non conformist Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 "Take your burdens to Jesus....He'll lighten your load" Translation: "You're unable to manage your problems on your own. You are incapable of solving problems and are weak. You're a piece of worthless shit without the LORD!" "Would you like me to pray for you?" Translation: "Would you like for me to invade your space and shove my god and my religion down your throat so I can get some commission when I get to heaven?" "I feel sorry for you" Translation: "I'm stupid" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 (Not very often) When people are angry or frustrated, if they swear or take the name of the Lord in vain, they don't say "Oh Buddha!" or "Oh Mohammed!" They say "Oh Jesus!" or "Jesus Christ!" You know why? It's because there's POWER in the name of Jesus. Because of that thought, I've actually been taking other gods names in vain. So if you ever see a scruffy looking guy with crazed eyes exclaiming "Odin's good eye!" its probably me. I dunno if this is cliche, but it was definately annoying. I was watching this televangelist on TBN. He was comparing other religious figures (Buddha, Mohammad) to jeebus. And he said this: "You know what the difference between them is? Buddha's dead, Mohammad's dead, but JEEZUS is alive and well!" Oy gevalt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 God is my Co-Pilot Jesus the Rock that doesn't Roll Jesus, the Reason for the Season Jesus, is my Boss There are so many stupid-ass sayings, My minds pretty much blank now though.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 God is my Co-Pilot Don' forget: "If God is your copilot, you're in the wrong seat!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 God is my Co-Pilot Don' forget: "If God is your copilot, you're in the wrong seat!" I haven't seen that one... even Nuttier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I agree, I see the same thing in some of the messages. They validate their beliefs by taking happiness that others suffer and burn for eternity. I know the facts differ, it's the point that they are happy about believing it that bothers me greatly. I have less anger then I use to have, but.. Still wont hold back if people are in my face about their imaginary friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 My stepmom's new favorite saying: "Church is good for you." Er, yes, now let's package church in a multivitamin bottle and sell it. What exactly is the daily required amount of church, anyway? I doubt anyone will ever agree on that, as it would depend on who you ask and the govt. wouldn't put its stamp on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 My stepmom's new favorite saying: "Church is good for you." Er, yes, now let's package church in a multivitamin bottle and sell it. What exactly is the daily required amount of church, anyway? I doubt anyone will ever agree on that, as it would depend on who you ask and the govt. wouldn't put its stamp on it. I'd ask her to ask some alter boys, see if they would agree with that statement. Or the victims of Jim and Tammy Baker, so on and so forth.. I wont even get into the physiological abuse that goes on in all Cult houses (Churches). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I'd ask her to ask some alter boys, see if they would agree with that statement. I think she thinks that they're all making up the charges for publicity, or at least that the vast majority of them are. I've argued with her about that before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wertbag Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 My most hated is the ultimate Bible quote to enforce closemindedness: Psalms 53:1 ...The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good. Proverbs 23:9 Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words. I've been having a decent debate with a Christian, then all of a sudden out comes the ol' "You're a fool cos God sez so, and he said we shouldn't believe fools. Therefore all of the evidence and facts you have are valueless". There is no way back from that stupidity, the debate is killed before it even gets started. I've seen several Christians who use that quote as their signature... just gives me the mental image of a guy with his fingers in his ears yelling "LALALA I can't hear you!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I'd ask her to ask some alter boys, see if they would agree with that statement. I think she thinks that they're all making up the charges for publicity, or at least that the vast majority of them are. I've argued with her about that before. It just doesn't happen in Catholicism. My ex had a Protestant Evangelist try stuff with him. The Evangelist was staying in a home that his parents owned. It was rental property they owned that happened to be empty. The Evangelist befriended my ex, who was about 10 at the time. As in buying him things, taking him out to eat etc. The Evangelist took my ex out in the country and told him he could drive the car. My ex sat on the man's lap to steer, and the Evangelist tried to molest him. When I was a teenager, I had ministers say pretty suggestive things to me, such as: "If only I was 15 years younger!" or "If only I wasn't married!" That isn't appropriate for a minister to say to a 15 year old girl. It just isn't. Did they really believe that if they weren't married a 15 y/o girl would date them? Taph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jose Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 My mom has some fucking classics... 1. "Nothing in this world happens without God's will or God's permission!" As if God is hanging on every little action ever taken by anyone. 2. "God wastes nothing!" She says this whenever we get on the subject of my disbelief. It's often after I quote the bible at her and she says that my disbelief is the "vehicle God used" to get me to read the bible. 3. "You'll come back one day!" Talking about how she had her deconversion in her 20's and eventually got suckered back in when she was 50. 4. "I just pray that you'll reconvert so I can spend eternity with you." This is usually in response to me saying that we're going to the same place when we die (the ground) when she brings up heaven or hell. 5. "Do you know how much it would mean to your father if you went to church with him?" This is pure, unadulterated, distilled, essence of guilt. Fuck guilt... no room for it, sorry. Also, whenever we have a holiday meal or something, my parents will ask me to say grace knowing full fucking well that I'm not a believer. Actually... now that I think about it, maybe it's just my parents that piss me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyous1 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 This one got to me recently: "See? The Lord always provides." All I could think of was the 16,000 children under 6 who will die of hunger today around the world. He certainly didn't provide for them, did He? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willybilly30 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 he touched me oh he touched me no one will do you like jeeeezzzzusssss make love to god! i just remebered these i heard them once in a pentacostal church. sounds like sex dosent it. or maybe im just perverted. i thought of something else. see on my avatar my quote by marge lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willybilly30 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 sounds like one of many confusing contradictions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Also, whenever we have a holiday meal or something, my parents will ask me to say grace knowing full fucking well that I'm not a believer. Man, that's just wrong. Talk about disrespectful! You should remind them that you will be picking their nursing home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Me: "I'm no longer Christian. I abandoned it and don't believe in it." Christian: "I think you really need to think about that. [Yeah, I just dropped it on a whim.] I don't think you know what you're talking about. [Yep, it's not like 18 years as a die-hard Christian can teach you about the faith.] You need to have an open mind about it. [ ]" These are the most common things I hear. No non-Christian is ever truly happy. I got that one too. "Animals have no souls." (This was usually an argument used against people such as myself who believe that humans really don't have the right to shoot, kick, ahd abuse defenseless animals.) "You're just going through a phase." "You've never read the Bible, have you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not1not2 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 hmm... having trouble coming up with specific things but here's a few general ones. -I'm annoyed by the whole anti-evolution debate. Saying that the world was created in 7 literal days when a day is simply the measurement of how long it takes for the earth to make one full rotation is just thickheaded. You can include all the other linear, literal interpretations of an obvious spiritual metaphor with this. It is just so excruciatingly clear how little Christians even know about Judaism. Ever notice how Jews don't really argue against evolution. Perhaps it is because they understand the nature of oral tradition and how the stories of the torah were adapted over thousands of years to best emphasize certain spiritual lessons, while only loosely keeping to actual historical accuracy. -when christians say that all unbelievers will be thrown into the lake of fire for eternity when the scriptures never even say this. (BTW, it basically says that the Devil, Hell (no inhabitants mentioned) and death will be thrown in the lake of fire. -when they say that because this world is so magnificently intricate, and even cellular life seems to function with intelligence, that this necessitates or even implies a personal creator. At most this implies that intelligence is a function shared by all creatures with a nervous system, and has a role in shaping life as we know it. In other words, no matter how spectacular this world is, no external creator is ever necessitated. ... I guess that's enough for now, I could go on though. _/\_ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willybilly30 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 witches worship satan and invoke demons. my opinion: the dont even know what the hell witchcraft is funny how witches can worship something not in their religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Okay....our old pal Troy just reminded me of one..... "Four-Step Perfect Proof" These four words bore and annoy the heck out of me. Tedious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euphgeek Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 What is the four-step perfect proof? I don't think I've ever heard that one before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkepticOfBible Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 "hell is seperation from God" Gee it's so hard when you have argue with christians about what the bible actually says. aren't they the ones who has to defend it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 Madame, regarding the saying of grace; have you also noticed that when Christians are in your home they expect you to “respect their faith.” When you are in their home, you are to “respect the fact that you are in their home.” They never feel that they are required to respect your beliefs or the fact that they are in your home, when it comes to saying grace. What an incredibly intolerant faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 Also, whenever we have a holiday meal or something, my parents will ask me to say grace knowing full fucking well that I'm not a believer. Well there is always, "Past the lips, over the gums. Look out stomach, here it comes. Amen." Or if you want to freak people out: "Jesus, if you are real, I pray you strike all of us with lightening. Amen." Or, you can try a native american, wiccan or pagan prayer- anything that will scare them. I bet they will never ask you again. Yeah, I'm usually a rather passive, choose the path of least resistance, zenny kind of guy, but if someone purposefully asked me to pray because they knew I had deconverted, I think I would offer up a prayer to Satan or something equivelant (a mythical being I actually respect). It is disrespectful of your beliefs and you as a person for them to do that, so they deserve nothing less in return. This one got to me recently: "See? The Lord always provides." All I could think of was the 16,000 children under 6 who will die of hunger today around the world. He certainly didn't provide for them, did He? Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! I was at a fundy's house one time with an exPastor there and he was thanking god for being so good and for always providing, blah, blah, blah. All I was thinking about what a shitty job he was doing for folks in the Middle East and Africa and other such places. Funny how God is usually on the side of rich white people with big armies. Another is how certain fundys I know thank god for providing parking spots and other trivial stuff. I guess I now know why god lets kids starve and get blown to bits in wars like Iraq. He's too damn busy making sure fat Christians get a parking spot so they can walk 5 less minutes to go buy useless junk. What a country. Oh, and that our body is the Lord's temple....therefore you can't get pierced, get tattoos, get intoxicated, have sex, masturbate, have a mohawk, listen to heavy metal, smoke a cigarette, ect. Doesn't stop the Christians I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxyroze Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 "Don’t be so open-minded that your brain falls out." Every time I hear that I want to beat my head against the wall.... It seems that they say this when they don’t want to admit to any possibility that their beliefs may be wrong or slanted in any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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