Christian Spanking, Domination

[Luv2knit]

I hated using Bible verses to discipline the kids! No wonder kids are leaving the faith, they are taught the bible is a tool of discipline. They begin to hate it! I did t hat a couple of times and saw where that was going real fast. Also hated having them pray to ask Jesus for forgiveness! It's so messed up!

[Zephie]

I agree. Funny thing that they seem to "forget" the verse right behind it about not frustrating your children. As much as I love my parents having that one verse drilled into my head has caused some issues...let's not even start with the whole virginity issue...

[Antikristos]

A friend of mine used to make fun of the concept of the bible being a tool of discipline. He used to hold up the bible and then smack it down onto his open palm and say with a redneck accent "I'm gonna beat the truth into ya, son."

[badpuppy]

A friend of mine used to make fun of the concept of the bible being a tool of discipline. He used to hold up the bible and then smack it down onto his open palm and say with a redneck accent "I'm gonna beat the truth into ya, son."

 

Yikes! The sad part is some people do that and MEAN it.

[ConureDelSol]

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

[badpuppy]

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

 

Spanking isn't hitting.

Hell is justice.

free will to go to hell is love.

black is white.

Evil is good.

 

Didn't their own holy book say "woe to he who calls good evil and evil good?" And yet, Christians routinely run around calling any good person who doesn't believe the same things they believe "evil" even when they are kind and loving... while calling all sorts of evils "good".

[Ro-bear]

I was spanked as a child, not brutally, and it did not harm me. It did humiliate me and make me resentful, but it mainly just made me take more care to get away with things and did not alter my behavior in terms of compliance.

 

My wife and I have never had to resort to physical discipline, and we are glad of it. We are fortunate in that we have smart, well-behaved daughters who respond to reason and milder discipline. I can certainly see why some parents might consider corporal punishment necessary, but I'm glad I did not have to do it. I'm not sure I could have done it without feeling like a failure.

 

I'm not sure I would have been a good father to a son. I'd like to think so, but I will never know.

[mymistake]

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

 

Spanking isn't hitting.

Hell is justice.

free will to go to hell is love.

black is white.

Evil is good.

 

Didn't their own holy book say "woe to he who calls good evil and evil good?" And yet, Christians routinely run around calling any good person who doesn't believe the same things they believe "evil" even when they are kind and loving... while calling all sorts of evils "good".

 

It's not quite that simple. Spanking is a special type of hitting. Spanking is done with a limited number of weapons (open hand, belt, wooden spoon, paddle, switch) and to a very limited target, the butt. Hitting that is not spanking covers the complete range of abuse. So yes spanking is bad but spanking also has boundaries. If you want to call spanking a form of child abuse go ahead. But spanking is not wide open. If someone was using a closed fist, a bat, a 2x4, a metal tool then they were not spanking because those fall outside of what is culturally understood for spanking. It they struck the head, mouth, stomach, chest, or neck then they were not spanking.

[Mudhoney]

being spanked with embaressing rituals turned me into a pervert. I'm not being sarcastic or humorous, its the truth. i was turned on by it since childhood.

 

This is the reason I think everyone should choose a different method of discipline. I was also turned on by the childhood spankings and since I was only 4 or 5 I had no idea what these feelings were. I developed a chronic masturbation habit which my parents then spanked me for and my anxiety levels went through the roof. As an adult I developed a spanking fetish which I loathed because it just reminded me of the awful childhood spankings. I finally cut that out of my sex life and I feel that was a healthy decision for me. I want to stress that I was not sexually molested- it was the spankings, and the spanking only, that caused the sexual feelings and the spanking fetish. My family was so strict and conservative, and we were always supposed to be so modest, that to have your father make you bend over his lap without underwear on and then wail on your ass with a belt, paddle, hand, or spoon was just horrifying.

 

The Xtian spanko books on sale today teach parents to spank exactly like this. A book called Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp tells xtian parents that they are sinning if they don't spank. He tells the parents that they have to take the kid's pants or diaper off and spank them until they stop crying and are "sweet." He suggests 9 months as a good age to start.This book was recommended to me by the pastor of my former church when I was pregnant and it was really what finally drove me out of xtianity. Another book is called To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl and it is just brutal. One huge problem I have with spanking and xtianity is that it seems like it's the ONLY form of discipline they approve of. I don't know of anyone who developed a sexual fetish from being put in time-out or having privileges taken away. People are doing damage and not even realizing it. Do you think I ever told my parents any of this? Hell, no! It would embarrass them and burden them with the knowledge that it traumatized me to the degree that it did.

[R. S. Martin]

I'm encouraged that most parents on here see the futility of hitting/spanking their children. I think if my father had to do it over he'd be more dedicated than ever to the corporal punishment thing, now that he knows how I and some of my sisters turned out.

 

I think the writer in the article of the OP does not consider that the kids might be expressing fear with arching of back, etc. They know they're in it for the long haul and that they're going to have to say certain things whether true or not, before they're going to be let go. Also we have only the parent's side of the story. Who knows if things happened as fairly as the parent makes things out.

 

Possibly no amount of explaining on the child's part was good enough for the parent even though the child's behaviour had been fully justified. There were times when my father could not be reasoned with and any attempt to reason with him only convinced him of the child's rebellion.

 

And even as an adult, after going finally daring to take my life in my own hands and solving my own problems by getting myself an education, the deacon's wife hissed at me that my problem was self-will. In other words, my will had not been sufficiently broken and submitted to life as it was. Yet neither she nor her husband had been successful in ministering to my needs, despite my pleas for help for my desperate unhappiness.

 

Love--true love--does not simply beat people of whatever age into submission. It respects people of all ages.

 

I have hope for your family, ExFundiDCLawyer. There seems to be love and respect, and a willingness to discuss issues at face value and get help.

[Naughtyhamster]

Recently my grandmother admitted to me about how she saw my cousins mistreated when they visited her house, and she wonders if she should have done something more than just reprimand my aunt for spanking and yelling at my youngest cousin for wetting the bed. Also, she told me about how my rich xtian uncle would force them to do jumping jacks or run around the house one hundred times if they did something even non offensive like forgetting to use a napkin as a bib while eating at the table. I do remember how this aunt and uncle smacked my cousins a lot. One time my aunt whacked their sunburned backs and legs with one of those neon rave necklaces because one cousin wouldn't stop crying because it was past her bed time and she was sunburned from head to toe. Once they did get the CPS called on them because a teacher was concerned about my youngest cousin's aggressive behavior towards other kids at school, but that CPS investigation was dismissed after a few months because my uncle convinced them the reason the youngest was like that was because of her small stature forcing her to defend herself against bigger bullies. Also, I think because they are a well off Christian family in a Christian dominated region of California CPS decided to dismiss the case against them.

 

These days I'm concerned about my oldest cousin's little son as his wife has some mental health issues because of being a veteran of our recent war, and also due to both her and his xtian backgrounds. I wish I lived close to them as on Facebook there's times she has asked for help from her friends on the Army base if she could leave her son with them as she needs time to herself to go to appointments or to destress.

[midniterider]

Everyone needs to spank and dominate a Christian. :-)

[LivingLife]

We expect kids to learn and by trying to break their wills does not work.

 

As a child both my sister and I were abused by our mother verbally, physically, and emotionally.

 

I saw the effect on my sister. i still remember the day we were all walking along, I was only about 10, my sister ahead, and my mother making snide remarks about her to me, and I realised in that moment that my sister's spirit had been broken. She had given up. That was the moment that I decided that no-one was ever going to break my spirit.

 

Since then, many have tried to break me, but none have ever succeeded, because of my decision. Not fundamentalism, not an abusive marriage, not youth homelessness, foster care, bipolar, nothing. But my sister's sprit is still broken, 16 years later. She is still a fundy, too. I know who my sister is. it's not the facade that the world sees, and I haven't seen the real her in so very long.

 

My mother set out to break our wills. She succeeded with my sister, but failed royally with me. I am my biological mother's greatest frustration. She has broken the will of so many others, but not me.

I was royally whipped as a youngster b/c I was so strong willed. My dad often went overkill and lost his rag. I got over it. I endured corpereal punishment at school and it did me no harm. The spankings my kids got was very mild by comparison but I could have done that differently too.

 

In all my life here in Africa, I have never seen a black man or woman hit a black child. I have however seen many white folk wack their kids in public at malls.

[Realist]

I was royally whipped as a youngster b/c I was so strong willed. My dad often went overkill and lost his rag. I got over it. I endured corpereal punishment at school and it did me no harm.

... that was my situation too! The cane and strap were widely used at school. My dad too would lose his rag. His favorite was a leather dog collar strap whipped around the legs ... I remember even one time a branch off a tree! Like you Livinglife I got over it. The funny thing is I found the mental abuse they inflicted with hell fear FAR worse than any physical punishment! It had a far greater effect on my life than the beatings.

[blackpudd1n]

I was royally whipped as a youngster b/c I was so strong willed. My dad often went overkill and lost his rag. I got over it. I endured corpereal punishment at school and it did me no harm. The spankings my kids got was very mild by comparison but I could have done that differently too.

 

We were whacked about the head with the back of our mother's clenched fist. I once ended up with a lesion in my right inner ear as a result. If I ended up on the floor, I'd be kicked, until she'd gotten it all out of her system.

[mymistake]

I was royally whipped as a youngster b/c I was so strong willed. My dad often went overkill and lost his rag. I got over it. I endured corpereal punishment at school and it did me no harm. The spankings my kids got was very mild by comparison but I could have done that differently too.

 

We were whacked about the head with the back of our mother's clenched fist. I once ended up with a lesion in my right inner ear as a result. If I ended up on the floor, I'd be kicked, until she'd gotten it all out of her system.

 

Now that is not spanking! Hope you get over or already got over the abuse you endured.

 

I was only hit on the legs or butt; only with the open hand, belt, wooden spoon or switch. That was spanking. However it left me with problems later in life so I can't argue with those who claim spanking is abuse. But what I went through is nothing compared to what you went through.

[blackpudd1n]

I was royally whipped as a youngster b/c I was so strong willed. My dad often went overkill and lost his rag. I got over it. I endured corpereal punishment at school and it did me no harm. The spankings my kids got was very mild by comparison but I could have done that differently too.

 

We were whacked about the head with the back of our mother's clenched fist. I once ended up with a lesion in my right inner ear as a result. If I ended up on the floor, I'd be kicked, until she'd gotten it all out of her system.

 

Now that is not spanking! Hope you get over or already got over the abuse you endured.

 

I was only hit on the legs or butt; only with the open hand, belt, wooden spoon or switch. That was spanking. However it left me with problems later in life so I can't argue with those who claim spanking is abuse. But what I went through is nothing compared to what you went through.

 

My general way of dealing with it is to not talk about it, not think about it. A lot of people just don't believe me, or think I am exaggerating.

 

When I was collecting evidence for my dispute with the insurance company, to prove I did not have bipolar prior to getting the loan, and was suffering from reactive depression as a teenager due to my home life, the test results showing the lesion came up. When my mental health nurse saw the test results, she knew I wasn't joking about the abuse. My biological mother was right-handed, and the lesion was in my right ear.

 

It was another factor in why I decided not to have children. The emotional strain of wondering if I had damaged my child day-in, day-out, would just be too much for me, and I don't think any amount of counselling could ever take away that fear. When combined with the bipolar, I knew I just wouldn't be able to do it. It wouldn't be good for either myself or the child.

 

There are some things I don't think we can ever fully move on from, we just learn to live with them and work around them. I think it's better to be aware of your capabilities and make decisions that way then just believe everything will work out. Things don't always work out.

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

Instead of the good ol'-fashioned rod, I got the belt anytime I was "out of line". Other things were used as well at times, but growing up it was usually the belt. I learned to not get caught and that violence was the answer anytime you disagreed with what others were doing. Not everyone learns this I'm sure from it, but the mentality it got me into caused me trouble growing up. Got into fights all the time with my brothers when they'd do something I didn't like, we'd "teach eachother a lesson".

 

This is why I'm not a fan of punishing children, but rather, instead using nonviolent means of discipline. It's far more productive, it actually teaches what you want the child to learn, and doesn't instill in that child a submissive, violent, nor other nonproductive mindset.

[mymistake]

My general way of dealing with it is to not talk about it, not think about it. A lot of people just don't believe me, or think I am exaggerating.

 

I'm glad you found something that works for you. I believe that only you can decide what works best for you. Go and succeed. Continue to heal.

 

It was another factor in why I decided not to have children. The emotional strain of wondering if I had damaged my child day-in, day-out, would just be too much for me, and I don't think any amount of counselling could ever take away that fear.

 

I can respect your choice and I almost made the same choice myself for similar reasons. Let me tell ya, it is stressful because you know kids are suppose to listen to parents because it was drilled into your head that it's suppose to be that way. And it turns out it isn't. The world doesn't seem right. I have to constantly remind myself that the order that existed when I was a kid was because we got beaten so often and cowered in fear. I can understand what is going on intellectually but my emotions don't get it.

[blackpudd1n]

It was another factor in why I decided not to have children. The emotional strain of wondering if I had damaged my child day-in, day-out, would just be too much for me, and I don't think any amount of counselling could ever take away that fear.

 

I can respect your choice and I almost made the same choice myself for similar reasons. Let me tell ya, it is stressful because you know kids are suppose to listen to parents because it was drilled into your head that it's suppose to be that way. And it turns out it isn't. The world doesn't seem right. I have to constantly remind myself that the order that existed when I was a kid was because we got beaten so often and cowered in fear. I can understand what is going on intellectually but my emotions don't get it.

 

That's it exactly. You just can't reconcile the two.

 

I get a little sick and tired of people who go on and on about how you can over come anything and everything. What if there's something you never quite recover from? Does that make you abnormal or a failure? I don't think so. I think it just makes you human, and true peace comes from just acknowledging that and living with it, rather than trying to fight against it all the time and get rid of the thing that you can't overcome. I mean, by all means, see how far you can go in overcoming it, but when you can go no further, I've found just making peace with it and just accepting that it is what it is and you are what you are can actually help the healing process further.

[midniterider]

It was another factor in why I decided not to have children. The emotional strain of wondering if I had damaged my child day-in, day-out, would just be too much for me, and I don't think any amount of counselling could ever take away that fear.

 

I can respect your choice and I almost made the same choice myself for similar reasons. Let me tell ya, it is stressful because you know kids are suppose to listen to parents because it was drilled into your head that it's suppose to be that way. And it turns out it isn't. The world doesn't seem right. I have to constantly remind myself that the order that existed when I was a kid was because we got beaten so often and cowered in fear. I can understand what is going on intellectually but my emotions don't get it.

 

That's it exactly. You just can't reconcile the two.

 

I get a little sick and tired of people who go on and on about how you can over come anything and everything. What if there's something you never quite recover from? Does that make you abnormal or a failure? I don't think so. I think it just makes you human, and true peace comes from just acknowledging that and living with it, rather than trying to fight against it all the time and get rid of the thing that you can't overcome. I mean, by all means, see how far you can go in overcoming it, but when you can go no further, I've found just making peace with it and just accepting that it is what it is and you are what you are can actually help the healing process further.

 

Captain Kirk: Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain! -- http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0001448/quotes

[ConureDelSol]

It was another factor in why I decided not to have children. The emotional strain of wondering if I had damaged my child day-in, day-out, would just be too much for me, and I don't think any amount of counselling could ever take away that fear.

 

I can respect your choice and I almost made the same choice myself for similar reasons. Let me tell ya, it is stressful because you know kids are suppose to listen to parents because it was drilled into your head that it's suppose to be that way. And it turns out it isn't. The world doesn't seem right. I have to constantly remind myself that the order that existed when I was a kid was because we got beaten so often and cowered in fear. I can understand what is going on intellectually but my emotions don't get it.

 

That's it exactly. You just can't reconcile the two.

 

I get a little sick and tired of people who go on and on about how you can over come anything and everything. What if there's something you never quite recover from? Does that make you abnormal or a failure? I don't think so. I think it just makes you human, and true peace comes from just acknowledging that and living with it, rather than trying to fight against it all the time and get rid of the thing that you can't overcome. I mean, by all means, see how far you can go in overcoming it, but when you can go no further, I've found just making peace with it and just accepting that it is what it is and you are what you are can actually help the healing process further.

 

Captain Kirk: Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain! -- http://www.imdb.com/...h0001448/quotes

 

*fangasms*

[badpuppy]

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

Regarding the OP:

 

I went on that site to see what it was about and read the entire article. There was criticism at the bottom and the author's response was "I didn't hit my children, I spanked them." HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT?!

 

Spanking isn't hitting.

Hell is justice.

free will to go to hell is love.

black is white.

Evil is good.

 

Didn't their own holy book say "woe to he who calls good evil and evil good?" And yet, Christians routinely run around calling any good person who doesn't believe the same things they believe "evil" even when they are kind and loving... while calling all sorts of evils "good".

 

It's not quite that simple. Spanking is a special type of hitting. Spanking is done with a limited number of weapons (open hand, belt, wooden spoon, paddle, switch) and to a very limited target, the butt. Hitting that is not spanking covers the complete range of abuse. So yes spanking is bad but spanking also has boundaries. If you want to call spanking a form of child abuse go ahead. But spanking is not wide open. If someone was using a closed fist, a bat, a 2x4, a metal tool then they were not spanking because those fall outside of what is culturally understood for spanking. It they struck the head, mouth, stomach, chest, or neck then they were not spanking.

 

Spanking is still hitting. It doesn't matter that it's a more narrowed definition where it isn't a total free-for-all. It's still hitting. The point was that people like to say spanking isn't hitting at all, like it's it's own special category, but it is hitting no matter how one might wish to sugarcoat it.

[badpuppy]

being spanked with embaressing rituals turned me into a pervert. I'm not being sarcastic or humorous, its the truth. i was turned on by it since childhood.

 

This is the reason I think everyone should choose a different method of discipline. I was also turned on by the childhood spankings and since I was only 4 or 5 I had no idea what these feelings were. I developed a chronic masturbation habit which my parents then spanked me for and my anxiety levels went through the roof. As an adult I developed a spanking fetish which I loathed because it just reminded me of the awful childhood spankings. I finally cut that out of my sex life and I feel that was a healthy decision for me. I want to stress that I was not sexually molested- it was the spankings, and the spanking only, that caused the sexual feelings and the spanking fetish. My family was so strict and conservative, and we were always supposed to be so modest, that to have your father make you bend over his lap without underwear on and then wail on your ass with a belt, paddle, hand, or spoon was just horrifying.

 

The Xtian spanko books on sale today teach parents to spank exactly like this. A book called Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp tells xtian parents that they are sinning if they don't spank. He tells the parents that they have to take the kid's pants or diaper off and spank them until they stop crying and are "sweet." He suggests 9 months as a good age to start.This book was recommended to me by the pastor of my former church when I was pregnant and it was really what finally drove me out of xtianity. Another book is called To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl and it is just brutal. One huge problem I have with spanking and xtianity is that it seems like it's the ONLY form of discipline they approve of. I don't know of anyone who developed a sexual fetish from being put in time-out or having privileges taken away. People are doing damage and not even realizing it. Do you think I ever told my parents any of this? Hell, no! It would embarrass them and burden them with the knowledge that it traumatized me to the degree that it did.

 

I can't see spanking as anything BUT a sexual act. I think it can be a great thing between consenting adults, but I just see it as a form of sexual abuse to do it to a kid. I understand that isn't the motivation of most parents who spank. I certainly dont blame my parents or think they were trying to turn me into a masochist. But, that's the end result of this path as well as the WEIRD sadomasochistic subtext in fundie Christianity. It's like a kink template for later in life. Some people, embrace that as adults and some find it has damaged them. I don't think spanking is appropriate for children. I have a very hardline view of it, maybe more extreme than a lot of people, but what you say here is EXACTLY why I have this view.

 

http://www.nospank.net/sexdngrs.htm

[BrotherJosh]

Once they did get the CPS called on them because a teacher was concerned about my youngest cousin's aggressive behavior towards other kids at school, but that CPS investigation was dismissed after a few months because my uncle convinced them the reason the youngest was like that was because of her small stature forcing her to defend herself against bigger bullies. Also, I think because they are a well off Christian family in a Christian dominated region of California CPS decided to dismiss the case against them.

 

Social services is often an incompetent and idiotic organization...(Ironically, my girlfriend is the psychiatrist for the step father in prison)...