Any newbie ex christians?

[Panther]

Hello~

I left christianity just recently.

Anyone else here pretty new with the same issue?

If so, I would like to discuss NEW issues that have come up since.

 

OR

if anyone else would like to help me through this~

Thanks!

 

Lisa

[Merlinfmct87]

Well, I can't say I'm *new* to Ex-C(I even made ~40 posts on the first forum) but I'm always willing to lend an ear.

 

Merlin

[scitsofreaky]

I'm pretty damn new to these forums, and to leaving christianity (is 3 years new? I think it is considering I was a christian for 18 years)

[Loren]

I'm not new either to the forums or to apostacy, but I might be able to help. Or not. What exactly are you struggling with?

[Matthew]

Well, I am relatively young in my apostacy. I have been a freethinker for over two years now. I went from being a Christian, to a Deist, to an agnostic, and now I am a secular humanist. I can offer my insights and peer counseling if that would help you out. And if I can't- I can always do my best to point you to others who I feel can be of more help to you than I can.

 

What's up?

 

Matthew

[Panther]

Cool! A lot of replies! Thanks!

 

I just left christianity about a month or so ago.

 

Mostly, I am struggling with the disappointment of those "friends" that I thought would stand by my decision regardless of what I did.

They haven't and pretty much dumped me when I left christianity.

 

It doesn't really shock me or anything....I just didn't expect they could be so cruel.

Then, when I really thought about it, their belief system is one that allows them

to think that I am now "evil" LOL.

I've had christians that I was close to tell me that I am under the influence of Satan, that type of thing.

 

I guess what does shock me more is that I was with that group for so long. I can't believe the brainwashing that I felt like was done to me.

 

Also, I guess I am kind of lost spiritually ..can't seem to figure out what I DO believe at this point.

 

When you have a belief system in place for yourself for SO long...as you get that moment of clarity and realize it was all false....it just kind of leaves you wondering where to go next or what to do I guess.

 

And I wasn't really meaning new to the foum exactly, rather new to leaving christianity.

Though, I appreciate all the responses, no matter how long it may have been for you...I feel as if every new ex christian probably goes through this, so if you all have any advice for me.....whether it's been a long time for you or just recent, I'd appreciate it.

 

Thanks!!!

[Reach]

I just left christianity about a month or so ago.

 

Mostly, I am struggling with the disappointment of those "friends" that I thought would stand by my decision regardless of what I did.

 

I guess what does shock me more is that I was with that group for so long. I can't believe the brainwashing that I felt like was done to me.

 

Also, I guess I am kind of lost spiritually ..can't seem to figure out what I DO believe at this point.

 

When you have a belief system in place for yourself for SO long...as you get that moment of clarity and realize it was all false....it just kind of leaves you wondering where to go next or what to do I guess.

Sweet Lisa, you are a tender, young thing in this brand new world of deconversion. I can imagine you are thinking along the lines of... what the heck do I believe now and where do I go from here? A great big hug, first of all. It gets easier with the passage of time. Don't feel obligated to rush into filling the empty space left by tossing off Christianity. Give yourself lots of time.

 

I can relate to the disappointment you are experiencing as those you have trusted turn out to be less than worthy of your trust. In the process of abandoning Christianity, I had to let go of a lot of loved ones myself. I know it hurts. You will become stronger and less affected by the rejection of others. You are well on your way in that direction already. Good for you! Keep drawing from your own inner strength. When you are at the low end of that, or running on empty, we are here.

 

Christianity was a major screwing of the mind. It takes awhile to unwind that whole thing, especially when the bolts are tight or rusty. You have time.

 

As far as where to go from here, I would offer the suggestion that you just take one day at a time and enjoy where you're at right now. Be present where you are. You can only really live life in one place at a time anyway. Fully embrace and savor this moment, this awakening, this present reality, this now. Have some fun with your new found freedom. Breathe deeply. Relax.

 

Tomorrow will come and chances are you will still ask yourself questions and ponder over deep philosophical matters again and again. I have learned that it's ok to not know, to not have the answers. It's ok with me. I have learned to believe in and trust my doubts and to doubt my beliefs. So far, it's working for me.

 

All the best,

Reach

[Merlinfmct87]

I love you Reach. You have to be one of the kindest, most insightful, and open people I have the pleasure of knowing.

 

Lisa: LISTEN TO THIS GIRL!!!

 

Merlin

[♦ ficino ♦]

Dear Lisa,

 

Reach has a lot of good things to say. As per usual!

 

I found that after I realized Christianity wasn't "the truth," a good deal of the "deposit" it gave me stayed with me, though parts of it gradually faded, like taking prayer seriously.

 

I think part of what happened to me, at least, after that was linked with stages of life I moved into around the time I dropped x-ty. I started working full time and I started a long-term relationship with my lover, so those were new horizons. Living every day and trying to be open with people and take responsibility created their own directions of meaning and fulfillment. I didn't need an answer to the large questions to interact with people. I needed other things that I didn't really get in christianity, like the confidence that other people and I were all basically OK as people and not needing divine infusions of grace and dogma to be acceptable. It was great not to feel guilty about being sexual (gay, in my case).

 

It's true that I did lose friends, but most of that experience happened when I changed from calvinist to catholic. People I thought were steadfast friends, who talked about love all the time, saw me as a dangerous apostate. I made other friends and closer ones, though, since the newer friendships weren't ideological. I myself didn't have my doctrinal blinders up against being friends with non-believers, as I used to have (I used to think friendship with non-believers was good 'cause I could witness to them but I wouldn't fully trust them or believe they had insights as valid as christian insights - how sad).

 

Philosophywise, Epicureanism gave me a lot of good perspectives.

 

Keep hanging around here, Lisa. I love your avatar, too, and so does my cat, Mitten.

[Totallyatpeace]

Mostly, I am struggling with the disappointment of those "friends" that I thought would stand by my decision regardless of what I did.

They haven't and pretty much dumped me when I left christianity.

 

It doesn't really shock me or anything....I just didn't expect they could be so cruel.

Then, when I really thought about it, their belief system is one that allows them

to think that I am now "evil" LOL.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Lisa~

 

You also get a hug from me because what your "friends" have done to you should have never happened.

 

TAP

[Ro-bear]

 

Also, I guess I am kind of lost spiritually ..can't seem to figure out what I DO believe at this point.

 

When you have a belief system in place for yourself for SO long...as you get that moment of clarity and realize it was all false....it just kind of leaves you wondering where to go next or what to do I guess.

 

 

You don't have to believe anything, you know. I am content to know some things, have ideas about others, and absolutely no idea about still others. I find that belief makes some people complacent, as if they already know or have no need to learn more. While some theists are open-minded and inquisitive, others seem to think it's a sin to even question things or expose themselves to the ideas of people with different worldviews.

 

Ultimately, I think it boils down less to what you believe and more to what kind of person you are.

 

And that's as philosophical as I get before noon.

[Loren]

I was going to say just about what Ro-bear said, only he said it much better.

 

I came to a point where I realized that I don't particularly need to believe in anything. Just being honest with myself about what I know and what I don't know, and then asking mysef what I'm going to do about it seems to serve me very well.

[BlueGiant]

Ok, took a slightly different route to deconversion a few years ago, but I am also willing to help in this thread. I am sorry to hear about your former friends. While they may have had some shock, that does not excuse their behavior.

[Panther]

Sweet Lisa, you are a tender, young thing in this brand new world of deconversion. I can imagine you are thinking along the lines of... what the heck do I believe now and where do I go from here? A great big hug, first of all. It gets easier with the passage of time. Don't feel obligated to rush into filling the empty space left by tossing off Christianity. Give yourself lots of time.

 

I can relate to the disappointment you are experiencing as those you have trusted turn out to be less than worthy of your trust. In the process of abandoning Christianity, I had to let go of a lot of loved ones myself. I know it hurts. You will become stronger and less affected by the rejection of others. You are well on your way in that direction already. Good for you! Keep drawing from your own inner strength. When you are at the low end of that, or running on empty, we are here.

 

Christianity was a major screwing of the mind. It takes awhile to unwind that whole thing, especially when the bolts are tight or rusty. You have time.

 

As far as where to go from here, I would offer the suggestion that you just take one day at a time and enjoy where you're at right now. Be present where you are. You can only really live life in one place at a time anyway. Fully embrace and savor this moment, this awakening, this present reality, this now. Have some fun with your new found freedom. Breathe deeply. Relax.

 

Tomorrow will come and chances are you will still ask yourself questions and ponder over deep philosophical matters again and again. I have learned that it's ok to not know, to not have the answers. It's ok with me. I have learned to believe in and trust my doubts and to doubt my beliefs. So far, it's working for me.

 

All the best,

Reach

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Thanks Reach!

You're so kind. You're right....I kinda am going "ok, where the heck do I go now and what DO I believe in" LOL, You hit the nail right on the head.

 

You mean, these feeling aren't original? J/K

 

The one thing about it is, it does feel like a spiritual jouney. You definitely can't go backward or stay stuck....I'm kind of excited to see what comes next.

I also feel VERY relieved!

 

All those things I was made to feel "guilty" for.....are now open..and it's a good thing! Cripes, guilt is toxic stuff and you were made to feel guilty for something as simple as reading your horoscope in the morning with your coffee!! Sheesh!!

 

You guys are a GREAT group of people. I feel lucky to have been able to find support like this after a big life changing decision like I have made.

Thanks for all your comments and help.

 

From what I can tell so far, am I right in thinking that most people here have gone from christianity to athiest? (not all of course, but it seems like a lot anyway)

Can anyone tell me why this seems to be mainstream?

[Panther]

Sweet Lisa, you are a tender, young thing in this brand new world of deconversion. I can imagine you are thinking along the lines of... what the heck do I believe now and where do I go from here? A great big hug, first of all. It gets easier with the passage of time. Don't feel obligated to rush into filling the empty space left by tossing off Christianity. Give yourself lots of time.

 

I can relate to the disappointment you are experiencing as those you have trusted turn out to be less than worthy of your trust. In the process of abandoning Christianity, I had to let go of a lot of loved ones myself. I know it hurts. You will become stronger and less affected by the rejection of others. You are well on your way in that direction already. Good for you! Keep drawing from your own inner strength. When you are at the low end of that, or running on empty, we are here.

 

Christianity was a major screwing of the mind. It takes awhile to unwind that whole thing, especially when the bolts are tight or rusty. You have time.

 

As far as where to go from here, I would offer the suggestion that you just take one day at a time and enjoy where you're at right now. Be present where you are. You can only really live life in one place at a time anyway. Fully embrace and savor this moment, this awakening, this present reality, this now. Have some fun with your new found freedom. Breathe deeply. Relax.

 

Tomorrow will come and chances are you will still ask yourself questions and ponder over deep philosophical matters again and again. I have learned that it's ok to not know, to not have the answers. It's ok with me. I have learned to believe in and trust my doubts and to doubt my beliefs. So far, it's working for me.

 

All the best,

Reach

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Ok, where's the delete button around here? I posted this twice by accident.

 

 

 

[Panther]

Lisa~

 

You also get a hug from me because what your "friends" have done to you should have never happened.

 

TAP

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

(((TAP)))

Thanks, much appreciated.

I am glad to see you here on the forum...it proves that christians and nonchristians CAN get along just fine, something I have always stood by and could never figure out with the group I was with, WHY that was such a big deal to them.

The ones that ruined that were the fundies I guess.....

 

Anway, thanks for the support! Looking forward to more discussions with ya!

[Panther]

Ok, took a slightly different route to deconversion a few years ago, but I am also willing to help in this thread.  I am sorry to hear about your former friends.  While they may have had some shock, that does not excuse their behavior.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Thanks BlueGiant for the support, much appreciated. Would you mind if I asked what kind of route that you did take?

I'm always curious to hear of other's experiences with this as well.

 

Lisa

[Panther]

Well, I am relatively young in my apostacy. I have been a freethinker for over two years now. I went from being a Christian, to a Deist, to an agnostic, and now I am a secular humanist. I can offer my insights and peer counseling if that would help you out. And if I can't- I can always do my best to point you to others who I feel can be of more help to you than I can.

 

What's up?

 

Matthew

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Matthew,

I like how you said FREETHINKER....that;s a beautiful word, isn't it?

 

I was so tied up with christianity that at this point, I need to find out exactly what Deist, agnostic, secular humanist all means....

with the old tunnel vision that I had...all I knew of prior were terms like

New Age, Pagen, Wiccan, etc.

 

With you, it seems like you went from chrisitanity to deist...which I believe means belief in God, just not the bible god..is that a correct assumption?

And then you moved toward agnostic...which I believe means no god? Am I right?

Then..secular humanist....got me on this one. Maybe you could explain if you wouldn't mind?

 

This is also a fun way for me to get to know you guys better since this is my new home now.

 

Lisa

[Panther]

I love you Reach. You have to be one of the kindest, most insightful, and open people I have the pleasure of knowing.

 

Lisa: LISTEN TO THIS GIRL!!!

 

Merlin

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Merlin,

 

(pssst....*whispers*....yes, I agree....I have read some of Reach's posts and believe she is very kind, open, honest person of whom I am looking forward to getting to know as well)

 

[Panther]

I'm pretty damn new to these forums, and to leaving christianity (is 3 years new?  I think it is considering I was a christian for 18 years)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Scitsofreaky, 18 years IS a LOOOONG time. How long did it take you, after the 18 years to come to the belief that it wasn't for you anymore?

 

Thanks for allowing me to pick your brain here, LOL, this all helps me so much to be able to talk with others that have already been on this same path.

 

Lisa

[Panther]

Dear Lisa,

 

Reach has a lot of good things to say.  As per usual!

 

I found that after I realized Christianity wasn't "the truth," a good deal of the "deposit" it gave me stayed with me, though parts of it gradually faded, like taking prayer seriously. 

 

I think part of what happened to me, at least, after that was linked with stages of life I moved into around the time I dropped x-ty.  I started working full time and I started a long-term relationship with my lover, so those were new horizons.  Living every day and trying to be open with people and take responsibility created their own directions of meaning and fulfillment.  I didn't need an answer to the large questions to interact with people.  I needed other things that I didn't really get in christianity, like the confidence that other people and I were all basically OK as people and not needing divine infusions of grace and dogma to be acceptable.  It was great not to feel guilty about being sexual (gay, in my case). 

 

It's true that I did lose friends, but most of that experience happened when I changed from calvinist to catholic.  People I thought were steadfast friends, who talked about love all the time, saw me as a dangerous apostate.  I made other friends and closer ones, though, since the newer friendships weren't ideological.  I myself didn't have my doctrinal blinders up against being friends with non-believers, as I used to have (I used to think friendship with non-believers was good 'cause I could witness to them but I wouldn't fully trust them or believe they had insights as valid as christian insights - how sad). 

 

Philosophywise, Epicureanism gave me a lot of good perspectives.

 

Keep hanging around here, Lisa.  I love your avatar, too, and so does my cat, Mitten.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

ficino,

Thanks, my butt is firmly planted here.. I joined two forums ago, lol, that sounds like a long time, but in reality was only about 40 posts or so. I just happened to get here in time for all the excitement of seeing 2 more new forums come into play! LOL

(by the way, I DO like this one best....all the smiley's are cool! )

 

But yes, I AM really happy here and already feel like a found a new home. You guys really have been nice and friendly!

 

Oh and ficino, thanks for the avatar compliment. I have a "panther holding a rose tatoo" on my R.shoulder. Oh, also am getting ready to have a panther airbrushed on my Harley too.

I have a cat, Russell (He is all grey so I always say that he has grey pajamas on, yep, I'm a goof, LOL)

Hope you guys have room for one more Goof around here anyway!!

 

So Russell says hi to Mitten!

 

ficino, I like what you said~

Pretty much being OUT of christianity has allowed me to be MYSELF way more than when I was involved in it.

Being free lets me BE who I need to be...and not have the dogma and doctriines holding me back.

And I think you're right....who we hang around and our phases and situations in life has a lot to do with where we are headed and what we choose.

As much as it hurt to lose my "friends", it was time to move on and enter the next new phase in this life.

To me, the whole experience of that religion was a stepping stone. Necessary for me to get where I'm headed, but always was meant to be a short term thing.

Some people, I always had the feeling that they NEEDED that religion and would PROBABLY, more than likely stay with it for a long, long time for reaons of their own.

As long as it fullfills a need in your life, then it is a good thing. But the moment it stops you from growing or changing, it becomes more of a detriment.

 

I always, always had an issue with the non-tolerance. I was always the one in the group that was the first to make friends with non-christians and to their shock, (the christians) I was always the first to stand up for the rights of the non-christian to speak freely. *gasp* LOL

On the old board I was on, anytime a non-christian came and posted something non-biblical, it always amazed me at how fast they were silenced or their posts were deleted. I would always ask about that......

*sigh* Once a rebel, always a rebel, LOL

 

How about the issue of how some christians will actually place "value" on a person based on their beliefs? It's like they can't actually believe that another person, not in their box, could actually have something of value to say or something to give that they could learn from.

 

I guess the part about myself being seen as some evil entity :stank: now just really makes me feel compassion for those folks and see how religion can really cripple a person emtionally and mentally.

 

Thanks for listening to me ramble on here.....

 

Lisa

[Panther]

I was going to say just about what Ro-bear said, only he said it much better.

 

I came to a point where I realized that I don't particularly need to believe in anything. Just being honest with myself about what I know and what I don't know, and then asking mysef what I'm going to do about it seems to serve me very well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Yep, I like that too....a simple approach works well is a laid back sorta way....I'm enjoying the experience of it in some ways too. It opened up a lot of new possibilites when I left, that's always a good thing.

 

(side note: Loren, is your name Lens from the old forum? I mean, did you have that in your sig? I remember talking with you if that's the case right before the board went down for the remodel...I had JUST joined)

 

Lisa

[Panther]

You don't have to believe anything, you know.  I am content to know some things, have ideas about others, and absolutely no idea about still others.  I find that belief makes some people complacent, as if they already know or have no need to learn more.  While some theists are open-minded and inquisitive, others seem to think it's a sin to even question things or expose themselves to the ideas of people with different worldviews.

 

Ultimately, I think it boils down less to what you believe and more to what kind of person you are.

 

And that's as philosophical as I get before noon. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Ro-bear, thanks for the words of wisdom before noon, LOL. It was actually good! You may blow me away with philosphy AFTER noon, you know! J/K

But in all seriousness, you're absolutely right. There is much to be said for simply being content.

 

Lisa

[dustmouse]

:hug:

 

As for me I need to get past the if-I-turn-away-from-christ-I-am-going-to-hell bit that is ingrained in my head.

 

:sigh:

 

That notion has been pushed into my head for 24 years now... and I have been a Christian, been an Ex-Christian, been a Christian, been an Ex-Christian, and have been a Christian now for 2 years and almost 6 months.

 

And I think the whole thing with the leaving-comingback-repeat is that I can't get the going-to-hell out of my head. :stank:

 

 

But I know what you mean about friends who turn against you, boy howdy!

[Panther]

:hug:

 

As for me I need to get past the if-I-turn-away-from-christ-I-am-going-to-hell bit that is ingrained in my head. 

 

:sigh:

 

That notion has been pushed into my head for 24 years now... and I have been a Christian, been an Ex-Christian, been a Christian, been an Ex-Christian, and have been a Christian now for 2 years and almost 6 months.

 

And I think the whole thing with the leaving-comingback-repeat is that I can't get the going-to-hell out of my head. :stank:

But I know what you mean about friends who turn against you, boy howdy!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

 

HEY!!! Yay!! You have arrived!!!

You know what....maybe you could start a new thread...get some opinions, so forth? (on the confusion) That's a crappy place to be..you know...maybe you could get your mind a little more clear on some things?

Up to you!!

But glad to see you!!!!