Guest bdp Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 The moderator on the classic movie message board I frequent posted one that sent my head spinning: "[Jesus] said anyone who would hurt a child should have a millstone put around their neck and be thrown into the depths of the sea. That is a death sentence. So anyone who says "Jesus wouldn't be for the death penalty" is ignorant." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonyaj68 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 YOu need to pick over Kratos' and Sonya69's posts for some fundie-mental jems... I'm so touched that you thought of me! But get my name right sonyaj68 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Captain Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Speak o' the devil...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I think not... That turn of phrase always reminds me of my favourite philosophy joke Decartes walks into a restaurant. He orders his main course and wine The waiter say 'Would sir like a starter with that?' and Decartes says "I think not..." and vanishes. Years ago I fulfilled a Cartesian-esque fantasy of mine -- to identify my existence as a lyric writer by having the following printed on a sweatshirt: I Rhyme Therefore Iamb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 YOu need to pick over Kratos' and Sonya69's posts for some fundie-mental jems... I'm so touched that you thought of me! But get my name right sonyaj68 nothing like having to explain a mildly crude joke... I remembered the name just fine... I just added sexual overtones... 69 geddit? No... I didn't think so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 nothing like having to explain a mildly crude joke... I remembered the name just fine... I just added sexual overtones... 69 geddit? No... I didn't think so LOL the obvious is so easily overlooked by some... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGeek Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 YOu need to pick over Kratos' and Sonya69's posts for some fundie-mental jems... I'm so touched that you thought of me! But get my name right sonyaj68 Touchy, isn't she? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. I think it would be funny to read a list of what exactly those "sins" are... What on earth could you possibly *do* in a womb except float, kick and dream... Touch your wee wee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. I think it would be funny to read a list of what exactly those "sins" are... What on earth could you possibly *do* in a womb except float, kick and dream... Touch your wee wee. Now now, that's not a sin unless your jerkin on it, remember, we have to touch it to pee... I doubt there is very much "womb masterbation"... That one don't count! They have no posters of Carmen Electra on the womb wall.... or do they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Doesn't matter. God thinks touching your wee wee is icky. If god gets offended, he fucks up your DNA. In fact, if god had his way, you wouldn't even have a wee wee. He doesn't remove it, however, because that would be taking away free will. If you can go through life without touching your wee wee then you are worthy; that is as long as you don't eat crabs, clams, or shrimp and don't mix your fibers; and a bunch of other stuff that pisses god off. If not, then he has to dump a bunch of blood on you so that he can't see what a filthy disgusting work of the devil that you are, you wee wee toucher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Doesn't matter. God thinks touching your wee wee is icky. If god gets offended, he fucks up your DNA. In fact, if god had his way, you wouldn't even have a wee wee. He doesn't remove it, however, because that would be taking away free will. If you can go through life without touching your wee wee then you are worthy; that is as long as you don't eat crabs, clams, or shrimp and don't mix your fibers; and a bunch of other stuff that pisses god off. If not, then he has to dump a bunch of blood on you so that he can't see what a filthy disgusting work of the devil that you are, you wee wee toucher. LOL ok, I guess we as men should all sit down to piss, and NEVER wash it either... Ahh ok now, that makes great sense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out.[c] 45And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell.[d] 47And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, 48where " 'their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.'[e] 49Everyone will be salted with fire. Better if you just wack that thing right off. And by wack off I don't mean the icky way that makes you feel good but condemns you to eternal hell fire. Don't be puttin' words in the J man's mouth. ps., that Jesus dude had some pretty profound stuff to say didn't he? I mean cut your foot off, hate your ma, give all your stuff away, go make an ass of yourself by telling all your friends about me. Truly, truly profound. What a model of a guy to live your life after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Black hoods? Burning xtians? Please... The level of stupid is off the charts. Michael, are you saying you haven't been issued your black hood? There must be some error in central processing. You'd better look into that. Heather, he's in the States. They might do things differently down there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If everyone did that, how would they reproduce little christians. No, you have to do it silently in the missionary position. No foreplay, noise and get it done as soon as possible. Then quickly right after, both of you kneel in prayer for forgiveness and don't make any eye contact out of shame. Fun time. Isn't there a law in the bible or an orthodox jewish law that prescribes cutting a hole in a sheet and screwing through that? I guess the way you are supposed to do that is wack off both your hands, that way you cannot touch it, but still reproduce... Ahhh the sound logic of it all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 So that's what those guys in Sierra Leone were up to. They were just helping those poor tribeman make it to heaven. What a bunch of nice guys. Bless their machetes. Kinda like the Conquistadors did for the Aztec babies they threw at the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 YOu need to pick over Kratos' and Sonya69's posts for some fundie-mental jems... I'm so touched that you thought of me! But get my name right sonyaj68 Touchy, isn't she? Ye DEvile, that proude spyryte, can bare notte bee mokked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. I think it would be funny to read a list of what exactly those "sins" are... What on earth could you possibly *do* in a womb except float, kick and dream... Touch your wee wee. It is ok if a pastor or a priest touches your wee-wee? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no-one Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I touched my husband's wee wee. Should I be stoned? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I touched my husband's wee wee. Should I be stoned? Well, if you were stoned when you did it, you would at least have an excuse... hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no-one Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I touched my husband's wee wee. Should I be stoned? Well, if you were stoned when you did it, you would at least have an excuse... hehe Lol, I'm all out of rolling paper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I touched my husband's wee wee. Should I be stoned? I always find it's much more satisfying when I'm stoned.... oh wait... that's not what you meant. Never mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 do you have to be stoned to touch it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no-one Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 do you have to be stoned to touch it? No, but everyone should try it that way at least once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 OK, give me a ticket number and I'll turn up to touch your husbands wee-wee... but I'm not paying to do it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no-one Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 LMAO, I'm sure he'll be pleased to know there's a queue of stoned people waiting for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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