Phrases That Make You Sick

[Beowulf]

I finally got around to weighing in here.

 

My brother-in-law, a minister who is well on his way to televanelism, has the phrase, "Have a Jesus-filled Day!" on his answering machine. And he wonders why I never call anymore.

 

Once I was actually compiling a list of Fundie phrases. Some aren't necessarily religious in nature, but it seems I never hear them anywhere but in sermons or prayers...

 

"Each and every one", as in "God bless each and every one" = redundant

"Prayer Warrior" - every time I hear this I also think the word "jihad"

"Lord, you know their hearts.." - usually uttered in prayer, apparently to a voyeuristic deity.

 

...and there are more I can't remember right now.

[LosingMyReligion]

"Prayer Warrior" - every time I hear this I also think the word "jihad"

 

 

This one makes me laugh. Because I always think of that crazy overweight woman on "Trading Spouses."

 

"THEY'RE DORK SIDED!"

 

"GARGOYLES! PSYCHICS! GET AWAY FROM MY FAMBLY IN THA NAME OF JESUS!!!"

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Has anyone said "Why are you so angry with GAWD?"

 

Ugh. Look dipshit, I'M NOT ANGRY WITH A FAIRY TALE! I'M ANGRY WITH YOU FOR PERPETUATING IT TO THE POINT WHERE IT DESTROYS PEOPLE'S LIVES!!!

 

Sheesh.

[weary traveler]

Has anyone said "Why are you so angry with GAWD?"

 

Ugh. Look dipshit, I'M NOT ANGRY WITH A FAIRY TALE! I'M ANGRY WITH YOU FOR PERPETUATING IT TO THE POINT WHERE IT DESTROYS PEOPLE'S LIVES!!!

 

Sheesh.

 

 

Yes, since I am in I guess what you guys call the "deconversion" process, I get this one from friends (probably soon to become 'former friends" from what I can see). And they don't even know the full extent of where I am really at. I only told them I have problems with stuff in the bible--errors, etc-- that is supposed by God! And for that it gets assumed I am "angry with God" instead of a healthy discussion about the problems of the bible or even the emotional turmoil I am in. Instead it's like it is just dismissed as a "spat" with God...Ughhhh.... And I know what you mean about perpetuating the 'fable' to the point where it destroys someone's life. I have to kick myself sometimes for choosing a couple of key things I did based on believing "the fable". I wish I could have the last fifteen years back but I guess we all live and learn!

 

I like your dancing Hammy!

[The Sage Nabooru]

Or, the sad-Bambi-eyed, weeping, "Why do you hate Jesus? After all he's done for you?"

[BlueGiant]

Well, if Jesus did all that for me, I guess that would leave the converter in kind of a lurch, now wouldn't it (read: done for me, not you...). Amd if something was done for me, then what would it matter what I do, as last I checked I couldn't change the outcome of past actions...

 

And why would I hate Jesus, he's dead and gone. Now those so-called followers, on the other hand...

 

Gotta love the condesencion, ne?

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Yes, since I am in I guess what you guys call the "deconversion" process, I get this one from friends (probably soon to become 'former friends" from what I can see). And they don't even know the full extent of where I am really at. I only told them I have problems with stuff in the bible--errors, etc-- that is supposed by God! And for that it gets assumed I am "angry with God" instead of a healthy discussion about the problems of the bible or even the emotional turmoil I am in. Instead it's like it is just dismissed as a "spat" with God...Ughhhh.... And I know what you mean about perpetuating the 'fable' to the point where it destroys someone's life. I have to kick myself sometimes for choosing a couple of key things I did based on believing "the fable". I wish I could have the last fifteen years back but I guess we all live and learn!

 

I like your dancing Hammy!

 

Glad to see you here traveler! It's unfortunate that people you were "friends" with as a christian will suddenly turn their backs on you and shun you when you lose faith. But that's the result of the conflicting instructions in the bible. Paul tells you as a christian to "shake the dust off your feet" when a town won't listen to the horseshit, uh, I mean gospel, but what did Jesus do? He went to the homes of the most despised people in town and had dinner with them! But of course Paul is more god than Jesus, so they listen to him first. Anyway, it is sad. It shows you what a true friend is...and isn't.

 

Unfortunately for most, christians don't even realize what they are doing to their lives and the lives of others. I have so many times wished I had the last 30 years to do over WITHOUT christianity. How could things have been different for me? But there's no sense in wishing for it. Now that we've escaped, we have to make the best of the time we have left. Without having an invisible skydaddy to please, it should be a great time!

 

I love Hammy! He's my god, y'know!

[weary traveler]

 

Glad to see you here traveler! It's unfortunate that people you were "friends" with as a christian will suddenly turn their backs on you and shun you when you lose faith.

 

Well I do forgive them because I totally understand where they are at in thier minds. They believe that my "apostacy" will like "infect" them spiritually speaking. I don't seek to harm anyone. I just wanted to get at serious answers to serious questions.

 

Don't want to go too far off topic though, so we'll leave it at that.

 

Another annoying phrase for me would be (and I'll quote George Carlin...) "AT any rate..." (at any rate...what does that mean...what about at 4 percent??!!) And one of the other christian type phrases that annoys me lately, snce I was talking to my friends about conflicting bible things is--"Well God's ways are higher than our ways", which usually comes in response to something that makes no sense in so far as things about the bible or God. It means, don't try to make sense of this, just believe it anyhow. How can I do that logically? Oh well, at any rate...see ya!!

 

By the way, Agnostic Atheist---What in the world is that link you have on your post that sasy "Darksided"? It was like this deranged woman freaking out? Where did you get it?

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

By the way, Agnostic Atheist---What in the world is that link you have on your post that sasy "Darksided"? It was like this deranged woman freaking out? Where did you get it?

 

Hehe, that's Marguerite Perrin, the crazy fundy christian who was on Fox's Trading Spouses. I recorded the audio off of the FOX website and then just edited out the parts I wanted. And OMG, I just found her WEBSITE!

 

http://www.margueriteperrin.com/

[Guest Rosso Dolore]

"Don´t throw the baby out with the bath water." Everytime when I was telling about those contradictions that I just couldn´t figure out. And of course it was a regular phrase when I announced that I´d had it enough and quit.

 

"Don´t leave Christ if you are disappointed and hurt by fellow church members." Aargh! They just couldn´t get in their heads that I just couldn´t believe any more of that crap called religion. Nothing to do with people although I was so fed up with them and their fake symphatetic faces.

 

"Have a blessed sabbath." (I was an second generation adventist.) The sabbath day was booooring and I was always waiting for those blessed feelings. Never got. I hated that empty phrase.

 

PS. And all the grammar fans: Sorry my english, I´m from North Europe.

[The Sage Nabooru]

"Have a blessed sabbath." (I was an second generation adventist.) The sabbath day was booooring and I was always waiting for those blessed feelings. Never got. I hated that empty phrase.

 

I actually used to hear that one from teenaged Wiccans. Always annoyed me. "Yeah, you realize no real Wiccan talks like that, right?"

[Guest Ghost In The Machine]

I can't believe nobody has submitted this one.

 

"God works in mysterious ways."

 

 

"Democrats are all atheists, baby-killers and rapists." This phrase was actually uttered by my ultra-rednecked born-again Pentecostal boss. Then I reminded him that his God was also a baby-killer.

 

What a crock of shit. All you fundies can eat the half-chewed peanuts out of my shiat!

[Toxic]

"I also hate it when fundies quote random bible scriptures....

 

Yeah, that drives me fucking mad. Also...

 

"you'll come back to jesus"

 

"relationship with God"

 

"blood of Christ"

 

"I'll pray for you"

 

Has anyone mentioned "There are no atheists in a plane when it's about to crash/on a battfield/foxhole etc...

[Epicurienne]

How about, "God spoke to me......," or "God spoke to my heart and told me....."

I suppose this is meant to end all argument about whatever god has spoken to them about. I mean, who are we to argue against the almighty? Hmmmm just thought of another quickie...."That witnesses to my spirit"

 

When someone says, "God told me...." I'm always tempted to say, "Hmm, that's funny. I was talking to God just the other day and he told me [opposite]."

[Epicurienne]

JeffXL:

Since moving to Illinois a decade ago, I've heard the phrase "Do you have a church home?" As I've said before here, my wife says I should answer "No, just a normal house."

 

LOL! Wish I'd thought of that.

 

Here are some of mine:

 

"I'll pray for you" - when it's said in a nasty, arrogant way, I know damn well that they aren't hoping for anything good for me, just hoping I'll fall into line with their ideas. When the person is genuinely trying to be nice, it's still not so good; I feel embarrassed for the person.

 

"Maybe God has another plan for you" - when I don't like some situation I'm in. If I have no control over the outcomes, why bother to plan or work or do anything at all? Sounds to me like any plan I make can get screwed up if God should happen to have a whim.

 

"Sometimes the answer is 'No'" - in the past, when I still prayed to get things I wanted. This is similar to the last one. If "God's will be done" and God is always going to do what he wants to do (whether we like it or not), then why bother to pray at all? Obviously, God doesn't really care what we think - so why bother to tell him?

 

"You just don't like being told what to do" - Ah, the truth comes out. This one was said to me by a fundie woman leader of a "therapy" group (I never did bother to find out if this woman had any professional credentials to be providing therapy, but then I was trying to be a good Christian at the time.) I was a difficult client for her; I had questions and didn't always blindly believe whatever I was told. I finally exasperated her to the point where she said, "You just don't like being told what to do." Gee, I didn't know I was supposed to like being ordered around like I was 6 years old!

 

"God Bless America" - reminds me too much of the people who pray for their football team to win. Don't they think that fans of the other team (or people in other countries) are praying for God to favor them? And if there is a God, don't they think he/she/it has better things to do?

 

"Jesus died for your sins" - If he did, he overreacted. The worst thing I've ever done is a class 4 misdemeanor in my state, with a $250 fine as the penalty. I never went through the legal system for it, but ended up losing more than $250 because of it. Thinking of taking me to court? Um, the statute of limitations is up. I checked.

 

Nothing I've done is bad enough to deserve crucifiction. Besides, it's my responsibility to make restitution for things I've done wrong. If Jesus takes the rap for me, what does that say about the value of personal responsibility?

 

"Your walk with God" - around the block, after dinner?

 

"God was good to us" - when I was a kid, my dad said this after something bad happened to my brother. He meant, "It could have been a lot worse" (and it could have been). But what happened wasn't good; it was just less bad. Good would have been if it had never happened at all.

 

Any phrase that speaks of Jesus in the present tense. He's been dead for >2000 years. I for one do not believe in the resurrection.

[SilentLoner]

"Everything always happens for a reason"

 

I cant say how much I fucking hate that phrase. Everything does NOT happen for a reason, things happen and people attach reasons to them.

Sheesh.

 

I heard this one a few weeks ago, I might have posted it somewhere, but its one of the most distrubing things I have ever heard so far in life.

I was with the female parental unit, visiting a new church friend of hers (I was not there by choice, believe me). Suddenly one of the woman's granddaughters walks up to us, cute little blonde girl with bright blue eyes, around six years old. The lady asks the girl to sing the alphabet to us. Girl gives a shy smile and begins singing:

 

"A, B, C, D, E , F, G, Jesus died for you and me, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, God will punish sinful deeds, Q, R, S ,T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z, God has promised us an eternal home and peace."

 

I wanted to puke right there and then. Has anyone else heard that before? i grew up in the catholic camp, but never heard anything like that.

 

Another phrase by the same lady:

 

(referring to the car crash where her stepson died) "God doesn't do these things, its the devil that does them."

 

And finally, anything quoted from the poem "Footsteps." I HATE that poem so bad...

[garrisonjj]

JeffXL:

Since moving to Illinois a decade ago, I've heard the phrase "Do you have a church home?" As I've said before here, my wife says I should answer "No, just a normal house."

 

LOL! Wish I'd thought of that.

 

Here are some of mine:

 

"I'll pray for you" - when it's said in a nasty, arrogant way, I know damn well that they aren't hoping for anything good for me, just hoping I'll fall into line with their ideas. When the person is genuinely trying to be nice, it's still not so good; I feel embarrassed for the person.

 

"Maybe God has another plan for you" - when I don't like some situation I'm in. If I have no control over the outcomes, why bother to plan or work or do anything at all? Sounds to me like any plan I make can get screwed up if God should happen to have a whim.

 

"Sometimes the answer is 'No'" - in the past, when I still prayed to get things I wanted. This is similar to the last one. If "God's will be done" and God is always going to do what he wants to do (whether we like it or not), then why bother to pray at all? Obviously, God doesn't really care what we think - so why bother to tell him?

 

"You just don't like being told what to do" - Ah, the truth comes out. This one was said to me by a fundie woman leader of a "therapy" group (I never did bother to find out if this woman had any professional credentials to be providing therapy, but then I was trying to be a good Christian at the time.) I was a difficult client for her; I had questions and didn't always blindly believe whatever I was told. I finally exasperated her to the point where she said, "You just don't like being told what to do." Gee, I didn't know I was supposed to like being ordered around like I was 6 years old!

 

"God Bless America" - reminds me too much of the people who pray for their football team to win. Don't they think that fans of the other team (or people in other countries) are praying for God to favor them? And if there is a God, don't they think he/she/it has better things to do?

 

"Jesus died for your sins" - If he did, he overreacted. The worst thing I've ever done is a class 4 misdemeanor in my state, with a $250 fine as the penalty. I never went through the legal system for it, but ended up losing more than $250 because of it. Thinking of taking me to court? Um, the statute of limitations is up. I checked.

 

Nothing I've done is bad enough to deserve crucifiction. Besides, it's my responsibility to make restitution for things I've done wrong. If Jesus takes the rap for me, what does that say about the value of personal responsibility?

 

"Your walk with God" - around the block, after dinner?

 

"God was good to us" - when I was a kid, my dad said this after something bad happened to my brother. He meant, "It could have been a lot worse" (and it could have been). But what happened wasn't good; it was just less bad. Good would have been if it had never happened at all.

 

Any phrase that speaks of Jesus in the present tense. He's been dead for >2000 years. I for one do not believe in the resurrection.

 

 

Also catholics who left the church to find bejeezus in the scriptures and the real god is in the holy babble! I found christ! While organized religion is so stupid, I find these newly conveted fuckin fundies nauseating. Believing in fuckin fairy tales!

 

How about, "God spoke to me......," or "God spoke to my heart and told me....."

I suppose this is meant to end all argument about whatever god has spoken to them about. I mean, who are we to argue against the almighty? Hmmmm just thought of another quickie...."That witnesses to my spirit"

 

When someone says, "God told me...." I'm always tempted to say, "Hmm, that's funny. I was talking to God just the other day and he told me [opposite]."

 

 

FUCKIN GOD TOLD ME? I DON'T OFTEN HEAR WHAT REAL PEOPLE TELL ME!

[garrisonjj]

Here is my sample. Feel free to add to it.

 

It's god's will

It's in god's hands (never seen em!)

Just have faith

I'll pray for you (like he is going to fuckin listen to someone's begging)

He/She is with god now

They are in a better place

Praise be to god! ( Like he needs my fuckin praise for anything

Just have faith (Like if I can't fuckin explain the obvious nonexistence of god I'll invent a system that deals with that = fuckin faith)

 

How could I have believed such bullshit?

[/quoTE

 

Oh I forgot my favorite. "Blessed are they who fear the lord!" Some FUCKIN god who wants/desires anyone to be afraid!

[necrosmith]

God only gives you what you can bear.

 

Or something to that effect.

 

Usually said to someone who just experienced one horrible tradgedy.

It's like, ok Suzy, you can handle having a miscarriage so BLAMMO! there you go.

 

Sickening.

[greygirl]

"If I can do it, anyone can do it." Translation: I'm the most pathetic person in the history of the world. No one has less self-esteem/willpower/determination than I do. Everything is harder for me than it is for anyone else. I call shenanigans. Some things are easy for some people, and some things are hard. Just because you did something doesn't mean anyone can. Things that are easy for you aren't necessarily easy for everyone.

 

"Sorry, that's just the way I am." That's just a cop-out. You can change the way you are if you want to. It might be hard, but it can be done. At the very least, you could make a real effort before you declare yourself unable to change. "That's just the way I am" is what people say when they know they're doing something that's unacceptable but they can't be bothered to do anything about it.

[Ladyfractal]

My top four phrases that annoy me:

 

"That's just my opinion."--Translation: I have no rational reason for this, I just think this without any way of backing it up.

 

"Why do you use fifty-cent words." --Translation: I am intimidated by your vocabularly but don't want to admit that so I'll pretend to populism.

 

"If you left Christianity, you weren't really a Christian"-- Translation: I am terrified that what happened to you could happen to me, so I will just dismiss your experience and stay in my comforting illusions.

 

"Evolution is just a theory."--Translation: I have no idea about the scientific method.

 

 

Cheers

lf

[Epicurienne]

Something else I just thought of:

 

The overwhelming "God Bless America" reaction to 9/11/01.

 

If God had really wanted to "bless America", he could have prevented it from happening in the first place.

 

(I thought of this soon after 9/11 occurred and "God Bless America" started getting plastered all over everything. But I've been afraid to say it out loud to anybody except my DBF.)

[Reach]

My all-time most hated phrase is "the blood of Jesus."

 

My most hated statement has got to be, Real men love Jesus.

 

I don't need to explain why I hate these so much. I know most of us despise the same garbage.

[nirrti]

My all-time most hated phrase is "the blood of Jesus."

 

My most hated statement has got to be, Real men love Jesus.

 

I don't need to explain why I hate these so much. I know most of us despise the same garbage.

 

 

 

Hi, Reach! Long time no see!

 

 

"The precious blood of Jesus" or its cousin, "Washed by the blood of Jesus" just brings to my mind this gory image like in the movie, "Carrie" when that girl was covered with pig's blood. It doesn't exactly inspire feelings of comfort and safety to me.

 

 

Oh, and "God Bless America"? It sounds too much like some nationalized, patriotic cliche. You know, like "Heil Hitler".

[Darkside]

"Is everything okay?" Asked when you've missed a few services, as if skipping out on church means my life must be falling apart.

 

"Oh my soul" or "Oh my word" These have got to be the most pretentious phrases ever, said in place of "Holy shit", "God Damn" , etc. We all know what you mean, just fucking say it!

 

"I'll pray about it" This is actually a pretty clever phrase. It usually means "I'm not going to do what you're asking me to, but saying no wouldn't be pious." After giving the person time to pray about it, if you follow up with them, it will be "The Lord is leading me in another direction."

 

"It takes three to thrive" meaning you have to go to every service the church has or you're backsliding.

 

"We honor God with HIS tithes and OUR offerings."

 

"You have to give God the firstfruits"

 

 

I guess those are some of the specific phrases that come to mind, but in general it makes me cringe whenever I hear someone engaging in holyspeak. (Hello Brother Joe, blessed day we're having, amen? Praise God, Brother Pete, every day with Jesus is better than the last!) Nobody really talks like that, it's all a show to see how pious you can sound, and the end result is that you can't be yourself.