Marriage

[HuaiDan]

I haven't made up my mind. Too many issues about the whole thing. First and foremost, marraige is for children. Period. Saying you want to formalize your relationship or what ever is bullshit in my mind. No one needs to acknowledge my love wth my girl except me and her. True love doesn't need a contract, I've said it before and I'll say it again. We're all responsible adults, and if we decide we want out, we should be able to get out without a hassle. Women don't depend on men for their livelyhood anymore, so if the guy gets sick of her she can get out and start a life of her own no problem.

 

However, children are helpless and innocent and need legal protection. This is where the contractual protection of marraige ensures the child will have the support of two parents a child needs...MOST of the time.

 

If I decide I want children, yes I will get married. But I still have trouble with the 'confinement' that marraige represents. A contract is only necessary when both parties can not afford to give eachother complete trust. A soon as a contract is introduced into the equation, trust is dead. People should have the freedom to do as they wish (and they usually do anyway), and if they wish to remain faithful to eachother, they just do it. They don't need a marraige contract telling them to do so. Resopnsible adults with a relationship built on trust don't need a contract.

[garrisonjj]

Why did you get married, and will you ever get married if you're still single?

 

I married basically so I wouldn't be lonely.WRONG REASON! I am unhappily married for 18 years. 2 wonderful children,however a sexless wife who doesn't make that spark in me come to life. I believe I WOULD MARRY AGAIN.The person would have to be a sexual animal that gives me the feeling that she is my best friend. I believe my life is ruined because of the partner i am with. No divorce because of the children. My advice? Be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN your partner pleases you in EVERY way before you take vows.

[Ophy]

I am married. We lived together for about 1.5 years before we tied the knot. It didn't change our relationship when we made it official; I guess because we already felt like we were married since we lived together. We didn't have a wedding really, just our 2 witnesses & a judge. I don't know that either of us had a strong drive to be married to one another officially. We both already knew that we couldn't live without the other, but the piece of paper would allow us to share insurance & other benefits.

 

His parents (the fundies) were against our living together, but they didn't dare condemn it (husband would have just cut them off for a year or so until they got over it). My mom (the lukewarm Methodist) wistfully asked us to be married before we had any kids. We finally just did it.

 

Marriage works for us, & co-habitation did too. It doesn't for everyone. We've lived together for 6 years now in all. It's been the BEST time of my life.

[nicoleeann]

If I was going to have a kid with someone then I think its only fair for the kid that he/she has two parents all the time. So there would go eighteen years.

I don't want to be one of those married couples that spends all their time together and doesn't see any other friends. I also would want my own room, and would not want to sleep in the same bed as him. I just don't like sleeping in the same room as anyone else adn I never have.

I wouldn't care if we didn't see each other everyday or what not.

so it's a maybe.

[Jedah]

I really dont know if I ever will. At this point I would say no, but then again I havent met anyone I would want to stay with. If I ever do get married it would be purely for the financial benefits if there are any at the time since I dont really see any reason why marriage is needed to live together.

[Scarlett]

Why did you get married,

 

I'll go with "social pressure" and trying to be someone who I was not. My marriage didn't last long: it was like one of those Hollywood marriages that only last a few months.

 

 

and will you ever get married if you're still single?

 

 

No, I seriously doubt I'll ever get married again, in part because divorce is too expensive.

[Amethyst]

I have no idea if I will ever get married. Realistically, I need to work on some of my personal issues before I even think about that, though.

[Leaf]

I got married at age 27...I am still married and have 1 daughter with the wife....I cant say Ive been faithful....I dont believe in traditional marriage..and I believe in a man having multiple women. I now have 4 girlfriends as well as a wife and I will get married again..but will not divorce my wife...I plan to be like a mormon and I fell by the time I am 40 "9 years" I will have between 3-7 wives" In Ukraine I can't have more then 1 real wife....but my wedding for Oksana my wife took place in the USA...And they consider me single here.Thus I can legal marry 1 lady here...If I marry more then 2 I will do that in Moldovia or Poland.Thier is ways around this.

What can i say I love women i like marrige....I dont ever plan on doing my landry again..or cleaning my house!

[Guest shana]

I got married at teh young age of 19 and my whole family thought it was teh stupidest thing I would ever do, and i wouldregret it , but I dont, wehavemade it past our one year anniversary, and Iam proud to be married to him. It is hard, but if it is real it will last, that is what I truly believe, marriage is just a legal paper, showing that you love each other and must care foreach other. Atleast to me that iswhat it means.

[Jubilant]

We got married because we loved each other, no pressure from anyone. We were "Christians" but not the church going type, only in "say" only. We were together almost a month before we even kissed (my choice) then after that it was love-making galore. We moved in together after 4 months and married one year later...that was 15 blissful years ago and it only has gotten better.

[Leaf]

Shana marrige is generally OK for about 2 years....I'll damn near bet by the time you are 23 you'll be divorced or separated...esp since you married at age 19. The odds are against you. Give your marrige 2-4 more years..Your a kid..Most people dont even know theirselves until they are 25+

[PaulQ]

I used to be quite the player. Multiple partners, even at the same time, was the norm in my College years. Then, at 24, I met my wife. She was 22, but was well ahead of herself. She had a job that paid more than mine. She owned a new car. Her family owed her money, and she had money saved on top of that. Besides her financial success, she was also beautiful AND intelligent. She was the whole package. I could play the game for the rest of my life and never meet anyone half as good as her. I knew right then and there if I didn't manage to get a ring on her finger, someone else would; and I'd probably dry up like a leaf and blow away.

 

Well, it's been 10 years now, going on 11. We have a son. In spite of what some people believe about marriage, we're more in love now than we've ever been; though the love we have now has matured well beyond what we had in our 20's. It runs much deeper.

[Callyn]

Do I plan to get married? Yes. But only with a prenup. I fully expect to get divorced, and I also expect to make quite a bit of money, so it only makes sense. No amount of love will make me lose my common sense.

[-Demona-]

Shana marrige is generally OK for about 2 years....I'll damn near bet by the time you are 23 you'll be divorced or separated...esp since you married at age 19. The odds are against you. Give your marrige 2-4 more years..Your a kid..Most people dont even know theirselves until they are 25+

My mentor would've disagreed with you. Dave (not the webmaster of this site, natch) married his wife when they were in their early 20s. They remained madly in love with each other for 40+ years, up until the day he died from heart failure. They had 3 handsome sons together.

 

Not all young marriages are destined for the divorce courts. It's just that more young folks are more about the "me me ME!!!" and less about the "let's see how we can work this out" than they used to be. If Shana and her hubby are mature enough to handle the rigors of marriage and came in knowing what they wanted from the start, then they should be applauded. Personally, I wish them well no matter how long it lasts.

[Kalidasa]

-Demona-, I love your avatar XD

 

To answer the OP - I'm happily single, and have no intention or interest whatsoever in getting married. The closest I would probably get is a handfasting, and even then that might be a bit much. I think I'm much happier this way.

 

And besides, being that I'm bi, if I fall in love with a woman and decide I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I would never be able to get married anyway, not unless I went overseas to do it...

[-Demona-]

-Demona-, I love your avatar XD

Thanks. I pilfered it off of LiveJournal, although I've long since forgotten where from.

 

Anyway, to answer the first post of this thread: I've never been married, but I would like to someday. I tend to place it as "a few years down the road", although for the longest time I was convinced I'd be married before I'd turn 25. However, my 24th birthday is creeping up slowly behind me... so obviously that ain't gonna happen.

 

Not that I'm bothering to look for that mythical Prince Charming. I figure if it's meant to happen, it will in it's own time with Mr. May-Not-Be-Perfect-But-He's-Just-Right-For-Me. I've always seen myself as a mom too. Not with a huge brood (egad, no!). An absolute max of 3 kids, and then I'm getting my tubes tied. Or he'll get snipped.

 

Should I take that jaunt down the aisle, will it last? Reason only knows at this point. But no doubt it'll be a fun ride however long it lasts.

 

But hey, if I never get married and/or have kids, I'll still have plenty to do with myself then.

[Lycorth]

To answer the OP - I'm happily single, and have no intention or interest whatsoever in getting married. The closest I would probably get is a handfasting, and even then that might be a bit much. I think I'm much happier this way.

 

A handfasting is a marriage ceremony - my wife and I were wed with a handfasting.

 

More on topic - yes, I did finally get married over this past summer, but in the off-chance we did split up, I wouldn't bother again.

[truth]

Hhmm I don't really want to get married, I would like to have a partner and have children one day.. and then perhaps consider marriage.

 

For a very long time I had a hard time, being one of the few singletons of my peer group left in my former church. I am so glad that I never got married to any of those xians...I kind of shudder thinking how I managed to escape that fate.

 

Kids yes, for sure. I will one day hopefully be a mom with or without marriage.

[Erin]

I wouldn't mind being married, if the right person and circumstance came along (but of course I'm young and naive). I've taken into consideration all the other posts and the pros and cons of that institution. Before now, I haven't thought much of it.

 

Kids I'm still uncertain about. One day I don't want them and then the next day I do want them. I guess having (or even adopting) kids will just have to wait until I get me straightened out before I have to care for another human being that has part of my DNA.

[infidel666]

Marriage is nothing more then a legal certificate of financial obligation. I believe marriage is a good thing the first time around when children are planned. After that marriage is just plain foolish. (unless the other has more money) lol

I spent 20 years with my x-wife 15 of which were married. The divorce mentally and emotionally destroyed me. I can never allow myself to love or trust someone that much again.

[PaulQ]

People change as they age. In a marriage, a couple needs to change together. If one does not change with the other, they will stagnate and become resentful. Everyone likes to believe that everything will be just the way it is forever after they get married; that somehow, the act of getting married will set things in stone. This is simply not the case. Accept that things will change, and allow your spouse to change as well as yourself. By supporting each other through these changes in life, a marriage can last and become much more than just a certificate of financial obligation.

[Jubilant]

In a marriage, a couple needs to change together.

 

 

I totally agree with you and not only that but trying to control the other person is a major problem area for many couples. Allowing your spouse to be who they are and give them complete freedom not only builds the relationship but it strengthens the marriage (at least that is how it has worked for us).

 

My grandparents have been married for over 60 years now. She still wiggles her little butt in front of him, he pinches her rear, she smacks his hand away...they are totally precious. They are both in poor health so they rely on each other a lot. My grandpa bathes my grandma; he is allowed to wash the *mountains* but not the *valley*...LMAO

[smellincoffee]

Being asexual, I doubt that I will.

[Trancelation]

My lady and I are in the process of planning our marriage as we speak, shooting for a 2008 Summer time frame. I've always been a marriage kinda' guy, and each relationship I have gotten into has been one based off of a longing for a long-term relationship from both parties. I have a general disdain towards some of the traditional ideas behind marriage, but overall have no serious problems with the idea of marriage in and of itself, especially some of the legal benefits. As it stands, our marriage will be steeped in Asian and Pagan symbolism, and we've decided to stress the fact that we were committed to each other LONG before we tie the knot.

 

I have friends that have gotten married, and most of the time those marriages fall apart . . . because they were never committed, trusting, lovaing relationshops to start with. A marriage license guarantees nothing, and my lady was naive enough to believe at one point that it did; that by "waiting" until we were married, things would somehow be more secure.

 

Well, those days are gone, lemme tell ya'. We've been together going on five years, and despite Leaf's predictions and general hatred towards human emotion, I have no intentions of leaving her, and she has no intentions of leaving me. I know marriage isn't for everyone; but after considerable thought, I have come to embrace the concept. We are already fully committed to each other, and making that union fully known before family and friends, with legal obligiations and benefits, doesn't bother me at all.

[I Broke Free]

My grandparents have been married for over 60 years now. She still wiggles her little butt in front of him, he pinches her rear, she smacks his hand away...they are totally precious. They are both in poor health so they rely on each other a lot. My grandpa bathes my grandma; he is allowed to wash the *mountains* but not the *valley*...LMAO

 

They sound like my parents. My mother and father truly loved each other all their married life. My father loved to annoy my mother with a squeeze just above the knee to make her squeal. She would respond by pulling on his ears or something. I can remember how much comfort it brought to me as a kid to see them act so childish with each other. It told me just how much they still enjoyed being with each other. They married late; my mother was 31 and my dad was 30 when they married. My mother died in 1997 at the age of 74 after a very long illness (multiple sclerosis) and during the last few years of my mother’s life my father was her constant caregiver. For years he had to lift her in and out of the bathtub, bathe her, feed her and yes wipe her bottom too. She died at home. I was with them both when she finally passed on.

 

Those two people taught me more about what a healthy relationship is than anyone else in the world. Both made compromises to make the marriage work. Both gave each other lots of space to be individuals. Both took their commitment to each other seriously. (Leaf, this is how it works) When I recognized I was gay in my teens I wondered if the kind of relationship my parents had would ever be available to me. It took awhile, but yes, I did find a partner that valued the same kind of relationship I wanted. I’m 46 years old now and my partner and I just celebrated eight wonderful years together.