What's Your Favorite Christian Urban Legend?

[ExFundiDCLawyer]

I don't know if this stems from Christianity or from general stupidity but the one that concerns me is that people aren't getting their kids vaccinated. They may end up bringing on the prophesied pestilence in Revelation.

 

The sad thing on that topic is that it isn't only the anti-science christians that are not getting their kids vaccinated. For some reason, that particular topic seems to spread accross political and religious boundaries. From what I have read, otherwise progressive, secular people are falling into that mindset also. Michael Specter did an interesting lecture on TED.com about the danger of science denial.

http://www.ted.com/talks/michael_specter_the_danger_of_science_denial.html

 

My racist baptist uncle told me one when I was a kid. He said Noah's son Ham was the first black man and that all of Africa and all blacks are cursed because their ancestor looked upon his father's nakedness.

 

I attended a semester at Pensacola Christian College when I was 18 and there was a professor who taught that. First instance that I can remember where I recognized that people just made shit up to make the scripture fit what they wanted it to say.

[Foxy Methoxy]

Holy crap! My uncle, aunt, and all their children attended Pensacola Christian College! I wonder if that story is standard Southern Baptist teaching, or something the school itself perpetrates.

[mymistake]

This reminds me of a story from the first church I belonged to. in the beginning of service, we had a "witness" time when anyone who had anything awesome to tell about God could go up and talk. So this morning, a lady went up. She had been in the hospital for a broken arm in the past week. She told us that while she was in hospital, waiting to get the cast, she had a chance to talk someone who was not a believer and could tell her about Jesus. So, of course this must've been God's work. God put her in the hospital so she could witness. There were some meaning to the random event of her falling and breaking her arm.

 

I just couldn't get out of my head why God had to break her arm to get her to the hospital to witness to this person. Why couldn't God just give her an apparition of an angel commanding her to go there? I still find it strange that God would have to go through all that trouble. He can trip someone up so they fall and break an arm and time it so perfectly so the person will go to the hospital in exact time to witness to someone, but he can't just tell her...

 

Oh Lord! This reminds me of one that was told at my church just in the last couple of years. Some guy's parents were not saved. He (or maybe it was a she, I don't recall) kept witnessing to his parents. And his parents never listened because they had awesome lives and didn't need Gawed. So eventually this guy gets his parents to promise that if they ever have their life out of control then they will give Chesus Rice a try. Well long story short, his parents get murdered. It was bloody and ugly. And the son is so up set that the parents go to hell. But then the story has a wonderful ending because when one of the murders gets caught he says the victims where praying the whole time up until he blew their heads off. Go Jesus!!!!

 

I was horrified by the story and I was horrified that everyone around me enjoyed the happy ending. It might have been one of the things that helped me leave Christianity.

[Ouroboros]

Gee... Yeah, that is horrific.

[midniterider]

I talked to someone online who claimed he got gold fillings and gold dust was raining down during the service. I was still Christian at the time, but I expressed skepticism at the story and this person totally tore into me. If he got magical gold fillings, couldn't God have also given him some gentleness and self control while he was at it?

Why wouldn't "God" replace old fillings with enamel?

That was the first thing that came to my mind whenever someone would start claiming they got gold fillings from God. Christians really hate when you ask them things like that. Or they just answer with "Well, God is mysterious, his ways aren't our ways, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah."

 

Mysterious or stupid? lol. Why would someone worship a god that only does stuff half-assed?

[Inqui]

The Church of God (Anderson) I was dragged to as a kid insisted that Catholic churches were stockpiling guns in their basements. By having so many kids due to their ban on birth control, they would soon take us over. No shit, I heard that many times.

 

Due to unfortunate geography I spent my first grade year at a Catholic school. I had looked in the basement of the church and couldn't recall seeing any guns. I just kept my mouth shut.

I assume this will be true of most people who grew up Protestant, but one theory I remember hearing a bit was that the Catholic church was the 10-headed best in Revelation. Something about 10 head offices, and how the pope was kidnapped by barbarians this one time and the spot was vacant until recently (the scar that healed - however John saw a healed scar in a vision).

[DesertBob]

I assume this will be true of most people who grew up Protestant, but one theory I remember hearing a bit was that the Catholic church was the 10-headed best in Revelation.

Yes ... I recall hearing fringe teachings that the Catholic Church was the "whore of Babylon", too. That wasn't accepted in my circles but you could find that kind of hate material floating around the Christianverse. Our official party line about Catholicism was that it was tainted by idolatry (because, I guess, we found all the statues and iconography and ornamentation threatening compared to the pathetic pole barns we tended to erect as places of worship) but that they meant well, even if rather misguided.

[pratt]

www is the coded versionof 666,,,,,,

 

everyone will be embedded with micro chip that without it, no transactions can be done,,,,

 

some crazy stuff from the pentecoastals,,,, and it was quite believable

[Suzy]

I assume this will be true of most people who grew up Protestant, but one theory I remember hearing a bit was that the Catholic church was the 10-headed best in Revelation.

Yes ... I recall hearing fringe teachings that the Catholic Church was the "whore of Babylon", too. That wasn't accepted in my circles but you could find that kind of hate material floating around the Christianverse. Our official party line about Catholicism was that it was tainted by idolatry (because, I guess, we found all the statues and iconography and ornamentation threatening compared to the pathetic pole barns we tended to erect as places of worship) but that they meant will, even if rather misguided.

 

The leading pastor of the church I visited came from a Catholic background before he turned into a batshit crazy fundy protestant and started a church of that kind. So there was lots of Catholic-bashing going on in my church. Of course, we were taught they were the "whore of Babylon", among others.

 

As for 666. On YouTube I saw videos claiming the logo of the energy drink "Monster" means 666:

 

 

 

[Inqui]

How is a minority market-share energy drink supposed to take over the world? Do these guys even read their own crap before going out to preach it?

 

Then again, I guess they don't need to. I don't know if I should laugh at or pity the people in the crowd who were stunned by this revelation.

[Foxy Methoxy]

Reminds me of back in the day when churches claimed KISS stood for Knights in Satans Service.

[BrotherJosh]

www is the coded versionof 666,,,,,,

 

everyone will be embedded with micro chip that without it, no transactions can be done,,,,

 

some crazy stuff from the pentecoastals,,,, and it was quite believable

 

Ha, I remember being told that in 3rd grade (I went to a Fundy school). It's funny how a new technology will come along and Christians latch on to it being the newest sign of the end times. Credit cards were viewed in much the same light as the microchip back when they were first being introduced.

[Foxy Methoxy]

Speaking of Pentecostal legends, I remember one about www bein the mark of the beast! Teh tinterwbs iz cursed, y'all! Oh noz!!!

[mymistake]

Oh yeah, back in the 1990's I heard all about the Internet Superhighway was going to be the tool of Satan and once it was in place it was going to cause many believers to fall away and become ex-Christians and even people in that very room were in danger of losing their salvation . . .

 

wait a minute . . .

[Ouroboros]

Isn't it fascinating how much Satan does in this world while God just sits on the sideline and does nothing?

[Foxy Methoxy]

God only sits on the sideline doing nothing because we're incapable of living up to the high standard He created for us. Thus, His holy inaction is our fault.

[Foxy Methoxy]

Ow. I accidently punched myself in the face after regurgitating that "logic."

[Suzy]

Xianity gives lip service to peace, and claims to take the moral high ground claiming that there is only peace through the xian god, yet fundigelicals generally simultaneously believe that we need to "defend" what they believe to be god's interests, often through military force.

 

 

Funny thing is: that's what Muslims mean as well when they say Islam is a religion of peace. Peace, yeah - as long as you are a Muslim and live as they say. Otherwise they want to convert you by force. The Christian idea of peace and also love is very similar to this.

[Foxy Methoxy]

I remember being told Islam means peace and then finding out it literally means submission. Then my head exploded.

[Ouroboros]

God only sits on the sideline doing nothing because we're incapable of living up to the high standard He created for us. Thus, His holy inaction is our fault.

I thought it had to do with free will. God doesn't interact and give us miracles because we have to make our own decisions, especially making decisions like being killed or hurt by tornadoes, earthquakes, and tsunamis. No, wait, they're caused by God because there are gays in a community 5,000 miles away. Katrina was sent by God to test our free will since there are gays in San Francisco. Or... it's a bit confusing...

[blackpudd1n]

God only sits on the sideline doing nothing because we're incapable of living up to the high standard He created for us. Thus, His holy inaction is our fault.

I thought it had to do with free will. God doesn't interact and give us miracles because we have to make our own decisions, especially making decisions like being killed or hurt by tornadoes, earthquakes, and tsunamis. No, wait, they're caused by God because there are gays in a community 5,000 miles away. Katrina was sent by God to test our free will since there are gays in San Francisco. Or... it's a bit confusing...

 

I was at the markets last weekend, and this hillbilly hick kid comes into my stall, rabbiting on to my mum about how he was convinced "there really was someone up there" because it had been raining all week but it cleared just in time for the markets to go ahead. I had to walk away before I turned around and out loud called him a dumbarse. It was particularly irritating because he kept repeating that same story over and over, probably in an effort to do his witnessing for the day.

[Inqui]

I remember being told Islam means peace and then finding out it literally means submission. Then my head exploded.

Not so much an urban myth, but I remember being at a church group and hearing this one guy harp on about how "Allah is actually the sun god," "Islam is a pagan religion" and "they have to kill infidels to get into heaven."

 

He wasn't impressed when I told him how similar it was to Christianity and that he was just being a media muppet.

[Mystery]

I find Constantine's account in early 300 ad of having seen a "Burning Cross" in the sky that talked to him, and after that he promply converted. Sketchy.

[mymistake]

I find Constantine's account in early 300 ad of having seen a "Burning Cross" in the sky that talked to him, and after that he promply converted. Sketchy.

 

 

That story was far more convincing back when he could have you whipped, beheaded or boiled in oil.

 

[London]

My favorite is the story about 80' demons and baby sacrifices. The Benny Hill theme playing in the background was really nice touch.

 

 

 

That happens to me all the time, but usually I'm catching a bus & I have nothing to run around. The demons that stalk me are not as mean, they must REALLY hate her.

Come to think of it, I always seem to be carrying a can of pumpkin when it happens. Do you think that means anything?????

 

Just kidding!

 

I am always amazed that xians warn you against supernatural things, like HALLOWEEN!!! Then sit and tell stories about DEMONS!!!

That is all the proof I need that they don't really believe their own myths.

I've not witnessed that particular circus show before, thanks for sharing that clip.