Need Support

[NeverAgainV]

 

....If you EVER get to the point of not really caring one way or another if they approve of you - you will have found one of the greatest freedoms in the world.....

and what norton wrote, " I don't give a damn what they think anymore."

Yes Yes Yes!!!! This is the crux of it, thank you for that norton & margee. I don't want to hijack starlyte's thread here but those were things I really needed to hear.

A cult person was emailing us & called us "heretics" & other mean spirited words.

I'm at the point now where I don't give a flying fuck what they think of me. (sorry about the language but I've just HAD it with religious self righteous jerks!)

[London]

I'm at the point now where I don't give a flying fuck what they think of me. (sorry about the language but I've just HAD it with religious self righteous jerks!)

 

That is a sign of healthy healing. Be proud of that milestone. And cuss some more, you will feel better.

[starlyte777]

Margee............thank you. I know I'm not unique..........would love to hear your story.........I'm sure would help me...........

star....I can't go to bed tonight without writing a couple of lines pertaining to post 86. I just went on the biggest one year sabatical from as many people as I could. I stopped fixing all the people who wanted me to fix them, agree with them (so I wouldn't rock the boat!) and researched behind the scenes as much as I could. I read so much on this site.

 

I said no to the world and their opinions and followed all the links and information that the gang gave me and started to form my own belief system. Tell everyone to 'fix' themselves and take some time off just YOU! Stay nice and quiet, don't get into any arguments with anyone, because you won't win, especially if you are expecting christians to approve and support your 'inquisitive' nature.

 

When you make your mind up at what makes most sense to you - you will be stronger to face anyone you have to.

 

If you EVER get to the point of not really caring one way or another if they approve of you - you will have found one of the greatest freedoms in the world.

 

this is what I have now - freedom to be me - and I have never felt so good in my whole life.... feeling OK, even without the god I believed in for so long......

 

Big hug for you tonight! I'll be back when i'm not so tired!!

wowwwwwww

thank you so much...........i really have very little to give.......expect the usual tired old stories.........just take care of yourself!! that's the most important thing...........i will be here when my hubby is working.......like today.........if i can help..........just tell me how! xx

[starlyte777]

Margee............thank you. I know I'm not unique..........would love to hear your story.........I'm sure would help me...........

star....I can't go to bed tonight without writing a couple of lines pertaining to post 86. I just went on the biggest one year sabatical from as many people as I could. I stopped fixing all the people who wanted me to fix them, agree with them (so I wouldn't rock the boat!) and researched behind the scenes as much as I could. I read so much on this site.

 

I said no to the world and their opinions and followed all the links and information that the gang gave me and started to form my own belief system. Tell everyone to 'fix' themselves and take some time off just YOU! Stay nice and quiet, don't get into any arguments with anyone, because you won't win, especially if you are expecting christians to approve and support your 'inquisitive' nature.

 

When you make your mind up at what makes most sense to you - you will be stronger to face anyone you have to.

 

If you EVER get to the point of not really caring one way or another if they approve of you - you will have found one of the greatest freedoms in the world.

 

this is what I have now - freedom to be me - and I have never felt so good in my whole life.... feeling OK, even without the god I believed in for so long......

 

Big hug for you tonight! I'll be back when i'm not so tired!!

wowwwwwww

thank you so much...........i really have very little to give.......expect the usual tired old stories.........just take care of yourself!! that's the most important thing...........i will be here when my hubby is working.......like today.........if i can help..........just tell me how! xx

btw being a victim of sexual child abuse............i constantly look for approval from others..........so.......not caring............a tough one for me.......almost impossible at this point

[starlyte777]

I'm at the point now where I don't give a flying fuck what they think of me. (sorry about the language but I've just HAD it with religious self righteous jerks!)

 

That is a sign of healthy healing. Be proud of that milestone. And cuss some more, you will feel better.

i can only look forward to that point........but that would mean hurting so many people.........my sis won't talk to me until i come to my senses.....nor will her sons and dgtrs......and my new great nephew will never be seen.....unless i repent profusly (sp?) and say sorry........this is extremely hard.......I am, and have always been about FAMILY........the only way is to keep my mouth shut and agree with whoever about whatever? DAMN

ty London xx

[starlyte777]

i can't seem to reply to mcdaddy ........don't know why that is; unless as my SIL said.........i need a tech interpretator.......duhhhhhhhh

[starlyte777]

ok am not kidding now.............I have MANY wonderful responses to me.............am trying to asnwer each one individually.......but I still can't seem to do that.......one of you said CUSS MORE would make me feel better............been cussin a blue streak..............still can't get this right.........argggggggg

if if stay here............right now ..........after i post this..........will someone come on and tell me what to do next? I have no idea.......and ......how would I even know..........this isn't like live chat........right? not like on IM..........have thought so much about all you have written to me.......since i don't to offend anyone..........going to delete all the email elerts I have...........so all I will have are the new ones.........please forgive me for not responding to each one.......and.........is okay to talk on my STREAM...........since i have no idea what that is............and probly wouldn't care anyway.........ok.......deleting emails thus far.......thus.......a good word............should just say SO far.......what is it with trying to measure up to a standard that is not only unattainable........but useless to it's very core? Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we crave acceptance...........LOVE............approval.........not the same as acceptance......and I think to the human core.....we love other people........we want to help other people.........we would give our life for our families..........and give all we could to our friends.......if that meant life..........okay......would do that...........

 

I think I have babbled enough...........hope I haven't embarrassed my dgt and SIL....aka my son ...........if so, I'm sorry kids.......but here I can talk.......and yes......someone..can't remember who...........suggested I write a journal...........i started that..........ty........but, my h read it.......cuz I left it out in a presumed private place.......won't do that again.............

 

I am not a pitiful person...........in fact.......i'm really fun........for being older'n dirt ..........ok deleting all old emails and will start from new ones............if i can figure out how to respond..............duhhhhhhhh alert in affect...........luv you guys...........you have helped me!! And........I feel the concern, support and love.........ty all xx

[roadrunner]

I'm at the point now where I don't give a flying fuck what they think of me. (sorry about the language but I've just HAD it with religious self righteous jerks!)

 

That is a sign of healthy healing. Be proud of that milestone. And cuss some more, you will feel better.

i can only look forward to that point........but that would mean hurting so many people.........my sis won't talk to me until i come to my senses.....nor will her sons and dgtrs......and my new great nephew will never be seen.....unless i repent profusly (sp?) and say sorry........this is extremely hard.......I am, and have always been about FAMILY........the only way is to keep my mouth shut and agree with whoever about whatever? DAMN

ty London xx

 

i agree but the main reason i spoke up is I want people to know that I can still be nice and care about my family. and i think humanity is being stifled by primitive superstition. isnt it silly how much emphasis people put on that crap and how they let it influence the way they treat each other when people dont believe what they believe. if you dont buy the myth then then you dont believe it. youre still the same person whether you believe or not. just know your cyber family here still loves you. heathen and all. (sorry there was no hug smiley)

[jblueep]

ok am not kidding now.............I have MANY wonderful responses to me.............am trying to asnwer each one individually.......but I still can't seem to do that.......one of you said CUSS MORE would make me feel better............been cussin a blue streak..............still can't get this right.........argggggggg

if if stay here............right now ..........after i post this..........will someone come on and tell me what to do next? I have no idea.......and ......how would I even know..........this isn't like live chat........right? not like on IM..........have thought so much about all you have written to me.......since i don't to offend anyone..........going to delete all the email elerts I have...........so all I will have are the new ones.........please forgive me for not responding to each one.......and.........is okay to talk on my STREAM...........since i have no idea what that is............and probly wouldn't care anyway.........ok.......deleting emails thus far.......thus.......a good word............should just say SO far.......what is it with trying to measure up to a standard that is not only unattainable........but useless to it's very core? Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we crave acceptance...........LOVE............approval.........not the same as acceptance......and I think to the human core.....we love other people........we want to help other people.........we would give our life for our families..........and give all we could to our friends.......if that meant life..........okay......would do that...........

 

I think I have babbled enough...........hope I haven't embarrassed my dgt and SIL....aka my son ...........if so, I'm sorry kids.......but here I can talk.......and yes......someone..can't remember who...........suggested I write a journal...........i started that..........ty........but, my h read it.......cuz I left it out in a presumed private place.......won't do that again.............

 

I am not a pitiful person...........in fact.......i'm really fun........for being older'n dirt ..........ok deleting all old emails and will start from new ones............if i can figure out how to respond..............duhhhhhhhh alert in affect...........luv you guys...........you have helped me!! And........I feel the concern, support and love.........ty all xx

 

You are using the forum correctly. Above, you successfully quoted people (using the quote button) and then typed your response. When you quote someone, they will receive an email showing your response (just like you received emails when they responded on this thread). Those people can then come back to the thread and respond.

 

You will never embarrass me or April. Don't ever worry about that.

[Overcame Faith]

i can only look forward to that point........but that would mean hurting so many people.........my sis won't talk to me until i come to my senses.....nor will her sons and dgtrs......and my new great nephew will never be seen.....unless i repent profusly (sp?) and say sorry........this is extremely hard.......I am, and have always been about FAMILY........the only way is to keep my mouth shut and agree with whoever about whatever? DAMN

ty London xx

 

What your sister does not understand is that, in questioning Christianity as you are, you have come to your senses. You are using your brain the way it is supposed to be used: to question everything and demand logical and meaningful answers to questions.

 

The true key to Christianity's success throughout the two millenia of its existence is the concept of faith. Faith does not demand logic and evidence, but abhors both. The religion thrives on declaring that faith, itself, is a great and valuable virtue. But it is really a form of question avoidance and, together with a promise of eternal life in heaven and the threat of hell, coerced adherence to a religious system that cannot withstand intellectual scrutiny. Start asking questions about god and what is the ultimate answer? You must have faith. Ask why evil is in the world despite a supposed good and loving god and the ultimate answer is you must have faith. In other words, all of us who once accepted Christianity totally and completely were ultimately those who bought into faith as the great virtue that god would reward in the end. Once one overcomes one's faith (thus my online name), then they can begin to find the truth and escape from the enslavement of the Christian religion.

 

I am sorry that you are getting such pressure from your family members about your questioning the religion. Unfortunately, that kind of emotional manipulation as a way to try to force people to stop questioning the religion is not uncommon for members of ExC. That is an area for which there are no easy answers. You will have to decide what is best for your individual situation. But I do have one piece of advice: do not let it stop your search for the truth.

[starlyte777]

ok am not kidding now.............I have MANY wonderful responses to me.............am trying to asnwer each one individually.......but I still can't seem to do that.......one of you said CUSS MORE would make me feel better............been cussin a blue streak..............still can't get this right.........argggggggg

if if stay here............right now ..........after i post this..........will someone come on and tell me what to do next? I have no idea.......and ......how would I even know..........this isn't like live chat........right? not like on IM..........have thought so much about all you have written to me.......since i don't to offend anyone..........going to delete all the email elerts I have...........so all I will have are the new ones.........please forgive me for not responding to each one.......and.........is okay to talk on my STREAM...........since i have no idea what that is............and probly wouldn't care anyway.........ok.......deleting emails thus far.......thus.......a good word............should just say SO far.......what is it with trying to measure up to a standard that is not only unattainable........but useless to it's very core? Why do we do this to ourselves? Because we crave acceptance...........LOVE............approval.........not the same as acceptance......and I think to the human core.....we love other people........we want to help other people.........we would give our life for our families..........and give all we could to our friends.......if that meant life..........okay......would do that...........

 

I think I have babbled enough...........hope I haven't embarrassed my dgt and SIL....aka my son ...........if so, I'm sorry kids.......but here I can talk.......and yes......someone..can't remember who...........suggested I write a journal...........i started that..........ty........but, my h read it.......cuz I left it out in a presumed private place.......won't do that again.............

 

I am not a pitiful person...........in fact.......i'm really fun........for being older'n dirt ..........ok deleting all old emails and will start from new ones............if i can figure out how to respond..............duhhhhhhhh alert in affect...........luv you guys...........you have helped me!! And........I feel the concern, support and love.........ty all xx

 

You are using the forum correctly. Above, you successfully quoted people (using the quote button) and then typed your response. When you quote someone, they will receive an email showing your response (just like you received emails when they responded on this thread). Those people can then come back to the thread and respond.

 

You will never embarrass me or April. Don't ever worry about that.

ok ty.........but......you might wanna reconsider that when I become my REAL SELF...........uh oh.....lol............luv ya both.....ty for your support xx

[NeverAgainV]

I'm at the point now where I don't give a flying fuck what they think of me. (sorry about the language but I've just HAD it with religious self righteous jerks!)

 

That is a sign of healthy healing. Be proud of that milestone. And cuss some more, you will feel better.

i can only look forward to that point........but that would mean hurting so many people.........my sis won't talk to me until i come to my senses.....nor will her sons and dgtrs......and my new great nephew will never be seen.....unless i repent profusly (sp?) and say sorry........this is extremely hard.......I am, and have always been about FAMILY........the only way is to keep my mouth shut and agree with whoever about whatever? DAMN

ty London xx

The guy who is still in the cult emailed us to "repent!!" etc....& there is no way I will repent. I've heard & seen too much to EVER go back to that.

Starlyte, everyone deals with it differently & of course we are all at different places in our lives. I hope that you look in the mirror & say "I LOVE YOU!". Loving yourself & giving love to others is what it is all about.

However I don't think I'm obligated to let people step all over me...this is what I thought about when I was getting ready to leave the cult...I was used as a doormat by selfrighteous jerks, but when I spoke out about it I was a "murmurer & complainer" & ultimately called a heretic. I remember during that time I kept saying to myself..."please just don't care, help me God to NOT care what they think of me".

They obviously didn't give a rats ass how I thought about THEM. I don't know why I cared as long as I did..& in some ways I do still care. The harsh words can get to me, yeah they hurt. Especially when we are made out to be "devils, deceivers, heretics" etc. I think to myself "We are NOT bad people because we reject their belief system!!" but somehow they twist it around that we are worse than Hitler because we had the courage to say "Enough!" & the courage to walk away.

 

YOU have courage for questioning Starlyte. All of us here at Ex-C have more courage than those who dare not think outside of their religious box.

Take Care & don't be hard on yourself...show the compassion to yourself that you show to others. ((hug))

[TrueFreedom]

Sorry about terrible treatment by your loved ones, star. Be strong.

[billdekay]

For me leaving Christianity was like leaving a marriage; a very bad marriage. Having been divorced once in my life I do actually have a means of comparison. When the relationship no longer worked, I found myself feeling guilty all the time, and thinking about what I did wrong what I could have done to keep things afloat. The reality is you did nothing wrong, you just finally came to a point where the beliefs you were asked to accept without question did not survive the weight of reality and common sense.

 

It's why we don't question our parents when they tell us there's no Santa Clause or Easter Bunny because deep down we see the truth of it even though it might have been fun at times to believe in those things. I think the trick is to find something you can believe in; my suggestion is the continued betterment of yourself. This is one life goal that always focuses on positive change and acceptance within.

 

I've always had a love for the sciences so when I realized I could not longer believe in the divinity of Christ, I started using my love of science to give me a sense of continuity. So accepting that the world was no longer 7000 years old, but possibly 450 billion years old was not only a no-brainer, but also welcomed relief. Walking around trying to swallow that gullibility pill made me gag more times than I care to remember.

 

When Christian friends ask don't you miss being part of the body, I tell them (in a respectful manner) that in many ways I now feel more connected with all of humanity because I no longer have to draw arbitrary lines in the sand proclaiming my belief is greater than their beliefs. It's liberating to just exist and not be beholding to anything unseen, but only the tangible concerns a normal human should concern themselves with.

 

So I say celebrate your freedom! You can now connect with people on levels that don't force superstition over substance. You can explore and entire world of interesting people would have forbidden to you as a practicing Christian. You can even discover what it is to be the real you. Anyhow, I'm also new to this forum so I thought I would take the time to welcome you and share some thoughts I hope offer you encouragement in your journey.

[mcdaddy]

450 billion years old??

[billdekay]

Whoops!

Forgot the decimal!!!

Current thinking is 4.50 Billion years old.

 

Thank you fact checkers of the universe.

[Thurisaz]

...i can only look forward to that point........but that would mean hurting so many people.........my sis won't talk to me until i come to my senses.....nor will her sons and dgtrs......and my new great nephew will never be seen.....unless i repent profusly (sp?) and say sorry........this is extremely hard.......I am, and have always been about FAMILY........the only way is to keep my mouth shut and agree with whoever about whatever? DAMN

 

If the myth is more important to your sister than you are, she can go fuck herself. Just my 2 cents worth. Yes it's tough for you nonetheless and if I had an easy way out of that for you I'd gladly share it but really... if you cave in it will be horror without end won't it?

 

I'll never understand how someone can tolerate such supreme asshole behavior by someone who claims to be a relative/loved one/whatever. If you hold a moldy book as more important as your supposed "friend" or "relative" then you don't deserve to be her friend or relative - you're at best an acquaintance.

 

Such "relationships" are nothing but toxic unless all participants bow to the same bullshit.

 

Sucks totally. Damn I'm so glad I never got sucked into such a brainfucked cult in my life...

[Thurisaz]

...YOU have courage for questioning Starlyte. All of us here at Ex-C have more courage than those who dare not think outside of their religious box.

Take Care & don't be hard on yourself...show the compassion to yourself that you show to others. ((hug))

 

Quoted for truth. Can't be said too often

[starlyte777]

...i can only look forward to that point........but that would mean hurting so many people.........my sis won't talk to me until i come to my senses.....nor will her sons and dgtrs......and my new great nephew will never be seen.....unless i repent profusly (sp?) and say sorry........this is extremely hard.......I am, and have always been about FAMILY........the only way is to keep my mouth shut and agree with whoever about whatever? DAMN

 

If the myth is more important to your sister than you are, she can go fuck herself. Just my 2 cents worth. Yes it's tough for you nonetheless and if I had an easy way out of that for you I'd gladly share it but really... if you cave in it will be horror without end won't it?

 

I'll never understand how someone can tolerate such supreme asshole behavior by someone who claims to be a relative/loved one/whatever. If you hold a moldy book as more important as your supposed "friend" or "relative" then you don't deserve to be her friend or relative - you're at best an acquaintance.

 

Such "relationships" are nothing but toxic unless all participants bow to the same bullshit.

 

Sucks totally. Damn I'm so glad I never got sucked into such a brainfucked cult in my life...

ohhhhhhhhh

i am so sorry for your pain..............you must have a lot............i can't go to the place you are right now.......my sister means everything to me.......I raised here............feel respolnsible for her.............this is ard for me...........a simple FUCK THEM ALL doesn't work for me right now..............but..........whatever i can do to ease your pain..........i will do........

[Guest Valk0010]

I think it says something about religion and the existence of god, when you find, it only makes more suffering between families. "I can't see you cause you don't believe as I do." If there is a god, who is actually loving, there is no way that could be loving. Conditional love isn't love, its the kind of love you get in a sour bad abusive relationship. The love of the bible god is totally conditional.

[mcdaddy]

Ask them to show you their fruit.

 

If they were a "true Christian" they would love you regardless.

[silentknight]

Except you're apparently supposed to hate your mother and your father, etc...

[starlyte777]

I think it says something about religion and the existence of god, when you find, it only makes more suffering between families. "I can't see you cause you don't believe as I do." If there is a god, who is actually loving, there is no way that could be loving. Conditional love isn't love, its the kind of love you get in a sour bad abusive relationship. The love of the bible god is totally conditional.

i know......and yet...........it seems to be safe to me right now............this is harder than i thot it would be........i NEED my whole family.........have always been the one.........in earlier years..........to keep us all together..........then when both my parents died .......I have felt like an orphan.......leaned on GOD as my FATHER.........didn't help that much..............this is so freakin hard for me!!!!!!!!!!! I went to bed last nite and prayed for forgiveness....repented for thinking God isnn't real..........i was up until 5 am........with 2 of my precious grand daughters in another.......room...totally believing in God......as far as I know...........my heart hurts.........I HURT............besides the physical broken bones and stuff waiting to be healed..........I HURT ALL OVER............I want to be the good MOM.......the good GRAMMA...........the good Great Gramma........the good GREAT AUNT.................dang i just want to be the GREAT EVERYTHING...............have strived for that all my life...........is that really too much to ask of a woman? i have never thought so. So you know.......have been drinking wine today..........so I tend to be more emotional......another fault i need forgiveness for.........it never ends, really...I can't keep up with those religious balancing scalres........and i am hurting my husband in the process..........so.......what does that make me? A selfigh bitch I think..................nothing else seems to fit..........forgive my rambling.......again........hope my kids don't see this..........but, those of you who do.........I have read your encourangong words.........I don 't know what is wrong with me.........except that I can't seem to let go of an abusive God.......as I couldn't let go of my abusive Father......when will this ever end? I hurt phyysically now.........so will go........and my heart hurts for those who won't talk to me.......and my mind hurts because the spinning just does NOT STOP.......i know how to make it stop............

[silentknight]

It's the vicious cycle. Christianity is built to do this to you. It says "you're nothing without me." And you believe it. It says "you cant understand my love, so if you reject me the problem is your own " it takes everything that makes us human and tells us it is a flaw we must work to overcome. Life becomes a horrible mire of guilt and self dillusion. And if you tell anyone you feel this way... it just means you need more faith.

 

That is anything but good. Don't let the lies tell you you're a bad person. Being human is wonderful. We're all unique and wonderful. We're not God's little prayer machines.

[Overcame Faith]

i know......and yet...........it seems to be safe to me right now............this is harder than i thot it would be........i NEED my whole family.........have always been the one.........in earlier years..........to keep us all together..........then when both my parents died .......I have felt like an orphan.......leaned on GOD as my FATHER.........didn't help that much..............this is so freakin hard for me!!!!!!!!!!! I went to bed last nite and prayed for forgiveness....repented for thinking God isnn't real..........i was up until 5 am........with 2 of my precious grand daughters in another.......room...totally believing in God......as far as I know...........my heart hurts.........I HURT............besides the physical broken bones and stuff waiting to be healed..........I HURT ALL OVER............I want to be the good MOM.......the good GRAMMA...........the good Great Gramma........the good GREAT AUNT.................dang i just want to be the GREAT EVERYTHING...............have strived for that all my life...........is that really too much to ask of a woman? i have never thought so. So you know.......have been drinking wine today..........so I tend to be more emotional......another fault i need forgiveness for.........it never ends, really...I can't keep up with those religious balancing scalres........and i am hurting my husband in the process..........so.......what does that make me? A selfigh bitch I think..................nothing else seems to fit..........forgive my rambling.......again........hope my kids don't see this..........but, those of you who do.........I have read your encourangong words.........I don 't know what is wrong with me.........except that I can't seem to let go of an abusive God.......as I couldn't let go of my abusive Father......when will this ever end? I hurt phyysically now.........so will go........and my heart hurts for those who won't talk to me.......and my mind hurts because the spinning just does NOT STOP.......i know how to make it stop............

 

The loss of the belief in God in one's life is never easy and, for many, me included, it can be one of the most difficult struggles you will ever experience. It is easier for some people to get past it than it is for others. It seems to be more difficult the stronger one's belief, the longer one believed, and how much one emotionally benefitted from the belief.

 

It was terribly difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that the God of the Bible does not exist. I cried buckets of tears, did not want to accept it, got angry, shouted, and cried some more. Ultimately, though, it came down to whether I was finally able and willing to accept the truth. That's what it comes down to, whether or not to accept the truth. And that is your decision to make and in making that decision, you are all alone and answerable only to yourself.

 

No matter what you decide about God, you cannot be all things to all people. Rather, you can only be true to yourself, offer that to your loved ones in exchange for your promise to accept them for who they are, and hope for the best. That's the way relationships are irrespective of religion.