The Love Machine Is Broken

[Margee]

It is a terrible thing that some people are so totally destroyed in their inner person by a bad marriage that they can not risk loving again. Love sure does suck for the sensitive, you tend to love and trust so deeply and when that is violated it kills a part of you. My heart goes out to anyone so destroyed.

 

Thank you for this Galien. The word 'sensitive' sticks out for me.....that's who I am..... and life's hard knocks in the love department have changed me as a person. Lot's of hard knocks have changed me. One of those things was losing my faith in a god would would protect us.

 

How many god-damned times in my life I have been told to not be soooo sensitive?? Somebody wave a magic wand for me and maybe I can go back to my 'innocent' years and start all over...Since that is not going to happen..........

 

I have hardened my heart somewhat but I still try at the same time, to respect all people and their opinions about how they feel. I guess I just don't live in fantasy land anymore....It's probably a good thing for me...

 

Makes me harder but more logical and maybe a little more accepting of human nature because I understand evolution and the 'human' a bit better. We all make mistakes. I've made a ton....Maybe this alone, will soften my heart agian!

[Eugene39]

If love is a spiritual thing that transcends the physical body, then why do I need pills to make me act like a loving person? Pills are just chemicals, acting on other chemicals, and it works. If it wasn't for those pills, I could not tolerate people, and would have to isolate myself completely in order to survive (maybe that's what I was meant to do).

I've been reading Bertrand Russel's "Why I am Not A Christian" and other essays. One point he brings forward time after time is how a chemical imbalance can reduce a very intelligent person to a complete idiot. Science has advanced past what he thought and now realizes that there is there is an unknown "balance" between chemical imbalances and life events which get a person down, to the point that pills don't fix it anymore. There was a great video I watched on the subject a few months ago, but have no idea where I found it.

 

Where is the transcendent Love that sustains the whole universe? Why doesn't it go through me like before? I desperately want it back. Why do others still have it and I don't? Sure, I can fake it. Is everybody else faking it too?

Just looking around me, I see no transcendent Love. The Universe is out to kill us, and I'm surprised that life even exists in the first place. Love doesn't flow through you anymore because you no longer believe it does. I don't think others are faking it - they believe that it exists. Then there is those who think that we are divine beings having a human experience. During a recent spell of bad life events and depression, I found it helpful to realize that the core of who I am as a person was separate from the shit storm going on around me.

 

The only thing "spiritual" that transcends me is life. Not love. Just life. I'm learning to be happy with life, forget about love. It's gone, for now anyway, maybe it will come back later. But right now there is only life. And without love I feel dead.

Besides everything else that goes on in life, it is a terribly rude awakening to discover that there is no Heavenly Father that cares about how many hairs are on your head. Even though there never was, we believed it was so. A person can't "un-see" the truth, but are left with the aftermath of trying to figure out what to do with it. If there is a meaning to life, it is completely obscured from us what it is. The only meaning to life is what we give it, and I'm with you on still trying to determine what that is.

[Margee]

If love is a spiritual thing that transcends the physical body, then why do I need pills to make me act like a loving person? Pills are just chemicals, acting on other chemicals, and it works. If it wasn't for those pills, I could not tolerate people, and would have to isolate myself completely in order to survive (maybe that's what I was meant to do).

I've been reading Bertrand Russel's "Why I am Not A Christian" and other essays. One point he brings forward time after time is how a chemical imbalance can reduce a very intelligent person to a complete idiot. Science has advanced past what he thought and now realizes that there is there is an unknown "balance" between chemical imbalances and life events which get a person down, to the point that pills don't fix it anymore. There was a great video I watched on the subject a few months ago, but have no idea where I found it.

 

Where is the transcendent Love that sustains the whole universe? Why doesn't it go through me like before? I desperately want it back. Why do others still have it and I don't? Sure, I can fake it. Is everybody else faking it too?

Just looking around me, I see no transcendent Love. The Universe is out to kill us, and I'm surprised that life even exists in the first place. Love doesn't flow through you anymore because you no longer believe it does. I don't think others are faking it - they believe that it exists. Then there is those who think that we are divine beings having a human experience. During a recent spell of bad life events and depression, I found it helpful to realize that the core of who I am as a person was separate from the shit storm going on around me.

 

The only thing "spiritual" that transcends me is life. Not love. Just life. I'm learning to be happy with life, forget about love. It's gone, for now anyway, maybe it will come back later. But right now there is only life. And without love I feel dead.

Besides everything else that goes on in life, it is a terribly rude awakening to discover that there is no Heavenly Father that cares about how many hairs are on your head. Even though there never was, we believed it was so. A person can't "un-see" the truth, but are left with the aftermath of trying to figure out what to do with it. If there is a meaning to life, it is completely obscured from us what it is. The only meaning to life is what we give it, and I'm with you on still trying to determine what that is.

 

Brilliant Eugene! 5 star...in my opinion! *****

 

Please look for that video you mentioned for us!!

[stryper]

 

As far as Foxy goes, I felt as free to respond to his uncalled for snide remarks and name-calling. He got what he was asking for. Now he's gone and I'm glad.

 

You're buddhic compassion is overwhelming Deva.

 

Taking pleasure at driving someone away from this board who was beloved by many is an incredible dickish thing to do. In case you hadn't noticed Foxy generally responded very tounge in cheek to just about every post. He also had a tendency toward levity when people were getting a bit to serious bout stuff or themselves.

 

But he choice to leave was his choice despite the reason.

 

Perhaps maybe you should consider that your need to bite back with so much venom with, IMO, little provocation is a direct result of how crappy your life has been lately. I can say that because you have admitted it in other posts. It could very well be that your frustration with life in general is coming out by attacking the very people in the community you are using for support to get through this time.

 

I've generally found that when I get pissed off at someone for what they are doing it's because I am seeing a reflection and I don't like what I see. Perhaps you need to look in the mirror.

[Margee]

You want to play the venom game?

 

Jaded, I only use this reference to try and make a point...not againt you........

 

This 'venom' game. Why would we play this type of game on EX-c when we are suposed to be suporting each other? This whole topic is about 'broken down love'. Why is it that we need to 'spit' back? Doesn't gentleness win at this game of love better than bitterness.....isn't this what we are supposed to be helping each other do?? Why do the wars have to continue, even among friends.

 

I recently had someone on this board who was so nasty to me and i just let it go. (none of you guys) I never even acknowleded a snide remark. Yeah...it hurt, but i really actually liked reading some of his posts. I remained at least respectful.

 

Why can't we learn to love something like this? Trust me, I am NOT GOOD at it...I am just learning.....I can be real fucking nasty bitch myself !! I like striking back also from time to time! It feels so good...but I wonder if it's worth it?

[Deva]

Why do you think caring how other people feel is pity? Have you lived without love for so long that you don't remember what it is to care for the heart of another in a positive way, to want to help heal their hurt? Why do you take everything I say as some kind of attack?

 

OK, I admit I was overly harsh in my response about caring for your opinion. I apologize for that remark.

 

Your posts do often rub me the wrong way. I think it would probably be a good idea if in the future I just don't read them.

[Denyoz]

The only meaning to life is what we give it, and I'm with you on still trying to determine what that is.

 

Thank you Eugene for responding. It is useful to read all kinds of viewpoints.

 

You say: "The only meaning to life is what we give it." I hear this quite often and it doesn't sound quite right to me. What do you mean by "what we give it?" You can't just sit down and decide: "Ok, right now I am going to give meaning to my life. Let's see. What kind of meaning could I give it."

 

Meaning is rooted into belief. And where do you get your beliefs from? You also can't sit down and decide what you're going to believe in.

 

Belief is rooted into experience. You believe what you have experienced, and what you trust someone else has experienced. And you can't sit down and decide what you are going to experience at a deep level.

 

Experience is rooted into day to day life, and is based on the information your senses feed you.

 

So at the end of the day, there is not much choice left for me.

 

I could rewrite my life and re-interprete the whole thing from the beginning, but how much time would that take? Or maybe just re-interprete the main turning-points in my life, that would be easier.

 

I'm just thinking out loud, not sure where I'm going with this. I guess reading helps, and talking about it.

[Deva]

You're buddhic compassion is overwhelming Deva.

 

I knew someone would go so low as to take that kind of a shot at me. That is an incredibly unkind and stupid thing to say. Please notice that I did apologize to Gailen later in this thread. I think you should do the same, and apologize to me, but I'm not holding my breath. I never had any problem with you Stryper, but now that you have shown yourself so ready to jump in and beat up on me, I have a problem with you now.

 

As for Foxy, I wasn't aware that I was the reason he left this forum. He called me a name, but then again I suppose you approve of that sort of behavior.

 

I see that maybe this forum is not as safe a place to vent about one's personal life circumstances as I once thought it was, since now the details of my struggles with employment, etc.. are being used against me. Everyone should observe what is happening here.

 

Save your psychoanalaysis for yourself.

[Eugene39]

You guys are in luck - here's the video. I have depression on both sides of my family, plus the messed up version of Christianity that I was raised in, didn't do me any good either. So there were definitely parts of the video which made some lights come on for me.

 

 

I see depression as one of the side effects of living too long. Back when people died much younger and each day was a fight to stay alive, we didn't have opportunity to ruminate about life. If it weren't for medicine, eleven or twelve years old would have been as far as I'd made it because of blood poisoning I got from a cut in my foot. My first episode with depression occurred when I was around 15 or so and has continued in waves of varying intensity up to the present. Had I died from the blood poisoning, it probably would have been the best, since things have been rather messed up at points since then.

 

In regards to a person having to provide their own meaning to life, here's how I've dealt with it. For me, it is imperative to have a reason to go forward. In the winter, I have on occasions done a daily count-down for the arrival of spring. For more on this, you can read this. http://www.ex-christian.net/blog/150/entry-577-winter-time-blues/ Be sure to check out Saner's comments. Moving on, during periods of marital difficulties, I have decided to stay with it because the boys need me, while keeping an eye on a possible end date when my youngest turns 18. I have cats and chickens that need me to care for them. I have found it to be very uplifting to have an animal that is happy that I've returned home from work. Should my marriage end, I probably wouldn't have my cats and chickens anymore and have purposefully kept some N-gauge train gear, because I would need something to do. The end of each day I write down the high and low temperatures and the amount of any precipitation because I do monthly records and have been doing so since early 1999. This weather hobby has stirred an interest in climatology. There is no reason for me to do any of this stuff to make anyone else happy, but it provides meaning for me and gives me a reason to keep going. I'm a truck driver and any dumb ass could do the job I do. I realize that while I'm completely replaceable and no one would miss me within a couple of weeks, I am a spoke in the wheel that does provide fulfillment to others when they are happy with the products that the company I work for supplies to them.

 

I don't know you and obviously how you would work out your own meaning to life would very likely be different from how I've done it for myself. I've simply given you personal examples - because that's all I know.

 

Is this concidence or what? My absolutely most favorite depression song just played on the radio. Now I feel like crying.

 

 

Now by way of trying to cheer up. This is my 666th post! So tonight, I dine on black cats and babies!

 

Eugene

[Margee]

I see depression as one of the side effects of living too long. Back when people died much younger and each day was a fight to stay alive, we didn't have opportunity to ruminate about life. If it weren't for medicine, eleven or twelve years old would have been as far as I'd made it because of blood poisoning I got from a cut in my foot. My first episode with depression occurred when I was around 15 or so and has continued in waves of varying intensity up to the present. Had I died from the blood poisoning, it probably would have been the best, since things have been rather messed up at points since then.

 

In regards to a person having to provide their own meaning to life, here's how I've dealt with it. For me, it is imperative to have a reason to go forward. In the winter, I have on occasions done a daily count-down for the arrival of spring. For more on this, you can read this. http://www.ex-christ...ter-time-blues/ Be sure to check out Saner's comments. Moving on, during periods of marital difficulties, I have decided to stay with it because the boys need me, while keeping an eye on a possible end date when my youngest turns 18. I have cats and chickens that need me to care for them. I have found it to be very uplifting to have an animal that is happy that I've returned home from work. Should my marriage end, I probably wouldn't have my cats and chickens anymore and have purposefully kept some N-gauge train gear, because I would need something to do. The end of each day I write down the high and low temperatures and the amount of any precipitation because I do monthly records and have been doing so since early 1999. This weather hobby has stirred an interest in climatology. There is no reason for me to do any of this stuff to make anyone else happy, but it provides meaning for me and gives me a reason to keep going. I'm a truck driver and any dumb ass could do the job I do. I realize that while I'm completely replaceable and no one would miss me within a couple of weeks, I am a spoke in the wheel that does provide fulfillment to others when they are happy with the products that the company I work for supplies to them.

 

 

Now by way of trying to cheer up. This is my 666th post! So tonight, I dine on black cats and babies!

 

Eugene

 

Eugene.... this is awesome what you said! Another 5 stars on your 666 post!! *****

 

You are right on the friggin' nose for me today!! thank you for sharing this!!

 

I needed to hear this today..... Excellent!!

P.S. thank you for the video.....tonight's entertainment!! (I watched it before, but i want to re-watch it)

[Margee]

Meaning is rooted into belief.

 

 

I'm just thinking out loud, not sure where I'm going with this. I guess reading helps, and talking about it.

 

Deny, I am going through some shit right now and quite down in the dumps about it. That's why I love following this thread. I also, am trying to bring my whole life's experiences...good and bad together.... and create the concept of 'acceptance'. Acceptance is the concept that I am using for me... it is the only way I know how to make sense of anything at all. I am an atheist. I do not believe in any other 'spiritual' paths. (I do not put other's down that do - I acuately envy them!)

 

I have learned just a little about evolution and how man came about... And how man tries to survive. All the shit he gets into, trying to play the game of life. I look at some of the choices I made years ago and I see where they have had detrimental consequences now. Because I have accepted my 'humaness,' I have forgiven myself and tried to learn from the so - called lessons from it.

 

What I am tryin' to say is that I am accepting life as it is...That is my 'meaning' and it's got nothing to do with belief......I don't like alot of it, matter of fact, i hate it sometimes......but I get up every morning and do everything under the sun to force myself to try to have a good day. It dosen't always work, but it's getting better. Today, I feel better than I did yesterday. Yesterday, I could have hung a rope somewhere and......!!

 

Today, I am at 'aceptance' again, and I am looking for solutions to some of the things in my life I must tackcle.

I'm just thinking out loud too.......might not make any sense at all...........

[Eugene39]

My bad. You mentioned beliefs, experience, etc. and I forgot to give my 2 cents as if it's important. My uncle (also a former fundy) and I have discussed this at length. He's had many more years to think about it than I have, so maybe that's part of it, but we have reached entirely different conclusions. I'll give you both of them for some food for thought. He will readily tell you that he has no proof for God but chooses to believe there is a Loving Force in the universe. His logic is that the cycle of life depends completely on the death of other things so life can continue. To him, nature is such a dark and ugly place of death that certainly there has to be an existence of Love somewhere. He tends to view the good things that have happened in his life as "gifts" from Life and Love, or God, a separate entity. On the other hand, I tend to be more pantheistic in that I do not believe in a God separate from creation, but find nature to be something to connect with on a spiritual level. To me, if there is an existence of the supernatural, it exists on a molecular level and in "yin yang" form. For example, it is incredibly amazing that two cells can join together and the DNA will create another person, yet also in the DNA flaws exist that if the person lives long enough, the flaws may be what kills the person, according to the interesting research that is going on now. Obviously, this view of "God" can't be proven either, but it works for me as some type of an explanation for Mystery. As far as a system of belief to live by, there is value in living by some of the wisdom that Jesus supposedly taught. Christianity has belief and proof jumbled together into a gigantic mess. I see no way of ever calling myself a Christian again, but might someday label myself as an atheistic (pantheistic) follower of Jesus. I have had all kinds of trouble with trying to break free of the mindset of Christianity's black and white demand for solid proof. Hopefully, some day, I'll be able to draw on what resonates with me, no matter what "system of belief".

[Denyoz]

Eugene39, thank you so much for your contribution to this thread. Your last post reminds me of a short video I saw last year, which actually gives me hope! (Yes I'm being positive now). Margee, watch, you might like this. And lunaticheathen, this actually confirms what you have been saying. I love this video. Only 3½ minutes, well worth it.

 

[Margee]

I love this video. Only 3½ minutes, well worth it.

 

I don't think that I have ever heard that explained so well!! I know a little of this concept! I want to know more!!!

I want that 'hope' that we are energy and light and that this energy and light has a 'purpose'.........If I knew for sure that there was a PURPOSE.....my depressing days would not be as depressing!!!!!!!!!!!! I want that book........i want his website..i want more of his you tubes..... more, more. more.....Margee is hungry today for information..........

[Margee]

I love this video. Only 3½ minutes, well worth it.

 

I don't think that I have ever heard that explained so well!! I know a little of this concept! I want to know more!!!

I want that 'hope' that we are energy and light and that this energy and light has a 'purpose'.........If I knew for sure that there was a PURPOSE.....my depressing days would not be as depressing!!!!!!!!!!!! I want that book........i want his website..i want more of his you tubes..... more, more. more.....Margee is hungry today for information..........

 

This is the bestest thread ever!!! Mania mood kicking in!!

[Margee]

I don't mean at all to derail the topic, but I just found a whole page of James Traitz youtubes! For anyone interested in this issue of matter, light, energy.......

 

http://www.youtube.c...er/JamesJTraitz

[midniterider]

Oh Margee, I wasn't finished. I've just written the most ugly post of all, and now you interrupt with loving words, and my whole angry rambling will only look like a farce!

 

Well here it is anyway, then after we can talk about love:

 

- - - - - - - - - - -

 

If love is a spiritual thing that transcends the physical body, then why do I need pills to make me act like a loving person? Pills are just chemicals, acting on other chemicals, and it works. If it wasn't for those pills, I could not tolerate people, and would have to isolate myself completely in order to survive (maybe that's what I was meant to do).

 

Where is the transcendent Love that sustains the whole universe? Why doesn't it go through me like before? I desperately want it back. Why do others still have it and I don't? Sure, I can fake it. Is everybody else faking it too?

 

The only thing "spiritual" that transcends me is life. Not love. Just life. I'm learning to be happy with life, forget about love. It's gone, for now anyway, maybe it will come back later. But right now there is only life. And without love I feel dead. So I'm a living dead demon zombie. You should all be very afraid of me. If I bite you will turn into a zombie too. Or is this just a vampire thing? No I'm pretty sure zombies have it too.

 

So, enjoy being a zombie for a while. My life has had some low points and I just zombied along at times till 'it' got better. Medications and illnesses notwithstanding, life is pretty much what you say it is. If you tell yourself how rotten life is then your life is rotten. Ecstasy is not my average waking state, but still I can find beauty and enjoyment in my interaction with people and nature. Look for the good things in life. Create good things in your life. :-)

[stryper]

You're buddhic compassion is overwhelming Deva.

 

I knew someone would go so low as to take that kind of a shot at me. That is an incredibly unkind and stupid thing to say. Please notice that I did apologize to Gailen later in this thread. I think you should do the same, and apologize to me, but I'm not holding my breath. I never had any problem with you Stryper, but now that you have shown yourself so ready to jump in and beat up on me, I have a problem with you now.

 

As for Foxy, I wasn't aware that I was the reason he left this forum. He called me a name, but then again I suppose you approve of that sort of behavior.

 

I see that maybe this forum is not as safe a place to vent about one's personal life circumstances as I once thought it was, since now the details of my struggles with employment, etc.. are being used against me. Everyone should observe what is happening here.

 

Save your psychoanalaysis for yourself.

 

If you knew that someone would take a shot like that, then you also knew you were acting in a manner that is contrary to your ideals. My words were chosen to be cutting and therefore were unkind. However, they are still true to your actions.

 

If you choose to have a problem with me, then that is your choice. Just as I chose to point out in this harsh manner how you are not acting within what you profess to believe. I would do the same to any Christian, Muslim, Zoroasterism, HIndu, etc.

 

Everyone slips up from time to time. Yet I chose to point this out now because of the above mention fight with Foxy, the fact that the first post you made in one that Legion started was questioning his motivation for the topic when everyone else was taking it at face value, and this seeming inability to stop rising to Gailen's comments. So this seems to me to be an on going problem.

 

I also chose to point it out because this was not the Deva I remember from when I first joined this board. I remember reading your early posts and feeling that you were doing your best to practice what you professed. Then it started to change and the only correlation I could make was the unexpected job loss. Thus, the reason for my comment.

 

I have saved my psychotic analysis for my self. I have for over 15 years. I do still slip up. There is a post on here where I got into it with Nuomena and said some harsh things. The thread was closed before I could publicly apologize to her. So I did so through a PM. Since that time I have simply avoided her posts, to avoid a similar situation happening. I did that because I realized that was not the kind of person I wanted to be. Based on my previous impressions of earlier posts from you, I don't feel that you wish to be viewed as an uncompassionate Buddhist.

 

My words could have been chosen differently. They would not have made the same impact. By wording it in that way, it was direct and brutally honest. Kind it was not.

 

I do respect you Deva. That is why I chose to point out what I was seeing to you. Yes I did notice the apology. You will also notice that my post was posted 45 minutes before your apology. Therefore, it was made based on the information at hand. Had the situation been reversed, I probably wouldn't have even made the post.

 

View this post how you will. It was done to jar you into looking at your actions. If I didn't respect you, I wouldn't have pointed it out.

[Margee]

Eugene39, thank you so much for your contribution to this thread. Your last post reminds me of a short video I saw last year, which actually gives me hope! (Yes I'm being positive now). Margee, watch, you might like this. And lunaticheathen, this actually confirms what you have been saying. I love this video. Only 3½ minutes, well worth it.

 

 

Watch this one!!!! My gawd.....I could be a co-creator...Maybe there is 'hope' after all!! A 'concept for me to have hope in!!

[Denyoz]

I don't think that I have ever heard that explained so well!! I know a little of this concept! I want to know more!!!

I want that 'hope' that we are energy and light and that this energy and light has a 'purpose',

 

Interesting topic isn't it Margee. I'm glad you liked it. Now don't get all excited, this whole thing might not lead to much. But it looks like there is some kind of scientific proof that matter is much more ethereal than we think. Living Energy is an interesting concept. Is this what religion calls Spirit? It gives me some hope that maybe I am spirit after all, and there is much more Life in me than I think, maybe even eternal life!

[Deva]

[if you knew that someone would take a shot like that, then you also knew you were acting in a manner that is contrary to your ideals. My words were chosen to be cutting and therefore were unkind. However, they are still true to your actions.

 

You think you are qualified to determine this how? I needn't explain myself to you, Mr. High and Mighty. How dare you accuse me of hypocrisy! I only said that "I knew someone would take a shot" because I have been on this forum long enough to know there are some people who don't like me (far longer than you have been here). You were formerly not one of them.

 

Again, who do you think you are?! Self-appointed policeman of Buddhist morals? LET ME SEE YOUR CREDENTIALS.

 

Everyone slips up from time to time. Yet I chose to point this out now because of the above mention fight with Foxy, the fact that the first post you made in one that Legion started was questioning his motivation for the topic when everyone else was taking it at face value, and this seeming inability to stop rising to Gailen's comments. So this seems to me to be an on going problem.

 

Too fucking bad. I did not bring up Foxy and now you are going to drag in Leigon. I don't care whether you like the way I choose to respond to people. I explained why I am no longer going to read Gailen's posts, but evidently that did not satisfy you.

 

You are not my boss or my Buddhist teacher. Get off your high horse.

[Eugene39]

Eugene39, thank you so much for your contribution to this thread. Your last post reminds me of a short video I saw last year, which actually gives me hope! (Yes I'm being positive now).

 

You're welcome. When a person's belief system collapses, it's definitely hell on earth, and sometimes it takes quite a while to settle down and find something else that works that doesn't force belief in myth and dogma. Eventually, you'll settle into something that you find fits you. I can't tell you what your favorite color must be, what type of ice cream is your favorite - neither can I tell you what system of philosophy makes you a person comfortable in your own skin and a better person.

[Ro-bear]

Let's be honest with each other. We have made a god out of Love. But that god does not exist any more than the Christian god. Look around you and look inside, it's easy to see that what we call love is just a dance we do to manipulate each other, to induce pleasurable feelings in one another in order to get what we want. Love, as we understand it, is nothing. The feeling of love is a chemical reaction, part of the brain's reward system. Love is not a god, and it's not a spiritual entity either. Love is not real. And unconditional love is even more unreal.

 

And I'm not some isolated freak who lives in the woods. I'm a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a brother-in-law, a cousin, an uncle, a neighbour, a fully integrated member of society who maintains multiple effective relationships with dozens if not hundreds of other human beings. If I have learned one thing in this life, it's this: love is not real. What we call "love" is a complex game of reward that we play subtly and often unconsciously.

 

Just because you no longer feel it does not mean it does not exist. Love is no less real for being the result of hormones and chemicals and neurons a-firing. Those same things cause boners, and boners are real--even when you don't have them anymore.

[Galien]

When my belief system collapsed, so did my faith in EVERYTHING. I didn't realise until much later that it had been collapsing for a long time. We are taught a lot of things, from a lot of places. I realised a lot of conventional wisdom is bullshit anyway and did nothing to help me deal with shitstorm after shitstorm that my life has been. I have in some way desocialised myself and made up my own mind.

 

I am a believer in the truth of the matter, and I can no longer pretend things. I don't want to and I won't. I find the further I distance myself from the bullshit and "meanings" for life I have been taught generated from other people's minds the less depressed I am. The more I realise that meanings are mine to decide the better my life has become.

 

For some reason I have never been able to harden my heart, that is both a good and a bad thing. Renders me very vulnerable, but at the same time it does not stop me from considereing the reasons behind why other people do what they do. We all struggle to survive in our own way. I find that struggle much easier when we support each other.

[stryper]

[if you knew that someone would take a shot like that, then you also knew you were acting in a manner that is contrary to your ideals. My words were chosen to be cutting and therefore were unkind. However, they are still true to your actions.

 

You think you are qualified to determine this how? I needn't explain myself to you, Mr. High and Mighty. How dare you accuse me of hypocrisy! I only said that "I knew someone would take a shot" because I have been on this forum long enough to know there are some people who don't like me (far longer than you have been here). You were formerly not one of them.

 

Again, who do you think you are?! Self-appointed policeman of Buddhist morals? LET ME SEE YOUR CREDENTIALS.

 

Everyone slips up from time to time. Yet I chose to point this out now because of the above mention fight with Foxy, the fact that the first post you made in one that Legion started was questioning his motivation for the topic when everyone else was taking it at face value, and this seeming inability to stop rising to Gailen's comments. So this seems to me to be an on going problem.

 

Too fucking bad. I did not bring up Foxy and now you are going to drag in Leigon. I don't care whether you like the way I choose to respond to people. I explained why I am no longer going to read Gailen's posts, but evidently that did not satisfy you.

 

You are not my boss or my Buddhist teacher. Get off your high horse.

 

Thank you for proving a point.