I Repent

[Xerces]

Why the fuck can't I just be a normal guy for once.

Perhaps because you refuse to get the necessary help.

 

I second that notion, you don't get help you don't get better, simple as. You don't deserve peoples help if you're not going to put in an effort.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I hope you said that standing up and shouting loudly.

 

I should.

 

 

Perhaps because you refuse to get the necessary help.

 

I second that notion, you don't get help you don't get better, simple as. You don't deserve peoples help if you're not going to put in an effort.

 

The only help I'm refusing is seeing a shrink, and I've got my reasons for that. Other than that, I'm doing what I can. I'm taking medicine. I'm educating myself as often as possible with alternate worldviews. I read pretty much everything that gets submitted to this site. I read a lot of other stuff online too. I've been educating myself about OCD and how to fight it. I've been doing quite a bit. You can't tell me that seeing a shrink is the one and only magic fix, because I know it's not. What did people do before there were shrinks? What do people do who don't have any nearby? What do people do who can't afford it? I'm convinced there's other ways to do it. Faster and less expensive ways.

[florduh]

I'm convinced there's other ways to do it. Faster and less expensive ways.

Please educate me.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I'm convinced there's other ways to do it. Faster and less expensive ways.

Please educate me.

 

Well, using therapy techniques on yourself for one thing. It's all in a person's head, and if a person can figure enough out, they can treat themselves. Seriously, there's no way seeing a professional is the only cure, that can't be true.

[Guest Valk0010]

I'm convinced there's other ways to do it. Faster and less expensive ways.

Please educate me.

 

Well, using therapy techniques on yourself for one thing. It's all in a person's head, and if a person can figure enough out, they can treat themselves. Seriously, there's no way seeing a professional is the only cure, that can't be true.

If wanted faster, you have to see a shrink. I will appeal to my own authority on the matter, it took me nearly a decade to get over OCD, and that was after good medication as well as management. See a shrink now, save yourself a "nearly a decade."

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

If wanted faster, you have to see a shrink. I will appeal to my own authority on the matter, it took me nearly a decade to get over OCD, and that was after good medication as well as management. See a shrink now, save yourself a "nearly a decade."

 

OK, look at it this way. Let's say I can't afford all those sessions by myself, and I don't want to leech off my family. Then what?

[florduh]

Well, using therapy techniques on yourself for one thing. It's all in a person's head, and if a person can figure enough out, they can treat themselves. Seriously, there's no way seeing a professional is the only cure, that can't be true.

I see. So how's that working out for you?

[Ouroboros]

Why the fuck can't I just be a normal guy for once.

We all feel the same thing of ourselves.

 

"Normal" doesn't exist, it's superfluous, overrated, and arbitrary.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I see. So how's that working out for you?

 

Figuring it out is the key. I'm still missing a few steps.

 

We all feel the same thing of ourselves.

 

"Normal" doesn't exist, it's superfluous, overrated, and arbitrary.

 

To an extent, that's true. But I would say, to another extent, it's not. Maybe I'll rephrase, maybe normal isn't the right word.

 

Things I missed out on growing up stripped away my masculinity, and now it's too late to get it back. That makes me furious. That's what I mean by "normal".

[Ouroboros]

Things I missed out on growing up stripped away my masculinity, and now it's too late to get it back. That makes me furious. That's what I mean by "normal".

We all have things we missed out on. There are plenty of things that I feel I never got while growing up, mostly because of religion. It has taken me many years to come over that feeling. It has made me furious too. And I think it's extremely sad that there are so many who suffer these things.

 

I had to come to a point to just felt happy with what I have, and not spend my time thinking about the things that I could have had.

 

So in that case, we're the same. You wanna bet most of the members here have the same feelings?

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Things I missed out on growing up stripped away my masculinity, and now it's too late to get it back. That makes me furious. That's what I mean by "normal".

We all have things we missed out on. There are plenty of things that I feel I never got while growing up, mostly because of religion. It has taken me many years to come over that feeling. It has made me furious too. And I think it's extremely sad that there are so many who suffer these things.

 

I had to come to a point to just felt happy with what I have, and not spend my time thinking about the things that I could have had.

 

So in that case, we're the same. You wanna bet most of the members here have the same feelings?

 

Since we're dealing with religion here, I'm sure that's the case.

[Ouroboros]

Since we're dealing with religion here, I'm sure that's the case.

That's right. So we're all abnormal here.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Since we're dealing with religion here, I'm sure that's the case.

That's right. So we're all abnormal here.

 

But in different ways. I think I'm the worst. I don't mean I had it the worst, because I didn't. What I mean is, I think I'm the worst because I'm fucking weird. In all the wrong ways.

[Phanta]

Since we're dealing with religion here, I'm sure that's the case.

That's right. So we're all abnormal here.

 

But in different ways. I think I'm the worst. I don't mean I had it the worst, because I didn't. What I mean is, I think I'm the worst because I'm fucking weird. In all the wrong ways.

 

You may think that, but it's not a fact.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Since we're dealing with religion here, I'm sure that's the case.

That's right. So we're all abnormal here.

 

But in different ways. I think I'm the worst. I don't mean I had it the worst, because I didn't. What I mean is, I think I'm the worst because I'm fucking weird. In all the wrong ways.

 

You may think that, but it's not a fact.

 

I know. Still, doesn't mean I like what I am.

[RankStranger]

You're self-aware, somewhat 'free', not physically disabled as far as I know. Try something new. Find something else to BE. Quit whining.

 

 

Or just continue to wallow in self-hate/pity. That's one way to ensure that you'll be just as unpopular with others as you are with yourself.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

You're self-aware, somewhat 'free', not physically disabled as far as I know. Try something new. Find something else to BE. Quit whining.

 

 

Or just continue to wallow in self-hate/pity. That's one way to ensure that you'll be just as unpopular with others as you are with yourself.

 

I can't change who I am. No matter how much I succeed in putting on a front, I'll still be the same fucked up soul on the inside.

[RankStranger]

You're self-aware, somewhat 'free', not physically disabled as far as I know. Try something new. Find something else to BE. Quit whining.

 

 

Or just continue to wallow in self-hate/pity. That's one way to ensure that you'll be just as unpopular with others as you are with yourself.

 

I can't change who I am. No matter how much I succeed in putting on a front, I'll still be the same fucked up soul on the inside.

 

You seem awful sure of this pessimistic truism. I can't imagine how a guy who's, what- 19?, and still lives with his parents could have any IDEA how life experience can change you. IMO, you really have no idea until you get out in the real world and live a little.

 

It looks to me like you're just giving up before you even get started, based on your VERY limited experience thusfar.

 

Personally I don't believe in a 'soul'. I think I'm just another critter- a particularly smart and lucky critter. But yeah, in some ways I could say that I'm still the same fucked up soul that I was when I was 18. But there's a lot more to who you are than that IMO. What you've done, where you've been, who you know, how you've learned to act, how you see the world... all that changes over time. And how you FEEL on a daily basis can be very situational. Change your situation (who you live with, where you live, what you do on a daily basis), and you'll very likely change how you feel.

 

Lots of people would kill to be your age again, in your location, and with the opportunities you have available to you. I wouldn't... 'cause I've kinda already been there... but billions of people have it so much worse than you.

[DesertBob]

I can't change who I am. No matter how much I succeed in putting on a front, I'll still be the same fucked up soul on the inside.

Your desire to be authentic is admirable but misplaced. You can chose to ignore your feelings or preferences for the greater good without being a fake. A fake isn't someone who acts contrary to feelings, it is someone who acts out of false motives. They are two entirely different things.

 

The odd thing is that feelings eventually line up with actions. You seem to have tried acting based on feelings and this hasn't worked. Why not try feeling based on actions for a change.

 

Act as if you're the person you want to be, and eventually you will become that. Do it whether or not it feel genuine.

 

There is a person in my life who has had a falling out with his father. He had broken off all contact with his father because of his anger. He felt that to have anything to do with his father while he was angry was to be hypocritical. I think he has now been made to see that it is simply petty and vindictive and inflexible. His father loves him. His father has no idea sometimes what to do with that love, and he is ham fisted and tone deaf and blind and doesn't listen and so forth -- but he's essentially a good man who cares deeply for his son. His son can afford to be generous -- I and others encourage him to be, and things are gradually thawing. They are going on a road trip together in a couple of weeks. The son is holding firm to certain stands he has taken, the father is respecting those boundaries even while disagreeing with them, but guess what, they can still have a relationship and find common ground. And all because the son was willing to be a little bit "hypocritical" -- I simply call it being gracious and kind.

 

Pick some small aspect of your self loathing and examine it. Write out what you want to behave like in that regard. Script it. Then behave that way. Do it whether or not you feel like it, like it, or even stumble and fail at it. Just do it and keep doing it and also control your self-talk surrounding this matter. Act both to the world and to yourself as if you were a paragon of virtue in this small aspect of your behavior. And guess what, after a few weeks, you will BE a paragon of virtue because your conduct will be indistinguishable from someone who is virtuous. Voila, you have gained virtue. And in just a little more time you'll identify with your virtue and it will feel like part of you and you will dare to take pleasure in it. Congratulate yourself -- you're earned it.

 

Then move on to something else.

 

Don't look at the totality of everything you hate about yourself as some kind of giant wall you can't possibly scale. Just focus on one thing at a time.

[buffettphan]

I noticed you gave some excellent advice on the "Does The Fear Ever Go Away" thread. Stepping outside yourself -- offering help to someone else -- shows that you have compassion for your fellow human beings. Please, please, try to show that same compassion toward yourself. And just as you offered a bit of yourself to someone here online, try to do the same in real life. Just a little bit at a time. Baby steps. Something. Anything.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

You seem awful sure of this pessimistic truism. I can't imagine how a guy who's, what- 19?

 

18.

 

and still lives with his parents could have any IDEA how life experience can change you. IMO, you really have no idea until you get out in the real world and live a little.

 

Yeah, I guess you're right. Life experience can change a person. But the person themselves cannot.

 

It looks to me like you're just giving up before you even get started, based on your VERY limited experience thusfar.

 

I wouldn't say I've totally given up. But I'm not the least bit optimistic about it, so I don't see many good possibilites.

 

Personally I don't believe in a 'soul'. I think I'm just another critter- a particularly smart and lucky critter. But yeah, in some ways I could say that I'm still the same fucked up soul that I was when I was 18. But there's a lot more to who you are than that IMO. What you've done, where you've been, who you know, how you've learned to act, how you see the world... all that changes over time. And how you FEEL on a daily basis can be very situational. Change your situation (who you live with, where you live, what you do on a daily basis), and you'll very likely change how you feel.

 

Just using soul as a figure of speech, not necessarily literally.

 

Lots of people would kill to be your age again, in your location, and with the opportunities you have available to you. I wouldn't... 'cause I've kinda already been there... but billions of people have it so much worse than you.

 

I'm not trying to say I have it bad.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

Your desire to be authentic is admirable but misplaced. You can chose to ignore your feelings or preferences for the greater good without being a fake. A fake isn't someone who acts contrary to feelings, it is someone who acts out of false motives. They are two entirely different things.

 

The odd thing is that feelings eventually line up with actions. You seem to have tried acting based on feelings and this hasn't worked. Why not try feeling based on actions for a change.

 

Act as if you're the person you want to be, and eventually you will become that. Do it whether or not it feel genuine.

 

There is a person in my life who has had a falling out with his father. He had broken off all contact with his father because of his anger. He felt that to have anything to do with his father while he was angry was to be hypocritical. I think he has now been made to see that it is simply petty and vindictive and inflexible. His father loves him. His father has no idea sometimes what to do with that love, and he is ham fisted and tone deaf and blind and doesn't listen and so forth -- but he's essentially a good man who cares deeply for his son. His son can afford to be generous -- I and others encourage him to be, and things are gradually thawing. They are going on a road trip together in a couple of weeks. The son is holding firm to certain stands he has taken, the father is respecting those boundaries even while disagreeing with them, but guess what, they can still have a relationship and find common ground. And all because the son was willing to be a little bit "hypocritical" -- I simply call it being gracious and kind.

 

Pick some small aspect of your self loathing and examine it. Write out what you want to behave like in that regard. Script it. Then behave that way. Do it whether or not you feel like it, like it, or even stumble and fail at it. Just do it and keep doing it and also control your self-talk surrounding this matter. Act both to the world and to yourself as if you were a paragon of virtue in this small aspect of your behavior. And guess what, after a few weeks, you will BE a paragon of virtue because your conduct will be indistinguishable from someone who is virtuous. Voila, you have gained virtue. And in just a little more time you'll identify with your virtue and it will feel like part of you and you will dare to take pleasure in it. Congratulate yourself -- you're earned it.

 

Then move on to something else.

 

Don't look at the totality of everything you hate about yourself as some kind of giant wall you can't possibly scale. Just focus on one thing at a time.

 

Hmm.... I'll try it.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

I noticed you gave some excellent advice on the "Does The Fear Ever Go Away" thread. Stepping outside yourself -- offering help to someone else -- shows that you have compassion for your fellow human beings. Please, please, try to show that same compassion toward yourself. And just as you offered a bit of yourself to someone here online, try to do the same in real life. Just a little bit at a time. Baby steps. Something. Anything.

 

That makes me a hypocrite. I try to act like I have it all together in one thread, then I come in this one and act like I should be locked up in a mental clinic.

[DesertBob]

That makes me a hypocrite. I try to act like I have it all together in one thread, then I come in this one and act like I should be locked up in a mental clinic.

No, it does not make you a hypocrite. It simply makes you human.

 

If you follow my posts around here, I am perfectly capable of both giving and accepting advice, of providing encouragement and expressing angst.

 

Just because you've learned something in one area of life doesn't mean you're "together" in all areas. Just because you're "together" today doesn't mean you won't be knocked off-center tomorrow.

 

Mother Theresa spent her life tirelessly ministering to the oppressed but it was no surprise at all to me when it came out after her death that she had at least as much angst as you do -- her whole adult life was basically one big dark night of the soul in which she felt no passion, no reality in her relationship to god, no joy in her giving, plus all kinds of self doubt. Yet she brought hope to and/or saved the lives of countless thousands. You can disagree with her belief system (as do I) and you can (rightly in my opinion) say that her suffering was inflicted by those beliefs, but would you call her a hypocrite? I don't think so. She was clear on some things and not on others. As are we all.

[Guest Perfect Insanity]

That makes me a hypocrite. I try to act like I have it all together in one thread, then I come in this one and act like I should be locked up in a mental clinic.

No, it does not make you a hypocrite. It simply makes you human.

 

If you follow my posts around here, I am perfectly capable of both giving and accepting advice, of providing encouragement and expressing angst.

 

Just because you've learned something in one area of life doesn't mean you're "together" in all areas. Just because you're "together" today doesn't mean you won't be knocked off-center tomorrow.

 

Mother Theresa spent her life tirelessly ministering to the oppressed but it was no surprise at all to me when it came out after her death that she had at least as much angst as you do -- her whole adult life was basically one big dark night of the soul in which she felt no passion, no reality in her relationship to god, no joy in her giving, plus all kinds of self doubt. Yet she brought hope to and/or saved the lives of countless thousands. You can disagree with her belief system (as do I) and you can (rightly in my opinion) say that her suffering was inflicted by those beliefs, but would you call her a hypocrite? I don't think so. She was clear on some things and not on others. As are we all.

 

Yes, but I'm doing more than expressing angst. I'm in no position to be giving any advice.