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Stupid Things Fundies Say Or Do To Bring Others Back Into The Fold


VeryBerry
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Since I deconverted from Christianity I have been tight-lipped about my new beliefs. My family members are aware of the fact that I don't attend church services anymore. I choose not to debate with my fundy friends and family members to keep my sanity. In addition, most of them just know that I abhor organized religions, especially Christian denominations. Sometimes, my family members or friends would say or do something stupid to convince me to renew my personal relationship with Jesus. Let me give you a few examples:

 

Example 1: My cousin from Arizona was staying over my house this past weekend. Every time he visits me, he tries his best to reconvert me. However, last Sunday, he said and did something stupid that's worthy of a post. On Sunday night, after having dinner, my cousin asked if he could watch Sunday Best on BET (a christian singing competition show) hosted by Kirk Franklin, I reluctantly agreed to watch it with him. The whole show was dedicated to Andrae Crouch "the father of Gospel music". While two young men were giving a rendition of " We Are Not Ashamed," my cousin burst out singing with his eyes closed and both hands raised. He stopped in between lines to ask me, " Don't you miss it?" I couldn't help but laugh at his silliness. He continued singing and then claimed, " This song should convince you to go back to God." He added " My worship alone should give you nostalgia for the church." I must admit that I laughed in his face. How the fuck can someone's worship bring me back to God?

 

Example 2: My mom decided to read her bible and devotional in front of me a few times to see if I would feel bad for leaving God. She admitted to me that she will continue to lead by example (she considers herself the spiritual leader of our family). I was tempted to tell her that reading the bible was the primary reason why I jettisoned Christianity.

 

Example 3: In the early phases of my deconversion, I was really angry. I had a discussion with the same cousin mentioned in example 1 about the failed promises of the bible. I challenged him to explain the following promise that Jesus made regarding his second coming: " Verily I say unto you, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till the see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." I told him that all of Jesus' contemporaries have died which shows that the promise he made was false. My cousin replied that if the bible says it, then it is true. He added that there have to be people from Jesus' time who are still living today just like the bible said. I laughed so hard that day that I cried. I asked him to please introduce me to the over 2,000 year old folks who are still waiting for the return of Jesus. His defense was that there is a guy at his church who is better equipped to answer my questions. Mind you, my cousin is highly educated. I have no more words to explain this one, but I am still laughing.

 

 

Can you please share your experiences. I would love to know the tactics that your family and friends have employed to bring you back into the fold.

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I explained my atheism to a person once, no matter what i said they refused to stop believing in the spiritual, deliberate close mindedness.

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One (idiot baptist then-)friend tried to get me to read the "Left Behind" books, saying they were "sort-of science fiction." I read the inside flap in the store, slammed the book down, called him, and told him if he valued our friendship in the slightest, he would not pull dirty lying tricks like that on me again, I'm not an idiot because I'm pagan, and there was no amount of trashy stupid christian fiction he could shove at me to get me to change my mind.

 

He didn't talk to me after that for years, until he had a psychotic break and showed up in New Orleans at 4am. Oh yeah. Fun stuff.

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

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One (idiot baptist then-)friend tried to get me to read the "Left Behind" books, saying they were "sort-of science fiction." I read the inside flap in the store, slammed the book down, called him, and told him if he valued our friendship in the slightest, he would not pull dirty lying tricks like that on me again, I'm not an idiot because I'm pagan, and there was no amount of trashy stupid christian fiction he could shove at me to get me to change my mind.

 

He didn't talk to me after that for years, until he had a psychotic break and showed up in New Orleans at 4am. Oh yeah. Fun stuff.

 

I read the entire series and the prequels. There were only two i liked in the whole 15 books, and that was reading them as a Christian. I like the one about the ANti-Christ's childhood and the one called "desecration." Those books are terrible, they're boring and for an end of the world novel, no one kills anyone.

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There are 15 now??? Good gods! This was years ago, and I think there were 3 or 4.

 

Did they eat a truck of alphabet soup and shit onto paper?

 

...Nah, it might have come out better.

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There are 15 now??? Good gods! This was years ago, and I think there were 3 or 4.

 

Did they eat a truck of alphabet soup and shit onto paper?

 

...Nah, it might have come out better.

 

Monkeys with typewriters.

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Since I deconverted from Christianity I have been tight-lipped about my new beliefs. My family members are aware of the fact that I don't attend church services anymore. I choose not to debate with my fundy friends and family members to keep my sanity. In addition, most of them just know that I abhor organized religions, especially Christian denominations. Sometimes, my family members or friends would say or do something stupid to convince me to renew my personal relationship with Jesus. Let me give you a few examples:

 

Example 1: My cousin from Arizona was staying over my house this past weekend. Every time he visits me, he tries his best to reconvert me. However, last Sunday, he said and did something stupid that's worthy of a post. On Sunday night, after having dinner, my cousin asked if he could watch Sunday Best on BET (a christian singing competition show) hosted by Kirk Franklin, I reluctantly agreed to watch it with him. The whole show was dedicated to Andrae Crouch "the father of Gospel music". While two young men were giving a rendition of " We Are Not Ashamed," my cousin burst out singing with his eyes closed and both hands raised. He stopped in between lines to ask me, " Don't you miss it?" I couldn't help but laugh at his silliness. He continued singing and then claimed, " This song should convince you to go back to God." He added " My worship alone should give you nostalgia for the church." I must admit that I laughed in his face. How the fuck can someone's worship bring me back to God?

 

Example 2: My mom decided to read her bible and devotional in front of me a few times to see if I would feel bad for leaving God. She admitted to me that she will continue to lead by example (she considers herself the spiritual leader of our family). I was tempted to tell her that reading the bible was the primary reason why I jettisoned Christianity.

 

Example 3: In the early phases of my deconversion, I was really angry. I had a discussion with the same cousin mentioned in example 1 about the failed promises of the bible. I challenged him to explain the following promise that Jesus made regarding his second coming: " Verily I say unto you, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till the see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." I told him that all of Jesus' contemporaries have died which shows that the promise he made was false. My cousin replied that if the bible says it, then it is true. He added that there have to be people from Jesus' time who are still living today just like the bible said. I laughed so hard that day that I cried. I asked him to please introduce me to the over 2,000 year old folks who are still waiting for the return of Jesus. His defense was that there is a guy at his church who is better equipped to answer my questions. Mind you, my cousin is highly educated. I have no more words to explain this one, but I am still laughing.

 

 

Can you please share your experiences. I would love to know the tactics that your family and friends have employed to bring you back into the fold.

 

I am not 100 percent unbeleiving, I do think there is something out there. That being said, fundy christianity is not the answer and as of now, I have basically hinted or said to christians, "stay the fuck away from me" except for one. Also, when discussing anything with me, I want facts, not touchy feely shit.

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Your wife has a lot in common with my mother. Is your wife Pentecostal? When I was in the Pentecostal church, I was taught to fill the air with praise and worship music to push demons away or to defeat them. Perhaps your wife is trying to defeat the demons in your head that caused you to abandon God.

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One of my dear friends is a devout Christian and a really good person. But her style of belief is very simple (the opposite of my "prove it" approach). She no longer actively proselytizes me, but she likes to drop little "oh wow" items into her conversation to show me how wondrous the bible and Christianity are. She's hoping I'll hear one of these, go "OH WOW that's so fantastic!" and just belieeeeeeve.

 

Her sister had cancer, which went into remission. What brought that about? "Her cancer went away because she believes like I do." (The cancer is now back and much worse and OMG, I have to bite my rude and terrible tongue to avoid asking, "So, she must've quit believing in Jesus, eh?")

 

Her son is a lifelong career criminal and drug addict. But she's terribly pleased that, "He's introducing the bible to his cellmate, who has never met Jesus." I am supposed to marvel at the power of god to reach into the darkest places -- and to totally ignore the fact that said son has been a Christian through his entire criminal career.

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Your wife has a lot in common with my mother. Is your wife Pentecostal? When I was in the Pentecostal church, I was taught to fill the air with praise and worship music to push demons away or to defeat them. Perhaps your wife is trying to defeat the demons in your head that caused you to abandon God.

 

Close!

 

She's technically Assembly of God, but thats only because we compromised. She was raised Catholic, and just attended a Charasmatic Catholic weekend seminar thingy. So now shes all full of the holy spook and fighting off demons and shit.

 

eek.gifeek.gifeek.giftrt19ROFLPIMP.giftrt19ROFLPIMP.gifWendyDoh.gifWendyDoh.gif

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Your wife has a lot in common with my mother. Is your wife Pentecostal? When I was in the Pentecostal church, I was taught to fill the air with praise and worship music to push demons away or to defeat them. Perhaps your wife is trying to defeat the demons in your head that caused you to abandon God.

 

Close!

 

She's technically Assembly of God, but thats only because we compromised. She was raised Catholic, and just attended a Charasmatic Catholic weekend seminar thingy. So now shes all full of the holy spook and fighting off demons and shit.

 

eek.gifeek.gifeek.giftrt19ROFLPIMP.giftrt19ROFLPIMP.gifWendyDoh.gifWendyDoh.gif

 

careful she may start sexual withholding until the spirit moves you to believe again.

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Anytime someone uses Pascal's Wager.... I imagine that even makes other christians facepalm.

 

Yeah. OMFG, Pascal's Wager! What's worse is that the person pulling that one out of his ... hat is invariably sooooo smug. The Wager crowd always act as if they've just laid down the trump card of all trump cards, the one argument that no one can possibly counter. They're so intellectually lazy they have no idea either how damn common or how thoroughly debunked that argument is. And they're soooooo proud of themselves.

 

The Dunning-Kruger effect at work once again. http://new.exchristian.net/2012/07/ignorance-begets-confidence-dunning.html

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VeryBerry... I couldn't stop laughing when I pictured your cousin singing along in all sincerity. Hilarious! Next time he visits, whip out a video recorder! smile.png

 

My mom is not good at debating so things don't come up much... but for a while when I would go visit them I'd find religious-inspired newspaper clippings by my bedside table. One day, when the family was gone I took a couple of their church magazines and wrote all through them, from debating the arguments to making snide comments. (example: Article: "Our God is out of this world." My comment: "Literally!! So let's get to reality!) I put the magazines back on the pile and the next time I went home to visit they expressed their annoyance and we agreed to not do underhanded stuff like that anymore.

 

My dad likes to use the "what's the purpose of life" kind of arguments. Our debates escalate into shouting matches pretty quickly sometimes. The last one we had (a while ago), went like this:

 

Dad: WELL WHAT DO YOU LOOK FORWARD TO THEN?!?!

Me: TOMORROW!!!

Dad: I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!

Me: I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!!

 

Stomp stomp stomp. Dad leaves.

Lol. We're friends again.

The one really annoying thing they still do is pray at the beginning of every meal (that's fine), but they always pray "for the sinner who willfully stops going to church, please bring them back to You." I just roll my eyes.

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Got some earbuds and an mp3 player? :-) Start humming "highway to hell..."

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My favorite that I have heard several times from family is

 

You'll come back.

 

You know how to dress then when you see them next time...

 

tOzKPtx_terminator_ii_arnie_846878p.jpg?bc

There are 15 now??? Good gods! This was years ago, and I think there were 3 or 4.

 

Did they eat a truck of alphabet soup and shit onto paper?...

 

*sigh* another keyboard ruined, and another dent in my skull from falling off my chair laughing :lmao:

 

Monkeys with typewriters.

 

Get out of my head dammit! I was just about to reply the same! :crazy:

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Your wife has a lot in common with my mother. Is your wife Pentecostal? When I was in the Pentecostal church, I was taught to fill the air with praise and worship music to push demons away or to defeat them. Perhaps your wife is trying to defeat the demons in your head that caused you to abandon God.

 

Close!

 

She's technically Assembly of God, but thats only because we compromised. She was raised Catholic, and just attended a Charasmatic Catholic weekend seminar thingy. So now shes all full of the holy spook and fighting off demons and shit.

 

eek.gifeek.gifeek.giftrt19ROFLPIMP.giftrt19ROFLPIMP.gifWendyDoh.gifWendyDoh.gif

 

careful she may start sexual withholding until the spirit moves you to believe again.

 

she did enough of that the first 5 years of our marriage. Now situation's reversed. so the jokes on her.

 

bwahahahahahaaha

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My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Got some earbuds and an mp3 player? :-) Start humming "highway to hell..."

 

She was listening to a religious book on cd on a recent trip, with me riding shotgun, so i started perusing Ex-C and reading a Loftus book. zDuivel7.gif

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My favorite that I have heard several times from family is

 

You'll come back.

 

You know how to dress then when you see them next time...

 

tOzKPtx_terminator_ii_arnie_846878p.jpg?bc

There are 15 now??? Good gods! This was years ago, and I think there were 3 or 4.

 

Did they eat a truck of alphabet soup and shit onto paper?...

 

*sigh* another keyboard ruined, and another dent in my skull from falling off my chair laughing lmao_99.gif

 

Monkeys with typewriters.

 

Get out of my head dammit! I was just about to reply the same! Wendycrazy.gif

 

 

My dad said this to me TODAY. "Youll be back in five years". "Where do you think all this came from?"

 

It came about because he referenced Lennon's "Imagine" song and said "well he made a mistake, we can imagine where he is now" almost gleefully.

 

I said, "judge not, lest ye be judged". Then he asked if i believed H&H were real. "Ive never seen either" I said. "Well, have you seen Japan? How do you know its there?"

 

"Ive seen video, and Japanese people. Ive never seen video of heaven or Hellianese people"

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I went to a funeral/sermon today. It's always bugged me, even as a Xian, how they would preach at funerals, and say things like 'we have hoooope in Jeeeesuuusss". It's attacking those who feel vunerable or lost, and instead of being about the person, you get to hear 2 hours of JEEZUS and HEYVAN and "We will see him again, unlike those filthy stinkin nonbelievers!"

 

But then again, that's how they get ya! Scoop you up when your down! Fucking sharks...

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I went to a funeral/sermon today. It's always bugged me, even as a Xian, how they would preach at funerals, and say things like 'we have hoooope in Jeeeesuuusss". It's attacking those who feel vunerable or lost, and instead of being about the person, you get to hear 2 hours of JEEZUS and HEYVAN and "We will see him again, unlike those filthy stinkin nonbelievers!"

 

But then again, that's how they get ya! Scoop you up when your down! Fucking sharks...

 

I told my parents that they're not allowed to have anything religious at my funeral... and went a step further and requested that they hire professional mourners to dramatically sob and wail.

 

After my extended family went nuts on me for leaving the church, I requested (of my parents) that if I die and they have to look after my funeral, that my extended family not be invited, and that if they crash it and say anything religious and or nice about me (which would be hypocritical, cause they have nothing nice to say now), that the professional mourners pull out foam bats and beat them.

My mom actually laughed and told me I'd have to plan this myself. Thinking I may have to fake my death so I can watch...

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I went to a funeral/sermon today. It's always bugged me, even as a Xian, how they would preach at funerals, and say things like 'we have hoooope in Jeeeesuuusss". It's attacking those who feel vunerable or lost, and instead of being about the person, you get to hear 2 hours of JEEZUS and HEYVAN and "We will see him again, unlike those filthy stinkin nonbelievers!"

 

But then again, that's how they get ya! Scoop you up when your down! Fucking sharks...

 

I told my parents that they're not allowed to have anything religious at my funeral... and went a step further and requested that they hire professional mourners to dramatically sob and wail.

 

After my extended family went nuts on me for leaving the church, I requested (of my parents) that if I die and they have to look after my funeral, that my extended family not be invited, and that if they crash it and say anything religious and or nice about me (which would be hypocritical, cause they have nothing nice to say now), that the professional mourners pull out foam bats and beat them.

My mom actually laughed and told me I'd have to plan this myself. Thinking I may have to fake my death so I can watch...

 

sounds quite epic.

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