RedFox Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Recently, several Christian friends of mine, if I could call them friends, found out from my Facebook page that I was an atheist. A Christian roommate I had before also told them that. One of them told the Christian I spent the most time with to tell me that they were "concerned" about me. Then those two people talked to me and asked me questions such as when I was saved. I gave them the answers that would make them happy then got out of there after a while of questioning. I'm going to live with 3 of those Christians in an apartment next year at university. I did it because I wanted to get out of the dorms and get a place that doesn't look like a prison. At least I'll share a bedroom with only one of them. I feel like I'll have to make sure I'm not a prison of their religion by not hiding my nonbelief. I've been at this university for longer than most of them, so they won't graduate out of my life. At least I'll be able to graduate out of theirs. Should I be direct in telling them not to bother me and why, even if I don't like to confront people with things they won't like? I'm trying to drop little hints to the Christian I see most of the time, but is that being too slow and indirect? What methods do you have the best results with and does it vary between people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGJ@ReligionisBullshit Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 If you just want them to leave you alone tell them that you prefer not to be preached to. If push comes to shove then lay down the main ground rule, "You can't use personal experience or the Bible as evidence." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcissist Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Could you try doing a deal with them? "If you don't try to convert me to christianity I won't try to convert you away from it" ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedFox Posted March 30, 2006 Author Share Posted March 30, 2006 Ok, I'll begin to drop bigger and bolder hints more often until it gets to where I make the deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greasemonkey Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Could you try doing a deal with them? "If you don't try to convert me to christianity I won't try to convert you away from it" ??? I would be inclined to go along with Narcissist on this one. Stop with the giving them the answers they want to hear; just tell the truth but don't make a big deal about it. The second you get combative about it is the same second you lose credibility with them. I've had countless christian friends over the years that didn't know I was an atheist until the subject came up (sometimes years later). The secret to keeping them as friends for me has always been to simply not argue with them about it and especially not to make a big deal about it. I've had more than a few who have started questioning me, which I've always encouraged; but I've always stopped any discussion cold if emotions started showing any signs of running high. Remember that it takes two sides to make an argument. If they are truly your "friends," then they will lay off. My disclaimer to this is that this is my own experience! I've never had to deal with roomies. I'm nearly 40, was single until I was 32, and have pretty much always followed my own definition of "true friends." If my "friends" couldn't deal with (respect) my beliefs, then they were never my "friend" in the first place. I never really gave two hoots if they hit the road once they showed their true colors as a "friend." It isn't much of a friendship if there is no mutual respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Above all stay positive & kind with them. And turn about is fair play. If they want to try & convert you, tell them they best be expecting to here plenty of good reasons why they shouldn't believe. Who knows, maybe before all is said & done, you'll be living with 3 ex-Christians. I say keep the debate open. The more they learn the better. The more you learn the more you'll strengthen your standpoint & understanding of why Christianity doesn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Yikes. Living with not 1, not 2, but *3* Xians sounds a lot to me like going into a lion's den wearing a filet mignon loincloth. If I may be the voice of paranoid dissent for a moment, my first inclination would be to make other living arrangements as soon as possible. I frankly wouldn't trust 3 Xians not to do whatever they could to force their beliefs, moral codes, and whatnot on me at every opportunity. I'd be expecting a religious 3-on-1, a spiritual non-stop gang-bang - maybe even expect to see some of my belongings removed for being a "bad influence" or "ungodly"; have my music turned off or packed away for the same reasons; and have the environment in general just turn into one really annoying, continual Jerkoff for Jeebus, 24/7. Note, however, that I'm amazingly paranoid, especially when it comes to Xians. Life experience has taught me not to trust a Xian as far as I can throw 'em, especially the evangelical types - or the types that'd corner you somewhere and start prying into your belief system because they're "concerned". Note also that I have no idea what your friends are really like. They could well be quite decent, considerate, respectful human beings, for all I know, and wouldn't dare do anything truly invasive. (I just don't know if I could stand sharing space with 3 Xians.) If such is the case, just take what I have to say here as an alternative viewpoint, and never mind. In any case, though, good luck and I hope it goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandrian Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 In my experience with roomates the key has been to clearly communicate expectations prior to moving in together. You should make sure your atheism won't be a problem with them, and that they understand you don't want to be preached too. Having a roomate you don't get along with is a recipe for a hellacious living situation. You should consider all potential issues before hand, and discuss with your potential roomates. If you can come to an agreement, that's good, otherwise, you should probably not move in with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnosis of Disbelief Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 As I've never met your friends before, you should take what I say with a grain of salt. But, to me, it sounds like you're asking for trouble. Especially if your friends are "concerned" and want to rope you back into the fold for Jeebus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 You could just get new roommates. Living with 3 xtians sounds like a drag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StandingRoomOnly Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 RedFox, I lived with 3 Christian roommates myself as an ex-Christian--by choice. First, I lived with a whole bunch of Christians for a whole year as an ex-Christian while finishing my degree at a Christian University! That was pretty hard, but it desensitized me to a lot of Christianity (if that makes any sense). After graduating and moving back home, I wanted to move out of my parents' house, and go to graduate school. After looking at several places to live, I found the perfect place, right across from campus at these luxury condominiums. BUT I would be living with 3 other roommates who were Christians (fundy Christians). I decided to go for it--I felt strong enough to deal with whatever they would try to throw at me. They did have occational bible studies at our condo and "praise meetings," but they also were great people to just hang out with. They didn't talk about religion ALL the time. I got it out in the open very quickly that I was an ex-Christian. And when they were interested, I told them my story. I never really felt lots of anciety while living with them--I think because they are still PEOPLE regardless of what they believe--we're all going to believe differently. I think I also felt pretty comfortable/secure "where I was" as an ex-Christian. They didn't really try to evangelize to me, but I also was very open with "where I was" and listening to them talk sometimes about "where they were." Living with 3 Christian roommates as an ex-Christian is possible. Don't rule it out. Being friendly, open and secure with yourself is a must though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedFox Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 It's pretty much locked in for next year. Don't worry, I know all three Xians and the one I would share a bedroom with the one who likes to talk about stuff like Harry Potter so much that I could swear that he worships Harry Potter. The other two would share another bedroom. If I bring my atheist books, I could tell them that I just want to "know the enemy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 It's pretty much locked in for next year. Don't worry, I know all three Xians and the one I would share a bedroom with the one who likes to talk about stuff like Harry Potter so much that I could swear that he worships Harry Potter. The other two would share another bedroom. If I bring my atheist books, I could tell them that I just want to "know the enemy." For me being true to myself requires being true to others. If I don't do that, then I feel a sense of dishonor within myself. I would be cautious of this approach to try to "hide" yourself from them. As good 'ole Shakes a Spear said it, "This above all: to thine ownself be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." If they can be at peace with you as who you are, then you will be happier with the situation. From what you say above, it sounds like you're giving them all the power. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 For me being true to myself requires being true to others. I am in full agreement with you here Antlerman. There's no reason to deny who you are just to get along. That will only inspire negativity & distrust. You need to be open & positive about who you are, the more you express how at peace you are, the more they will accept it & maybe have it rub off on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I believe in the power of apathy. Not caring about religion is pretty freeing, and not having to think about it is better still. If they start blathering about Jebus, just pretend they're going on about stamp collecting or something. When they see you think their religion is a bore, and you have other interests, they might just give up. More than anything, I see a wacky sit-com coming out of this. "3 Believers & A Heretic - new this fall on the WB." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 More than anything, I see a wacky sit-com coming out of this. "3 Believers & A Heretic - new this fall on the WB." That made my night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manta Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Funnily enough this is the situation I find myself in, only I'm not actually sharing a room with anyone, but there are four of them as opposed to three. And I agree on the advice given thus far: Just let them learn to accept it and you accept them. When they go to church on Sundays, enjoy your lie-in and don't make a big deal if they ask you to come with them, just politely say no. You can take my word for it since I follow my own advice, through simple conflict evasion. Although I appreciate that I am from England, and here being a Christian is minority rather than the norm, so it may easier for them to accept me than in your case, but I plead ignorance to how much Zeal the Christans where you live have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapdog Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 I think you might be best by continuously discussing it. After all, it's something they would respect since it is how they behave in their ongoing mission to convert others. If they are Christians because they are ignorant of the facts, they should come around, no? Otherwise they're just like people that are active in sports clubs: in it for the control, not the game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedFox Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Yeah, they're bent on converting people. At least two of them want to go to Europe on missionary trips. Some of them talked about how people in their families weren't believers and how they've been trying to witness to them. I started talking with one of the Xians about atheists because another Xian discussed his father, who he described as a "sad" case of someone who's a good person, but not a believer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nirrti Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I started talking with one of the Xians about atheists because another Xian discussed his father, who he described as a "sad" case of someone who's a good person, but not a believer. Redfox, that's a huge, whoppin' red flag right there. He thinks his father is a "sad case", even though his father is a decent person? Heck, what do you think they'll think of you when they find out you're an ex-xian? ....And I do mean when because stuff like that is impossible to keep secret in such close quarters. Go through with this arrangement if you want but make sure you make things clear to them first. Or you'll have a situation that'll make you wish you'd settled for "prison-like" dorms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manta Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 The hypocracy asounds me. "Sad case" indeed. Anyway, one important thnig to learn is that arguments are always won by whichever side has the most people on it, you will be outnumbered and quite often outgunned as every christian will come armed with a bible and whatever dogma they were taught the previous sunday. A wonderful trick is to get them to disagree with each other. It's very easy, all you really need to do is ask for the specifics of whatever event or 'evidence' they cite. They'll be arguing with each other in no time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Good luck with getting them not to bring up religion. I had to share a cube at work with a born again fundy for 8 months. He brought up religion in every conversation we had, even after I politely asked him to please talk about something different and I refused to discuss religion with him. It got to the point where he was so annoying I asked my boss for my own cube, and I got it. If I were you, I wouldn't share the apartment unless I knew for 100% sure that I could trust them not to preach to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedFox Posted April 10, 2006 Author Share Posted April 10, 2006 I was having fun with one of those Xians and another friend who wasn't a believer with pizza and some tv tonight. I brought some of my atheist books to read while waiting for the pizza and the Xian saw them. He kidded that they were illegal and told me that he'd tell my mom about me. I told him that she alreay knew and that I had more books at home. He said that my mom would burn them, then I told them that she haven't burned them in the months that I've been away from home and they were in plain sight in my room. Then he said the thought that they were out of print and looked up them on Amazon and said most were. He twisted it by not counting different printings of the same book as the same book so he could say that most of them were out of print. At least he knows that I'm reading those books. I'd have to watch out if he tells other Xians and they come after me. The other friend who wasn't a believer made me brave enough not to say things like "I'm a Christian and just want to know our enemies." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kari Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 It has been my personal experience that just telling your Christian housemates how you feel, and making it clear that they can't change it should be enough. In doing so, you are staying true to yourself and to them, you are respecting them, but not giving in to their pressures. If they push the issue, and you feel uncomfortable, I'd really suggest finding a new living arrangement. Some people don't understand the concept of respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manta Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 You appear to be dealing with far more than I have when it comes to fundie housemates. To that end, I'm not sure my advice can help you as it helped me. Get aggressive if you really need them to get off your back, don't take any shit from them, even if it's supposed to be in good humor, it just shows that they are looking down on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts