Guest Zenobia Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You Know You're An Ex-Christian When: 1. You find yourself wondering why the Pastor is speaking an archaic English dialect (and/or Latin) instead of just talking in a language everyone understands. 2. You question where the people of Nod came from if God only created Adam and Eve. 3. You start thinking dangerous thoughts such as, Scientists may be right...the earth may be older than 6,000 years. 4. You start thinking that maybe Ezikiel was just high on Opium when he saw "The Wheel." 5. You start questioning the mathematical probability of every living creature in existance times two - fitting into an ark the size of a football field. 6. You start thinking Paul sure was a sixist son-of-a-bitch. 7. You start thinking Pontius Pilate made the right decision. I'da killed that guy too. 8. You get into a theological debate with a clerk at the supermarket because you sneezed and she said "God bless you." 9. You discover that there are other methods of reasoning, other than circular. 10. You gleefully run and grab your copy of "The Idiot's Guide to Arguing with Morontheists" whenever you see two people in suits walking toward your front door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MesaGman Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 1. You stop worship a death cult that reveres a Zombie Lord. like some Romero movie..... or when you see the church that worship's Dead saints, a Zombie Lord, the song "Gonk". And values Suicidal (Maryterdom, of Jesus, apostles, Catholic Saints etc. ), as Virtures. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1JgK8gkjM0 2. You believe Blood drinking and canabalism are not proper ways to show love. 3. When you realise that you're a fully clothed human, on the ground, and not a naked blow up doll floating in the sky. 4. When your children, begin babbling backwards, and start shaking.... You know to bring them to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation like a responsible parent should. 5. You recycle and urge your MPs (or Congresspersons), to enact enviromental change to avert enviromental Armeggedon. 6. You actually participate in Christian values, such as Peace, fair dealings, and respect for your neighbors...... 7. You say Robutusen (Canadian Cough medicine commercial), instead of Bless you. 8. You save Gas by driving a sane sized car, don't drive on Sundays to the church, AND reason 6. you fully participate in Christian values of being nice to people, by driving like a sane person. 9. You stop becoming a blood thirsty (drinking Jesus's blood, canabalistic (eating Jesus's "body"), death cultist (dying for your rewards), Zombie Lord Worshiper. 10. You can breath fresh air, instead of dead body air (Jesus' animated corpse). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 ...upon hearing a morontheist claim "if you say the word gawd that proves you believe in him!!1111!!!!" you cannot but bitchslap him with the rather annoying (to it) fact that by the very same reasoning every English-speaking person in the world really worships the ancient deities of the Norse pantheon... and then enjoy the shocked silence from the moron's side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evolution_beyond Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 5. You start questioning the mathematical probability of every living creature in existance times two - fitting into an ark the size of a football field. lol. I've often considered that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.B. Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Hey Thur... would that be: Moon-day Tyr's Day Wodin's Day Thor's Day Frey-Day Satyr-Day and Sun-day? Ha. What idiots. They scream that all the other gods are false, then they get positively apopleptic when someone includes their god in that 'false' list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 ... you go dove hunting and come home with cherubs instead (that sounds more like Saturday night on Colfax in Denver). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You begin to wonder why god wants you to cut your dick... You realize that, take away the suicide, "Heaven's Gate" was more logical then xtianity... You decide that a tortured person enduring capitol punishment from 2000 years ago, does not symbolize divine love... You realize that god is not really watching you spank your monkey... You start to ponder how bored you would be in heaven after 800 thousand million years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGeek Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You can see AND understand the reasons why people believe it. You can see AND understand the reasons why people don't believe it. You read Sinfest and say "that really happened to me, no shit!" You can finally take a dump without feeling shameful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You realize that god is not really watching you spank your monkey... Voyeurism at its best....the reason I tried so hard to learn to Astrally Project myself when I was 13 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Sentiments received by e-mail looked appropriate here: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You suspect that Paul was a self-loathing closeted homosexual You suspect that all fundies are closeted communists when they quote the book of Acts You can predict what xtians say to you in a debate before they say it and can argue a parody xitan debate yourself while making it look realistic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You know you're an ExChristian when you see something like this and laugh openly at it, rather than wondering if God might be unhappy with you mocking an image of his Son: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 In address to the days of the week: Old English/Anglo-Saxon: Sunnandæg - Sunday MÅnandæg - Monday Tiwesdæg - Tuesday Wodnesdæg - Wednesday Þunresdæg - Thursday Frigesdæg - Friday Sæternesdæg - Saturday Old High German: Sunnuntag - Sunday MÄnetag - Monday Zeistag - Tuesday Wodanstag - Wednesday Donerestag - Thursday Friatag - Friday Sambaztag - Saturday Old Norse: Sunnundagr - Sunday Mánandagr - Monday Tysdagr - Tuesday Óðensdagr - Wednesday Þorsdagr - Thursday Friádagr - Friday Laugardagr - Saturday West Frisian Snein - Sunday Moandei - Monday Tiisdei - Tuesday Woansdei - Wednesday Tongersdei - Thursday Freed - Friday Sneon - Saturday Latin: dies Solis - Sunday dies Lunae - Monday dies Martis - Tuesday dies MercurÄi - Wednesday dies Jovis - Thursday dies VenÄ•ris - Friday dies Saturni - Saturday Welsh: Dydd Sul - Sunday Dydd Llun - Monday Dydd Mawrth - Tuesday Dydd Mercher - Wednesday Dydd Iau - Thursday Dydd Gwener - Friday Dydd Sadwrn - Saturday I think it's pretty cool - English has a tie to each of these languages just based on the days of the week. Of course I chose some pretty obvious ones, but think about just how many deities are now supposedly "true" just based on the words we speak? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Hey Thur... would that be: Moon-day Tyr's Day Wodin's Day Thor's Day Frey-Day Satyr-Day and Sun-day? Pretty much that. Exact spelling varies with whom you ask of course, just like the interpretations in the case of Friday (Frey's day or Freya's day?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 The words "pot luck supper" no longer make you drool. (Summa dem little ole ladies could cook!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You consider committing blasphemy against the Holy Spirit your new hobby. You join Ex-Christian.net and post a testimony You begin to wonder if Satan was really a woman who was just sick and tired of kissing the biggest ego in the universe ass. you no longer explain away the stories in the old testament and they deeply disturb you. you think about things your pastor said from the pulpit and conclude that man was twisted in his thinking and reasoning abilities. you feel sorry for the small children whose parents are really fundy and think they don't even have a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zenobia Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You begin to wonder if Satan was really a woman who was just sick and tired of kissing the biggest ego in the universe ass. LOVE that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 ... when you look at this image and find it oddly appealing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comanche Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 When you see a book on creation in the science section at the bookstore and retaliate by moving the bibles to the fiction section. When you wish you were an artist so you could make little electric chairs instead of crosses, just to annoy the Christians. When you get pissed off at the Jesus shows on the History Channel because they all assume he existed. When you give anyone who mentions that they're a Christian a look of disdain and lose a lot of respect for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 ... when you no longer have imaginary worries about God, but real ones about those who claim to follow him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You Know You're An Ex-Christian When: --You know getting a flat tire is just getting a flat tire and not some secret message from god to "get your attention" ---When you walk into the house and no one's there you don't freak out and believe the rapture came -- You see hate speech for what it is, and not label it as some type of love or standard from god. -- When a teacher at your local school gets shit-canned due to a slide-of-hand, and you know it's total bullshit -- When the fear of hell has as much hold on you as the fear of Santa knowing you did something bad. Sorry if any on my list have already been said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 .. Your favored pet dies... You get eleventy-bazillion e.mailed "Rainbow Bridges" and they no longer piss you off... kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eejay Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 ..you accidently turn on 700 club and leave it there, cause it's funnier than the sitcoms that are on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost in space Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 You really appreciate the earth's place in the universe, and humankind's place on the earth. You no longer have to wrestle with the story of Job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 When you wake up early on Sunday morning so you can get to IHOP while they are still in church. When singing Jesus Loves Me seems the same as singing Puff the Magic Dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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