A forum to discuss how ex-Christians have dealt with family members, replaced the church as a place of community, reactions of your family, friends, church, acquaintances upon learning of the de-conversion, or anything else relevant to the Ex-Christian Life.
The bulk of science does not support belief in a deity, or does it? This is an open discussion area to hone your skills at supporting and understanding the various positions. Feel free to post any links of value in this important topic.
This section is confined to serious and formal debate. New topics will not appear in this section until approved by a moderator. For best results, contact a moderator before attempting to post a new topic in this section.
Asking for charity donations (no particular) instead of Xmas gifts: nice or tacky? I have stuff already and don't need more, which would just be more to carry when I move out. But I don't want to appear to show off, either.
Hey , @rachel15,
yes, happiness post xanity is possible and I am there.
It helped me to not think about it for a few months which really took some doing since Mrs. MOHO is so devout.
1. Leave the door open but don't prey or read the bable anymore.
2. Find a hobby/career/community service that you can throw yourself into.
3. You don't need xanity to be happy. Those happy times came from within YOU all along!
Welcome to Ex-C and the Unequally Yoked Club!
Enlightenment is such a personal experience that it is inevitable that spouses will experience it one at a time - if at all. And once you are enlightened there is no going back. I tried. No workie.
I think you and I have touched on this topic before but do your fams know of your exit from the insanity and delusions? If so, how are they taking it and how are you coping with their belief(s) and is there pressure from them?
Personally - I have come out but go with Mrs. MOHO to Sunday AM meeting every other Sunday or so (don't' go in the sanctuary - just patrol the parking lot and lobbies) just to smooth things over. She can be a bear and I'm a woosie computer geek so....
Here's to wishing you the best and letting you know that you can find support here.
- MOHO (Mind Of His Own)
hi @LostinParis, prior to becoming involved in Christianity, my experience of denial was with relatives who seem to selectively ignore certain information that you told them ie when confronted with something - it seemed like a kind of blindness, perhaps because of an unwillingness to face up to a fact or issue because of the implications and consequences. So I think its protective in some way for the person themselves, or towards someone or something else that they value, perhaps ultimately in terms of their self-belief.
@LostinParis As a fellow member of the "Unequally Yoked Club," I want to welcome you to Ex-C. There are quite a few of us here with believing spouses. Some lucky ones have spouses who have come around (or seem to be in the process) and then there are those of us whose spouses are still firmly entrenched in the delusion.
Compartmentalization -- that's how I think believers stay in the delusion. They are experts in putting everything in life (and the bible) into neat little compartments in their brain. But once the god-goggles/blinders come off, look out!
LostinParis, I think that denial is a state of not wanting to know the truth. I had a girlfriend that used to say all the time, ''Time to put my horse blinders on'' and she would take her hands and put them up to her face and make pretend blinders. She used to say, ''Can't live a happy life with my blinders off.'' A lot of her family including her kids gave her a lot of grief and she said it was the only way she could survive it. When my blinders came off my eyes with christianity, everything changed for me. It's like a veil came off and I really was able to see 'life' for what it is. Reality can really suck at times. I know what you are saying when you say you feel like you played a charade. I did that too. And it's so hard when someone you love is living in denial when you know what the truth is. Glad you are here with us. Hang in there.
Romans 8:19-23 New International Version (NIV)
19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.
20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.
Creation was subject to frustration (leading to bondage to decay) not by it's own choice, but by God's choice.
God is the creator, but we are the created. So it was always God's will and choice to impose death and disease upon us. It was never our choice. Therefore, we do not impose death and disease upon ourselves because of our sin.
God cursed us all and we live under his curse, suffering according to his choice - not ours.
This is false. A reading of the book of Genesis clearly shows this.
According to scripture the miseries of disease, deformity and death currently being suffered, not only by the North Koreans, but also by the entire human race, were the result of ONLY Adam and Eve's actions. Not the actions of any succeeding generations of humans. So what is described is not the self-imposition of the consequences of sin by each succeeding generation upon themselves. It's the imposition of the consequences of sin upon every generation by God. The consequences of the actions of just two people being imposed by God upon everyone else. Thousands of generations, then unborn, have been made to suffer the consequences of actions they had no part in. God's cursed not just Adam and Eve, but their all their unborn children and descendants.
It's another falsehood to say that every generation imposes disease, deformity and death upon itself by not believing in the God of the Bible.
Scripture clearly shows that even if everyone in the world were born-again of the holy spirit and lived as Christians, God would still not lift the curse that he set in place in the garden of Eden. The lifting of God's curse doesn't take place until the end of days, when the saved are permitted to eat from the Tree of Life.
Revelation 22 : 1 - 5.
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb
down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.
No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.
They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.
There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.
So, sin and it's consequences (God's curse - causing human disease, deformity and death) will not be lifted from us by everyone becoming Christians and believing in the Bible.
That is not scriptural. That is false. That is heresy.
I'm not a psychologist but I think part of the reason is a mental comfort thing. We simply ignore information that does not confirm to our view of the world.
If you know you are in denial I'd say no, long term something is going to give. If you know you are in denial you will be in a state of cognitive dissonance and your mental state will want to correct that. However a lot of denial is subconscious - you can point out the facts of evolution till you are blue in the face and some people will just say they are lies, and there is no evidence etc and they don't seem to suffer from years of this denial. Take Kent Hovind, Ray Comfort and Ken Ham as our case studies here.
I felt much like you when I left, especially as I always did question things, but I suppressed them. No no, the pastor must be right, its the devil playing with your mind, and you just need to pray to god and believe was my reasoning at the time.
Now I'm like that is total B/S!