I Repent

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

DBSA not the other thing i said.

 

We're not always very supportive here. Some of us just like to argue a lot. No real intention to make you feel worse, i don't think.

 

Nah, it's just because of my history here. You act a certain way in the past, then that gets stuck to you even after you move on, then nobody believes you when you say something, even if you mean it, and you're not just "ignoring advice". I cried wolf too many times. Now nobody believes me. I'm just that crazy guy. My username used to be "confused idiot". I should've left it like that, because that's all I'll ever be known for. I'm not taken seriously in what I say, when I give my reasons for not doing something. No reason I should be. I cried wolf too many times.

 

Yah, you said you hadn't read the prophets sections of the bible. When i did i found tools to deconvert.

 

Oh. Ok.

[Voice]

I don't know, people here know what it means to change belief systems or shift perspectives, or to be stuck for a while between beliefs trying to figure out which way to go. It's hard. It is confusing as hell. I still think you're behaving normally.

Check out that DBSA forum some time. you might find it a good place to rant and unload.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I don't know, people here know what it means to change belief systems or shift perspectives, or to be stuck for a while between beliefs trying to figure out which way to go. It's hard. It is confusing as hell. I still think you're behaving normally.

Check out that DBSA forum some time. you might find it a good place to rant and unload.

 

I may be behaving normally, but from their perspective, I'm rejecting help. Just because I choose not to see a shrink. I have my reasons for that, and they get cast off as excuses because I "don't want to leave my comfort zone".

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I didn't think I actually needed a shrink until today, after watching myself do what I did.

 

Anyone who cares, listen to me. I am NOT afraid to leave my comfort zone. That has nothing to do with why I wouldn't see one before. The core reason is this: I CAN'T AFFORD IT. If I do this, I'm paying for it, not my parents. Reason being, I don't want to worsen my burden. I'm not worth the cash they would have to shell out just to get somebody to take a crack at fixing the mess in my head. If I do it, it's coming out of my wallet. That's the only way. If I can't afford it, then I'm not doing it.

 

I've mentioned a few other reasons why I wouldn't see one. Things like, my difficulties opening up, talking, and communicating, my lack of trust, and things of that nature. Those things are still true. And they're still stumbling blocks for me. Let's face it, if I didn't have the ability to be anonymous on this website, I wouldn't have opened up at all, and I probably wouldn't have even come here in the first place. I have trouble connecting with people and communicating when it comes to my issues, especially face to face, in real time. But fuck it, I'm trying here. I'm willing to put all of that aside and do what I need to do anyway. I'm trying, damn it. Give me a little credit here. Those issues aside, I am willing to say fuck it and do it anyway. I am. I am willing to go, face to face, with a real person, and make a complete fool of myself. I don't care anymore. I will. Call me whatever you want. Lazy, stupid, whatever. I don't give a shit. But I can't afford this shit. It's fucking expensive. You know it is.

 

Dammit, I get called out for "rejecting help" when I literally can't do something. It was said that the reason I haven't moved out is because I'm scared to, and I don't want to leave my comfort zone. FOR FUCKS SAKE, I CAN'T AFFORD IT! I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING CASH!!!! Money doesn't grow on trees. What the hell do you people want me to do, pull cash out of my ass? I've bit my tongue for long enough, because I thought you all were right about me. But you're not. God forbid I actually have a GENUINE REASON FOR SOMETHING. Oh, wait, that's just an excuse. Yeah, I forgot, this is me we're talking about.

 

I'm not afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I don't have a comfort zone anymore.

 

I'm not an idiot. Then again, maybe I am.

[Crazy Donna]

DBSA not the other thing i said.

 

We're not always very supportive here. Some of us just like to argue a lot. No real intention to make you feel worse, i don't think.

 

Nah, it's just because of my history here. You act a certain way in the past, then that gets stuck to you even after you move on, then nobody believes you when you say something, even if you mean it, and you're not just "ignoring advice". I cried wolf too many times. Now nobody believes me. I'm just that crazy guy. My username used to be "confused idiot". I should've left it like that, because that's all I'll ever be known for. I'm not taken seriously in what I say, when I give my reasons for not doing something. No reason I should be. I cried wolf too many times.

 

Yah, you said you hadn't read the prophets sections of the bible. When i did i found tools to deconvert.

 

Oh. Ok.

That's why I told you to read the bible, PI. But you made an excuse not to do that either. Maybe you should try taking some of the advice people have been giving to you. We've been where you've been and we wouldn't suggest things if they hadn't worked for us.

[Crazy Donna]

I didn't think I actually needed a shrink until today, after watching myself do what I did.

 

Anyone who cares, listen to me. I am NOT afraid to leave my comfort zone. That has nothing to do with why I wouldn't see one before. The core reason is this: I CAN'T AFFORD IT. If I do this, I'm paying for it, not my parents. Reason being, I don't want to worsen my burden. I'm not worth the cash they would have to shell out just to get somebody to take a crack at fixing the mess in my head. If I do it, it's coming out of my wallet. That's the only way. If I can't afford it, then I'm not doing it.

 

I've mentioned a few other reasons why I wouldn't see one. Things like, my difficulties opening up, talking, and communicating, my lack of trust, and things of that nature. Those things are still true. And they're still stumbling blocks for me. Let's face it, if I didn't have the ability to be anonymous on this website, I wouldn't have opened up at all, and I probably wouldn't have even come here in the first place. I have trouble connecting with people and communicating when it comes to my issues, especially face to face, in real time. But fuck it, I'm trying here. I'm willing to put all of that aside and do what I need to do anyway. I'm trying, damn it. Give me a little credit here. Those issues aside, I am willing to say fuck it and do it anyway. I am. I am willing to go, face to face, with a real person, and make a complete fool of myself. I don't care anymore. I will. Call me whatever you want. Lazy, stupid, whatever. I don't give a shit. But I can't afford this shit. It's fucking expensive. You know it is.

 

Dammit, I get called out for "rejecting help" when I literally can't do something. It was said that the reason I haven't moved out is because I'm scared to, and I don't want to leave my comfort zone. FOR FUCKS SAKE, I CAN'T AFFORD IT! I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING CASH!!!! Money doesn't grow on trees. What the hell do you people want me to do, pull cash out of my ass? I've bit my tongue for long enough, because I thought you all were right about me. But you're not. God forbid I actually have a GENUINE REASON FOR SOMETHING. Oh, wait, that's just an excuse. Yeah, I forgot, this is me we're talking about.

 

I'm not afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I don't have a comfort zone anymore.

 

I'm not an idiot. Then again, maybe I am.

If you want something badly enough, you'll make it happen. I've been so broke I've had to eat out of bins. I put myself through uni working two jobs. I've lived in dives, with no furniture, because I was broke. But I decided I didn't want to live like that so I worked my arse off to improve my situation. I couldn't have done it if I didn't REALLY want to do it. And I fucking did. Desperately. Now I've got enough in the bank account to pay off my mortgage. I turned my life around in less than a decade.

 

If you want to see a counselor, there are several options. You could try calling one of those suicide hotlines and investigating whether there is some sort of support you can afford in your area. Or you can do it the hard way and work, save some money, and pay for treatment when you can afford it. Work out how much you earn, how much your basic expenses are, and save what you can. You should aim to save at least ten percent of what you earn. I save well above that.

 

You can do this. YOu just have to grit your teeth and really want it. Make a plan. Put ten bucks a week into a bank account until you've got enough saved to see a counsellor for two appointments. DO you have a job? If you don't, start applying. You're the only one who can do this for you.

 

Stop whingeing about how awful it is. Nothing is fucking permanent.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

That's why I told you to read the bible, PI. But you made an excuse not to do that either. Maybe you should try taking some of the advice people have been giving to you. We've been where you've been and we wouldn't suggest things if they hadn't worked for us.

 

*sigh*

 

You're misunderstanding me. When he mentioned the "prophet's section", I didn't know he was talking about the Bible. I thought he was talking about something entirely different. I'm well aware of the prophetic books of the Bible. For crying out loud, the Old Testament is a very, very long read. Starting in Genesis, I can't get there overnight. Give me some time, I can't just read the thing in an instant.

 

If you want something badly enough, you'll make it happen. I've been so broke I've had to eat out of bins. I put myself through uni working two jobs. I've lived in dives, with no furniture, because I was broke. But I decided I didn't want to live like that so I worked my arse off to improve my situation. I couldn't have done it if I didn't REALLY want to do it. And I fucking did. Desperately. Now I've got enough in the bank account to pay off my mortgage. I turned my life around in less than a decade.

 

If you want to see a counselor, there are several options. You could try calling one of those suicide hotlines and investigating whether there is some sort of support you can afford in your area. Or you can do it the hard way and work, save some money, and pay for treatment when you can afford it. Work out how much you earn, how much your basic expenses are, and save what you can. You should aim to save at least ten percent of what you earn. I save well above that.

 

You can do this. YOu just have to grit your teeth and really want it. Make a plan. Put ten bucks a week into a bank account until you've got enough saved to see a counsellor for two appointments. DO you have a job? If you don't, start applying. You're the only one who can do this for you.

 

Yes, I have a job.

 

Stop whingeing about how awful it is. Nothing is fucking permanent.

 

You missed the whole point of that post. I'm not "whingeing about how awful it is". I'm defending myself.

[Crazy Donna]

That's why I told you to read the bible, PI. But you made an excuse not to do that either. Maybe you should try taking some of the advice people have been giving to you. We've been where you've been and we wouldn't suggest things if they hadn't worked for us.

 

*sigh*

 

You're misunderstanding me. When he mentioned the "prophet's section", I didn't know he was talking about the Bible. I thought he was talking about something entirely different. I'm well aware of the prophetic books of the Bible. For crying out loud, the Old Testament is a very, very long read. Starting in Genesis, I can't get there overnight. Give me some time, I can't just read the thing in an instant.

 

If you want something badly enough, you'll make it happen. I've been so broke I've had to eat out of bins. I put myself through uni working two jobs. I've lived in dives, with no furniture, because I was broke. But I decided I didn't want to live like that so I worked my arse off to improve my situation. I couldn't have done it if I didn't REALLY want to do it. And I fucking did. Desperately. Now I've got enough in the bank account to pay off my mortgage. I turned my life around in less than a decade.

 

If you want to see a counselor, there are several options. You could try calling one of those suicide hotlines and investigating whether there is some sort of support you can afford in your area. Or you can do it the hard way and work, save some money, and pay for treatment when you can afford it. Work out how much you earn, how much your basic expenses are, and save what you can. You should aim to save at least ten percent of what you earn. I save well above that.

 

You can do this. YOu just have to grit your teeth and really want it. Make a plan. Put ten bucks a week into a bank account until you've got enough saved to see a counsellor for two appointments. DO you have a job? If you don't, start applying. You're the only one who can do this for you.

 

Yes, I have a job.

 

Stop whingeing about how awful it is. Nothing is fucking permanent.

 

You missed the whole point of that post. I'm not "whingeing about how awful it is". I'm defending myself.

You're not defending yourself. You're making an excuse for why you shouldn't read the bible. In this case, it's too big a read.

 

You only get out of life what you put in. No wonder your life sucks. You don't put anything in.

 

Read two chapters of the bible a day. That's all. Surely you can manage that. Leave the damn thing in the toilet and read it while you have your daily bowel movement. Eventually what looks like a huge task will become manageable. Nobody said you have to read it in an instant.

 

What chapter are you up to, in what book? Keep us posted on your progress. We can tell you what parts you should be looking out for as you go, and encouraging you to think critically about it.

 

Edit: I found it was useful to stop capitalising words like 'god', 'jesus', and 'bible'. It undermines their power. Felt weird at first because I'm a grammar nazi, but I found it really robbed those words of their power. You may or may not find that useful.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

You're not defending yourself. You're making an excuse for why you shouldn't read the bible. In this case, it's too big a read.

 

You only get out of life what you put in. No wonder your life sucks. You don't put anything in.

 

Read two chapters of the bible a day. That's all. Surely you can manage that. Leave the damn thing in the toilet and read it while you have your daily bowel movement. Eventually what looks like a huge task will become manageable. Nobody said you have to read it in an instant.

 

What chapter are you up to, in what book? Keep us posted on your progress. We can tell you what parts you should be looking out for as you go, and encouraging you to think critically about it.

 

Edit: I found it was useful to stop capitalising words like 'god', 'jesus', and 'bible'. It undermines their power. Felt weird at first because I'm a grammar nazi, but I found it really robbed those words of their power. You may or may not find that useful.

 

An excuse? Heh, that's funny. I am reading the Bible. I'm at the end of Exodus. I'm currently taking a break from it on account of me reading three other books. When I'm done with them, I'll resume. You talk like I'm making excuses so I don't have to do anything. That wasn't an excuse. I'M READING IT. You acted like I should have already gotten to the prophetic books, and I stated exactly why I haven't. BECAUSE IT'S A VERY LARGE READ. I can't do it overnight. That's it. That's all I said. I was DEFENDING MYSELF. But if you want to call it an excuse, fine. Whatever. Did I say that was gonna stop me from reading it? No. Did I say that was a problem? No. Was I whining and trying to get out of doing it? NO. I didn't make any excuse as to why I should not read the Bible in my post, but that's apparently what you got out of it. For your information, I plan on reading the whole thing. I don't care how long it takes. "Oooohhh, it's a big book, it's too much for me to handle, I'm scared!" Yeah right.... FUCK THAT!!

[RankStranger]

I actually read Ecclesiastes the other day... it came up in discussion around here. It's an interesting read... kindof a lame ending, though.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I actually read Ecclesiastes the other day... it came up in discussion around here. It's an interesting read... kindof a lame ending, though.

 

I've read it before. Pretty much comes to the conclusion that everything is meaningless.

[Guest lenbitme]

Oh, wow.... Let me first say, I do not know enough of Perfect Insanity to make a judgment on his past character. I can estimate, however, since most everyone here has testified to his "crying wolf" that he has indeed cried wolf a few too many times.

 

But this, guys? This is ridiculous.

 

Donna, why in the fucking world does he HAVE to read the bible? Is that really the ONLY way for him to deconvert? I deconverted reading materials that were no where near the bBible. And I found enough reason there to leave. These days, I don't even want to look at a bible. It's just silly how many times you've told him to read the bible in order to deconvert. That is just nonsense! He has read enough to satisfy himself. In fact, in his original post, he wrote that reading the bible was the biggest folly of his, indicating his disagreement with it. Now, he may be looking to other sources. Oh well if he never reads the goddamn bible again! Oh well! There are millions of reasons for people to deconvert, and we have the proof here at ex-c. I respect you, Donna, but this is childish. I understand you're frustrated that he is not taking your advice (and it appears he has not taken anyone else's either from the posts here), but leave it alone! That isn't the end-all be-all to deconverting. Reading the bible is not always the only way, just because it was the way for you. And I didn't think it was everyone's business to tell him how to deconvert. How about telling him how to broaden his knowledge and make that decision for himself? Because the way you have been posting, it has been all about telling him how to deconvert, not how to make an educated decision.

 

Ok, I have to go.

[RankStranger]

I actually read Ecclesiastes the other day... it came up in discussion around here. It's an interesting read... kindof a lame ending, though.

 

I've read it before. Pretty much comes to the conclusion that everything is meaningless.

 

Well yeah... except WITH GOD!!

 

Like I said, the ending was kinda lame.

[Guest lenbitme]

Unfortunately, I didn't get to finish my post because I had an appointment to make.

 

As far as this thread goes, PerfectInsanity, you should be allowed to rant as you wish, whether or not it annoys anybody else. However, the way you word things and your tendency to victimize yourself in your writing tells me that you are a guilt seeker and trying to call upon the empathy of everyone here. The problem is, victimizing yourself is no way to make people feel bad for you or desire to be on your side. It often does the opposite. I'm referring especially to your post about how you cried wolf too many times. Cry me a river. I certainly lost empathy for you reading that alone. Your tone tells me volumes about your personality, and so far it seems you are a victim. I do believe that there is sincerity in your struggles with your faith/non-faith. But I don't doubt some of the struggles are self-induced.

 

Question: Are you the member who still lives with his parents at a very late age? If not, then that's that. If so, then that broadens my understanding of this situation a great deal.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Oh, wow.... Let me first say, I do not know enough of Perfect Insanity to make a judgment on his past character. I can estimate, however, since most everyone here has testified to his "crying wolf" that he has indeed cried wolf a few too many times.

 

But this, guys? This is ridiculous.

 

Donna, why in the fucking world does he HAVE to read the bible? Is that really the ONLY way for him to deconvert? I deconverted reading materials that were no where near the bBible. And I found enough reason there to leave. These days, I don't even want to look at a bible. It's just silly how many times you've told him to read the bible in order to deconvert. That is just nonsense! He has read enough to satisfy himself. In fact, in his original post, he wrote that reading the bible was the biggest folly of his, indicating his disagreement with it. Now, he may be looking to other sources. Oh well if he never reads the goddamn bible again! Oh well! There are millions of reasons for people to deconvert, and we have the proof here at ex-c. I respect you, Donna, but this is childish. I understand you're frustrated that he is not taking your advice (and it appears he has not taken anyone else's either from the posts here), but leave it alone! That isn't the end-all be-all to deconverting. Reading the bible is not always the only way, just because it was the way for you. And I didn't think it was everyone's business to tell him how to deconvert. How about telling him how to broaden his knowledge and make that decision for himself? Because the way you have been posting, it has been all about telling him how to deconvert, not how to make an educated decision.

 

Ok, I have to go.

 

Besides, it's pointless to try to shove the Bible down my throat and accuse me of making excuses for not reading it when I say anything, BECAUSE I AM READING IT. I can't seem to get that point across. Actually, I already know the Bible is NOT the word of God. I know it's not. It can't be. In case I didn't make myself clear, let me say that again. THE BIBLE IS NOT THE WORD OF GOD. That's not where my hangups lie. I can clearly see already that the Bible is the word of man. But you know what? I'm gonna continue reading it anyway. I said I was reading three books and I would continue after that, but you know what? After I finish the one book I am reading at the moment, I will resume reading the Bible. Forget the other two.

 

Unfortunately, I didn't get to finish my post because I had an appointment to make.

 

As far as this thread goes, PerfectInsanity, you should be allowed to rant as you wish, whether or not it annoys anybody else. However, the way you word things and your tendency to victimize yourself in your writing tells me that you are a guilt seeker and trying to call upon the empathy of everyone here. The problem is, victimizing yourself is no way to make people feel bad for you or desire to be on your side. It often does the opposite.

 

I don't necessarily do that on purpose, it's just a habit. My writing style often ends up looking that way, whether I mean for it to or not.

 

I'm referring especially to your post about how you cried wolf too many times. Cry me a river. I certainly lost empathy for you reading that alone. Your tone tells me volumes about your personality, and so far it seems you are a victim. I do believe that there is sincerity in your struggles with your faith/non-faith. But I don't doubt some of the struggles are self-induced.

 

*sigh* Obviously, since we're all talking over the internet, and not face to face, the original meaning of certain things we say can get lost in translation. When I said I cried wolf too many times, I wasn't trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. All I was saying is, that's a mistake I made, and now it's gonna make things harder in these discussions, because it's not as easy to take me seriously in some of the things I say. The fault is mine. That's all I'm saying.

 

Question: Are you the member who still lives with his parents at a very late age? If not, then that's that. If so, then that broadens my understanding of this situation a great deal.

 

No.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I actually read Ecclesiastes the other day... it came up in discussion around here. It's an interesting read... kindof a lame ending, though.

 

I've read it before. Pretty much comes to the conclusion that everything is meaningless.

 

Well yeah... except WITH GOD!!

 

Like I said, the ending was kinda lame.

 

I rest my case.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I should have known. As I look at some older posts of mine... even recent posts... A lot I say is contradictory. Reason for this is because a lot of my thoughts contradict. I'll think one thing one minute, and I'll think something else the next. Other times, I won't know what I think, or even what I'm supposed to think. Since I've been here, especially recently, I've been posting most of my thoughts. About everything. I shouldn't be doing that. Because it has obviously led to me making a contradictory fool out of myself.

[Guest Valk0010]

There is a reason I haven't posted here in a while. I have helped you all I can really. Unless you got some religion-academic related questions I don't have anything more I can say.

 

I do know, you will figure it out in a way you want to solve it no matter how long it takes.

 

I am curious however, what are the books your reading if you mind sharing.

 

Good luck

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

There is a reason I haven't posted here in a while. I have helped you all I can really. Unless you got some religion-academic related questions I don't have anything more I can say.

 

I do know, you will figure it out in a way you want to solve it no matter how long it takes.

 

I am curious however, what are the books your reading if you mind sharing.

 

Good luck

 

Right now I'm reading "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I feel guilty for being alive. Guilty. I don't know why. With those feelings in mind, there's part of me that doesn't want to be fixed because I don't want to show myself any mercy. Call me a whiner, I don't really give a damn. Really. Go ahead. Take your best shot. I've tried to make up for my mistakes here by repentence oriented posts, but every time I do that and say I'm going to do something or not do something, I go back on my word and fail. I can't make up for what I've done. I think the only way to make up for it is to stop posting. Because with every post I make trying to make up for my failures, I make it worse. I'm sick of reading my posts, it's time my online alter-ego needs to die. But can I trust myself with that statement? Me saying I'm done posting will make me want to post more. Anyone with the power to do so, pull the trigger and kill this bastard! Ban me, permanently!

[Guest lenbitme]

Oh, wow.... Let me first say, I do not know enough of Perfect Insanity to make a judgment on his past character. I can estimate, however, since most everyone here has testified to his "crying wolf" that he has indeed cried wolf a few too many times.

 

But this, guys? This is ridiculous.

 

Donna, why in the fucking world does he HAVE to read the bible? Is that really the ONLY way for him to deconvert? I deconverted reading materials that were no where near the bBible. And I found enough reason there to leave. These days, I don't even want to look at a bible. It's just silly how many times you've told him to read the bible in order to deconvert. That is just nonsense! He has read enough to satisfy himself. In fact, in his original post, he wrote that reading the bible was the biggest folly of his, indicating his disagreement with it. Now, he may be looking to other sources. Oh well if he never reads the goddamn bible again! Oh well! There are millions of reasons for people to deconvert, and we have the proof here at ex-c. I respect you, Donna, but this is childish. I understand you're frustrated that he is not taking your advice (and it appears he has not taken anyone else's either from the posts here), but leave it alone! That isn't the end-all be-all to deconverting. Reading the bible is not always the only way, just because it was the way for you. And I didn't think it was everyone's business to tell him how to deconvert. How about telling him how to broaden his knowledge and make that decision for himself? Because the way you have been posting, it has been all about telling him how to deconvert, not how to make an educated decision.

 

Ok, I have to go.

 

Besides, it's pointless to try to shove the Bible down my throat and accuse me of making excuses for not reading it when I say anything, BECAUSE I AM READING IT. I can't seem to get that point across. Actually, I already know the Bible is NOT the word of God. I know it's not. It can't be. In case I didn't make myself clear, let me say that again. THE BIBLE IS NOT THE WORD OF GOD. That's not where my hangups lie. I can clearly see already that the Bible is the word of man. But you know what? I'm gonna continue reading it anyway. I said I was reading three books and I would continue after that, but you know what? After I finish the one book I am reading at the moment, I will resume reading the Bible. Forget the other two.

 

Unfortunately, I didn't get to finish my post because I had an appointment to make.

 

As far as this thread goes, PerfectInsanity, you should be allowed to rant as you wish, whether or not it annoys anybody else. However, the way you word things and your tendency to victimize yourself in your writing tells me that you are a guilt seeker and trying to call upon the empathy of everyone here. The problem is, victimizing yourself is no way to make people feel bad for you or desire to be on your side. It often does the opposite.

 

I don't necessarily do that on purpose, it's just a habit. My writing style often ends up looking that way, whether I mean for it to or not.

 

I'm referring especially to your post about how you cried wolf too many times. Cry me a river. I certainly lost empathy for you reading that alone. Your tone tells me volumes about your personality, and so far it seems you are a victim. I do believe that there is sincerity in your struggles with your faith/non-faith. But I don't doubt some of the struggles are self-induced.

 

*sigh* Obviously, since we're all talking over the internet, and not face to face, the original meaning of certain things we say can get lost in translation. When I said I cried wolf too many times, I wasn't trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. All I was saying is, that's a mistake I made, and now it's gonna make things harder in these discussions, because it's not as easy to take me seriously in some of the things I say. The fault is mine. That's all I'm saying.

 

Question: Are you the member who still lives with his parents at a very late age? If not, then that's that. If so, then that broadens my understanding of this situation a great deal.

 

No.

 

Oddly enough, if you had been the person I was thinking of, I would have cut you a great deal of slack and would've actually been a lot more empathetic! But, apparently not. So, I continue with my original point.

 

I agree that intentions are misconstrued in this impersonal format, however, there are some things that add up here. Many people have been trying to help you, either to no avail or resulting in your neglect to try the suggestions given to you. Your response to these complaints is to self-degrade and heap guilt upon yourself. I have had enough people like this in my life to know the signs of a person seeking pity and/or attention, whether you recognize it or not. They continually look for people to "save" them, or provide all the answers, then in order to continue the misery which caused them to seek help in the first place, they do not fully accept the help, and then move on to self-degrade. "I'm worthless." "I can't do anything right." "I'm a terrible person." "I'm a burden to everyone." And so on. This only continues the cycle of their misery, which then leads them to once again seek help (or actually, attention), which then continues the cycle of each phase. I could be wrong, absolutely. But this is my opinion. However, I do think that your struggle is sincere. I just think that your way of dealing with it appears to be going no where.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Oddly enough, if you had been the person I was thinking of, I would have cut you a great deal of slack and would've actually been a lot more empathetic! But, apparently not. So, I continue with my original point.

 

I agree that intentions are misconstrued in this impersonal format, however, there are some things that add up here. Many people have been trying to help you, either to no avail or resulting in your neglect to try the suggestions given to you. Your response to these complaints is to self-degrade and heap guilt upon yourself. I have had enough people like this in my life to know the signs of a person seeking pity and/or attention, whether you recognize it or not. They continually look for people to "save" them, or provide all the answers, then in order to continue the misery which caused them to seek help in the first place, they do not fully accept the help, and then move on to self-degrade. "I'm worthless." "I can't do anything right." "I'm a terrible person." "I'm a burden to everyone." And so on. This only continues the cycle of their misery, which then leads them to once again seek help (or actually, attention), which then continues the cycle of each phase. I could be wrong, absolutely. But this is my opinion. However, I do think that your struggle is sincere. I just think that your way of dealing with it appears to be going no where.

 

I'm not looking for your sympathy, or for you to cut me any slack.

 

But I will tell you this. I literally feel like I'm a wounded soldier trying to fight an entire army by myself. I'm surrounded. Once I start to get the advantage over one enemy, another one comes and kicks my ass and throw me to the ground. Then I'm back where I started. I can make clever strategies to overcome this army, but no matter how determined I get, I'm not strong enough to overcome this army. I'm wounded on the ground getting my ass handed to me. I can muster up some strength, jump up, and strike a blow to one of my enemy soliders, but his comrades always come to his rescue and beat me down. I'm fighting a losing battle. Surrender will do nothing but get me thrown in prison and tortured for the rest of my life, which is no better. Taking my own life is the only way out of this battle. Something I don't want to do.

[Ouroboros]

Ban me, permanently!

I will do so now.

 

Sorry to see you go, and I hope you will find your answers one day.

[florduh]

Whew! That only took FOREVER.

[Deva]

Ban me, permanently!

I will do so now.

 

Sorry to see you go, and I hope you will find your answers one day.

 

Yes, me too. Thanks, Hans.