Thurisaz Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Welcome star As for what's going on with you / inside your head, I'd say long-time brainwashing dies hard. Of course I've never been that deep into a morontheist cult, being a liberal lukewarm German, so one may want to say I can't know... but keeping in my all the things I've read during my extended stay in this place I think I'm at least close to the truth with that statement. Hang on, eventually you'll get over it. You haven't lost the fight until and unless you give up 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Welcome Starlyte! It's not easy to just forget & undo years of indoctrination, so give yourself time & be patient with yourself. For myself the hardest thing about walking away from bible religion was now nothing was "certain". The bible thumpers have it ALL figured out...the dogma might be oppressive & abusive, but for myself & I think others could probably relate, there IS comfort in those boxes of indoctrination...as wrong & untrue as they might be. that's what I miss...the KNOWING. I thought I had the meaning of life & the afterlife all figured out....& now I'm like drifting on a river, not knowing where I've been or where the hell I'm going. Also, I am not an atheist....I mean I still believe in a loving "god" whether it be the compassion of humanity or "love"...I still want to believe there is more to life than this. Of course that might just be a delusion that gives me some peace, but at least my delusion is not the xian delusion that ends up hurting others. My delusion won't hurt anyone, I hope. oh & instead of talking to jeezus, I find myself usually talking to myself or those I loved who have died. I guess it's the same as wanting to communicate with "God", but I don't really know who or what "god" is. I have completely rejected the "man" god of the bible, who is cruel, short tempered & basically an all out asshole. No good "God" would be like bible god, that's one conclusion I do KNOW. & if I'm wrong, I still think bible god is a narcissistic abusive JERK. Anyhow just saying I don't think there are any quick answers so just go with the flow. Find yourself...figure out who you are & love the good people in your life as best you can. Seems like you've done a great job raising your son & have a wonderful family. that is HUGE. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Wow! How cool is this, Star? Welcome to Ex-C! You have *awesome* kids! I am also quite acquainted at being left high and dry by the God I served since infancy. Say on 1 particular issue, I have prayed (begged, pleaded, and on occasion fasted) +/-3000 times for God to intervene in a (small to Him, big to me) issue, and *nothing* ever transpired, even though my suffering is great. It became hard for me to keep telling myself that this was all part of God's plan for the bettering of my character; it became impossible for me to keep making excuses for why God would let me drown. I left was driven from Christianity by God's flagrant absence in my time of greatest need. Things in your life may suck right now, but I promise: it gets better once you can resolve the cognitive dissonance that arises from what we believe/read in our Bibles, and what actually happens in our lives. Peace, friend! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 my son is jjbue and daughter is 2honest.......have been wrestling with the whole faith vs atheist for months.......need help with the whole family thing..........and should I even be here.......I vasilate from believing and not believing........took a tumble recently.....cried out for Jesus.........does that mean I still believe? Or does it mean I'm so confused I only cry out for a higher being when I'm in trouble.....does that make me a hyprocrite? I hate hyprocites.....so hope I'm not one. Hi, Starlyte, I tend to cry out for the higher being during extreme moments of feeling powerless. But then the moment passes and it's back to routine non-belief. :-) And I don't feel bad. It's natural. :-) So what happens if you refuse to pick one side or the other? Why give yourself any label at all? Just let yourself be yourself even though you might not know what that is. Take care. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 my son is jjbue and daughter is 2honest.......have been wrestling with the whole faith vs atheist for months.......need help with the whole family thing..........and should I even be here.......I vasilate from believing and not believing........took a tumble recently.....cried out for Jesus.........does that mean I still believe? Or does it mean I'm so confused I only cry out for a higher being when I'm in trouble.....does that make me a hyprocrite? I hate hyprocites.....so hope I'm not one. This is what immediately stuck out for me. And the answer is yes. Regardless where your journey takes you, it is a very good thing to experience what J and 2Honest have experienced here. I think it's really healthy to see life through many different pairs of glasses. Sometimes we only wear one pair and see life only one way. And that can get very bland. It can cripple us into believing that anything different than what we are used to seeing, is something bad. When we see life through different eyes we get a better picture of what's really happening in the world around us. And things that are different don't seem so scary, bad, weird. This place can get pretty strange, but in a very interesting, educational, and fun way. There are so many perspectives here. Some laugh, some cry, some are angry, some are sad, some are content. We all have ups and downs, the journey is different for all of us. The more you read the more interesting the journey can be. I'm gonna suggest a rather cool site (as well as this one ) http://truth-saves.com/ . The more you learn, the easier the journey is. And with J & 2Honest it's gonne be even easier. Not only should you be here, you should be anyplace you decide you want to be. You make the rules, it's your life. Big happy welcome to Ex-C! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 If my Mom would join this site, I'm sure I would jump in the air and yell: "Thank you Jesus!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3DollarBill Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Welcome to the real world Starlyte. It's ok to want to pray sometimes. It's ok to pray and wish it would do any good. Christianity promises that "help from above" stuff when you get in a pinch and let's face it- that was nice. But it's basically a drug, and it takes time to get yourself off of it. So take your time, and you'll be ok. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voice Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Good to have you aboard starlyte. There are different forums for different kinds of discussions. I've had my ass kicked for posting thoughts on the wrong forums. Lots of people here teeter on the edges of belief, disbelief and habit. It's normal to feel anxious at your stage. You've been locked into a specific behavioral mold under threat of eternal punishment. That's enough to make anyone panic if they believe it they would be punished. No one will strike you down for stepping out of the mold and finding/learning new, more peaceful and productive ways to think and act. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hi, Starlyte! Don't feel like you have to engage in any particular behavior because you might not be a believer anymore. Sometimes our feelings get away from us. Sometimes we fall back into familiar patterns of thinking, reacting and problem solving. The important thing is you are a good person trying to get through this life. You may be grieving over the loss of "certainties" you didn't question before. Just be yourself and give yourself time, space and permission to behave in ways that seem inconsistent. I'm sorry it has to be so rough. It was rough for me too. You'll get through it just fine, I'll bet! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jose Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 My friend Steve was a dedicated biker back in the mid-1990's. He loved taking his Harley out all the time and he liked nothing better than cruising the highways and byways of Jacksonville, FL just looking at the scenery from the back of his motorcycle. In 1999, he was in a terrible accident that cost him his right leg just below the knee. He went through physical therapy, he learned to compensate, he got fitted for prosthetics, etc. He moved on with his life. About six months ago, Steve gave me a call and wanted to hang out and play some cards the next day. I agreed and headed over to his place. When I got there, he had a giant scrape on his chin and his right wrist was Ace-bandaged. I asked him what happened. He told me, "Yeah, yesterday after I hung up the phone with you, I went to go take a shower before I went out and got snacks for tonight. So anyway, as I'm getting out of the shower, I went to step out of the tub... with my right leg... and took a dive. Hit my chin on the counter and fucked up my wrist. I totally forgot I didn't have a leg." After we had a good laugh about the situation and played some cards (he totally kicked my ass... the bastard), I was driving home and thinking about the parallels between an amputated limb and amputated faith. This is what I came up with... It sucks when it happens and it hurts a lot. It's confusing and frightening. Even after it's been gone a while, you still think about it every single day. Sometimes, you'll want to lean on something that isn't there and that's okay, but try not to hurt yourself again. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centauri Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 my son is jjbue and daughter is 2honest.......have been wrestling with the whole faith vs atheist for months.......need help with the whole family thing..........and should I even be here.......I vasilate from believing and not believing........took a tumble recently.....cried out for Jesus.........does that mean I still believe? Or does it mean I'm so confused I only cry out for a higher being when I'm in trouble.....does that make me a hyprocrite? I hate hyprocites.....so hope I'm not one. Becoming disillusioned creates anxiety and it's natural. Anxiety creates a need for comfort, and familiar things can provide comfort. There are many other avenues that can provide comfort besides "Jesus". For many, rational thought provides comfort. For others, it's spiritual beliefs that have nothing to do with Jesus. We all have acquired beliefs and in many cases it's nothing more than baggage given to us by others. Uncertainty is a healthy symptom in my opinion. To be disillusioned means to be breaking free from an illusion. It's a process that often takes time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 my son is jjbue and daughter is 2honest.......have been wrestling with the whole faith vs atheist for months.......need help with the whole family thing..........and should I even be here.......I vasilate from believing and not believing........took a tumble recently.....cried out for Jesus.........does that mean I still believe? Or does it mean I'm so confused I only cry out for a higher being when I'm in trouble.....does that make me a hyprocrite? I hate hyprocites.....so hope I'm not one. No you're normal. There is however a difference in "believing" and "wanting to believe". This is where reality set in for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Its very good to see you here! Dont worry, it DOES get easier! And you have a great support system with jblue and 2honest. And this site is incredibly helpful. Welcome! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 hello Starlyte! My apologies for coming late to the party Everything you say sounds pretty normal for someone who is deconverting. Which means that you definitely belong here I, myself, am an atheist. I spent two years deconverting without really realising that that was what was going on. At the end of October I lost my faith one weekend. All the evidence just came together and suddenly, I could no longer deny it. My faith was finished. That was when I joined up here, not knowing what to do next. I sat on the fence for a few months, researching and learning, and finally realising one day that I was an atheist. It wasn't something I made a decision to be; it's just what I was. You know, I got off the phone to my grandfather a couple of hours ago, and as always, when he said "god bless you" I said "god bless you" right back. Yes, I am lying to him by pretending to him that I still believe. But I can't see the point of my grandfather spending his last days distressed that I'm going to go to hell. He's 91 years old. He looks forward to seeing grandma again in heaven- I just don't see any point in upsetting him. As christians, everything was so black and white for us all. But life is not black and white, and sometimes we have to weigh the value of our honesty against the potential for distressing another. In every other way, I am open about my non-belief. But not when it means not being compassionate towards another. That I think is one of the greatest freedoms of non-belief; the ability to be more compassionate as a human being, because there is no god bretahing down my neck if I don't do things "his" way. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hey Star!!! Hope you'll hang around and get to know all of us. Ive gotten to know J pretty durn well! (Im the one constantly kicking his butt on words with friends ) Him and 2H are two really down to earth people just trying to come to grips with the knowledge that this bill of goods called christianity isn't what we were told it was, by those we trusted so much to give us the facts. Deconverting can take forever, or it can take a minute. Just all depends on your makeup, and how long you were under the spell. Anyways, VERY GLAD to have you here!! Oh, by the way, since youre fresh in this process, i hope my new pic over there <------ doesnt offend you! Its a little joke for me, since I'm what they call a 'mythicist'. My learning about the origins of the church has led me to believe Jesus, at least in any real capacity, never actually existed. Not trying to be "blasphemous". Its just that, well, you cant be sacriligious about something that never was, right? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 (Im the one constantly kicking his butt on words with friends ) Pants on fire! I'm about to beat you for the fourth consecutive game jack ass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 (Im the one constantly kicking his butt on words with friends ) Pants on fire! I'm about to beat you for the fourth consecutive game jack ass! We should not keep score, like in those liberal kids baseball leagues. Youre hurting my feeweengs.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 (Im the one constantly kicking his butt on words with friends ) Pants on fire! I'm about to beat you for the fourth consecutive game jack ass! We should not keep score, like in those liberal kids baseball leagues. Youre hurting my feeweengs.. I did forget about that one game when I was drunk and you beat me I'm mailing off your "participant" trophy today Actually, I predict you will come back and beat me in our current WWF game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 (Im the one constantly kicking his butt on words with friends ) Pants on fire! I'm about to beat you for the fourth consecutive game jack ass! We should not keep score, like in those liberal kids baseball leagues. Youre hurting my feeweengs.. I did forget about that one game when I was drunk and you beat me I'm mailing off your "participant" trophy today Actually, I predict you will come back and beat me in our current WWF game. My letters suck too dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlyte777 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 i have no idea what to do know.......saw your post, son......ty.......just don't know how to move on from here!! ok am trying to figure this out......i need some advice, as my hubby, whom i LOVE dearly is having me listen to Christian Apologetics people.......and other stuff...I have no idea if this will even be seen and if it is......do i sit here and wait for a response? Or do I close and come back tomorrow? arggg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlyte777 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Awesome family! YES they are.........did this get through or am I talking to myself.............again.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlyte777 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Welcome! We'll try to go easy on you since you're a legacy member. thank you. what is a legacy member? I still have no idea if i'm still talking to myself 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norton65ca Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 you ARE being heard Starlyte, loud and clear, great to have you aboard. A good place to begin would be to read over some of the many, many "Extimonies" that people have been writing about their own experiences, which vary quite dramatically in many ways. Folks have come through a lot of harrowing stuff to get here, and there are fascinating, inspiring and truly heartwrenching tales that people have spilled out here to share. We are all going through the same thing, but in myriad ways. These stories may be found by going to the main menu (discussions) and searching through "testimonies of former Christians, of which of course I am one, after 29 years in the faith I discarded the worldview some four months or so ago. It's a very hard road but in the end it is so worth it, I encourage you to take things slowly, read and examine what many of the people here have gone through. This community has become very precious to me already, and I haven't been here long, when it all fell apart for me I was simply desperate to share the devastation, the lonely experience of rejecting all I believed to be true. I am so happy I found ExC, it truly has borne my burden in so many ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norton65ca Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 responses feed into this forum quickly, depending on the topic, all you have to do is click your refresh button and you will see if anything new has come in. WELCOME!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlyte777 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 i have no idea what to do know.......saw your post, son......ty.......just don't know how to move on from here!! You have no idea how to use the forum? Or you have no idea where to go in your journey? If it's the forum, you'll figure it out If it's where to go in your journey, take your time. You might read through some of the ex christian testimonies here ok, ty.............i need to learn how to use the forum.........as for my journey....... i will take my time.......and hope i can navigate through this mind-maze to actually see what response I get,............any suggestions? baby stes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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