Anyone Remember This Tract?

[Thackerie]

Princess's enthusiastic gloating over these twisted, sick tracts that scare children speaks very poorly for her character. It isn't funny.

 

 

It is pretty funny when you assume, as I do, that our "princess" is a fraud perpetrated by one of our own. My guess is Fwee.

 

I also suspect it's a parody (though I don't know who's behind it). it's simply too over the top to be "real."

[Princess Keesha]

You mentioned drinking and smoking. When you bring back iblical passages, also provide those which call drinking [and] smoking sins. It is interesting that you feel you are here to help us find the [T]rue [W]ay...it isn't a good idea to take on such a huge task since already, you are contradicting yourself. But I will wait until you post "iblical booby traps" later.

 

     I'm sorry if I seem to be contradicting myself, Lemon. That was never my intention. Sometimes life embodies contradictions. This often happens when we surrender our lives to Christ and find ourselves having to forsake our dark pasts in favor of God's Holy Laws against presumed pleasures. II Corinthians 5:17 teaches, "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." Would you care to explain more specifically what you mean by "contradictions"? I'm not here to condemn or judge anyone, merely to clarify to those who may be interested what the Word of God really means. I don't want to see anyone turn her back on God just because she never took the time to get to know Him as He truly is.

     Believe me, sister – if I may address you so informally – I know about all the false and misleading doctrines taught in most churches today, especially those greedy megachurches. I'm here to counter them. How you respond is up to you. God sees and understands how His Word is perverted by hypocrites and money-grubbers every day. He will not hold you accountable for their many sins.

 

Smoking and Drinking

 

     Some commentators see Genesis 24:64 as the first reference to smoking in the Holy Bible. It reports that "Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel." While it is remotely possible that Rebekah was giving up an unsavory youthful habit in anticipation of her upcoming nuptials by throwing away her last cigarette in this verse, it is more likely that she was simply climbing down from a beast of burden in order to meet her beloved. It’s still a beautiful sentiment, at least in my opinion, if Rebekah was thinking to herself way back then, “I’m going to be a wife and a mother soon. I really need to clean up my act now. I don’t want my husband to kiss me and realize my mouth smells like a regular ashtray!â€

     We next turn to the New Testament for answers. Smoking, as we all know, is both addictive and unhealthy. God ruled against such behavior in I Corinthians 6:12, in which the Apostle Paul wrote under Divine inspiration, "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." That's a clear indication that we should avoid all addictive substances, as well as any potentially harmful ones.

     Drinking is covered far more extensively in Scripture. It allows the limited use of sacramental wine while prohibiting drunkenness. Ephesians 5:18 advises us to "be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit." Since the Word further admonishes us to avoid all appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22), many True Christians abstain from alcohol altogether, and rightly so. Who can fault them for this decision, based as it is on Romans 14:21, which says, "It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak"?

     Our Holy Church teaches that blended and distilled spirits are the devil's potions and are off limits to all members in good standing.

 

 

Biblical Booby Traps

 

     God literally filled His Word with booby traps to test the faith of believers and unbelievers alike. As we learn from Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." God rewards those of us who meditate in His Word day and night (Joshua 1:8) so that, guided by God's Holy Spirit, we can resolve any apparent contradictions and better understand and apply God's message to us.

     Among the best known of these booby traps is the Creation account in the Book of Genesis. Critics of the Bible, working under Satanic influence, have long promoted the conclusion that the book contains two "contradictory" accounts of the origins of the universe. One only has to study the Holy Hebrew Tongue of my ancestors to understand that the two accounts are actually one.

     Genesis 1:1-2:4a lays out the sequence of events in chronological order. The creation of the universe spanned six days and was concluded with God's resting on the seventh day. Since the sun and moon were created on the fourth of these days, the term day (in the Holy Hebrew Tongue yom) probably does not refer to a period of twenty-four hours as we have defined them more recently in history. That's another embedded booby trap. I like to think of Genesis 1 as a kind of genealogical table of a type that appears at least ten times throughout the Book of Genesis to cover long passages of time.

     Genesis 2:4b-24 is a more conventional, yet not chronological, narrative covering the same events from a different perspective. In the first chapter, God creates heaven and earth; in the second, He makes earth and heaven, or more properly "land and sky" (in Holy Hebrew eretz ve-shamayim).

     The wording of the verses 4b and 5 gives any careful reader a clue that the linear narrative has been reversed for clarificatory effect: "In the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens, and every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground." It would be more accurate to translate this passage as "When God first made land and sky, no plant had ever been cultivated, no wild herb had ever sprung up from the ground, and no rain had yet fallen. There wasn't even a man to till the ground." New details are then provided about how God created the first man and woman. Scoffers imagine a contradiction where none exists. Note that in the Holy Hebrew Tongue of the Bible there is no distinction between the verbal forms “created,†“have created,†and “had created.â€

     Another booby trap that mockers of God's Word often throw my way is Leviticus 11:23, which to the Biblically illiterate reader seems to suggest that six-legged insects actually have only four legs: "Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind...bald locust...beetle...and the grasshopper after his kind. But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you." The fact is that the Afro-Semitic Hebrews regarded an insect's first pair of what we call its legs as its hands. Cf. Proverbs 30:28. Alleged contradiction resolved! Praise the Lord!

     Lemon, you got caught in a major booby trap that God planted near the end of the Book of Job. Please understand that God's response to His longsuffering servant Job ("Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding") was not intended to be "arrogant," but instead to demonstrate to Job that the forces at work in the world, both natural and supernatural, were beyond his comprehension. That's even more true today even though our secular scientists claim to know so much more about human origins and nature. The human race still lacks the foresight to prevent overpopulation and global warming, among other disasters. Sure, they can make a killing off Prozac and Viagra, but do either of those chemicals really help the planet?

     God was simply giving Job a taste of how vast and intricate the world really is. Try meditating on the various examples that God provided to Job, and to us courtesy of Moses Our Teacher and the scribes who succeeded him. Even if you don’t believe in God for the time being, you have to admit that there are natural laws that hold the universe together, laws that, like the whirlwind and the tides, sometimes wreak havoc with the plans of human beings, however virtuous they may be. Not everyone passes the test that God put Job through. It sounds as though you didn't make it through surviving history of the original events. I hope you'll read the book again and ask God to help you understand it better this time around.

     I will admit that there one or two Biblical booby traps that still perplex me. My father helps me with some of them, but in a few cases the solutions remain elusive. That does nothing to erode my faith in Almighty God and His promises. I hope at least a few of you can learn from my humble example.

 

 

All my love – and God's too,

 

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

[Princess Keesha]

I also suspect it's a parody (though I don't know who's behind it). it's simply too over the top to be "real."

 

If I'm "over the top," it's because my God is "over the top" and "in charge" of my Gospel message. I'm not writing "parody" either. All are welcome in God's One True Church of Holy Assurance. You have God's Word on it in Acts 17:31. I'm not intimidated by non-believers. Many of them -- you -- are more virtuous than supposed Christians. Pseudo- and hypo-Christians have a lot to learn from the unchurched and unsaved. I'm here to help them find the Way too.

 

 

All my love – and God's too,

 

 

Crown Princess Keesha Hickey Holloway

Heir to the Thrones of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

[ShackledNoMore]

The "beautiful sentiment" I was referring to was the fact that the faithful wife children who chose to take the rough and narrow road that leads to Eternal Life were able to see Jesus beckoning to them in the distance. The throngs of deluded sinners who chose to march along the multi-lane highway that leads to destruction in hell had only their delusions to comfort them. The procrastinating, pleasure-loving husband was offered every opportunity to repent and follow his family up the long, hard road that leads to salvation, but he fooloshly chose not to. It isn't about following the wrong religion, although the follow of taking refuge in false doctrines is highlighted in the holy Gospel tract. God's One True Church of Holy Assurance teaches that there are True Believers in most of the world's religions -- including secular humanism and Godless atheism -- although we're not too sure about $cientology or Islam.

Suppose you saw Hitler treat somebody with kindness and favors as he sent millions to their deaths. Would his act of kindness to the person he found favor with make him Good? Sorry, welcoming the one family that stroked his ego just the right way does not make the xian god portrayed here any less of a tyrant.

 

Also, it seems that most xians would disagree with you, and Jack Chick would disagree with you much more strongly than even most xians. Chick was infamous for making it well known that only "born again" style evangelicals would find their place in heaven, and was especially harsh on catholics, who constitute a very sizable percentage of the world's xians. Chick made it very clear that if you were a catholic, you would burn in hell.

 

I'm surprised that you say there are True Believers™ in most religions and even include secular humanism and atheism (which are not religions, by the way), yet somehow manage to single out scientology and islam for exclusion.

[ShackledNoMore]

booby traps

There's a lot you could learn from Lemon about logic and thinking clearly.

 

I actually wrestled with something similar to your theory of "booby traps" when I was in the process of deconverting, although I applied them more to scientific inconsistencies with the biblical account than to internal contradictions or inconsistencies.

 

Ultimately, however, just as Lemon points out, it does say clearly right in the bible that "God is not the author of confusion." Unless you can twist this as yet another one of his "booby traps" it's pretty clear that things simply don't add up.

[ShackledNoMore]

Some commentators see Genesis 24:64 as the first reference to smoking in the Holy Bible. It reports that "Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel." While it is remotely possible that Rebekah was giving up an unsavory youthful habit in anticipation of her upcoming nuptials by throwing away her last cigarette in this verse, it is more likely that she was simply climbing down from a beast of burden in order to meet her beloved. It’s still a beautiful sentiment, at least in my opinion, if Rebekah was thinking to herself way back then, “I’m going to be a wife and a mother soon. I really need to clean up my act now. I don’t want my husband to kiss me and realize my mouth smells like a regular ashtray!”

I blame the tobacco companies. That cartoonish Joe Camel lures kids like Rebekeh into thinking that smoking is sexy, glamorous, and cool.

[lemon]

You mentioned drinking and smoking. When you bring back iblical passages, also provide those which call drinking [and] smoking sins. It is interesting that you feel you are here to help us find the [T]rue [W]ay...it isn't a good idea to take on such a huge task since already, you are contradicting yourself. But I will wait until you post "iblical booby traps" later.

 

     I'm sorry if I seem to be contradicting myself, Lemon. That was never my intention. Sometimes life embodies contradictions. This often happens when we surrender our lives to Christ and find ourselves having to forsake our dark pasts in favor of God's Holy Laws against presumed pleasures. II Corinthians 5:17 teaches, "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." Would you care to explain more specifically what you mean by "contradictions"? I'm not here to condemn or judge anyone, merely to clarify to those who may be interested what the Word of God really means. I don't want to see anyone turn her back on God just because she never took the time to get to know Him as He truly is.

     Believe me, sister – if I may address you so informally – I know about all the false and misleading doctrines taught in most churches today, especially those greedy megachurches. I'm here to counter them. How you respond is up to you. God sees and understands how His Word is perverted by hypocrites and money-grubbers every day. He will not hold you accountable for their many sins.

 

Smoking and Drinking

 

     Some commentators see Genesis 24:64 as the first reference to smoking in the Holy Bible. It reports that "Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel." While it is remotely possible that Rebekah was giving up an unsavory youthful habit in anticipation of her upcoming nuptials by throwing away her last cigarette in this verse, it is more likely that she was simply climbing down from a beast of burden in order to meet her beloved. It’s still a beautiful sentiment, at least in my opinion, if Rebekah was thinking to herself way back then, “I’m going to be a wife and a mother soon. I really need to clean up my act now. I don’t want my husband to kiss me and realize my mouth smells like a regular ashtray!â€

     We next turn to the New Testament for answers. Smoking, as we all know, is both addictive and unhealthy. God ruled against such behavior in I Corinthians 6:12, in which the Apostle Paul wrote under Divine inspiration, "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." That's a clear indication that we should avoid all addictive substances, as well as any potentially harmful ones.

     Drinking is covered far more extensively in Scripture. It allows the limited use of sacramental wine while prohibiting drunkenness. Ephesians 5:18 advises us to "be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit." Since the Word further admonishes us to avoid all appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22), many True Christians abstain from alcohol altogether, and rightly so. Who can fault them for this decision, based as it is on Romans 14:21, which says, "It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak"?

     Our Holy Church teaches that blended and distilled spirits are the devil's potions and are off limits to all members in good standing.

 

 

Biblical Booby Traps

 

     God literally filled His Word with booby traps to test the faith of believers and unbelievers alike. As we learn from Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." God rewards those of us who meditate in His Word day and night (Joshua 1:8) so that, guided by God's Holy Spirit, we can resolve any apparent contradictions and better understand and apply God's message to us.

     Among the best known of these booby traps is the Creation account in the Book of Genesis. Critics of the Bible, working under Satanic influence, have long promoted the conclusion that the book contains two "contradictory" accounts of the origins of the universe. One only has to study the Holy Hebrew Tongue of my ancestors to understand that the two accounts are actually one.

     Genesis 1:1-2:4a lays out the sequence of events in chronological order. The creation of the universe spanned six days and was concluded with God's resting on the seventh day. Since the sun and moon were created on the fourth of these days, the term day (in the Holy Hebrew Tongue yom) probably does not refer to a period of twenty-four hours as we have defined them more recently in history. That's another embedded booby trap. I like to think of Genesis 1 as a kind of genealogical table of a type that appears at least ten times throughout the Book of Genesis to cover long passages of time.

     Genesis 2:4b-24 is a more conventional, yet not chronological, narrative covering the same events from a different perspective. In the first chapter, God creates heaven and earth; in the second, He makes earth and heaven, or more properly "land and sky" (in Holy Hebrew eretz ve-shamayim).

     The wording of the verses 4b and 5 gives any careful reader a clue that the linear narrative has been reversed for clarificatory effect: "In the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens, and every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground." It would be more accurate to translate this passage as "When God first made land and sky, no plant had ever been cultivated, no wild herb had ever sprung up from the ground, and no rain had yet fallen. There wasn't even a man to till the ground." New details are then provided about how God created the first man and woman. Scoffers imagine a contradiction where none exists. Note that in the Holy Hebrew Tongue of the Bible there is no distinction between the verbal forms “created,†“have created,†and “had created.â€

     Another booby trap that mockers of God's Word often throw my way is Leviticus 11:23, which to the Biblically illiterate reader seems to suggest that six-legged insects actually have only four legs: "Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind...bald locust...beetle...and the grasshopper after his kind. But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you." The fact is that the Afro-Semitic Hebrews regarded an insect's first pair of what we call its legs as its hands. Cf. Proverbs 30:28. Alleged contradiction resolved! Praise the Lord!

     Lemon, you got caught in a major booby trap that God planted near the end of the Book of Job. Please understand that God's response to His longsuffering servant Job ("Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding") was not intended to be "arrogant," but instead to demonstrate to Job that the forces at work in the world, both natural and supernatural, were beyond his comprehension. That's even more true today even though our secular scientists claim to know so much more about human origins and nature. The human race still lacks the foresight to prevent overpopulation and global warming, among other disasters. Sure, they can make a killing off Prozac and Viagra, but do either of those chemicals really help the planet?

     God was simply giving Job a taste of how vast and intricate the world really is. Try meditating on the various examples that God provided to Job, and to us courtesy of Moses Our Teacher and the scribes who succeeded him. Even if you don’t believe in God for the time being, you have to admit that there are natural laws that hold the universe together, laws that, like the whirlwind and the tides, sometimes wreak havoc with the plans of human beings, however virtuous they may be. Not everyone passes the test that God put Job through. It sounds as though you didn't make it through surviving history of the original events. I hope you'll read the book again and ask God to help you understand it better this time around.

     I will admit that there one or two Biblical booby traps that still perplex me. My father helps me with some of them, but in a few cases the solutions remain elusive. That does nothing to erode my faith in Almighty God and His promises. I hope at least a few of you can learn from my humble example.

 

 

All my love – and God's too,

 

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

 

Thanks, but unless you can give a clear reference that smoking (btw, I am not a smoker) and drinking are sins, it is best not to call them such. When you do that, you really cannot be in a position to tell someone that they are only making assumptions about issues like pants, make-up, or even racial intergration (which is also called a sin by some). Out of curiosity, did you copy the response from a website? I ask not to be harsh, but it just didn't seem to be from the heart.

 

From reading your response, you still do not see how harmful your viewpoint is (or maybe you are pretending). To say that God placed booby traps in the bible makes him the author of confusion. That is an insult to the God you claim to represent. I am not surprised that some would feel that you are another parody because your beliefs are heretical. Nothing you brought in even hints of a supposed booby trap. Just in case I haven't already, allow me to tell you that I have been studying the bible, and corresponding and even debating with atheists (including ex-christians) for a number of years. Your posture is unrealistic and again, harmful to the cause you profess to represent.

 

The fact that you would even bring in the book of Job leaves me suspicious (I am sure you read my first post). Personally, I don't care to pass any kind of test that this character (Job) supposedly went through (nor am I qualified to, neither are you for that matter). Personally, I don't believe in taking OT stories/issues and making personal applications as you appear to do. The only time something like that should be warrented is with psalms and proverbs...and even then, one must be careful.

 

But anyway, a few questions for you. You brought in:

"Drinking is covered far more extensively in Scripture. It allows the limited use of sacramental wine while prohibiting drunkenness. Ephesians 5:18 advises us to "be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit." Since the Word further admonishes us to avoid all appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22), many True Christians abstain from alcohol altogether, and rightly so. Who can fault them for this decision, based as it is on Romans 14:21, which says, "It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak"?

 

Do you believe that the water changed to wine (miracle of christ) wasn't alcoholic wine--the devil's postions as you later mentioned? Or was it real wine? Personally, I don't believe that christ would change anything into the devils potion. Do you? If it isn't good to drink wine, why do you think the bible contains such a miracle? Also, the verse you brought says that it is good to abstain from flesh. Does that mean it is a sin to eat meat? So you must be a vegetarian? Lastly (for now) how could you personally reconcile your claim with the latter part of the verse: [b]nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak. So do you abstain from ANYthing that causes another person to stumble or become weak? [/b] You mentioned that you were holding a seminar on healing. Some people may actually stumble over the fact that a woman is giving a seminar (some christians believe that a woman should not be teaching at all). Will you now abstain from such?

 

"Ephesians 5:18 advises us to "be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit."

 

Again, nothing that states alcohol is a sin, but a statement against drunkeness which is plain old common sense. Are you aware that you add opinions to what is in the bible which is also harmful?

 

"Since the Word further admonishes us to avoid all appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22)"

 

No kidding. But does this verse admonish us to call things evil that really aren't?

[Princess Keesha]

Suppose you saw Hitler treat somebody with kindness and favors as he sent millions to their deaths. Would his act of kindness to the person he found favor with make him Good?

 

Never. Many fascists thought Hitler was doing the right thing for the Third Reich. He and his party never left the wide and spacious road that leads to destruction.

 

Sorry, welcoming the one family that stroked [H]is ego just the right way does not make the [Christ]ian [G]od portrayed here any less of a tyrant.

 

The mother and her children who chose the rough and narrow way that leads to life did not "stroke God's ego" in any way. They believed in His revelations and obeyed His commandments. I'm sorry you feel the way you do about both. You're obviously cut off from God and His forgiving love. That's your choice to make. Since Christ Jesus taught us, "Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in Heaven" (Matthew 7:21), you can still get into heaven if you dedicate your life to loving your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18). As James 1:27 says, "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

 

Also, it seems that most [Christ]ians would disagree with you, and Jack Chick would disagree with you much more strongly than even most [Christ]ians. Chick was infamous for making it well known that only "born again" style evangelicals would find their place in heaven, and was especially harsh on [C]atholics, who constitute a very sizable percentage of the world's [Christ]ians. Chick made it very clear that if you were a [C]atholic, you would burn in hell.

 

Our Holy Church teaches that relatively few Roman Catholics are True Christians. Most are pseudo-Christian idolaters. Many make it to heaven nonetheless. Earlier today I wrote that many if not most so-called "churches" espouse doctrinal errors. I'm here to correct as many of those as I can.

 

I'm surprised that you say there are True Believers in most religions and even include secular humanism and atheism (which are not religions, by the way),

 

As the functional equivalents of religion, they might as well be religions like any other. They have their distinctive canon of saints and their index of sins. J. Gordon Melton's Encyclopedia of American Religions lists several freethinking groups.

 

yet somehow manage to single out [$]cientology and slam for exclusion.

 

I wrote that Our Church is not "sure" about $cientology and Islam. $cientology is all about selling fantasy to the highest bidder, and Islam seems to be based on intolerance. Try though I might, I can't hold these either of these belief systems in the same regard as I can animism or Buddhism. Can you?

 

 

All my love to you – and God's too,

 

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

[Ouroboros]

Smoking and Drinking

Yes. I like that. God wants me to smoke and drink? Awesome! Maybe there's a chance I'll convert back again?

 

Biblical Booby Traps

Oh, I like Boobies too! This God sounds better and better.

 

All my love – and God's too,

Love you too!

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

And Sheba-ngs, Sheba-ngs

Oh baby

When she moves, she moves

I go crazy

'Cause she looks like a flower but she stings

like a bee

Like every girl in history

Sheba-ngs, Sheba-ngs

[Ouroboros]

If I'm "over the top," it's because my God is "over the top" and "in charge" of my Gospel message.

Hah! Not really. It's not the message that's over the top in this case. You are a bit too far up on your high horses. Just your little: "Princess Keesha Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron" is enough for anyone to raise their eyebrows and think you're a fake. You don't boast if you're a true Christian. But you have a lot of pride. And where in the Bible does it say you should be telling people you're a descendant to King Solomon etc?

 

I'm not writing "parody" either. All are welcome in God's One True Church of Holy Assurance. You have God's Word on it in Acts 17:31. I'm not intimidated by non-believers. Many of them -- you -- are more virtuous than supposed Christians.

Thanks.

 

Pseudo- and hypo-Christians have a lot to learn from the unchurched and unsaved. I'm here to help them find the Way too.

We're not unsaved or untouched, we are ex-saved, and ex-touched. We once believed in the Way, but we don't anymore. Isn't the Way a reference to Buddhism or Daoism? Doesn't Dao Te Ching mean something like "The book of the way"? Are you a Daoist by chance Princess?

[Purple]

I wrote that Our Church is not "sure" about $cientology and Islam. $cientology is all about selling fantasy to the highest bidder, and Islam seems to be based on intolerance. Try though I might, I can't hold these either of these belief systems in the same regard as I can animism or Buddhism. Can you?

 

In it's practice and how it is sometimes different from the ideal in its holy texts I see Islam exactly the same as the other 2 abrahamic religions.

 

Not that you were asking me, but just saying.

[ShackledNoMore]

Suppose you saw Hitler treat somebody with kindness and favors as he sent millions to their deaths. Would his act of kindness to the person he found favor with make him Good?

 

Never. Many fascists thought Hitler was doing the right thing for the Third Reich. He and his party never left the wide and spacious road that leads to destruction.

My point being, of course, that the accounts of the xian god's behavior mighty strongly resemble Hitler's, only on an exaggerated, omnipotent scale. If the message of Jack Chick and many/most xians were to be believed, the concentration camps in which the Jews died would seem like a country club compared to the place they directly fled to for eternity.

 

You're obviously cut off from God and His forgiving love.

You are correct. So are you, I might add, as well as any True Christians™ out there, since "God" is nothing more than a myth born out of pagan roots.

 

I wrote that Our Church is not "sure" about $cientology and Islam. $cientology is all about selling fantasy to the highest bidder, and Islam seems to be based on intolerance. Try though I might, I can't hold these either of these belief systems in the same regard as I can animism or Buddhism. Can you?

No. Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion. Animism is a "primitive" belief, and I've got to say, they don't go around killing people in the name of their beliefs like xians and muslims do, at least not in recent history.

 

Ironically (and as you know full well) xianity and islam appear much the same from the perspective of a person who buys into neither. Although islam appears a little more quick to kill heretics at the moment, xianity has a mighty dark history, and in terms of intolerance and bloodshed, they seem to be in a dead heat.

 

You are quite a character, Princess Keesha, or should I say, Max Varazslo?

 

(I must confess, you did seem a bit too well spoken to be your run of the mill, fundy apologist.)

[lemon]

Suppose you saw Hitler treat somebody with kindness and favors as he sent millions to their deaths. Would his act of kindness to the person he found favor with make him Good?

 

Never. Many fascists thought Hitler was doing the right thing for the Third Reich. He and his party never left the wide and spacious road that leads to destruction.

My point being, of course, that the accounts of the xian god's behavior mighty strongly resemble Hitler's, only on an exaggerated, omnipotent scale. If the message of Jack Chick and many/most xians were to be believed, the concentration camps in which the Jews died would seem like a country club compared to the place they directly fled to for eternity.

 

You're obviously cut off from God and His forgiving love.

You are correct. So are you, I might add, as well as any True Christians out there, since "God" is nothing more than a myth born out of pagan roots.

 

I wrote that Our Church is not "sure" about $cientology and Islam. $cientology is all about selling fantasy to the highest bidder, and Islam seems to be based on intolerance. Try though I might, I can't hold these either of these belief systems in the same regard as I can animism or Buddhism. Can you?

No. Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion. Animism is a "primitive" belief, and I've got to say, they don't go around killing people in the name of their beliefs like xians and muslims do, at least not in recent history.

 

Ironically (and as you know full well) xianity and islam appear much the same from the perspective of a person who buys into neither. Although islam appears a little more quick to kill heretics at the moment, xianity has a mighty dark history, and in terms of intolerance and bloodshed, they seem to be in a dead heat.

 

You are quite a character, Princess Keesha, or should I say, Max Varazslo?

 

(I must confess, you did seem a bit too well spoken to be your run of the mill, fundy apologist.)

 

You are onto something...I found this while googling: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/2/12/134218/240

 

The First Universal Christian Kingdom (2.50 / 2)

Back in December, regular poster RumsfeldResign mentioned that he purchased an ordination from my church, the First Universal Christian Kingdom, for $3.00. As a pastor of the church, otherwise known as God's One True Church of Holy Assurance, I want to assure everyone that we don't sell ordinations to anyone for any price. He must be thinking of the Universal Life Church, which used to offer free ordinations but now may charge a nominal processing fee. Inflation impacts even the best of us adversely. When our church's website comes back online, I'll return and give everyone interested the new URL. We are strict scriptural literalists, but we also want nothing to do with the political "religious right." George W. Bush is not, in our opinion, a religious man -- in spite of his many claims to the contrary. He may in fact be in league with the devil. He is unquestionably doing serious harm to our country and should be opposed by all True Believers.

 

God bless you in your struggle for freedom from oppression on all levels!

 

by Princess Keesha on Sun Feb 12, 2006 at 04:02:20 PM PDT

 

[ Parent ]

 

Re: The First Universal Christian Kingdom (2.50 / 2)

Pay no attention to "Princess Keesha". "She" is actually a he named Max Varazslo. He is a known liar who has been trolling the homosexual newsgroups for the last six or seven years under various names. If you don't believe me, just do a Google Groups search for "First Universal Christian Kingdom".

 

Sorry about the interruption to your website.

 

by euphgeek on Sun Feb 12, 2006 at 08:49:32 PM PDT

 

[ Parent ]

[smellincoffee]

I was scared into Christianity at the age of 13 by a tract (that I thought was by Chick) where two guys were traveling down a road in a car and the one says that he is considering giving his life over to God. His friend mocks him and convinces him to reject God. Then they are hit by a train... The scene cuts to them in hell and the guy says to his friend something like, "You said there was no God!" The "friend" pulls off his head and its a demon!!

 

Anyone remember this tract? I looked for it on the Chick website but I couldn't find it.

 

 

 

Enter the Jabberwock (a blog) has a running series called the "Chick Tract Dissections", typically updated every Monday. One of the tracts that has been dissected is "Somebody Goofed". That's the one you're thinking of.

 

http://www.enterthejabberwock.com/?p=499

 

 

Jabberwock makes fun of the tracts' awful theology, awful art, and pretty much everything else. I love starting the week off this way.

[Thackerie]

If I'm "over the top," it's because my God is "over the top" and "in charge" of my Gospel message.

Hah! Not really. It's not the message that's over the top in this case. You are a bit too far up on your high horses. Just your little: "Princess Keesha Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron" is enough for anyone to raise their eyebrows and think you're a fake. You don't boast if you're a true Christian. But you have a lot of pride. And where in the Bible does it say you should be telling people you're a descendant to King Solomon etc?

 

Now, now Han, before we imply that the Princess is stretching the truth, let's give her the opportunity to prove her identity as a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba by asking a couple of easy questions that she should be able to answer immediately.

 

Hey, Princess Keesha -

 

Please answer the following questions and prove the doubters wrong:

 

1. What is the name of the tribe to which the descendants of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba belong?

 

2. From Solomon and Sheba's time to the present day, how many emperors have had the same name as their son who also became an emperor?

 

3. What item did Solomon have her take away from Israel for safekeeping in her native land?

 

4. Where is that item now?

[Ro-bear]

At first I suspected fwee; now I'm thinking this is pure Bro Jeff.

[ShackledNoMore]

At first I suspected fwee; now I'm thinking this is pure Bro Jeff.

Neither. And you'll find some interesting results if you google "Princess Keesha" and/or "Max Varazslo," or "Church of Holy Assurance."

 

And it seems there was an interesting thread with our Princess Keesha a couple of years ago: http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=7125

[Ro-bear]

At first I suspected fwee; now I'm thinking this is pure Bro Jeff.

Neither. And you'll find some interesting results if you google "Princess Keesha" and/or "Max Varazslo," or "Church of Holy Assurance."

 

And it seems there was an interesting thread with our Princess Keesha a couple of years ago: http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=7125

 

Good catch, ShackledNoMore. It appears Euphgeek is the member who can shed the most light on this person. Clearly, though, this is satire.

[Princess Keesha]

At first I suspected fwee; now I'm thinking this is pure Bro Jeff.

 

     What makes you want to "suspect" anyone, Ro-bear? O ye of little faith! I am exactly who I say I am -- Crown Princess Keesha Hickey Holloway, assistant pastor of God's One True Church of Holy Assurance in Dallas, Texas, which is part of the First Universal Christian Kingdom World Evangelical Temple. Dr. Thurgood Tucker, pastor of the New Sodom, Kink-o-pornia, branch of Our Holy Church, offered to perform an exorcism on Brother Jeff, but he refused. He actually thought Dr. Tucker was joking, but I can assure you he wasn't. Later, I posted a follow-up message that Nivek (I think) heartlessly deleted. I was told that Brother Jeff had found Jesus again last year, albeit briefly. His blasphemous website had been discontinued, so True Christians like me had occasion to praise the Lord. We thought that would be an excellent time to move in and cast out the demons that continue to cause him so much difficulty.

     Besides, Brother Jeff misspells words for phonetic effect. I rarely do that.

     God appreciates our efforts even if no one else does.

 

All my love – and God's too,

 

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

[Thackerie]

At first I suspected fwee; now I'm thinking this is pure Bro Jeff.

 

What makes you want to "suspect" anyone, Ro-bear? O ye of little faith! I am exactly who I say I am ... Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba...

 

Then, like I said, you should be able to answer the questions I asked in post #40 right off the top of your head. Go ahead, take a stab at it, at least the easiest one:

 

What is the name of the tribe to which the descendants of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba belong?

[ShackledNoMore]

...offered to perform an exorcism on Brother Jeff, but he refused.

...

Besides, Brother Jeff misspells words for phonetic effect. I rarely do that.

That's because Brother Jeff is filled with the Spook of Kraast. Glory!

[Princess Keesha]

Now, now Han, before we imply that the Princess is stretching the truth, let's give her the opportunity to prove her identity as a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba by asking a couple of easy questions that she should be able to answer immediately.

 

Hey, Princess Keesha -

 

Please answer the following questions and prove the doubters wrong:

 

1. What is the name of the tribe to which the descendants of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba belong?

 

     King Solomon, of course, was a member of the Tribe of Judah, as was Ethiopian Haile Selassie, otherwise known as the “Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah.†Many members of the Beta Israel trace their lineage to the Tribe of Dan. Migration of Danites into Sabaean territory didn’t begin until the reign of Rehoboam, son of King Solomon. There is also a theory that the Midianite children of Moses Our Teacher took refuge in the ancient Cushite kingdom shortly after the Exodus, making them putative Levites. The Lemba people of Southern Africa are a non-Ethiopian group of Black Jews, but it is likely that most of them left Eretz Israel some time after the Conquest. Our Holy Church is headed by Messianic Orthodox Black Jews, some of whom identify the Queen of Sheba not with the Ethiopian queen Makeda but rather with a princess of the 21st-dynasty pharaoh Tit-kheper-u-Re, who also ruled under the throne name Hor-pa-Seba-kha-en-Niut.

 

2. From Solomon and Sheba's time to the present day, how many emperors have had the same name as their son who also became an emperor?

 

     Do you mean only the emperors of Ethiopia, or all the emperors who ever lived? There are no such emperors in the Solomonid Dynasty of Ethiopia that I know of. The closest instance came near the end of the 14th century AD, when Newaya Maryam (“Vessel of Maryâ€) succeeded Newaya Krestos (“Vessel of Christâ€). The names are not exactly alike, and both "kings of kings" adopted distinctive throne names.

 

3. What item did Solomon have her take away from Israel for safekeeping in her native land?

 

     The Holy Bible doesn’t specify what King Solomon gave to the Queen of Sheba beyond “whatsoever she asked†(I Kings 10:13). We can presume that he taught her True Religion (as suggested by I Kings 10:6-9) and the art of Solomonic lovemaking. According to the Kebra Nagast, however, the son of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba, Menelik, was entrusted with the Ark of the Covenant in Solomon’s Temple on reaching maturity and took it back to Sheba with him. This assertion dates from within the Christian Era and is not supported by Biblical evidence. It has never been part of Our True Church's teachings.

 

4. Where is that item now?

 

     The Ark of the Covenant that Menelik (not his mother Makeda) supposedly received from King Solomon is reported to be kept in the city of Aksum in Ethiopia, possibly in the Church of Our Lady Mary, although that theory is widely disputed.

 

     Now what do I win?

 

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

[Princess Keesha]

In it's practice and how it is sometimes different from the ideal in its holy texts I see Islam exactly the same as the other 2 [A]brahamic religions.

 

Not that you were asking me, but just saying.

 

      I welcome your comments, Purple.

      I understand your point. Historically speaking, there is a lot of blood on the hands of both Jews and Christians. I'm not going to try to make excuses for any of the carnage. I only ask you to recognize that there are elements within both Judaism and Christianity that at least point the way toward a truly better world for all of us, characterized by compassion, kindness, and True Love for humanity and for the earth, that are missing from Islam. Muhammad, I believe, wanted to stop time in his own century. Judaism and Christianity, at least in my opinion, take the future of the human race into account in their religious doctrines. It may not be the future that you and other unbelievers envision, but it is at least a future in which different people can come together and commune with one another as children of God.

 

 

All my love to you – and God's too,

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron

[Grandpa Harley]

Ro-bear, I sure hope you are right, that Keesha is a fraud.

 

Deva, sweetness heart!

 

This Google search indicates that it's the real deal, or we have the reincarnation of the Andy Kaufman...

[Princess Keesha]

Good catch, ShackledNoMore. It appears Euphgeek is the member who can shed the most light on this person.

 

Don't trust a thing he says! He's a racist who calls me "Mother Sambo" and cross-posts my sermons on Usenet to anti-Black hate groups. He accuses the leaders of God's Only True Church of being involved in a Satanic cult. Last year he didn't even believe in demons and repeatedly tried to convince True Christians that they didn't exist. Now he calls every member of Our Holy Church who will interact with him a devil worshipper.

 

Clearly, though, this is satire.

 

It's not supposed to be. I firmly stand by every word I'm writing. I think most of you have never met a genuine True Christian like me. I'm here to give you the opportunity to see what we're really like. We're nothing like the pseudo- and hypo-Christians who dominate the false god Mammon's megachurches today, let me assure you.

 

 

All my love to you – and God's too,

 

 

Princess Keesha

Direct Descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

Mother to Cornelius, Sheba, Persia, Perseus, and Theron