imageownershipproblem Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Image...God put..... (KIDDING) I don't want you to go. BTW..I didn't understand your post in my goodbye thread. Do you need to PM something? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yea....I'm going through an unbelievable 5000 prong attack of personal crises....would it be okay if I PMed you about one thing I simply can't deal with all alone and if I PMed PR about another thing I simply can't deal with all alone when I can get ahold of myself a bit? It's really horrible that I'm wallowing in self-pity on the same day that this happened in London; I really hate myself for it. LOVE THE SINNER, HATE THE SIN OMG!!!!! I hate that one even worse!!!!!!! English translation: You are scum. You don't deserve to exist. I am expecting your untimely death within 24 hours and if it doesn't happen, then I will have proof that you were never saved in the first place and gawd will send Satan to deal with you. Oh, for pete's sake, hate me all you want! I'm an asshole and I know it! Just love my sins, because they'd be a hell of a lot more fun if I wasn't so incompetant about how to do them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bdp Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Has anybody contributed 'If God seems distant, who moved?' Saw that one just recently on a church sign, it never seems to go away. bdp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 That is just too funny. Maybe they weren't real Christians and therefore their prayers weren't "binding"? Kind of similar to... Anencephalos: "Have you found JEEEEEEEEEEESUS?!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!" Intelligent person: "How the fuck do you keep losing him anyway?!" (One can tell that I've found a new "love of my life" where smileys are concerned, no? ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Precisely! Oh the memories, bdp! That one had a sister phrase, "I love you in the Lord." That is my most hated one, the most vile of all, because what it really meant was, "Personally, I can't stand you and if it were not for my religion forcing me to love you I wouldn't because you are unworthy of being loved by me." Christian "love" for far too many is a definition for hatred and a license to carry it out. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Precisley! and this had a sister as well, my most hated, "God said I had to love you, he didn't say I had to like you." translation.. I don't do either, and I have no intention of dealing with you and your lousy attitude one minute longer. (Any Christian reading this show me, you'll have to actaully think here, but show me how you can love a person when you have no like for them? YOU CAN'T!) Okay sorry a little ranty there. I bitched about this so much to a Christian friend he stopped saying "Smile Jesus loves you" and started saying "Smile Jesus likes you." ARGH Shoot me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 ...I bitched about this so much to a Christian friend he stopped saying "Smile Jesus loves you" and started saying "Smile Jesus likes you." ARGH Shoot me! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> How do they know who Jesus loves/likes or just has a mild fondness of? It's like saying Hitler enjoys you! Friggin idiots Oh and welcome Purple love the name PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 I can always tell the ex-charismatics on the forum! How about when they talk about binding the "strong man". I never really understood that one. Yep. 'Twas a "Charismaniac". Although I didn't swallow that crap hook, line and sinker. I was always arguing with the pastor about the so-called "gifts". I know he wanted to "slay me". (Just not in the spirit!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nirrti Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 "We are the righteousness of God!" Huh? "Rababa Rababa Boesha!" Lame-o attempt to "speak in tongues. "We need to act on one accord" In other words, if you disagree, you're causing division. "Rebellion is of witchcraft!" Obey church authority or you'll be accused of being a satanic practicing witch and burned at the stake. "Spiritual headship" Excuse to be family's dictator "The rod of correction" Beat the hell out of your kids with the blessing of god. "Satan is busy" People doing bad things and don't want full responsibility for actions. "Come on. Lets give the Lord a handclap of praise!" Coercing you to show excitement for fear of sticking out if you're just sitting there. "You don't mess with Gawd's money!" Used in leu of robbing you at gunpoint but just as effective to make you pay tithes. "You're robbing Gawd!" Same thing Phew! I didn't think I'd have so many! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 "We are the righteousness of God!"Huh? "Rababa Rababa Boesha!" Lame-o attempt to "speak in tongues. "We need to act on one accord" In other words, if you disagree, you're causing division. "Rebellion is of witchcraft!" Obey church authority or you'll be accused of being a satanic practicing witch and burned at the stake. "Spiritual headship" Excuse to be family's dictator "The rod of correction" Beat the hell out of your kids with the blessing of god. "Satan is busy" People doing bad things and don't want full responsibility for actions. "Come on. Lets give the Lord a handclap of praise!" Coercing you to show excitement for fear of sticking out if you're just sitting there. "You don't mess with Gawd's money!" Used in leu of robbing you at gunpoint but just as effective to make you pay tithes. "You're robbing Gawd!" Same thing Phew! I didn't think I'd have so many! Sheesh! Did you attend the same fucked up church as me? (Or is this just further proof that Xians regurgitate their own vomit? I think so.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dulce Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 My MIL gave me one that reads, "God danced the day you were born". God must be doing a non-stop jig with all the people being born around the world. As for embarassing people, my stepmom recieved a framed poem titled "Let God and Let God" when I was in Jr. High. So I hung it by the toilet in the guest bathroom, to encourage any constipated guests. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That is too funny. My MIL hung my plaque in the crapper, too!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 P.S. - Nirrti, I truly LOVE your avatar! Tre cool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Meeeem-orieeeeeeees..... (in my best Barbara S. impression) Did we go to the same church! You had to have been Charismatic. I remember the fervent prayers, "Dear lord, I just want to pray a hedge of protection around and about my mother as she goes to the doctor today... yadda yadda. And lord, please break my brother, lord, he is straying so far from you, bring him back any way you can.. yadda yadda." And don't forget.... "We plead the blood of Jesus over this situation/person." Yes guys, you sound very familiar. Let the Holy Ghost lead is in prayer... (pause) Oooh Lord-ah! Bless-ah... our sick and needing members-ah. (in loud dramatic voice) ...etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 "YOU CAN'T SPEAK IN TONGUES BECAUSE THERE IS SIN IN YOUR LIFE." Which means that I'm TOTALLY SIN FREE!!! 'Cause I still speak it... (no not all the time, only when I want to prove my point... okay?... I'm not that delusional! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dulce Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 QUOTE(nirrti @ Jul 8 2005, 06:20 PM) "We are the righteousness of God!" Huh? "Rababa Rababa Boesha!" Lame-o attempt to "speak in tongues. "We need to act on one accord" In other words, if you disagree, you're causing division. "Rebellion is of witchcraft!" Obey church authority or you'll be accused of being a satanic practicing witch and burned at the stake. "Spiritual headship" Excuse to be family's dictator "The rod of correction" Beat the hell out of your kids with the blessing of god. "Satan is busy" People doing bad things and don't want full responsibility for actions. "Come on. Lets give the Lord a handclap of praise!" Coercing you to show excitement for fear of sticking out if you're just sitting there. "You don't mess with Gawd's money!" Used in leu of robbing you at gunpoint but just as effective to make you pay tithes. "You're robbing Gawd!" Same thing Phew! I didn't think I'd have so many! Sheesh! Did you attend the same fucked up church as me? (Or is this just further proof that Xians regurgitate their own vomit? I think so.) Reading this was like being drug back in time!!!! EWWWWWWWWW! We must have had the same pastor! I think some of that shit was just a time filler. Like...."Let's give the lord a hand clap of praise." If the preacher ran out of crap to say, he just used one of those well rehearsed lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Reading this was like being drug back in time!!!! EWWWWWWWWW! We must have had the same pastor! I think some of that shit was just a time filler. Like...."Let's give the lord a hand clap of praise." If the preacher ran out of crap to say, he just used one of those well rehearsed lines. "Giving the lord a hand clap of praise"! I totally forgot about that little gem! Classic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Urg, that goes along with "Everyone is going to go home today; yell, cheer and get crazy for their favorite football team. Yet when it comes to God, the creator of the universe who came and died for you, you are all just sitting there, looking around. Let's get up and give God a cheer!" Always said on Superbowl Sunday. Then the congregation gets up dutifully and yells, cheers, hoots, hollers and claps for Jesus, like some kind of canned tv cheering section. (Ooooh, I may regret this, but they say confession is good for the soul...sooo....) When I was preaching (I was a teacher/evangelist and elder. I'm SO ashamed of myself.), I ACTUALLY used that guilt trip message on a Superbowl Sunday. I can barely lift my head, my shame is so great. Will you guys forgive me? Man! What a fucking idiot I was! (Was? OK. I'm still an idiot, but a NON-Xian idiot. That's gotta count for something! Right? Guys? Gals? Uh-oh, I'd better run!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkenmoon Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 "Spiritual headship"Excuse to be family's dictator Ohhh... I HATED this one! "How can you run the family if there isn't someone to make the final decision?" Or "I think of it as my husband is the President of the company and I'm the manager" GRRRRR SO lame! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 How do they know who Jesus loves/likes or just has a mild fondness of? It's like saying Hitler enjoys you! Friggin idiots Oh and welcome Purple love the name PR <{POST_SNAPBACK}> How do they know?? They have the gift of discernment??? Another that makes my blood boil is, "We are all hypocrites liars and sinners that's why we need Jesus." My Pastor used to put a common slant on this, when people said to him they would not go to a church because it was full of hypocrites, he would ask them if they went to the grocery store then? cuz it was full of hypocrites too. Thank you for the welcome Purple Rhino, or is that PR? I like your name too, but I must say your avatar makes me smile everytime I see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 TK we all did idiotic stuff, we were all entranced by the same kinds of teachings. You are brave enough to admit it and that is enough. No apologies required. Heck, I spoke in tongues, had discernments, had words, had dreams with I thought were prophetic, prayed the holy spirit over people, told a depressed person that mental illness was really demon posession, was a part of ministries..etc. Thanks, Madame M! I think I'm going through a new post-Xian phase. When I first apostasized I was relieved and angry at the church. Lately, though, I've mellowed down and become more introspective and EMBARRASSED for having ever allowed myself to be duped. I can't even discuss religion anymore without being assaulted by waves of humiliation at having been a sheep. When I critique THOSE people for their idiotic beliefs, I have to remember that I was once one of THOSE people. It's rather humbling. I've been toying with the idea of writing a book about my travails. And maybe someday I will. If I can ever get over feeling so stupid whenever I think/write about my former beliefs! Toodles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 2balive Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 OK, I just thought of the hockiest cliche line, which was used to excuse the fact that Christians are still sinners even with the power of the spirit, and to encourage people to remain faithful to whatever cesspool of idiocy they were currently a part of: "No church is perfect, if you find a perfect church, you better not join or you will ruin it." Translation: You suck just as much as us. Also, "You need to get tied in to the vision here!" Translation: We think we have some kind of special mission from God and if you would just throw all your free time into that, you wouldn't have time to question. And, "The Lord has given this church a special annointing, it's no coinicidence that you showed up here today." Translation: We are a really small church and desperately need members, so we will say anything to make you stay. LOL!!!! Madame, we've obviously been in some of the same churches!!! hahahahha And, TK, I really know what you mean about being EMBARASSED. I was in christian ministry at this time last year . . . Now I'm here on this site. Last night, my husband and I were downtown, strolling back from a nice supper out, and we heard live music close to where our car was parked, "Hallelujah, hallelujah" yada, yada, yada. There was this young musician saying the ever present cliche line: "Every one you within the sound of my voice just now . . . " I wanted to vomit. (I must have a demon! lol) He gave the standard "invitation" and I just wanted to holler SHUT UP!!!! He was blabbering on about just how much Jesus loves every one "under the sound of his voice" and how we don't need to live for jobs, money, stuff, but for Jesus, etc. I seriously wanted to vomit. I mean, that's just what we did, and it nearly ruined us and our sanity. We gave up or sold half of everything we owned, moved cross country, thinking Gawd would "take care of our business because we were taking care of his". Fat chance. As we pulled out of the spot and drove away, I saw a bumpersticker that read: "Jesus Eats Poop" We laughed so hard it made us feel a lot better. What am I turning into? A thinker, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dulce Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 What about the one on Sunday morning? Right before church was over the pastor would say, " We'll see you tonight, IF THE LORD TARRIES." Just a last minute- try to scare the shit out of you phrase. Like the rapture was always gonna take place Sunday afternoon. Everything was always, IF THE LORD TARRIES. >Always said on Superbowl Sunday. Then the congregation gets up dutifully and yells, cheers, hoots, hollers and claps for Jesus, like some kind of canned tv cheering section< Yes, every Super Bowl Sunday. Same fuckin lecture. Year in and year out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Grrrr... hated that too. After roughly 2000 years, probablility that Jesus is going to return right now.... next to nil. It's a wonder that threat still works on people who have generations upon generations of ancestors who heard that same dumb line. Which explains why the church created and added 2 Peter 3:9 to the canon of scripture. It says "the Lord is not slack concerning His promise (of returning SOON to fuck up people's day)...but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." They knew even then that all this talk of Jesus returning soon was bullshit, and they needed a convenient cover story. "Um...the Lord is delaying His coming. Yeah, yeah. That's the ticket." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bdp Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 I had a bible college prof who would always end class with 'we'll see you back here tomorrow, Lord willing... and it was like that for everything, always had to tack that 'Lord willing' onto everything. I've known other people who did the same, it was a pet peeve of mine even then. bdp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted July 10, 2005 Share Posted July 10, 2005 Have you ever noticed how you can always distinguish the sound of preaching from regular talking. There is a certain cadence to the voice of preachers when they are preaching. It doesn't matter what denomination either. Well, spirit filled will yell alot and put more emphasis- adding an "ah" sound to alot of words. "And-ah, the Lord-ah came down to Jer-us-ah-lem." Generally though, there is a distinguishable way that preachers speak when they are preaching. I can tell preaching just by hearing the cadence of the speech, even if I can't hear the words. The voice of the minister on the "Simpsons" has that cadence perfected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidhe Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 The one that always bugged me was "in Christ"...as in... After your baptism, you'll be in Christ! Translation: I don't fucking know. I'll be crawling inside his gutted corpse for warmth, 'cause I'll be soaking wet? I never got baptized, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GiantBear Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Precisley! and this had a sister as well, my most hated, "God said I had to love you, he didn't say I had to like you." translation.. I don't do either, and I have no intention of dealing with you and your lousy attitude one minute longer. (Any Christian reading this show me, you'll have to actaully think here, but show me how you can love a person when you have no like for them? YOU CAN'T!) Okay sorry a little ranty there. I bitched about this so much to a Christian friend he stopped saying "Smile Jesus loves you" and started saying "Smile Jesus likes you." ARGH Shoot me! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> It's funny. I've heard Christians talking major crap about a fellow Christian and mixing in the statement "I love him, but I don't like him." Just saying it every few sentences to cover their ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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