midniterider Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "Sometimes people have truly loved Jesus with all their heart but then later on discovered that god didnt really exist or didn't care so they exited the religion." "God is my imagination." "I could make up a really stupid xian apologetic answer to your question but it would make me look like an idiot." "Why I am speaking in tongues? It's nothing but gibberish." "Brothers and sisters of the congregation, as pastor I have decided I cannot take your money anymore. I know it's all a lie. I am sending you all a check and closing this ministry." "Dear IRS, I am closing my church, here is $50,000. Take it as a donation to help our economy." "As a good faith move for this christian nation of ours I challenge all congregations nationwide for a fund raiser for our wonderful government. Lets see if we can raise $1 billion to help pay our share to keep the USA alive and well! Can I get an amen?!" "God told me it is ok for you to not believe in him." "I will be your friend even if you never convert to xianity." "Wow, I didn't say 'jesus' for a whole hour!" "You dont need to believe." "Using Satan is just a scare tactic to manipulate people." 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "I don't know." But they WILL say "I don't know, but my pastor does" In my experience, it's been "I don't know, I just believe." I get the "my pastor knows" line all the time. When I respond, "I don't care what your pastor knows or doesn't; I'm interested in what you know," then comes "I don't know; I just believe." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I love these.....thanks for the laughs. Yeah. Same here. As I read, I'm sort of picturing a YouTube video with these lines coming out of some TV preacher's mouth. Hysterical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 The government needs to do more for the poor and needy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Hell might be a little excessive 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser01 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "Maybe God wasnt involved." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "Why yes, we did put our faith in the ability of a closet-case bigot named Paul to tell us everything about the theology of a man he never met." "Then we sold ourselves out to Constantine and paganism in order to gain power and restore the glory of Rome" "Shortly thereafter we systematically halted scientific development and slaughtered thousands of innocent people in a quest to restore the glory of our lord." "Finally, we tore ourselves apart in an ongoing battle over the orthodoxy of this aforementioned holy theology and gave birth to hundreds of religious fanatics who've created mass end-time hysteria and unspeakable abuses against their fellow man." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "How do you feel about that?" Seriously, I'm not sure if it's just my sister or fundies in general, but it sure would be nice to be asked how I felt about an issue sometimes, instead of having an assumption made about how I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "Maybe my pastor was wrong about..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "Let's use that big Bible over there for a doorstop." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "I think it's great that you found a belief/religion that works for you, even if it has nothing to do with Jesus. I'm just glad you're happy." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droptail Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 "Jesus hung out all the time with dudes. I bet he was gay/bi." "[insert specific brand of popular entertainment form] is/are my religion!" LOL, great thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted August 17, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted August 17, 2012 "God told me to STFU because I misunderstood everything I thought I knew about him." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted August 17, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted August 17, 2012 "I'm sorry." Oh, how I'd love to hear that from a few choice christians in my life!!! This is such a great thread! Thanks for starting it, freeasabird! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "Hey, I had a thought..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "How do you feel about that?" Seriously, I'm not sure if it's just my sister or fundies in general, but it sure would be nice to be asked how I felt about an issue sometimes, instead of having an assumption made about how I feel. That's what they do & unfortunately in most cases fundy's don't care how or what you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "I'm sorry." Oh, how I'd love to hear that from a few choice christians in my life!!! This is such a great thread! Thanks for starting it, freeasabird! Was thinking the same thing...just a friggen "I'M SORRY" it'll never happen..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Hell might be a little excessive FTW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I randomly found this twenty dollar bill just when I needed to buy lunch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "How do you feel about that?" Seriously, I'm not sure if it's just my sister or fundies in general, but it sure would be nice to be asked how I felt about an issue sometimes, instead of having an assumption made about how I feel. That's what they do & unfortunately in most cases fundy's don't care how or what you feel. Yeah, I was on the phone to her the other night, and she asked how Dan was, and I told her we'd broken up. Instead of just saying, "so how are you doing?", she starts the major hysterics, going, "OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!! OH PUDD, THAT'S TERRIBLE!!!! OH NOOOOOO!!!!" And I had to spend the next however long going, "no, really, it's cool, and I'm fine". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 You know, I'm sorry for kicking you out of chapel. *not happening* The bitch that did that...her response was, "We need to put on our best for the Lord." My mom (who is a devout Christian) was like, "32 degrees outside and she has to wear a skirt!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "I just bought a Prius!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expat674 Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "with whom you have sex with, when and where is actually none of my business." " I totally respect your sexual orientation, it is not a sin to be homosexual or bi-sexual." "I got this fantastic new job/car/house/boyfriend/girlfriend and it had nothing at all to do with Jesus." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 "I just bought a Prius!" Actually, my mother in law got a prius, because she saves on gas money, and it let her drive in carpool lanes around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 "I'm sorry." Oh, how I'd love to hear that from a few choice christians in my life!!! This is such a great thread! Thanks for starting it, freeasabird! I agree it's turned out to be quite enjoyable and very cathartic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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