pops Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 It was probably the second one, a phrase like "be sure that your truth is not just an opinion that you desperately want to be true" can be misunderstood or just ignored! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Well i have boxed up lots of books and found many journals of mine dating back to 2002, when i was in the depths of post natal depression all the way to the present. I have boxed them too as a quick glance in each was enough to turn my stomach. I seem to have been always grovelling, asking for help and intervention, reasoning away any lack of an answer, asking forgiveness for being myself, arrogantly asking for other people's minds to be changed to suit me. Ugh. I think I want to burn these. They're too personal to recycle and shredding would frankly bore me!perhaps burning would be cathartic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Thankfully I did not keep journals from my similar time period. The memories I have in my mind are painful enough reminders, and some of the details I have purposely tried to forget. I think you burning yours would be awesome! You don't really want to read them again, do you? Maybe one day you will be far enough removed to want to look back and see how far you've come, but I have a sinking feeling that it will only take you back there and have the opposite of the desired effect. However, if you have ever considered writing a book to try to help others, having those old notes could be good. I tossed that idea around myself, but really, it's too painful and personal to have to relive in a book. And heaven forbid that your child ever stumbles upon them. That could be awkward. I say, clear that emotional clutter right now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 I wonder if i would regret it but the outcome of keeping them for a future makes me feel nasty right now! I'm burning them. Thanks RW xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 got quite aggravated this morning when remembering stuff I have said and done entirely convinced that it was God or God's will , so embarrassing - then got such a slap across the face when I remembered very clearly being told by our pastors wife that my post natal depression after my eldest was born was because we weren't married. we married when he was 1 year old. I felt sick when I remembered this, and poor husband had a wobbly lower lip to deal with very early this morning! I think there's going to be more stuff like that floating to the surface, the scum, as it were. Be glad you don't have to interact with judgemental bitches like that anymore over religious matter if you choose not to. I know I would be smilling for days knowing I could just ignore an asshole like that. You did nothing wrong she was wrong for assuming that she has the power to judge you realistically and have you not laugh in her face. Maybe the reason she judges people like you is that she did the same thing and overcompensates to hide if from the congregation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 Thanks gall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongo Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 You probably know this but... I encourage everyone with children that deconverts to respect their child's choice in the matter. Don't push them into deconverting - it won't work. Love them regardless of their choice and insist that they give you the same respect. Explain your views and listen to theirs. Leave it at that. The truth will work its magic all by itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Good point mongo, this is exactly how my own parents (atheist father and De converted Catholic mother) dealt with my spiritual journey. They are wonderful! In fact I have not mentioned my current situation to my iwn children at all yet! My OH is quite happy that we not raise the subject and wait for them to come to us with questions which we will answer, just as we did with sex education. And I think the same goes for friends too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I would think that you'd want to at least clue your children in on it, especially since you and your OH are both in the process of deconverting. One of my biggest regrets, as a recent deconvert, is having raised Christian children. I love them and their Christian wives, but hate that another generation will be raised to believe in mythology. Yet, I don't feel free to tell them the truth now because it might severely impact their lives should they be jarred out of the matrix. I would not wish for them to have to deal with the stress of being unequally yoked. Not that it couldn't happen without my help, but I don't want to be the one to disrupt their lives. And I regret (and feel guilty for) having passed on a lie to them, even though at the time I didn't know it was a lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Hmm i see your point. That is worth thinking on, thankyou. I don't want to lie to them, the same goes for allowing lies in as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 Been reading, trying not to be closed minded and resentful, a couple of books on Jesus from a human standpoint (ie he was human and did not resurrect) Rabbi Jesus by Bruce Chilton and the human beibg by Walter wink. The first proved to be full of fictionalised narrative filling in the gaps left by the Bible; not satisfying to a searcher! The second was more academic in style with citations and references to other writers of the age and pointing out gaps in the texts without needing to fabricate any filler. Still left me feeling. ..well, meh. If there was an historical charismatic spiritual guy named Yeshua, he was probably a kind of Buddha figure, and his rants have been subject to Chinese whispers on a massive scale! So meh I'm satisfied that I am still living without a label, and happy because I'm going to see my friends who 'know' about this tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Been reading, trying not to be closed minded and resentful, a couple of books on Jesus from a human standpoint (ie he was human and did not resurrect) Rabbi Jesus by Bruce Chilton and the human beibg by Walter wink. The first proved to be full of fictionalised narrative filling in the gaps left by the Bible; not satisfying to a searcher! The second was more academic in style with citations and references to other writers of the age and pointing out gaps in the texts without needing to fabricate any filler. Still left me feeling. ..well, meh. If there was an historical charismatic spiritual guy named Yeshua, he was probably a kind of Buddha figure, and his rants have been subject to Chinese whispers on a massive scale! So meh I'm satisfied that I am still living without a label, and happy because I'm going to see my friends who 'know' about this tomorrow! I recently read "Christian Beginnings" by Geza Vermes. He argued that there was a continuous tradition of charismatic Judaism in parallel to the more ritualistic Judaism. He mentioned two holy men that preceded Jesus - Hanina ben Dosa and Honi-Onias. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanina_Ben_Dosa http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honi_ha-M%27agel So Vermes believes Jesus was just another Jewish holy man who never claimed to be the Messiah - let alone God. But gradually his followers embellished the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 thanks for the links D'less, big news for me today. I am just back from having a shopping trip with my mum, and we went for tea and cake at the lovely upmarket new artisan coffee shop run by my old church. Mum says to me "so do you still go here?" at which point I tell her that my OH and I are what you might call 'de-converting'..... she looked at me over her glasses for a moment and then told me how relieved she was and how my dad had been convinced when I made that choice at 19 that my OH had been brainwashed as a child and they had decided they had to accept my choice or they would lose me so they did. She told me not to be embarrassed but that it was just a part of growing up, just as realising it doesn't work is yet another stage in growing up,oh it was all so positive and cathartic and I feel so relieved and I couldn't wait to get on here and tell you all!!! *phew* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Wow, that is great news! I wonder how many more people are out there like your parents, secretly hoping those they love will see the light and deconvert. That is comforting to think about. (And also angering, that they too are too afraid to speak up unless a deconvert brings it up first. Alas....) Good for you! Thanks for sharing. What a huge relief this must be for you. I'd be curious to hear about any future discussions you have with her or your dad. You may have stumbled upon a whole new support system you did not know existed. Could be interesting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pops Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 Ok, since I was on a roll this is what I posted in my Christian mums forum, i felt that I should let them know what's going on since they have been friends for many years. Also, uou never know who else is thinking these thoughts and may need to know they're not alone and not going to hell! It is with a heavy heart that I think I need to say goodbye to cms. I am deconverting from Christianity after searching for answers to difficult questions and finding the answers are unsatisfactory.I no longer am convinced that Jesus was the son of God, although I am happy to accept his life and impact on the people around him. I do not accept that he resurrected. I am no longer satisfied with the view that the Bible is wholly inspired by God. I think it has been tampered with by many successive committees of men with their own agenda for the time. These two particular views mean that I can no longer label myself as a Christian and I'm very sorry to no longer be part of the loving and generous, funny and friendly community of cms. I've got a lot of thinking to do, thankyou for everything xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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