Marriage

[Jubilant]

I can remember how much comfort it brought to me as a kid to see them act so childish with each other. It told me just how much they still enjoyed being with each other.

 

IBF, you've made my morning! Sounds like you have great parents. :-) I hope that our children feel the same way because my DH and I still *flirt* and kiss passsionately, even in front of them....lol, we've had our shares of "ewwwwwwww"s from the kids. DS says, "Daaaaad, quit grabbing Mom's butt!". He pursues and I swat at him and play hard to get. Of course their are times when I chase him around too although men don't play hard to get as much...they'll take it anytime they can get it!! It is FUN to play like that with one another. I mean, here we are almost 15 years of marriage and 16 years of being together, and we are still playful. I cannot being in a marriage or as in your case a partnership for that long and not having the fun, that (IMHO) would be dull and lifeless. So many times you here of how communication breaks down and a marriage fails but I believe that before that results, something else must've died first.

 

They married late; my mother was 31 and my dad was 30 when they married. My mother died in 1997 at the age of 74 after a very long illness (multiple sclerosis) and during the last few years of my mother’s life my father was her constant caregiver. For years he had to lift her in and out of the bathtub, bathe her, feed her and yes wipe her bottom too. She died at home. I was with them both when she finally passed on.

Talk about sickness and in health, eh? Your dad sounds like a great man. That must have been hard on him too though, being up in his 70's as well. Is he in good health?

 

Those two people taught me more about what a healthy relationship is than anyone else in the world. Both made compromises to make the marriage work. Both gave each lots of space to be individuals. Both took their commitment to each other seriously. (Leaf, this is how it works) When I recognized I was gay in my teens I wondered if the kind of relationship my parents had would ever be available to me. It took awhile, but yes, I did find a partner that valued the same kind of relationship I wanted. I’m 46 years old now and my partner and I just celebrated eight wonderful years together.

 

Glad to know that you're not sad and depressed! I have a 50 something lesbian woman that lives across the street from us, she is a doll. Her and her partner have friends over all the time, they go boating, have parties, etc....far from the depressed, lonely individuals that *someone* on this board has claimed that they should be.

[Trancelation]

I got married at age 27...I am still married and have 1 daughter with the wife....I cant say Ive been faithful....I dont believe in traditional marriage..and I believe in a man having multiple women. I now have 4 girlfriends as well as a wife and I will get married again..but will not divorce my wife...I plan to be like a mormon and I fell by the time I am 40 "9 years" I will have between 3-7 wives" In Ukraine I can't have more then 1 real wife....but my wedding for Oksana my wife took place in the USA...And they consider me single here.Thus I can legal marry 1 lady here...If I marry more then 2 I will do that in Moldovia or Poland.Thier is ways around this.

What can i say I love women i like marrige....I dont ever plan on doing my landry again..or cleaning my house!

 

I have a question, Leaf.

 

What would you do if your wife brought home another husband and informed you that she still wants to be married to you, but sees herself having another 3-6 husbands by the time she is 40?

Madame M, I can assure you that any answer Leaf gives you will have one purpose: to gain attention. Leaf is a an individual that does not love himself, and as illustrated by his tactless POV, is incapable of loving others. The old adage, it seems, is true.

 

I would hate to see this thread turn into another flame war where Leaf defends his supposed "game".

[Lycorth]

Yes, let's try to not feed the trolls, people.

[Kurari]

Do I plan to get married? Yes. But only with a prenup. I fully expect to get divorced, and I also expect to make quite a bit of money, so it only makes sense. No amount of love will make me lose my common sense.

 

I have to agree with this. I don't really agree with marriage and it's not high on my list of life priorities. I'm not going to rule it out as a possibility for me since I almost did it once, but I don't have any airy ideals about it. I don't believe marriage is forever. Nothing lasts forever. There has never been one relationship in history that has never ended. If it's death do you part, there is still a parting.

 

In every relationship there are at least two people who have to take care of their own lives first. People change, grow, and look to new oppertunitys throughout their entire lives. Marriage these days is not a necessary requirement for survival anymore. So I also expect that if I get married, I'm going to get divorced. I don't consider a divorce to be a signal that the relationship "didn't work." It just means it had a lifespan.

[CyborgX]

Marriage started from religion, where a man tries to own the woman as property. Even now in the US, people who are married are supposedly to have more rights than single people. I think this is ethically wrong. I don't feel it's right to "register" with the county or any government agency one's personal relationship with another. And if someone "needs" a "contract" or statement that you are committed to them, then they are insecure and if there is insecurity there is no trust. If there is no trust then you shouldn't be together in that way to begin with. That's what I think.

 

It's not anyone's business if I have a relationship or anything. And as for kids, people grow up and they become what they will, despite what parents do or if they have one or more parents. As found in this forum alone, one can have a mother, father, even siblings in a church-going family and have a really messed-up unhappy childhood as a result.

 

Since I don't even want kids to begin with, and I can't get out and go out meeting people, I probably will never find anyone. And at my age, they are either all already married, or divorced with kids. So there's 0% chance of me finding someone who is not married and has no kids.

 

I like being alone anyway. Nobody to sell stuff you treasure on you, thinking they will "clean the house" or do something constructive. No arguements where you have to still have them roaming around your house and even in your bed. No risk of pregnancy and death in childbirth as a result. No risk of some woman pointing a gun at you telling you to get out of your own house because SHE is moving in and he's "too nice" to tell you to get out. I have my own place where I can go and be away from the crap in the world if I want to be, and not worry about someone else still sticking around in it. Right now, I like it this way. I'm not really "alone" as I have neighbors next door to me in my apartment building. But I'm alone in that I have my own space, and can be comfortable.

 

I don't think there's a human on this earth that I could share my space with. If there is, then who knows. So be it. But I'm not going to wait around and try in vain for something that just never happens. I am done doing that.

 

People ask me if I'm "lonely" or "want sex" or whatever. No. None of the above. They think I'm lying. well, if they lived with a painful (and non-contageous) disorder they wouldn't want people pawing all over them, either.

 

Give me a blanket and a warm bed to sleep in and I'll just nod off and get my rest. I'm not missing a thing.

 

I know because I've seen so many people having so many horrid relationships, and while I haven't really been in what I would consider a "real" relationship, all the futile attempts proves that it ain't gonna happen. Especially not now at my age.

 

What ticks me off is that people think in order for you to have rights or be considered a "responsible" human being you "should be" married or "have a man in the house". I don't need that to be happy in life.

[Guest Franziska_VonKarma]

I don't believe in marriage for the reasons that no church or state has a say in my personal life. I am a dynamic person and will not claim to be able to be with a person for the rest of my life and I would never expect someone to think the same about me.

As far as relationships go, I am a territorial person and would not want to share permanent living quarters with another person. I sleep in the same room as others begrudgingly and am happy to know it is not permanent. So, therefore, any long-term relationship would involve separate living spaces.

Still, I fight for the right for all adult humans to marry. It is simply not something I want to take part in myself- especially a reception. I don't like large gatherings:P

[Guest shana]

Shana marrige is generally OK for about 2 years....I'll damn near bet by the time you are 23 you'll be divorced or separated...esp since you married at age 19. The odds are against you. Give your marrige 2-4 more years..Your a kid..Most people dont even know theirselves until they are 25+

Wow you like to lump me in with all the statistics, I know those, and we are not one of those.YOU know why? bc when we got married, we agreed to allow change in our lives, and grow from it, and not apart from each other. I am sorry if you think so unhighly of marriage, c the odds are against us. I know for a fact, that when we are 80 something we will still be married, unless one of us dies before that. Bc we have something tha tmost young couples dont, trust in one another, and the ability to adapt, adn grow in a relationship, instead of drifting apart. I would advice you not to judge people on what age they are.and dont stereotype everyone who is in teh range of a statistic, bc that is exactly teh same as saying to a young black man, that he is likely to be in jail within the next 2 years, bc the statistics show that young black males are more likely to go into jail before they reach the age of 24. so please spare me the statistics..if you look at everyone liek that, you are always going to be pessimistic abou tthe world around you.

[The Sage Nabooru]

Me? No.

 

I've always been a loner. The childhood in which my father made my mother work 12-hour days, and then did nothing but sat in front of the TV and yell at us......the school years in which I was the prime target for abuse and bullying.......the aggravating young adult years in a miserably tiny, hopelessly fundamentalist and conservative backwater brain-dead expressionless small town......I've not developed in a "people person".

 

Don't get me wrong. I love having friends and seeing them, talking with others, etc. I've just lived with my family for 22 years, and I don't want to do so again. I don't like having to constantly compromise with other people, with having to explain my day when I don't feel like it, with having to do things I don't want to do but have to because Other Person wants to, with having to take every decision and consider other people, etc. I adore independence. Even as a child, when I played with Barbie, she was always single. That was my dream - a single, incurably independent, intelligent and self-reliant woman who might invite Ken over for an occasional fling, but never on a permanent basis.

 

I don't like being around people for extended periods of time. I've very picky with my friends. Of course when I do make a friend, I treasure them like nothing else, but even then I would never, ever want to share living quarters with them. I prefer my own decorating, thanks. Other people tend to exasperate me. My general opinion of most of humanity that I have contact with is that stupidity seems to be a dominant trait, and the more family one has, the more the stupidity develops.

[fortunehooks]

i do not have any idea about marriage for me personally, but i guess if ms.alba wants to. i might not turn her down,haha.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

I married because I was a Christian at the time and believed it was the "proper" thing to do.

 

I am now divorced and an atheist. I am in the best relationship I have ever been in and have absolutely no plans to marry. I love my girlfriend and am willing to be "engaged" to her for the rest of my life, but the institution of marriage is a religious one and I will have no part of it unless it is absolutely necessary. I am lucky enough to work for an employer that does not require marriage to have my partner on my insurance. Other than that, I can see no reason to marry other than to please the rest of the world. I don't care about what the rest of the world thinks of my marital status, so that's no reason at all anyway.