church first prayed for her, she needed a bone marrow transplant, so everyone prayed that a donor could be found. Then, everyone praised God when a donor was found, and they prayed that the Lord would guide the surgeon's hand when he performed the operation. Once the operation was done, everyone praised God that he had "healed" the little girl. Now, we have learned that the girl is in hospice. Everyone is praying that God heals her, because this is her last chance. Wait, I thought she was already "healed." I guess now everyone will be praising God that there will be one more little child in heaven after she dies, and that the way she touched other people's lives will get a multitude "saved." It's really painful to listen to this stuff now, and know that people actually believe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 15, 2012 Author Share Posted January 15, 2012 Oh, and then just before the sermon, my father in-law told the story about a church in a town that people thought was on fire, but it turned out when the fire department showed up the congregation was inside praying fervently, and it was the holy spirit that made the place look like it was burning! And people in the congregation reacted as if this was a great story with "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!" and "Praise the Lord!" I could see that my nephew the worship leader wasn't impressed (he was with me in the sound booth at the time). I leaned over to him and said, "Does the pastor have to repeat every Christian urban legend he hears?" He rolled his eyes and said, "I know. It's always about someone or somplace that you can't verify. And it's not like he even tells new ones. He just keeps telling all of the really old ones." Attaboy, my nephew. Attaboy. There's hope for you, after all. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Wait, I thought she was already "healed." Ugh. So sad. A former pastor of mine suffers from a neurological disorder. He has travelled internationally seeking new medical procedures not yet approved in North America. I know this because of his Facebook statuses. After each procedure he praises God for healing. Just the other day his status said, "I am in so much pain. My body refuses to believe it is healed." What is beyond me is how these people can hold onto hope on this rollercoaster. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Oh, and then just before the sermon, my father in-law told the story about a church in a town that people thought was on fire, but it turned out when the fire department showed up the congregation was inside praying fervently, and it was the holy spirit that made the place look like it was burning! And people in the congregation reacted as if this was a great story with "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!" and "Praise the Lord!" I could see that my nephew the worship leader wasn't impressed (he was with me in the sound booth at the time). I leaned over to him and said, "Does the pastor have to repeat every Christian urban legend he hears?" He rolled his eyes and said, "I know. It's always about someone or somplace that you can't verify. And it's not like he even tells new ones. He just keeps telling all of the really old ones." Attaboy, my nephew. Attaboy. There's hope for you, after all. That's really impressive on your nephew's part. I'd keep testing the waters with him- you never know, you might not be the only one in the closet at your church! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Ugh. So sad. A former pastor of mine suffers from a neurological disorder. He has travelled internationally seeking new medical procedures not yet approved in North America. I know this because of his Facebook statuses. After each procedure he praises God for healing. Just the other day his status said, "I am in so much pain. My body refuses to believe it is healed." ...And then there is the other end of the scale. My sister is forever getting sick, and asking everyone to pray for healing for her. But she never questions why she keeps catching every cold and flu going around. I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the fact that every time she gets a cold or flu, she goes running off to the doctor for antibiotics. Which, of course, do jack shit for a virus, as antibiotics treat bacterial infections. So, she takes medication for viruses that is designed to treat bacteria, and wonders why her immune system is shot and she keeps getting sick. Have you ever noticed how some fundies don't really have anything wrong with them, they just like to whinge and ask for prayer all the time, almost as though they're attention-seeking? Sometimes I feel as though it's almost a subtle guilt trip, like saying, 'you haven't contacted me in a while, and I'm going to make you feel guilty about that. Can't you see what a bad time I'm having? But of course, you wouldn't know, you haven't been in touch to know'. Fundies. Gotta love 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marmot Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I have experienced this strange disconnect with sickness/healing/death as well at my Christian school. A mother of three died the other day. Tragic accident. The circumstances surrounding the accident were very unfortunate and it is going to take a real toll on these high school age kids. One of the other teachers pulls me aside and tells me, "ya know, we are all mourning down here. But she is dancing on the streets of gold right now, and I can tell you she is not sad right now. We should be happy for her." Now isn't that a warped perspective? I remember when I used to think the same way. Good riddance. Then there was a woman in the community (that is codeword for Christian, FYI) that experienced traumatic brain damage a few weeks ago from another tragic (and very strange accident). They don't yet know how bad her brain damage is, but she is responsive to stimuli etc. Some of the other teachers were talking about how the doctors were really surprised she didn't have more brain damage (anybody else skeptical about how doctors are always surprised at these better than expected recoveries of Christians?), and the teachers all agreed it was a miracle and God's intervention that spared her from worse brain damage. WTF? What kind of weak-ass, sadistic god lets this woman experience this traumatic accident, experience brain damage, but delivers his providence in the form of "not as bad as initially feared brain damage"! I feel like I am in the loony bin here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I have experienced this strange disconnect with sickness/healing/death as well at my Christian school. Marmot, you just reminded me of something from when I was a kid, going to an xtian school. We were at assembly one morning, when it was announced that one of the teachers would not be at school for a while, because she and her husband were smuggling bibles into a communist country- China, from memory (this was around 1995). They announced that the trip was very dangerous, and we would have to pray for their safe return, and that they weren't caught by the Chinese. Here's the kicker: that teacher had three kids at that school, two of whom were only in primary school, from memory, and this announcement at the school assembly was the first they heard about this trip of their parents overseas to a communist country to smuggle bibles. Apparently mummy and daddy didn't tell them, because they didn't want to be disuaded by their kids from their mission. WTF??!! Those poor kids went to school, thinking their parents would be there when they got home, and they find out at assembly that their parents will not only not be there when they get home, but that there was a chance that they wouldn't see them for fuck knows how long, if they did return at all. Who does that to their children?! These poor kids were bawling their eyes out. It was just so fucking cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 22, 2012 Author Share Posted January 22, 2012 Today, the pastor told the same "church supposedly on fire but it was actually the Holy Spirit" urban legend again. Look, just because you tell it more than once doesn't mean that it's true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Today, the pastor told the same "church supposedly on fire but it was actually the Holy Spirit" urban legend again. Did you lean over and whisper to your wife, "I think we've heard this one before..." or "I wonder if that's a true story..." or "I bet the fire department was pissed...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 23, 2012 Author Share Posted January 23, 2012 Today, the pastor told the same "church supposedly on fire but it was actually the Holy Spirit" urban legend again. Did you lean over and whisper to your wife, "I think we've heard this one before..." or "I wonder if that's a true story..." or "I bet the fire department was pissed...." No, because she's never in the sound booth with me. She's usually upstairs getting ready for Sunday School. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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