I Repent

[DesertBob]

Yes, but I'm doing more than expressing angst. I'm in no position to be giving any advice.

I'm simply saying that no one who gives advice -- including the acclaimed people who are lauded and operate with international visibility -- have all their shit together. They get divorced, have affairs, say things they later regret, have things they are ashamed of, etc, just like everyone else.

 

By your standards, no one on the planet is "in a position" to give advice.

 

The truth is, you can speak as well as me or anyone else from your experience and what you've learned, even if you're not perfect. And as the other poster mentioned, you can do it beautifully. So ... don't stop that.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Yes, but I'm doing more than expressing angst. I'm in no position to be giving any advice.

I'm simply saying that no one who gives advice -- including the acclaimed people who are lauded and operate with international visibility -- have all their shit together. They get divorced, have affairs, say things they later regret, have things they are ashamed of, etc, just like everyone else.

 

By your standards, no one on the planet is "in a position" to give advice.

 

The truth is, you can speak as well as me or anyone else from your experience and what you've learned, even if you're not perfect. And as the other poster mentioned, you can do it beautifully. So ... don't stop that.

 

True.

[buffettphan]

I noticed you gave some excellent advice on the "Does The Fear Ever Go Away" thread. Stepping outside yourself -- offering help to someone else -- shows that you have compassion for your fellow human beings. Please, please, try to show that same compassion toward yourself. And just as you offered a bit of yourself to someone here online, try to do the same in real life. Just a little bit at a time. Baby steps. Something. Anything.

 

That makes me a hypocrite. I try to act like I have it all together in one thread, then I come in this one and act like I should be locked up in a mental clinic.

 

 

 

NO! NO! NO! NO! You are not a hypocrite. You are human. As a human, you, just as the rest of us, can give good advice. At just like the rest of us, you at other times need the advice. We all benefit from learning about and sharing the experiences and perspectives of other people. You communicate well. Please give yourself a break.

 

 

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I noticed you gave some excellent advice on the "Does The Fear Ever Go Away" thread. Stepping outside yourself -- offering help to someone else -- shows that you have compassion for your fellow human beings. Please, please, try to show that same compassion toward yourself. And just as you offered a bit of yourself to someone here online, try to do the same in real life. Just a little bit at a time. Baby steps. Something. Anything.

 

That makes me a hypocrite. I try to act like I have it all together in one thread, then I come in this one and act like I should be locked up in a mental clinic.

 

 

 

NO! NO! NO! NO! You are not a hypocrite. You are human. As a human, you, just as the rest of us, can give good advice. At just like the rest of us, you at other times need the advice. We all benefit from learning about and sharing the experiences and perspectives of other people. You communicate well. Please give yourself a break.

 

I'm a human being. A sorry, pathetic human being.

[buffettphan]

I'm a human being. A sorry, pathetic human being.

 

 

 

Now that's exactly what christians are taught brainwashed to think about themselves. You KNOW it's a lie, so make yourself stop thinking like that. You can change those negative messages in your head if you want to. I guess that's the big question. Do you want to?

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I'm a human being. A sorry, pathetic human being.

 

 

 

Now that's exactly what christians are taught brainwashed to think about themselves. You KNOW it's a lie, so make yourself stop thinking like that. You can change those negative messages in your head if you want to. I guess that's the big question. Do you want to?

 

I'm not like that because of religion.

 

I'll put it this way. I don't want to change the way I see myself. I see myself for what I am. I'd like to keep it that way. I'd rather be changed myself, instead of giving myself a false perception of myself.

[Crazy Donna]

I hope you said that standing up and shouting loudly.

 

I should.

 

 

Perhaps because you refuse to get the necessary help.

 

I second that notion, you don't get help you don't get better, simple as. You don't deserve peoples help if you're not going to put in an effort.

 

The only help I'm refusing is seeing a shrink, and I've got my reasons for that. Other than that, I'm doing what I can. I'm taking medicine. I'm educating myself as often as possible with alternate worldviews. I read pretty much everything that gets submitted to this site. I read a lot of other stuff online too. I've been educating myself about OCD and how to fight it. I've been doing quite a bit. You can't tell me that seeing a shrink is the one and only magic fix, because I know it's not. What did people do before there were shrinks? What do people do who don't have any nearby? What do people do who can't afford it? I'm convinced there's other ways to do it. Faster and less expensive ways.

Refusing to see a shrink because you've got 'reasons' for that is a cop out. What are these reasons?

 

A psychologist could help you. Any problem you have towards all psychologists can only be bigotry on your part. Not all psychologists are the same. To brush them all aside without trying a few to find out is just evidence that you don't want to help yourself.

 

Not trying every avenue in an endeavour to help yourself is a solid indication that you don't intend to help yourself. You want someone else to do it for you.

 

People who don't have access to mental health support generally stay sick. They don't magically get better on their own. If they do, it takes far longer, and robs them of a massive part of their lives.

 

You don't want to get help. You just want attention, PI. Show us something that proves otherwise.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Refusing to see a shrink because you've got 'reasons' for that is a cop out. What are these reasons?

 

I've given my reasons before. Too much time. Too much money. Too much trust involved that I don't have. I can't afford that shit anyway.

 

You want someone else to do it for you.

 

No. That's EXACTLY why I don't want to see a shrink. Because I want to handle it MYSELF.

 

People who don't have access to mental health support generally stay sick. They don't magically get better on their own. If they do, it takes far longer, and robs them of a massive part of their lives.

 

Of course they don't magically get better. Never said they did. If someone sits on their ass all day waiting for a magic fix (aka God) to make everything better, they're stupid. I'm not doing that, and I never said anyone should do that. Not seeing a shrink does NOT equal sitting on your ass and doing nothing. People can get over shit without a shrink to dump all of it on. It's called being independent.

 

You don't want to get help. You just want attention, PI. Show us something that proves otherwise.

 

How exactly am I supposed to do that? Let me guess, see a shrink? Just because I reject that one avenue, that means I'm an attention whore who doesn't want help?

[Crazy Donna]

Refusing to see a shrink because you've got 'reasons' for that is a cop out. What are these reasons?

 

I've given my reasons before. Too much time. Too much money. Too much trust involved that I don't have. I can't afford that shit anyway.

 

You want someone else to do it for you.

 

No. That's EXACTLY why I don't want to see a shrink. Because I want to handle it MYSELF.

 

People who don't have access to mental health support generally stay sick. They don't magically get better on their own. If they do, it takes far longer, and robs them of a massive part of their lives.

 

Of course they don't magically get better. Never said they did. If someone sits on their ass all day waiting for a magic fix (aka God) to make everything better, they're stupid. I'm not doing that, and I never said anyone should do that. Not seeing a shrink does NOT equal sitting on your ass and doing nothing. People can get over shit without a shrink to dump all of it on. It's called being independent.

 

You don't want to get help. You just want attention, PI. Show us something that proves otherwise.

 

How exactly am I supposed to do that? Let me guess, see a shrink? Just because I reject that one avenue, that means I'm an attention whore who doesn't want help?

How many times have people on this site suggested things for you to try?

 

See a shrink? You said no to that. I believe you also said no when someone suggested you get out and learn to dance. Every time someone on this site suggests something you could actively do, you find an excuse not to.

 

You won't change til you want to change. And you don't want to change right now. So stop pretending. Your actions say a hell of a lot about your intentions. You find a reason not to do things because it'll require you to get out of your comfort zone. You're comfortable now, you don't want to change.

 

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Refusing to see a shrink because you've got 'reasons' for that is a cop out. What are these reasons?

 

I've given my reasons before. Too much time. Too much money. Too much trust involved that I don't have. I can't afford that shit anyway.

 

You want someone else to do it for you.

 

No. That's EXACTLY why I don't want to see a shrink. Because I want to handle it MYSELF.

 

People who don't have access to mental health support generally stay sick. They don't magically get better on their own. If they do, it takes far longer, and robs them of a massive part of their lives.

 

Of course they don't magically get better. Never said they did. If someone sits on their ass all day waiting for a magic fix (aka God) to make everything better, they're stupid. I'm not doing that, and I never said anyone should do that. Not seeing a shrink does NOT equal sitting on your ass and doing nothing. People can get over shit without a shrink to dump all of it on. It's called being independent.

 

You don't want to get help. You just want attention, PI. Show us something that proves otherwise.

 

How exactly am I supposed to do that? Let me guess, see a shrink? Just because I reject that one avenue, that means I'm an attention whore who doesn't want help?

How many times have people on this site suggested things for you to try?

 

See a shrink? You said no to that. I believe you also said no when someone suggested you get out and learn to dance. Every time someone on this site suggests something you could actively do, you find an excuse not to.

 

You won't change til you want to change. And you don't want to change right now. So stop pretending. Your actions say a hell of a lot about your intentions. You find a reason not to do things because it'll require you to get out of your comfort zone. You're comfortable now, you don't want to change.

 

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

 

What does dancing have to do with anything? That was posted in a different forum, that has nothing to do with this. Besides, how do you know I'm not doing anything? All you can see is my posts. I have been inquiring knowledge, I can tell you that. And that is the ONLY way to move on from Christianity. Learning. I'm trying as hard as I can to do that. Half the shit I read online has to do with that. I'm trying to learn as much as I can in order to debunk the things in my mind that are killing me.

 

Stop telling you you're wrong? Why don't you stop telling me I'm wrong? There ain't shit I can do to prove you wrong, not on an online forum. Even if I made the best progress possible, I doubt anybody would believe me. I'm just that mentally insane post spamming attention whore, right?

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

 

Wait, I get it. In order to do that I'm supposed to stop posting. Right?

[Crazy Donna]

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

 

Wait, I get it. In order to do that I'm supposed to stop posting. Right?

Stop thinking. Start DOING.

 

I don't care if you stop posting or not.

 

Just do things to improve your life. If you go do a short course or volunteer with a group, tell us about it. Tell us how it went.

 

Don't just sit there and go make excuses not to try things, even if they are not things you would try at first. You come here and rant, and people give you advice, and you ignore the advice or make excuses for why their suggestions won't worked. Obviously, that isn't working.

 

Maybe you should try doing stuff people suggest even if you DON'T think it'll work? I mean, most of us are older and have lived more than you have. You have a massive resource, but whenever we tell you to try X or Y, you make an excuse for why it won't work. Sure, to begin with, that was understandable. But it gets old. Real old. You're stagnating, and I'm calling you on it.

 

Cajoling hasn't worked with you. Encouragement hasn't helped you either. Advice just gets ignored, and suggestions just get a litany of excuses for why they won't work. That demonstrates that you don't really want to change, because if you did, you would latch onto every and any suggestion people made to help you. You'd try anything once. You'd be that desperate and that willing to change. But you don't. You just make more excuses.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

 

Wait, I get it. In order to do that I'm supposed to stop posting. Right?

Stop thinking. Start DOING.

 

I don't care if you stop posting or not.

 

Just do things to improve your life. If you go do a short course or volunteer with a group, tell us about it. Tell us how it went.

 

Don't just sit there and go make excuses not to try things, even if they are not things you would try at first. You come here and rant, and people give you advice, and you ignore the advice or make excuses for why their suggestions won't worked. Obviously, that isn't working.

 

Maybe you should try doing stuff people suggest even if you DON'T think it'll work? I mean, most of us are older and have lived more than you have. You have a massive resource, but whenever we tell you to try X or Y, you make an excuse for why it won't work. Sure, to begin with, that was understandable. But it gets old. Real old. You're stagnating, and I'm calling you on it.

 

Cajoling hasn't worked with you. Encouragement hasn't helped you either. Advice just gets ignored, and suggestions just get a litany of excuses for why they won't work. That demonstrates that you don't really want to change, because if you did, you would latch onto every and any suggestion people made to help you. You'd try anything once. You'd be that desperate and that willing to change. But you don't. You just make more excuses.

 

How about this. Next suicidal thought I have, I'll either call a hotline or get on a real time chat thing for suicidal people. And believe me, that will happen, so you can be damn sure I'm not bluffing on that one.

[Crazy Donna]

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

 

Wait, I get it. In order to do that I'm supposed to stop posting. Right?

Stop thinking. Start DOING.

 

I don't care if you stop posting or not.

 

Just do things to improve your life. If you go do a short course or volunteer with a group, tell us about it. Tell us how it went.

 

Don't just sit there and go make excuses not to try things, even if they are not things you would try at first. You come here and rant, and people give you advice, and you ignore the advice or make excuses for why their suggestions won't worked. Obviously, that isn't working.

 

Maybe you should try doing stuff people suggest even if you DON'T think it'll work? I mean, most of us are older and have lived more than you have. You have a massive resource, but whenever we tell you to try X or Y, you make an excuse for why it won't work. Sure, to begin with, that was understandable. But it gets old. Real old. You're stagnating, and I'm calling you on it.

 

Cajoling hasn't worked with you. Encouragement hasn't helped you either. Advice just gets ignored, and suggestions just get a litany of excuses for why they won't work. That demonstrates that you don't really want to change, because if you did, you would latch onto every and any suggestion people made to help you. You'd try anything once. You'd be that desperate and that willing to change. But you don't. You just make more excuses.

 

How about this. Next suicidal thought I have, I'll either call a hotline or get on a real time chat thing for suicidal people. And believe me, that will happen, so you can be damn sure I'm not bluffing on that one.

At least you'd be finally doing something instead of sitting there wallowing in self pity and making excuses.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Stop telling me I'm wrong and actually do something to PROVE that I'm NOT wrong.

 

Wait, I get it. In order to do that I'm supposed to stop posting. Right?

Stop thinking. Start DOING.

 

I don't care if you stop posting or not.

 

Just do things to improve your life. If you go do a short course or volunteer with a group, tell us about it. Tell us how it went.

 

Don't just sit there and go make excuses not to try things, even if they are not things you would try at first. You come here and rant, and people give you advice, and you ignore the advice or make excuses for why their suggestions won't worked. Obviously, that isn't working.

 

Maybe you should try doing stuff people suggest even if you DON'T think it'll work? I mean, most of us are older and have lived more than you have. You have a massive resource, but whenever we tell you to try X or Y, you make an excuse for why it won't work. Sure, to begin with, that was understandable. But it gets old. Real old. You're stagnating, and I'm calling you on it.

 

Cajoling hasn't worked with you. Encouragement hasn't helped you either. Advice just gets ignored, and suggestions just get a litany of excuses for why they won't work. That demonstrates that you don't really want to change, because if you did, you would latch onto every and any suggestion people made to help you. You'd try anything once. You'd be that desperate and that willing to change. But you don't. You just make more excuses.

 

How about this. Next suicidal thought I have, I'll either call a hotline or get on a real time chat thing for suicidal people. And believe me, that will happen, so you can be damn sure I'm not bluffing on that one.

At least you'd be finally doing something instead of sitting there wallowing in self pity and making excuses.

 

I ain't sitting on my ass doing nothing. Again, other than my posts, you have no idea what I'm doing.

[RankStranger]

What are you doing?

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

What are you doing?

 

Researching, studying, learning, thinking, analyzing, planning. About religion, about OCD, about life. I'm gathering up the pieces of the puzzle so I can put them back together.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Until now, I didn't believe it. I need a shrink. Or an exorcist. I need help. Bad. I'm a mess. I explicitly threatened to kill myself in front of my own mother. What the fuck is wrong with me. I need help. I hate myself. Now more than ever. I hope I die in my sleep tonight. I hope I burn for eternity in hell. I hope the memories of my existence on this earth will be wiped away, like I was never here. I want to die. A violent, bloody death. I pray it happens.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I always said on here I wasn't really suicidal. I thought about it, but I never considered doing it.

 

Now I'm considering it.

 

I can't think of a single reason to keep going.

 

I could call a hotline. But all they would do is try to talk me out of it and give me some stupid bullshit reason why I'm "special". Fuck that!

 

I'll make my own mind up. If I'm gonna do it, I'll do it, I don't want anybody stopping me. The people on the other end of the phone probably don't give a shit anyway.

 

I don't know if I'm going to do it or not. I'm not gonna do it yet. I need to think this through.

[Crazy Donna]

I always said on here I wasn't really suicidal. I thought about it, but I never considered doing it.

 

Now I'm considering it.

 

I can't think of a single reason to keep going.

 

I could call a hotline. But all they would do is try to talk me out of it and give me some stupid bullshit reason why I'm "special". Fuck that!

 

I'll make my own mind up. If I'm gonna do it, I'll do it, I don't want anybody stopping me. The people on the other end of the phone probably don't give a shit anyway.

 

I don't know if I'm going to do it or not. I'm not gonna do it yet. I need to think this through.

How do you know calling a hotline would result in (1) them trying to talk you out of it or (2) telling you your special? There you go making an excuse not to follow through on stuff again. You wouldn't want to ring a hotline, they might actually give you really constructive advice that you couldn't make an excuse not to follow. That'd be awkward. You might have to do something to help yourself, instead of have someone else do it for you.

 

Every time you make an excuse not to do something, you're just giving everyone more evidence that you don't want to change. I have a friend who works on a hotline for suicides as a volunteer. She has a background in psychology and a degree in behavioural science. How do you know that the person on the other end of that hotline doesn't have training? I think you're afraid to call them because they might give you advice you can't ignore. Then you'd have to move out of your comfort zone, and you wouldn't want to do that.

 

You don't want to change, and I'm calling you on it. Nothing you've told us here is evidence that you do. The constant excuses NOT to act is evidence that you don't want anything in your life to change.

[Voice]

the prophets sections you're missing suggest tools you can use to deconvert, if you need them. At least I found some tools that were useful in there.

[Voice]

I do have to agree with CD, about repentance. It's not necessary. Learn from your mistakes and move on, there's no need to flog yourself.

If you need to experience pain, piercings and tattoos are available, and they're no longer thought of as antisocial as they were in the '50's.

Consider repenting of your repentance.

 

A lot of us suffer depression when we face deconversion, or even just challenge a lifetime of beliefs. It's common. Everything you're saying suggests you're seriously depressed. There's a support forum for serious depression that I found. PM me if you want the address, or search BPDA and sign up on the forums. It's not a crisis center, but you'll find hundreds, thousands of others who appreciate and understand (our) condition.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

How do you know calling a hotline would result in (1) them trying to talk you out of it or (2) telling you your special? There you go making an excuse not to follow through on stuff again. You wouldn't want to ring a hotline, they might actually give you really constructive advice that you couldn't make an excuse not to follow. That'd be awkward. You might have to do something to help yourself, instead of have someone else do it for you.

 

Every time you make an excuse not to do something, you're just giving everyone more evidence that you don't want to change. I have a friend who works on a hotline for suicides as a volunteer. She has a background in psychology and a degree in behavioural science. How do you know that the person on the other end of that hotline doesn't have training? I think you're afraid to call them because they might give you advice you can't ignore. Then you'd have to move out of your comfort zone, and you wouldn't want to do that.

 

You don't want to change, and I'm calling you on it. Nothing you've told us here is evidence that you do. The constant excuses NOT to act is evidence that you don't want anything in your life to change.

 

Or, MAYBE I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO IT? Why the hell should I call? Of course they would talk me out of it, that's what they do. Fuck comfort zones, I don't give a shit. I think you just like talking down on me.

 

the prophets sections you're missing suggest tools you can use to deconvert, if you need them. At least I found some tools that were useful in there.

 

Prophet's sections?

 

I do have to agree with CD, about repentance. It's not necessary. Learn from your mistakes and move on, there's no need to flog yourself.

If you need to experience pain, piercings and tattoos are available, and they're no longer thought of as antisocial as they were in the '50's.

Consider repenting of your repentance.

 

A lot of us suffer depression when we face deconversion, or even just challenge a lifetime of beliefs. It's common. Everything you're saying suggests you're seriously depressed. There's a support forum for serious depression that I found. PM me if you want the address, or search BPDA and sign up on the forums. It's not a crisis center, but you'll find hundreds, thousands of others who appreciate and understand (our) condition.

 

Repentance doesn't have to be a religious word. It means a change of heart and mind. Besides, it's obvious I'm not repenting.

[Voice]

DBSA not the other thing i said.

 

We're not always very supportive here. Some of us just like to argue a lot. No real intention to make you feel worse, i don't think.

[Voice]

Yah, you said you hadn't read the prophets sections of the bible. When i did i found tools to deconvert.