Stupid Things Fundies Say Or Do To Bring Others Back Into The Fold

[Wings]

[quote name=VeryBerry'

 

timestamp='1345046307' post='798282]Example 1: My cousin from Arizona was staying over my house this past weekend. Every time he visits me, he tries his

 

best to reconvert me. However, last Sunday, he said and did something stupid that's worthy post. On Sunday night, after having dinner, my cousin asked if he could watch Sunday Best on BET (a christian singing competition show) hosted by Kirk Franklin, I reluctantly agreed to watch it with him. The whole show was

dedicated to Andrae Crouch "the father of Gospel music". While two young men were

 

 

giving a rendition of " We Are Not Ashamed," my cousin burst out singing with his eyes closed and both hands raised. He stopped in between lines to ask me, " Don't you miss it?" I couldn't help but laugh at his silliness. He continued singing and then claimed, " This song should

 

 

 

convince you to go back to God." He added " My worship alone should give you nostalgia for the church." I must admit that I laughed in his face. How the fuck can someone's worship bring me back to God?[/

Jesus Christ! I'm sure that was awkward at the time, but that's one of the funniest things I've ever read.

 

I honestly don't have much experience in this area, as I tend to keep my (lack of) faith to

myself. I haven't come out to my family yet, and don't really see a reason to at this time. I've got enough drama in my life as is.

 

I am glad you found it funny. You can imagine how loud I laughed. I avoid debates about

Christianity as well. I know all the hard questions to ask, but I choose to stay away from discussing religion with devout christians.

 

Well, I am on my way to Montreal to visit my cousins. I have to go to church on Sunday. To make matters worse, I have to go to a prayer meeting with my cousin on Sunday afternoon. I hope don't make any faces when people present their prayer requests. I will think about EX-C while people are praying lol. Or, I will ask for prayers for all of us heathens on this site including me.

 

I am definitely looking forward to going to the salsa club on Saturday. We will party and drink on Saturday then praise God on Sunday lol.

 

Berry, I see that you live in NY and are headed to Montreal... just curious if you'll share, but are you in NYC or elsewhere? I live just across the border from Watertown/Syracuse... and about 2-

3 hours from Montreal... always interested in finding out whereabouts people are. At any rate, safe travels and good luck at church!

 

I live in the suburbs 30 minutes from Manhattan. But, I work in the Bronx near the Yankee Stadium. You can imagine the traffic that I get stuck in when the Yankees are playing. I don't even understand baseball lol.

 

Baseball. It's a kind of reality show where guys in uniforms stand around, scratch themselves and spit. :-)

\

 

But it's fun when you have beer and good friends with you

 

ps. Berry, hope your trip went well. I've only been to NYC once and it was pretty tourist heavy. I thought THAT was enough people for me, so I can't imagine game days!

[Wings]

Yeah, he's a real LIGHT OF THE WORLD there, ain't he?

 

Wow Akheia, I can't believe you had to go through that!! Good on you for standing your ground and getting away, as hard as it must've been! Definitely don't understand that kind of crazy!

[inorbit]

My mother insisted I come home to visit, saying she couldn't wait to see me. I thought something must be wrong and asked for family emergency leave time from work.

 

...Turns out she just wanted to "talk" because she was "concerned" after hearing hints of my deconversion. There were long talks with many tears on her part, during which I had to backpaddle and lie like crazy to calm her down. She also bought me a Christian book about doubting that she really wants me to read. She's not made of money, she's frail after her strokes, and I'll go ahead and read it and play along. Look, it's just not worth upsetting the apple cart at this point.

 

Oh, and she drove me to the church while I was home to meet with the pastor. After my visit, she has mentioned on the phone how nice it would be if I could stay home for a longer period of time so that I could get more time with the pastor.

 

And her references of praising God for random things has increased 10-fold. She's on high-alert around me. It's heartbreaking and gut-wrenching. And I haven't even fully come out of the closet to my family. Not even close. I just dropped subtle hints and this is what happens.

 

She means well, her health is frail, and I do love her dearly. It puts me in a tight spot. I want to do the compassionate thing. For now, that means lying. But, seriously, spiritual abuse, anyone?

[blackpudd1n]

She means well, her health is frail, and I do love her dearly. It puts me in a tight spot. I want to do the compassionate thing. For now, that means lying. But, seriously, spiritual abuse, anyone?

 

I can certainly empathise. I hate lying to my grandfather, but I wouldn't be able to deal with the distress my atheism would cause him. He'll be 92 in December. Unfortunately, keeping my atheism from him means also keeping it from anyone who may tell him out of "concern".

[mcdaddy]

 

I was never really an Eve player... but I've been playing WoW since 2004... I will sometimes go to another MMO, but I always come back to WoW.

 

Don't mention that if you do decide to play EVE. You will be roundly mocked.

 

My wife actually said "Why are you playing this again? Aren't I enough for you? :sniff: :sniff:" Course she has a degree in Theater.......

 

Thespians.

[mcdaddy]

My mother insisted I come home to visit, saying she couldn't wait to see me. I thought something must be wrong and asked for family emergency leave time from work.

 

...Turns out she just wanted to "talk" because she was "concerned" after hearing hints of my deconversion. There were long talks with many tears on her part, during which I had to backpaddle and lie like crazy to calm her down. She also bought me a Christian book about doubting that she really wants me to read. She's not made of money, she's frail after her strokes, and I'll go ahead and read it and play along. Look, it's just not worth upsetting the apple cart at this point.

 

Oh, and she drove me to the church while I was home to meet with the pastor. After my visit, she has mentioned on the phone how nice it would be if I could stay home for a longer period of time so that I could get more time with the pastor.

 

And her references of praising God for random things has increased 10-fold. She's on high-alert around me. It's heartbreaking and gut-wrenching. And I haven't even fully come out of the closet to my family. Not even close. I just dropped subtle hints and this is what happens.

 

She means well, her health is frail, and I do love her dearly. It puts me in a tight spot. I want to do the compassionate thing. For now, that means lying. But, seriously, spiritual abuse, anyone?

 

That blows.

 

I haven't fully come out to my mom either. When she asks, I just say "ive said the sinners prayer, and you believe OSAS right? Then I'm good".

 

That's it.

[Akheia]

That's got to be simply awful to experience. Your mom doesn't want to know the truth--she just wants to be at peace and feel like she's leaving behind a world that's been set up right.

 

You're being a good son. I want you to know, for whatever it's worth, that I think you're being extremely kind to someone you love who is in extreme need.

[VeryBerry]

I visited my cousins in Montreal last week. I made through attending church and a prayer meeting last Sunday. The church service didnn't bother me, it was the prayer meeting that pissed me off. One of my cousins has a medical condition that affects her knee. She's only 35 and she uses a cane to walk around. So, at the prayer, most people who shared a prayer request began their request by thanking God for their health. I was like my cousin WTF??? My cousin is walking around with a cane unable to perform daily activites because of a bad knee, but others have the nerve to thank Gawd for their health in her face! How insensitive!

 

I listened to countless prayer requests: from begging Gawd for a job to begging him for success in school. I felt bad for the attendees. As a Christian, i used to find prayer meetings depressing. Most people sat on their asses praying for things to happen in their lives instead of taking the appropriate actions to make things happen. To top if off, when I was involved in intercession ministry, I realized that we used to pray for years for the same issues and we never got a response from Gawd. But, we still kept on praying. Some people used to accuse others of living in sin because their prayers could'nt get answered.

 

I just had to vent a little bit. I wish my cousin had the presence of mind to realize that they make things happen in theit lives, not God.

[VeryBerry]

I was told I had a problem with authority (despite being the model of good behavior in school) because my dad died when I was young. Because I didn't have a real father I was rejecting the heavenly one.

 

My DFH (DearFundyHubby) said the same thing to me because my parents were divorced when I was very young. And my mother thinks I'm still going through a phase. What a joke -- I'm 58 years old and have been a ex-christian since before graduating from high school!

 

Wow!!! I guess your mother thinks that you failed to rebel during your teenage years so you're rebelling at 58. That's crazy! I think that it is hard for your mother to admit that you have left christianity for good, so she has to hold on to some excuse to give her hope.

 

My mother tried to drag me to church last Thursday. I politely declined. She still believes that a sermon can change my life. I dread those stupid sermons.

[VeryBerry]

My mother insisted I come home to visit, saying she couldn't wait to see me. I thought something must be wrong and asked for family emergency leave time from work.

 

...Turns out she just wanted to "talk" because she was "concerned" after hearing hints of my deconversion. There were long talks with many tears on her part, during which I had to backpaddle and lie like crazy to calm her down. She also bought me a Christian book about doubting that she really wants me to read. She's not made of money, she's frail after her strokes, and I'll go ahead and read it and play along. Look, it's just not worth upsetting the apple cart at this point.

 

Oh, and she drove me to the church while I was home to meet with the pastor. After my visit, she has mentioned on the phone how nice it would be if I could stay home for a longer period of time so that I could get more time with the pastor.

 

And her references of praising God for random things has increased 10-fold. She's on high-alert around me. It's heartbreaking and gut-wrenching. And I haven't even fully come out of the closet to my family. Not even close. I just dropped subtle hints and this is what happens.

 

She means well, her health is frail, and I do love her dearly. It puts me in a tight spot. I want to do the compassionate thing. For now, that means lying. But, seriously, spiritual abuse, anyone?

 

I would lie to her to protect her too if I were in your position. At this point, coming out to her would break her heart.

[VeryBerry]

My Evil Ex did all that shit too when I deconverted. Played Christian music (that horrible Maranatha schlock and MW Smith and Carman; this was the 90s), talked a *LOT* about Christian stuff and "shared" the warm fuzzies he'd felt that day, and when that all failed, began to threaten to carve me up with a butcher knife if I didn't regain my faith and become a good little wife again--somehow he justified it with the "if your hand offend you" verses. Eventually this led to him throwing a tantrum over a NIN album that resulted in him getting carted off by MPs to the on-base hospital for a week-long mental evaluation. I wasn't hurt, thankfully. I fled the country while he was stuck there. He continued to stalk me and try to get me to reconvert. Once I asked him, "How is threatening my safety, lying to my parents and all of my friends, and following me around online going to make me Christian again and come back to you?" and he said, "WELL I have to do SOMETHING!" -- which showed me everything I needed to know about where his head was that he'd consider such behavior valid options in the FIGHT FOR HIS POOR DELUDED WIFE'S SOUL. He wasn't that controlling and batshit crazy till he joined a church that stressed paternalism and rigid gender roles, but it just got worse when he joined the military. Ah, I'm so glad to be away from that crazy shit... also, fuck fundies.

 

I admire your courage. It takes a lot of courage to escape that type of abuse. Did you evil ex find a new fundy wife to terrorize?

[Paine]

My wife's trying a passive agressive approach lately, reading more, listening to xian music more, etc. I guess she thinks I'll come back via osmosis.

 

Your wife has a lot in common with my mother. Is your wife Pentecostal? When I was in the Pentecostal church, I was taught to fill the air with praise and worship music to push demons away or to defeat them. Perhaps your wife is trying to defeat the demons in your head that caused you to abandon God.

 

Close!

 

She's technically Assembly of God, but thats only because we compromised. She was raised Catholic, and just attended a Charasmatic Catholic weekend seminar thingy. So now shes all full of the holy spook and fighting off demons and shit.

 

 

I sincerely worry for your marriage, bro. You got to a get a HANDLE on that shit....your children aren't getting any younger...

[Paine]

My mother insisted I come home to visit, saying she couldn't wait to see me. I thought something must be wrong and asked for family emergency leave time from work.

 

...Turns out she just wanted to "talk" because she was "concerned" after hearing hints of my deconversion. There were long talks with many tears on her part, during which I had to backpaddle and lie like crazy to calm her down. She also bought me a Christian book about doubting that she really wants me to read. She's not made of money, she's frail after her strokes, and I'll go ahead and read it and play along. Look, it's just not worth upsetting the apple cart at this point.

 

Oh, and she drove me to the church while I was home to meet with the pastor. After my visit, she has mentioned on the phone how nice it would be if I could stay home for a longer period of time so that I could get more time with the pastor.

 

And her references of praising God for random things has increased 10-fold. She's on high-alert around me. It's heartbreaking and gut-wrenching. And I haven't even fully come out of the closet to my family. Not even close. I just dropped subtle hints and this is what happens.

 

She means well, her health is frail, and I do love her dearly. It puts me in a tight spot. I want to do the compassionate thing. For now, that means lying. But, seriously, spiritual abuse, anyone?

 

That blows.

 

I haven't fully come out to my mom either. When she asks, I just say "ive said the sinners prayer, and you believe OSAS right? Then I'm good".

 

That's it.

 

That sinner's prayer line ... and a well placed "OSAS, riiiight?" has gotten me out of MORE SHIT with my mother and her sanctimonious, knuckle dragging BOYFRIEND (BOTH of whom are TWICE divorced while I am still on spouse #1 for 20+yearsthanyouverymuch....)

 

But yeah...being compassionate to those folks TO WHOM THE KNOWLEDGE WOULD BE OF NO BENEFIT WHATSOEVER is the only just thing to do. One last great aunt of my grandmother's generation. She still collects billy graham shit and books for me. I take them, skim them and then we have something to discuss for the hour I MIGHT see her once a month. COMPASSION. Its the right thing to do.

 

Besides...who needs all the secondary bullshit?? LOL!

[Paine]

My Evil Ex did all that shit too when I deconverted. Played Christian music (that horrible Maranatha schlock and MW Smith and Carman; this was the 90s), talked a *LOT* about Christian stuff and "shared" the warm fuzzies he'd felt that day, and when that all failed, began to threaten to carve me up with a butcher knife if I didn't regain my faith and become a good little wife again--somehow he justified it with the "if your hand offend you" verses. Eventually this led to him throwing a tantrum over a NIN album that resulted in him getting carted off by MPs to the on-base hospital for a week-long mental evaluation. I wasn't hurt, thankfully. I fled the country while he was stuck there. He continued to stalk me and try to get me to reconvert. Once I asked him, "How is threatening my safety, lying to my parents and all of my friends, and following me around online going to make me Christian again and come back to you?" and he said, "WELL I have to do SOMETHING!" -- which showed me everything I needed to know about where his head was that he'd consider such behavior valid options in the FIGHT FOR HIS POOR DELUDED WIFE'S SOUL. He wasn't that controlling and batshit crazy till he joined a church that stressed paternalism and rigid gender roles, but it just got worse when he joined the military. Ah, I'm so glad to be away from that crazy shit... also, fuck fundies.

 

I'd burn a cross on his fucking yard. Good on ya, sister.

[Akheia]

Thanks, Paine

[openbook]

I told my sister that the sermons at my mom's church are depressing, and I don't like being depressed all the time. My mom over heard and responded, "If his sermons offend you, then that is God's way of telling you that you have something wrong with you."

[midniterider]

I told my sister that the sermons at my mom's church are depressing, and I don't like being depressed all the time. My mom over heard and responded, "If his sermons offend you, then that is God's way of telling you that you have something wrong with you."

 

"That's right Mom! SATAN has filled my being....halle-friggin-lujah!" I had a better response but it was inappropriate for younger viewers...

[Thought2Much]

I told my sister that the sermons at my mom's church are depressing, and I don't like being depressed all the time. My mom over heard and responded, "If his sermons offend you, then that is God's way of telling you that you have something wrong with you."

 

That's Christian "logic" for you.

[GardenerGal]

I told my sister that the sermons at my mom's church are depressing, and I don't like being depressed all the time. My mom over heard and responded, "If his sermons offend you, then that is God's way of telling you that you have something wrong with you."

 

Of course! Christians have the answer to everything.

[Akheia]

Here's a rather disingenuous question from a theologian who wants our "tough questions" so he can figure out about the "biggest hurdle you have to fully giving yourself over to the Christian faith."

 

As if it's a hurdle. As if I'd *EVER* give myself over to that tyrannical monster of a fake god ever again. It gives me chills just imagining it.

[wndwalkr99]

Here's a rather disingenuous question from a theologian who wants our "tough questions" so he can figure out about the "biggest hurdle you have to fully giving yourself over to the Christian faith."

 

As if it's a hurdle. As if I'd *EVER* give myself over to that tyrannical monster of a fake god ever again. It gives me chills just imagining it.

 

I am actually kind of interested in what questions pop up and how he answers them. In a morbid-curiosity kind of way. I think I'll check back later this week.

[Akheia]

I get the feeling that despite repeated requests asking for objective evidence for his claims, we're going to get a lot of the same shit that ethical vegans talk about to convince other people to go vegan. Without evidence, all he has is subjective feelings and manipulation.

 

I felt it was telling, especially, that the OP wrote that he himself is a doubter. How long does one need to doubt before one finally realizes what's going on? I wouldn't stay with a man for even a month if I doubted his feelings for me. I wouldn't stay with a diet regimen for long if I doubted it was healthy or effective. I wouldn't bank somewhere even a few days if I suddenly doubted it was handling my money correctly. So how long is someone supposed to live with doubting God exists or is good before one starts shitting or getting off the pot?

[lunaticheathen]

I told my sister that the sermons at my mom's church are depressing, and I don't like being depressed all the time. My mom over heard and responded, "If his sermons offend you, then that is God's way of telling you that you have something wrong with you."

 

Blarg. I've heard that before, usually as "he's convicting you with his truth," or, "you feel convicted in your sin by what I say." That's fundie-speak for "I'm not being an annoying dickfart, you just feel guilty because I'm right. CHRISTIANS AREN'T IRRITATING ANAL SEEPAGE, EVAR, IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

 

That's when I weigh the pros and cons of punching them in the throat, or possibly being arrested for assault.

[Zephie]

"But Jesus is reminding us of how 'kingdom growth' occurs. As surely as it is true that the words we speak in prayer are heard, and as surely as the promises of God we claim are seed, so just as certainly it takes time for those promises sown in prayer to come to fruition. The parallel is beautiful: we sow as God's word is laid hold of in faith; we water with prayer and praise; His love and grace provide the sunshine-and the fruitfulness of harvest will come! But remember the process: first, the small, grassy blade of new beginnings; second, the growing evidence of coming fruit; and finally, the fufilled promise in its completeness."

 

Dafuq did I just read?

[Akheia]

I told my sister that the sermons at my mom's church are depressing, and I don't like being depressed all the time. My mom over heard and responded, "If his sermons offend you, then that is God's way of telling you that you have something wrong with you."

 

Blarg. I've heard that before, usually as "he's convicting you with his truth," or, "you feel convicted in your sin by what I say." That's fundie-speak for "I'm not being an annoying dickfart, you just feel guilty because I'm right. CHRISTIANS AREN'T IRRITATING ANAL SEEPAGE, EVAR, IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

 

That's when I weigh the pros and cons of punching them in the throat, or possibly being arrested for assault.

 

My stars. I just got the most amazing idea. Stick with me here. I think I'm on to something.

 

Next time some fucktard fundie decides to get his panties in a twist because he's offended at something the secular or LGBTQ movements are doing, let's just tell them that's just (god of choice) convicting them with her truth.