Marriage

[Guest Emerson]

Why did you get married, and will you ever get married if you're still single?

[Light_of_Reason]

Interesting question. I guess there were really several factors that were at play in my decision to get married.

 

1. I really love my wife and felt that symbolizing that love and showing my level of committment to her were right.

 

2. It would be untruthful to say that there was not pressure from her to get married.

 

3. There is also still some social pressure out there that leads one toward marriage.

 

4. And definitely not least, there is the tax incentive. I figured that as long as I was going to live with her, there might as well be some financial benefit to it.

[SilentLoner]

I do plan to get married eventually.

[godlessgrrl]

Hmmmm....

 

I've been married twice. The first time, I married to get out of my parents' house, though I wasn't consciously thinking that at the time. It was barren, cold, and neglectful, and ended in divorce 4 years later.

 

The second time I married, I just felt like getting married. Despite our issues spouse and I really feel like two peas in a pod, and that life overall is better because we're together. We were together over 2 years before we married and in some ways it was like a final act of commitment, actually taking on the civil contract.

 

The first marriage was entered out of necessity. The second was entered out of choice.

[xrayman7040]

We were living together for a couple of years when one of those little tadpoles got past the goal keeper. After she became pregnant we had no plans to marry, until ironically my very liberal father talked us into it. We did a courthouse quickie wedding, and despite the fact that it probably wasn't predictied to last too long by many, we have been pretty darn happily married for 16 years. Now as I get older I do feel it really looks a whole lot better when parents of children are married, and I do think you do work a whole lot harder to maintain your relationship when you do have that little piece of paper IMHO.

[MQTA]

being alone and separated now 3 months from my family, after 24 years with her... I don't know why we got married... kinda starting to wish I Never met her! and once I start having to pay child support and maintenance, I don't think I'm ever gonna want to get married again. I think my funeral will be before my next wedding.

 

3 months ago I'd have answered so totally different

[The Sage Nabooru]

I am single, and I personally do not think I will get married.

 

There are a variety of factors - sexual embarrassment, and most of all a very deep-seated fear of men brought on by my abusive asshole father, and the unfortunate circumstance that I cannot choose to be gay. (Trust me, I would if I could.) But most of all I am simply a loner. Even my best friends start pissing me off if I'm around them for too long. I always need that ability to retreat into my shell - and not just metaphorically. I love it when the house is empty and my parents aren't home and I can study and write and read in peace, with only my dogs to accompany me (and I prefer them to a lot of forms of human contact). I need human interaction as much as the rest of the world - don't think I can enjoy watching movies alone as much as I do with other people - but I am typically more alone than most people I know. In fact, I've often pondered the wisdom that could be in becoming a Buddhist bhikkuni.

[♦ nivek ♦]

Took me a long time to find the one I stuck around with and did the legal_thing with.

 

Have had a ton of priors all of them were unworkable, for the most part due to my religious preferences and theirs not matching.

 

Where I don't know that the "young lusty, oh my god, we need to fuck NOW" hots is warm at moment, I have a partner who hasn't killed me in my sleep, nor killed me (deservedly) for my many idiocies.

 

We were bed partners for years before we got hitched. Three months after the ring, the rabbit died.

 

Got one kid, Beastie, a good one. Wouldn't trade him for much. Well maybe a new bassboat and trailer.. (Send pics!)

 

If I was to loose her would I plan on remarrying? Don't think so, not sure if anyone would ever learn to put up with my shit.

 

kevinL.

[white_raven23]

 

I'm always beuddled by that question.

 

"Do you plan to get married?"

 

Well......it's not entirely up to ME now is it? That's a two-player game that requires a participant.

 

I feel the same way about the question

 

"Are you going to have (or when are you having) kids?"

 

Again.....requires a partner. Cannot impregnate myself. And I'm obsessive about birth control. Not even considering offspring without the wholehearted support of another who is willing to be an equal parter. Single parenthood is a hard road I have NO intention of travelling so far as I can help it.

[Ryan]

I'm not too concerned about the topic at the moment. Twenty is too young to get married in my opinion. Doesn't stop more and more people I know who are my age getting married and/or pregnant, though. I'm in no rush.

[Clearview]

I don't plan on getting married. However, if I should find myself with someone for, say, 6 or 7 years, and we feel that we might as well get hitched, I think that would be more romantic that any sweeping-off-the-feet that anyone else has experienced. I've jumped into many stupid things with both feet over the years, but marriage has never been and never will be one of them.

 

I'll even split the bill on the rings. Now who needs a date?

[chefranden]

She went deer hunting with me. What more could a man ask for? You just gotta take a chance and ask a woman like that!

 

That was 33 years ago.

 

 

 

PS She never went deer hunting again.

[Clearview]

 

PS She never went deer hunting again.

 

 

Well, she made her big kill and had nothing left to prove.

 

 

Just be glad your head isn't mounted on the wall.

[chefranden]

 

PS She never went deer hunting again.

 

 

Well, she made her big kill and had nothing left to prove.

 

 

Just be glad your head isn't mounted on the wall.

 

[Lycorth]

Why did you get married, and will you ever get married if you're still single?

 

I will be getting married this August, if all goes according to plan

 

I want to get married because taking an oath of love and fidelity is special to me. It's special to me love, also. Since there are marriage traditions found in virtually every civilization known to Man, as well as the ones from which I descend, it's an ancestral part of me. To celebrate something that natural, that inherent, makes a nice thing like marriage all the more special.

 

Taking a nuptial oath makes the relationship more "real" than just living together. It's ancient and natural for humans to swear binding oaths for such important things. I can go room with any number of platonic friends, and if they're female we can have sex on the side, but what sort of oath or special committment is required? But between two people in love, something more is usually required - most couples don't feel right without it.

[Biggles7268]

I just can't imagine ever loving someone so much that I would feel compelled to bring judges and lawyers, legal contracts and the government in general into our relationship.

[Guest singlecoil]

My marriage is falling apart (My wife and her bastard of a grandfather and some things that never should happen to anyone with their grandfather and a long painful memory) and despite this I'd do it again. I think I like being committed to someone I love and in this society marriage seems the best (for me anyway) way.

[jjacksonRIAB]

Marriage?

 

It depends on what you mean. As a government or religious institution, no. As a promise to stay together, no. As a promise to try, yes. I could be with one woman the rest of my life, but that can't be proved until the day of my death.

 

What does it mean anyhow? To me it means how property is divided in the event of a divorce. I hate to say it, but in this country divorce is much riskier for a man than a woman. After seeing many a good man having his life totally wrecked by alimony and other nonsense (like she's remarried and still on section 8? That pisses me off), I don't think I'd be willing to take the risk of making a promise that no one really can make.

 

I trust people, but not enough to put my testicles on a guillotine for every day of the rest of my life. I could be sure it's the right thing today, but people can and do change. Sometimes those changes cause them to grow apart.

 

If she wants a get together and wants to call it a marriage, that's fine. The rings, the vows, the whole 9 yards. I'll do that. But a contract signed in blood? No thanks.

[Fweethawt]

I've been married for 17 years (I think). We don't have what you would call the best marriage, and we certainly don't have the worst. But if anything ever happened, and we end up separating, I will never get married again.

[All Gods Fail]

Not married, prolly never will. I had my heart broke twice (but good), and I really, truly like the single life.

 

And almost all my male married friends seem to live vicariously through me. Not so much the sexploits (ain't much going on there I'm afraid), but just the freedom part of it - I come and go as I please, go to bed when I feel like it, don't have to always call and tell someone where I am, who I'm with, when I'll be home, etc.

 

And most of my female married pals try to fix me up with someone - bless their lil' matchmaking hearts. But nothing's stuck so far.

 

Of course, if the right gal came along I'd make an honest woman of her - provided she's as kinky as me, loves the arts...and has a nice big butt.

 

[Cue music]

"I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung!"

[Guest Emerson]

AGF, your post cracks me up. You're hilarious dude, its good having you around here.

 

JJ, I mean marriage as in marriage. I just want to know people's idea of marriage, what it means to them, everyone defines it differently. Marriage to me wouldn't be a religious institution because I'm not religious. And yes I do agree that in divorce its usually the man who has more at stake, because the law tends to look favorably towards giving women alimony, which is why I'm going to say this very un-pc thing, I believe in prenups.

 

They're almost like insurance. I've heard horror stories of women who had to pay up alimony, though this is very rare, because they were doctors or had money to spare. Prenups aren't romantic but neither is divorce, I'm not foolish enough to think that it could never happen to me, even when people try their best. Also guys can get in trouble if they live with a woman and aren't married, some states consider this a "common law marriage" -I think that's what they call it and they might have to pay alimony and even child support even if the child isn't theirs but they formed a "bond" and so some judges see that and make the guy pay child support.

 

I've been thinking more and more of a partnership, like an "Oprah and Stedman" relationship, and having separate respective living spaces. It seems as if marriage in many ways is an ancient type of institution, so many women lose themselves in their roles as wives and mothers, and the husband a lot of times acts or believes that he "owns" his wife. Even when the relationship isn't abusive, the husband likes to take control and ride the wheel per se. I don't want that. Never did, never will.

 

Life's tough and at the end of the day sometimes you just want to come home to peace and who wants to come home to deal with domestic issues? I just want to come home and not deal with that.

I think marriage at first sounds beautiful and quite lovely really. It sounds so idealistic, but reality is quite different. I've seen my parents go through their respective divorces and it gets really, really ugly. My parents never thought they'd get divorced, they were really naive when they first got married. They admit that.

 

So yeah, who am I to think that it'll be different for me? I mean let's be realistic. And besides I'm a child of divorce, supposedly things are supposed to be worse off for me.

I don't know, a part of me wants to get married, but another part is just too cynical about it. After all I don't live in a romantic comedy. I don't believe in "the one," soulmates, fate, "meant to be" and other fairy tales of romance and love.

[Ryan]

Emerson, I'm a child of divorce too. Although that's all fuzzy for me since my mom's second marriage is pretty much the epitome of what a marriage ought to be in my opinion. (Even if it is largely based on a shared faith in God)

 

I don't believe in soulmates or "the one" either. I really think that'll be my biggest issue when seriously pursuing a serious relationship. Pretty much every girlfriend I've ever had insisted on putting a "meant to be together" clause on the relationship. Being that I'm single, evidently not. I never really believed in that one person for everyone mumbo-jumbo. But that's seen as being so unromantic isn't it? But then, so is being realistic/covering your own ass in all thing relating to love and marriage.

 

Marriage is entered into too lightly. But it also takes itself way too seriously. "Till death do us part" my left butt cheek. If I'm ever in a relationship that I can possibly see being extremely long term or life kind of thing, I'd consider it. I'll no doubt defer to the girlfriend's wishes.

 

It doesn't help that remaining unmarried carries something of a stigma. As a guy, I don't feel it so much, but my sisters (22 and 25) are starting to get it from family. Like any of my family has enjoyed any great amount of success in the marriage department.

 

Right now, I don't see it happening for me. I like being single and enjoy being alone. That and I'm really lazy about pursuing the lady types.

[Guest Emerson]

Ryan,

 

Thanks for your post. Girls get carried away with "meant to be" and weddings, and all things romantic, and having unrealistic expectations from boyfriends. The new one that guys and even girls in xianity are using are "I prayed to God and he told me that we're meant to be." lol. Its their version of "soul mates" by using the god factor. Girls definitely feel more pressure because their parents want to see them set and happy for life. Somehow parents naively think that it'll be different for their children, kind of like my own do.

 

Thanks for your post Ryan. People keep posting and sharing your opinions, I really like reading your responses and seeing how marriage is like for you. We need to hear all sides.

[Ryan]

Ryan,

 

Thanks for your post. Girls get carried away with "meant to be" and weddings, and all things romantic, and having unrealistic expectations from boyfriends. The new one that guys and even girls in xianity are using are "I prayed to God and he told me that we're meant to be." lol. Its their version of "soul mates" by using the god factor. Girls definitely feel more pressure because their parents want to see them set and happy for life. Somehow parents naively think that it'll be different for their children, kind of like my own do.

 

Thanks for your post Ryan. People keep posting and sharing your opinions, I really like reading your responses and seeing how marriage is like for you. We need to hear all sides.

 

My roommate would be pitching a fit right now. He always goes on these tirades about unreasonable demands on guys to be knights in shining armor to sweep the princess off her feet, but then pats himself on the back for always being the gentleman and being different than all the other guys. Gag me.

 

From the other side, I have a female roommate where everything regarding romance is fate and destiny and soulmates. She's still convinced that her ex is her true love and they are meant to be married, even though he treated her like complete shit for almost an entire year and she put up with it. That concept of "meant to be" can be so damaging. It's blinding to some people.

 

I think there are any number of women that I'd be suited for. Having one person out of billions be the only one I could possibly find true happiness with? I don't like them odds. Still, it's going to take a very special lady to put with my particular brand of bullshit. I just need to find me a nice secular girl so we can make with the guiltless hanky panky and perhaps eventually the "testicles in the guillotine." I'll try anything once.

[jjacksonRIAB]

AGF, your post cracks me up. You're hilarious dude, its good having you around here.

 

JJ, I mean marriage as in marriage. I just want to know people's idea of marriage, what it means to them, everyone defines it differently. Marriage to me wouldn't be a religious institution because I'm not religious. And yes I do agree that in divorce its usually the man who has more at stake, because the law tends to look favorably towards giving women alimony, which is why I'm going to say this very un-pc thing, I believe in prenups.

 

They're almost like insurance. I've heard horror stories of women who had to pay up alimony, though this is very rare, because they were doctors or had money to spare. Prenups aren't romantic but neither is divorce, I'm not foolish enough to think that it could never happen to me, even when people try their best. Also guys can get in trouble if they live with a woman and aren't married, some states consider this a "common law marriage" -I think that's what they call it and they might have to pay alimony and even child support even if the child isn't theirs but they formed a "bond" and so some judges see that and make the guy pay child support.

 

I've been thinking more and more of a partnership, like an "Oprah and Stedman" relationship, and having separate respective living spaces. It seems as if marriage in many ways is an ancient type of institution, so many women lose themselves in their roles as wives and mothers, and the husband a lot of times acts or believes that he "owns" his wife. Even when the relationship isn't abusive, the husband likes to take control and ride the wheel per se. I don't want that. Never did, never will.

 

Life's tough and at the end of the day sometimes you just want to come home to peace and who wants to come home to deal with domestic issues? I just want to come home and not deal with that.

I think marriage at first sounds beautiful and quite lovely really. It sounds so idealistic, but reality is quite different. I've seen my parents go through their respective divorces and it gets really, really ugly. My parents never thought they'd get divorced, they were really naive when they first got married. They admit that.

 

So yeah, who am I to think that it'll be different for me? I mean let's be realistic. And besides I'm a child of divorce, supposedly things are supposed to be worse off for me.

I don't know, a part of me wants to get married, but another part is just too cynical about it. After all I don't live in a romantic comedy. I don't believe in "the one," soulmates, fate, "meant to be" and other fairy tales of romance and love.

 

Holy hell.

 

That's exactly the type of relationship I'm looking for. Together, but separate. And I'll be damned if you're the first person who ever told me what I wanted to hear. You sure you're not joking? Or maybe I made you up in my mind?