Lycorth Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I hear you, Poonis. That, and Jesus™ 1.0 was full of bugs to begin with. Thankfully, 2.0 doesn't seem like it'll be released. Soviets drilling a hole in the Earth and finding Hell. I never heard that one - that's friggin' rich. Then again, the Soviets couldn't have had much trouble finding hell - all they had to do was look outside their windows. And who's Ron Wyatt (or do I want to know?)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Oh, and let's not forget the Freakiest and Scariest version of "witnessing": ------- Strangely Intimidating Guy in a Suit: Young person, are you a Christian? You: I don't think that's any of your business. Guy in Suit: Just a simple question. I won't hurtcha. You: Okay, no, I'm not Christian. (Guy in Suit moves faster than you can react to place strange-smelling hands on your head and hold it with a vice grip.) Guy in Suit: Oh, Lord, please......Ah-LOW your Holy Spirit to ENTER this child, Your child.....Let your SHINING FACE and GLORY SHINE upon this child...... (Guy in Suit speaks shakingly and haltingly and appears to be nearing orgasm.) You: Hey, dude, what the fuck? ------- The Random Street Blessing is one of the most dangerous forms of physical assault. The iron grip of a preacher's hands on the head can stunt hair growth and, in extended periods of pressure, place stress on the brain. If you see a Random Street Blessing or see someone whom you feel might be a Preacher who will do it to you, please get an adult as soon as possible. If a Preacher approaches you in public to make a Random Street Blessing assault, scream as loud as you can so the Preacher is exposed. Tell a responsible adult what happened. Only you can take a bite out of Random Street Blessings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffXL Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I know there is a right way and a wrong way to evangelize. Witnessing should always be done prayerfully, keeping 1 Peter 3:15-16 in mind: "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." A disciple of Jesus Christ should act in such a way as to be beyond reproof, without shame in all things. But do you really wait for someone to ask you, or do you just start preaching? You seem to be quite a cool person-- most of the Xtians who come to scream at us are raging assholes. They start off with the slander and malicious speaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_funkenstein Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 My "favourite" witness technique is the one where they use those little drawings with the stick figures and the crowns on the ball of the earth... I think it's called the Alpha course or something, I can't remember. I love how sin is defined as taking the crown and putting it on your own head. They say that sin is when you take the decision-making role away from god and place it in your own hands; that is, when you deny god the right to rule over your life and decide to rule it yourself. What they're essentially saying is: Thinking is bad, mm'kay? Don't think for yourself. Let us do the thinking for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asuryan Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 The worst kind of witnessing I've come across is Christians who log onto ex-christian websites and spray their hypocritical bullshit that we've all heard before. Aw, that is the best kind of witnessing! We're cats and we need mices to play with sometimes. I still smirk when I'm remembered about Daniel... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I hear you, Poonis. That, and Jesus™ 1.0 was full of bugs to begin with. Thankfully, 2.0 doesn't seem like it'll be released. Soviets drilling a hole in the Earth and finding Hell. I never heard that one - that's friggin' rich. Then again, the Soviets couldn't have had much trouble finding hell - all they had to do was look outside their windows. And who's Ron Wyatt (or do I want to know?)? Hi Wolfheart, Here's a link to Ron Wyatt. He claimed to be an archeologist who found the Ark and Soddom and Gomorrah. Fundies will say that his "research" proves the Bible and Christianity, even other Christians have debunked him. Fundies post on our board and use Ron Wyatt as their source, it's too funny. Ron Wyatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Hi Wolfheart, Here's a link to Ron Wyatt. He claimed to be an archeologist who found the Ark and Soddom and Gomorrah. Fundies will say that his "research" proves the Bible and Christianity, even other Christians have debunked him. Fundies post on our board and use Ron Wyatt as their source, it's too funny. Ron Wyatt Heavens to Betsy, not the Noah's Ark routine again. Heh, always goof for a chuckle - thanks, Taphie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 What Is The Worst Method Of Witnessing? Witnessing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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